I. SELF-CONTROL IS LIKE CITY WALLS

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1 1 The Wall of Self-Control Proverbs 25: FBCPM Levi Durfey He that hath no rule over his own spirit Is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. (Proverbs 25:28) I. SELF-CONTROL IS LIKE CITY WALLS Proverbs 25:28 He that hath no rule over his own spirit Is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. The first phrase here, He that hath no rule over his own spirit refers to a loss of self-control. In Proverbs, the loss of self-control is normally associated with anger (14:17, 29; 16:32). But self-control is important for us in all our emotions and attitudes like self-pity, being suspicious of others, envy of possessions, desire to eat, etc. The lack of self-control is compared here to a city that is broken down, and without walls. In those days, the walls of the city were as important as sewer lines and garbage routes are to cities today. A city wall kept enemies from getting in it prevented the killing and raping of the citizens, and the stealing or destruction of their possessions. You can see the result of the loss of a wall in the Jericho story 20 So the people shouted when the priests blew with the trumpets: and it came to pass, when the people heard the sound of the trumpet, and the people shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat, so that the people went up into the city, every man straight before him, and they took the city.

2 2 21 And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. (Joshua 6:20 21) So how is self-control like city walls? Self-control fortifies the inner person. It builds a wall of defense against destructive forces of evil. The pathetic tragedy of the physically strong SAMSON was the result of his intemperance in sensual desires. His sexual love for ungodly women decreed his doom (Jdