Raising. Children. in Church ALL SAINTS. Thinking about faith, culture and living intentionally. Talking to Youth About God By two Youth Leaders

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1 Why Belong to a Church Community? From a grown up preacher s kid Growing Up at All Saints By Jimmy Mack Talking to Youth About God By two Youth Leaders ALL SAINTS Thinking about faith, culture and liing intentionally. Raising Children in Church Summer 2017

2 Growing Up in the Church When I was a little girl, I watched my mother perform any number of church duties, from altar guild member to serice leaflet preparer to lay Eucharistic minister to estry member and now ordained Deacon. At one point, she was youth group leader and then acolyte coordinator I watched her do these jobs and then I went on to do many of the same tasks. Now, I watch my own children walk around with such comfort and ease at church and I am struck by the fact that they are just as comfortable here as they are at home. In fact, this place IS their second home. Growing up in the church is almost unheard of these days. Almost. It is definitely NOT the norm here on the west side of LA, and yet, we see the rewards of children who are growing up (or hae grown up) in the church, eery day. We see how continued exposure to scripture, prayer, community, loe, grace and forgieness affects their decision making, their leadership potential and their interactions with their peers. It affects their faith and the way they engage with the world. Growing up in the church is a gift. It is a gift that we at All Saints Beerly Hills are thrilled to be able to share with families of all ages. This edition of Ethos, written exclusiely by parents, youth leaders and young adults is a celebration of that gift a journey through the many stages of childhood and adolescence. I hope that this issue inspires you as it has me, with the words and sentiments of teachers, parents, former youth group members and rockstar adults who model Christianity for the children of the church. After all, as the song says, Jesus loes the little children all the little children of the world. All the little children of the world. Black and yellow, red and white, they re all precious in his sight, Jesus loes the little children of the world. Summer 2017 Raising Children in Church In this issue of Ethos, we look at our youngest members. What does it mean to grow up in the church? How does their church home affect their lies and how do they affect all of ours as we all work to build the kingdom of God. Ethos is the quarterly journal for All Saints Episcopal Church in Beerly Hills, CA. I hope this issue also reminds each of us that we are both children of God and ministers to others including our young people. Each of us plays a role and a part in the formation of our babies, children and youth and of each other. As children of God, we are all learning and continue to learn from one another. Where are you on your journey? How can your experience model or shape those around you? We are the role models, the mentors, the caregiers, the parents, the friends, the disciplinarians, the teachers, the confidents, and more. We are the fabric of our young peoples safety net. With our guidance and support, they will go on to flourish, to grow and, eentually, to be someone else s friend, mentor or safety net. As we traerse our own spiritual identity and search the deepest corners of our spiritual seles, it is nearly impossible to truly be finished growing up in the church. This is not just an issue about our children. This is an issue about each of us: OUR continued exposure to scripture, prayer, community, loe, grace and forgieness affects OUR decision making, the way we lead, and the way we interact with others in our world. I hope that this issue highlights for you what it did for me, that our growing up, our self-exploration, our stretching into God s loe is neer truly done. Karlyn Johnson Brown, Director of Family and Youth Ministries 2 Ethos Raising Children in Church Summer 2017 Ethos 3

3 Tweens and Jeans By Kristin Killey We moed to California from Wisconsin when I was ten, the same age my daughter is now. It was a rough transition and, as teen years approached, it didn t get a lot better. So many things I had neer cared or worried about became important in this new land. I was asked, What brand are those jeans? What kind of cars do your parents drie? Where did you get those shoes? Wanna smoke? Becoming a Tween is the beginning of a strange time of naigating what is important and what to ignore. Tweens today face all sorts of challenges I neer had to deal with at that age social media, cyber bullying, terrorist threats. With charter, magnet, local, priate, and public schooling, many kids change schools and hae to build new relationships frequently. They crae independence but also need to feel secure. When I started teaching Tweens in the fall of 2015, I had many doubts like: How am I going to teach the Bible? I am hardly an authority. How will I engage these kids in an area I had such little interest during my own youth? Turns out, I really didn t need to know much. I just needed to listen. These kids hae a lot to say and want to share. We establish a ery casual class enironment that always starts with the kids talking about the good and bad of their week. Often, current eents will surface and the kids will share their take on it. More often than not, these real shared experiences can be woen into the lesson of the week. We try to make the teachings releant to the kids and see how the eents back then can show something we could be aware of today. Sometimes, I play the deil s adocate or counter their argument. These kids are ready for the challenge! Talking about God in an indirect manner, through their own life s twists and turns makes it real for them. Comparing Christ s choices in any gien situation to choices made by today s authorities can demonstrate the alue of haing a common reference in scripture as a moral and conscious guide. The sharing and laughing together creates warmth and a bond that seems to work for Tweens, regardless of the brand of their jeans! Kristen Killey and her husband, John Weggler, hae been members of All Saints since She is a dedicated teacher of the tweens in the NEST, and is mom to choristers Quinn, age 10, and Knox, age 9. Andrew and Alison both hold PhDs in Deelopmental Psychology. They are parents to Ben, age 21, who graduated from CAST in 2014, and Gabe, age 18, who is currently a high school senior and Senior Warden of the Youth Vestry. What should I do if my child doesn t want to come to church? By Andrew & Allison Fuligni As parents who raised two boys at All Saints and faced this issue many times, we learned to ask this question a different way: What does it mean when your child doesn t want to come to church? Reasons for younger children may be as mundane as it s boring or none of my friends go to church. As they grow, your children may question the purpose of going to church and the concept of religion itself. Be understanding of children s instinct to ask those questions and decide what is okay for your family. Many members of our community do not attend eery Sunday worship serice. Instead, they do things like teach children, sere donuts, or arrange eents. Brainstorm with your children about other ways that they can be a part of the community, such as singing with choristers, sering as an acolyte, or helping with other actiities. Listen to your children s reasons for not wanting to come to church and explore ways to address them that will meet his or her needs as well as your own. Haing this conersation may be difficult and feel like a rejection of your alues. But listening to your child s concerns will show them that you alue their feelings while also expressing what is important to you. If it turns out that your child decides to stay away for a while, the beautiful truth is that this community will always be here to welcome them when they are ready to come back. Why Belong To A Church Community? By Millie Hansen Growing up a preacher s kid, I remember the first time I heard the question: Are you a good PK or a bad one? I was puzzled. Of course I was good. My Sunday best was on point; I was well dressed and well behaed. It didn t take long before I realized the good/bad PK title had nothing to do with Sundays. It had eerything to do with what I was doing all the other days of the week. For me, that was a harsh reality: our family was broken and in pain, but we kept it a secret. Soon I started to see the most ital parts of our church crack at the seams. There were fights and accusations. The church split. Our youth group teacher spent Sundays teaching adanced Trigonometry and no one cared. And then came the memories of what I had suppressed: my own experiences of abuse. I wanted to flee from God, and college was the perfect opportunity. But something kept drawing me back. That something was belonging. I was desperate to belong to a community that loed and accepted me, but also to a Jesus that embraced me in my anger and sorrow. I longed to discoer God s mercy and couldn t do it on my own. Parish Voices As I began the journey of stumbling back, I started to see that God s loe was there all along. It was there when Sandy, my 4th Grade Sunday school teacher, showed up eery week een though I was usually the only kid. It was there when a friend inited me to his youth group after mine fell apart. It was there when our first son Lukas, who has Down Syndrome, was born 2 months early, and our church family cared for us. As I continued to recognize and receie His loe, my desire was to be a reflection of it to others. As a girl who was frightened and wounded, the church community transformed my life. Being part of this community is a way to continue my story, to join with others in embracing those who yearn for belonging and say Come as you are. You are beloed. Millie is a songwriter and former educator. She, her husband, Mark, and sons Lukas, age 12, and Jonah, age 9, joined All Saints this school year. 4 Ethos Raising Children in Church Summer 2017 Ethos 5

4 GROWING UP AT ALL By The Reerend Jimmy Mack SAINTS + By Jimmy Mack I remember when I was in fifth grade counting down the days until I could join CAST. I had watched older kids that I had come to know through Sunday School and Catechesis moe on to the youth group. Eerything they did, be it lock-ins, famines or just regular Sunday night meetings seemed like so much fun, and I couldn t wait to take part. Fortunately, I would go on to spend seen fantastic years in CAST from 6th-12th grades. I een became the CAST Senior Warden (think student body President) my senior year of high school. But my journey through All Saints began long before that. The Early Years My family started attending All Saints Beerly Hills when I was about ten years old. We had preiously attended another Episcopal church in Los Angeles, and I had come to make friends with many other kids there. At times, it was hard for me to make friends growing up, so I was nerous about going to a new place and haing to start oer. My fears about making friends didn t last long. From the first time I attended Sunday School I felt welcomed by both the teachers and kids. I still remain friends with some of the children I met nearly 18 years ago to this day. We grew up together through Sunday School, the launch of Catechesis, all the way through CAST. Without a doubt, I can say that my best friends throughout my teenage years were my friends at All Saints Beerly Hills. 6 Ethos Raising Children in Church Summer 2017 Ethos 7

5 Growing Up I know for a fact that I would not be the person I am today without my experience in CAST and at All Saints Beerly Hills. Soon after I started Sunday School I wanted to get more inoled with the church. I joined the Choristers along with my brother, which was my first (and only) foray into singing. I had played musical instruments throughout my life, but I was ery self-conscious about singing in front of people. For the two years in Choristers, I quietly gained more confidence. This was the first time I consistently performed in front of a large group of people. Turns out it wasn t as scary as I thought it would be. It was that confidence I gained from the Choristers that helped my make the jump to being an Acolyte. If Choristers was scary, being an Acolyte seemed downright terrifying. I wasn t just singing a couple of songs throughout the serice. I was going to be an integral part of it! If I missed a note here or there in Choristers, I had dozens of other kids singing with me to help hide my error. If I were to mess up as an Acolyte, eeryone at the serice would know. Well, I certainly had a few errors throughout my fie years as an Acolyte. But you know what? The serice went on. No one snickered or laughed at me. Eerything turned out just fine. Once again, I was learning that it s a good thing to step out of your comfort zone. I still think back to that lesson today. The CAST Without a doubt, the highlight of my time at All Saints was being in CAST. I already mentioned how much I looked forward to joining when I was in fifth grade, but I can honestly say that the time I spent in CAST far exceeded my expectations. I had fun, I learned and I grew. I made lifelong friendships. I had once-in-a-lifetime experiences that I carry with me een now in my personal life and career. Aside from the friends I had made and the fun eents we did, the leaders were truly the reason I kept coming back to CAST. Each and eery one of them throughout the years were a mentor to me in some way. I knew I could count on any of them to answer my questions, help me through challenges or just listen if I wanted to talk. It was because of them that I was usually the first youth to arrie and the last to leae. I looked forward to CAST meetings more than anything else. They were the highlight of my week. I had no idea when I first started attending CAST just how much of an impact it would hae on my life. I was a 12-year-old kid who wanted to hae fun with the cool older kids that I looked up to. When I was in Catechesis, I would walk by the CAST room and see the big blue beanbag chairs they were lounging in, and I was so jealous. Now I finally got to be part of the group. I would come to learn that being a part of CAST was so much more than haing fun and playing games. Don t get me wrong, there was plenty of that. Human Foosball and Sardines instantly come to mind as two of my faorite CAST actiities. Howeer, CAST specifically the other youth and the leaders exposed me to new ideas and worldiews. More so than in school I learned how to think deeply about my beliefs and ask questions. I went on my first eer mission trip with CAST when we went to Naajoland in Bluff, Utah. I remember being nerous and not knowing what to expect. But when we got to the community center, it didn t take long for me to fall in loe with the place. The people I met on the reseration and the time spent with my friends in CAST created memories that I ll cherish for the rest of my life. I was fortunate enough to go to Naajoland multiple times. Each time I learned more about my faith, my friends and a new culture. My absolute faorite memory from CAST was our trip to Taizé, France. This trip was another first for me, as I had neer been out of the country before. I remember Karlyn put each of the fie youth who went (myself included) in charge of a different aspect of the trip. I was assigned the role of naigator. It was my responsibility to look at the map and figure out how to best get to and from whereer we needed to go. It was challenging to say the least, but once again, I proed to myself I could do something I wasn t sure I d be able to do. As a whole, the trip was simply life changing. I met people from all oer the world. I experienced a new style of worship that became deeply meaningful to me. I watched and obsered as the monks who lie in Taizé sere each and eery isitor that came through their monastery. It was a humbling example of what a life of faith should look like, and it s something I think about periodically een today. Life After All Saints When I graduated high school, and