Week 2 Couples Devotions. February 14 February 20

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1 Week 2 Couples Devotions February 14 February 20 Monday, February 14, 2011 Doing What Comes Naturally Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Psalm 51:5 Humanistic and Christian psychologists differ significantly in how they view human nature. Secular psychologists see children as born good, or at least morally neutral. They believe children learn to do wrong from parental mistakes and a corrupt society. As Christians, however, we know otherwise. Deep within our character is a self- will that is inborn, part of our genetic nature. We desire to control people, our circumstances, our environment we want what we want, and we want it now. Adam and Eve demonstrated this when they ate the forbidden fruit. Toddlers stamp their little feet and throw temper tantrums. Husbands and wives illustrate the same willfulness when they argue about how to spend money or about whether the toilet paper should roll from the front or the back. King David referred to this basic human nature when he wrote, In sin did my mother conceive me. Only Jesus Christ can help us deal with the depravity that leads us to be selfish, arrogant, and disobedient. He has promised to do for us what we are powerless to accomplish on our own. Let s talk about that. Do you agree that humans are born with a bent toward sin? Why or why not? Is there an area of your life that used to be a struggle, but that you ve given over to God with positive results? Do you think selfishness is a problem in our marriage? How can we encourage each other in this area? Father, we admit our sinful and selfish ways. We look to You for forgiveness and healing. Thank You for Your mercies. We need Your power to change and we reach for it together. Amen.

2 Tuesday - February 15, 2011 I Deserve It! For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. Galatians 5:17 That sinful nature we talked about yesterday often rears its head in the form of the thought I deserve more. It leads us to demand the best deal, the lion s share, the most credit, and the finest of everything. From earliest childhood, as we have seen, our impulse is to focus on ourselves and to disregard the needs of others. And, yes, this I- deserve- it attitude can permeate marriages. Resentment can build over who works the hardest, who spends more than his or her share of the money, and who is not doing enough to serve the other. Anger then erupts over insignificant irritants that bubble up from the cauldron of emotions. Many fights in marriage begin with the belief that we re being cheated in the relationship. Beware of this trap. The minute we begin thinking that we are en- titled to more, we ve started down the slippery road to selfishness. It can devastate a relationship. John Ferrier didn t deserve to die in an Ohio neighborhood but when crisis came, he chose to sacrifice for others. Jesus didn t deserve to be nailed to a wooden cross but out of love for the Father and for us, He allowed Himself to be crucified. This kind of sacrificial love seeks to serve, not deserve and that changes everything! What do you feel we truly deserve in this life? Do you sometimes feel that you re not getting what you deserve in our marriage? Is selfishness a problem for us? Dear Lord, we need Your Spirit at work in us to overcome our self- centered impulses. By Your grace, empower us to serve instead of to deserve. Amen.

3 Wednesday - February 16, 2011 Love By Serving Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another s feet. John 13:14 Husband, we re speaking especially to you tonight. Just as selfishness is a sure marriage killer, an attitude of service and sacrifice the I m Third philosophy is an indisputable marriage builder. We urge you to study your wife. What is it that speaks to her heart? Are you providing that for her? Would she appreciate help with the dishes, vacuuming, or changing the baby s diaper? Should you be more romantic? Could you put off that weekend auto show so she can visit her sister? Maybe you d rather go fishing on Saturday, but should you watch the kids instead so your wife can have a needed day out? Jesus gave us a classic example of service when He washed His dis- ciples feet and told them to do the same for one another. Is it time for some symbolic foot washing in your marriage? Women are romantic creatures. God made them that way. Have you tried to understand that tender nature and sought to meet the needs it expresses? Here s the personal payoff: If you as a husband will address this romantic longing, your wife, being a responder, will be drawn closer to you. You ll get the kind of attention and admiration you hope for. Try it! (husband) When have I done a good job of foot washing in our marriage? (husband) Do you feel I understand your romantic nature? Why or why not? (husband) Have I met your needs during the past week? (husband) Dear Lord, I want to become an expert at meeting my wife s needs. Teach me to wash her feet and serve my way to a great marriage. Amen.

4 Thursday - February 17, 2011 What a Man Needs It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Genesis 2:18 Wife, do you understand the needs of your husband? Let s face it, a man s career is usually extremely important to his self- esteem. He is made that way. Many women complain about their husbands workaholism, which may be valid, and yet husbands deserve thanks for the effort they invest. Compared to the man who sits around the house doing little or nothing, the hard worker is an honorable man. God has assigned two key tasks to men: to provide for and to protect their families. If your husband meets those two requirements, you need to let him know that you appreciate how hard he works. Several years ago a survey was taken to determine what men wanted in their homes. The result was surprising: It was tranquility. Is your home a peaceful haven for your husband and your family a place where he can recharge his batteries and enjoy the company of his family? Whatever his specific needs and wants, your husband and your marriage will benefit immeasurably when you make him a priority in your life. Scripture says that a woman was designed to be a helper for her husband (who, in turn, is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church). And after all, there s no one better for the job than you. (wife) Do you feel that I appreciate how hard you work? (wife) What do I do for you that you most appreciate? (wife) What things could I do to show my love for you this week? It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Genesis 2:18 (wife) Heavenly Father, thank You for my husband. I want to understand and serve him in ways that refresh and encourage him. Show me how to bless him with beautiful gifts like appreciation, support, and tranquility. Amen.

5 Friday - February 18, 2011 Deny Yourself If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. Matthew 16:24 Television advertisers are experts at rattling the cages of viewers. They understand the philosophy of today s audience: Look out for number one. That s why we re bombarded with slogans such as Have it your way ; You deserve a break today ; and Because I m worth it. Their goal is to appeal to our self- centered nature and manipulate us into buying a product. Frequently, they succeed. The I m Third approach to life is in direct contradiction to the message of these ads. And well it should be! Jesus tells us that our first obligation in following Him must be to deny ourselves to let go of the steering wheel, so to speak, and let the Lord drive. Secondly, we are to love and care for others. Try implementing these priorities. They will lead to a better marriage in this life and eternal rewards in the next. God first, others second, myself third. A simple phrase, but it contains far more wisdom for living life to the fullest than anything you ll see or hear on a television ad. Do we have an I m Third kind of marriage? Do we know a couple who model this philosophy? How do you feel about putting my desires ahead of your own? What, if anything, do we need to change to create an I m Third marriage? How can we specifically ask God to help us make this happen? Dear Jesus, we hear Your invitation to follow You in a life of self- denial. Tonight we make You Lord of our marriage. Help us to live every day by Your example in obedience to the Father and in loving service to each other. Amen. Night Light: A Devotional for Couples Copyright 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.

6 Get Your Copy of Night Light For Couples We truly hope you are blessed by these inspiring and thought- provoking devotions by Dr. James Dobson. Today, why not add the powerful resource Night Light For Couples to your home library? You ll enjoy six month s worth of daily devotions to help you and your spouse renew love and intimacy with each other and the Lord. Whether you're newly married or are celebrating your golden anniversary, you need regular, quiet moments with your mate times to renew love and intimacy with each other and with the Lord. Night Light for Couples, by Dr. James Dobson and his wife, Shirley, will help you do just that. The daily devotional offers the personal, practical, and biblical insights that have sustained the Dobsons' marriage for fifty years and encouraged couples and families around the world. Let Night Light for Couples enrich your marriage too tonight and every night. Request your copy in the RESOURCES Center at or call Family Talk s Customer Care Line at