by extension CAST, I knew I was leaing something special. What I didn t realize is just how special CAST really is. I e yet to find another youth group like it. Sure, there are plenty of good youth groups all oer. But none of the youth groups I e seen hae students that are as connected to each other, leaders are as committed to the students or a church community as supportie of the youth group CAST. In fact, I had such an amazing experience in CAST that it made me want to recreate that same experience for other youth. Life has taken me away from All Saints Beerly Hills. I now lie in Lee s Summit, Missouri (a suburb of Kansas City), but one of the first things I did once I found my new church was talk to the pastor about being a youth group olunteer. I e helped with a few eents now, and my goal is to help create the type of welcoming, friendly and supportie enironment I had in CAST. I want to take what I learned from Karlyn and all the other leaders and bring those lessons to the teens of Lee s Summit Christian Church. I know for a fact that I would not be the person I am today without my experience in CAST and at All Saints Beerly Hills. My years there were some of my faorite years of my life. I only hope I can help other youth create memories like mine. Jimmy graduated from CAST in 2007, and now works as a Sr. Communications Specialist at the City of Olathe, KS and olunteers with the youth program at Lee s Summit Christian Church. 8 Ethos Raising Children in Church Summer 2017 Ethos 9

6 Faith & Culture Sheri and her husband Joe are parents to Harper, age 14. Sheri has been a dedicated Godly Play teacher since All Saints info at a glance General Information Serice Schedule: 8:00 am Holy Eucharist in All Saints Chapel 10:00 am Choral Eucharist in Main Church 11:30 am AS2 Serice in All Saints Chapel info@allsaintsbh.org (310) Social Media twitter.com/allsaintsbh Talking to Teens About God By Peter Kallemeyn Talking to teens about God can be one of the most difficult things that I e eer faced. I e found the typical teen doesn t want to talk about God, faith or church they e gotten enough of the stories and lessons already in their youngers days in NEST or Godly Play. Instead, most of the time, they d rather talk about teleision, sports or stare blindly at their phones. So, what s my secret? SHOW them. A couple of weeks ago we held our annual Youth Vestry Elections, and what I kept hearing was that the kids felt closer to God and to the church community through the eents and actiities in which they participate. Projects like Naajoland and the Good Friday Stations of the Cross gie teens the chance to experience God s loe first hand, on a personal leel. I understand that part of my job as a Youth leader is to teach lessons and try to tie those lessons into something meaningful in their lies. But, sometimes, the best way to teach is by sharing experiences. It s those experiences that allow teens to feel the spirit moing inside them. Being a teenager is hard. Figuring out who God is at that age is hard. Tying those two things together? Nearly impossible! But I e found that when those two things come together, it s one of the most rewarding experiences eer! Talking to Children about God By Sheri Lawson I hae had the honor of teaching our four year-olds the Godly Play curriculum for fie years now. One of the many reasons I became a Sunday School teacher at ASBH is because our church youth program embraces all kinds of questioning from all ages. It is a healthy thing to ask how can Moses part a sea? And how can Jesus go from being dead to being resurrected? As they get older the questions become more complex but I am blessed because I get to engage in the four year-old questions. For example, when teaching about the Eucharist, I was asked why Jesus liked to drink so much wine. Why couldn t he just hae a juice box? And when we discussed the story of the Good Samaritan, a sweet little boy told me that eeryone should help someone who is hurt. They are all correct. Perhaps Jesus would hae loed juice boxes. And in an ideal world, no one would eer walk past someone who is hurt. Talking to young children about God is far more about listening to their iews and questions and interpretations. They see things from their wonderful, pure, wholesome perspectie. And they hae LOTS of questions. My faorite questions are those that start with why? Because the answer is almost always because, God is Loe and He is with us whereer we go. That is a complex yet simple concept. And I am always amazed how quickly they get it. God loes you. And eeryone loes being loed. It s that simple. I loe the questions. Especially the hard ones. They show me they are thinking and forming and ealuating. Jesus certainly had to answer lots of questions. It is an honor to guide these young ones on a spiritual path and to strie to answer their questions with God s grace. Peter Kallemeyn and Jen Menchaca are parents to Mia, age 4. Peter is a 12-year member of All Saints, a long time youth ministry olunteer and a Broomball Master! NEW HERE? Be sure to fill out a welcome card located in the pews and place it in the offering tray or bring it to an usher to learn more about the life and ministry of All Saints. Or, send us an at info@allsaintsbh.org NEED TO REACH SOMEONE? Please click on Ministry Directory online at the bottom of WANT TO LEARN MORE? Please isit our online calendar for the most up to date information at: Youth and Family Leadership KARLYN JOHNSON-BROWN kjohnson@allsaintsbh.org ext. 113 Karlyn is the Director of Family and Youth Ministries at All Saints. She and her husband, Eugene, are parents to Langston, age 9, and Ella-Lorraine, age 6, who run around this place as if it were their second home! CHRISTAL ELLIS cellis@allsaintsbh.org ext. 123 Christal is the Children s Ministries Coordinator at All Saints. Both she and her husband Chris are inoled in youth ministry. Their son J.M. is a CAST youth estry member. 10 Ethos Raising Children in Church Summer 2017 Ethos 11

7 The Weaer and the Sponge Opportunities For Practicing Your Faith As A Family Raising Generous Children By Christian Kraus When our children turned fie, we gae each of them, as part of an oerall plan to teach them about money and financial responsibility, a set of three mason jars. One jar is marked Spend, one is marked Sae and the last is marked Gie. At the same time, they also began receiing a weekly allowance. A portion of that allowance must be added to the Gie jar. They are then free to decide how to allocate the rest of their allowance among the three jars. Eery week, they each take some (or all) of the amount in the Gie jar and put it in an offering enelope - marked with his or her name - to be contributed to All Saints during the offertory. Does this mean anything to them yet? Do they understand money and its alue? Do they grasp what it means to be generous? Do they realize that when we gie to All Saints, whether financially or through our time, efforts and talents, it not only helps to ensure that we, as a parish, hae a place to come and practice our faith, but that it also helps to make a difference in the lies of others outside this parish? We don t yet know the answer to any of these questions, and we don t know whether our efforts will be in ain or not. But we do know that being part of the community at All Saints is an integral part of our plan for raising children who understand the alue of generosity. Christian Kraus and Jamie Bishton are dads to Lily and Carter, age 5. They hae been members of All Saints since 2001, and their children consistently participate in the Loe.Sere.Gie. kids stewardship ministry. By Daid Seck I was one of 9 children, so I did my best to help at home. This certainly built a skill set and appetite to be a parent later in life. We were ery poor and saw our share of tragedy. Fortunately, I was taught to seek refuge in the Church - Blessed Sacrament Catholic Church in Springfield, IL - and what I learned within those beautiful walls meant nothing until I took the lessons out into the world and applied them to my eeryday life. This is truly what Church meant and still means to me today. Those lessons helped to shape me and increased the yearning growing inside me to be a parent. By God s hand that yearning was turned into reality when, along with my then partner, I was entrusted with the most important job I would eer hae: being a dad to my son Jared when he was 30 days old. Oh, dear God! I AM A DAD!! My prayers were answered and I was in turn led to the Episcopal Church where I found a place of non-judgment, kindness and the true Christianity in which I wanted and needed to raise Jared. I often think of my son as a sponge who soaks up eerything I do and say. Now that can be horrifying, or it can be an opportunity for me to be a weaer. Allow me to explain. I teach Godly Play at All Saints. That gies me the opportunity to be tuned into other children which, in turn, helps me better understand my own son. This enables me to weae the lessons he learns on Sundays, into his life during the week. I beliee eery parent should take an actie role in learning what their kids are being taught as young Christians. For example, consider the Ten Commandments, or as we call them in Godly Play, The Ten Best Ways. Imagine I am driing with Jared and we see a group of kids in a ery expensie SUV with all of the children on an electronic deice in the back seat. My son looks oer and then looks down. He is sad. We hae a little chat and he explains to me that he wants a nicer car, a brand new tablet, his first phone, etc. I remind him of all the good things he already has and to be appreciatie for his good life. I am exercising the 10th Best Way of the Ten Best Ways, Don t eer want what others hae or as we adults say as the Tenth Commandment, You shall not coet your neighbor s goods. Other examples include reminding my son that sci-fi moies about gods and other worlds are make beliee so we don t sere those other gods. We don t say Oh God or Jesus when we re frustrated. We keep the Sabbath holy een when we hae a conflict and can t get to church. So, my fellow Christian parents, continue to remember your children are gifts from God. We must honor God by being weaers with our sponges. This is why He gae them to us. And the best news for me as a Christian myself is that eery time I weae a lesson into my sponge, Jared, I too become a stronger, better Christian. Daid Seck and his son, Jared (age 11), found ASBH 6 years ago and immediately felt at home. He was thrilled to be inited to teach the Godly Play curriculum for Children s Ministry and has been doing so since ALL All Saints' Episcopal Church 504 North Camden Drie, Beerly Hills, CA (310) Produced by All Saints' Communications Team: Jason Franklin, Debbie Gauer, and Courtenay Hrubesky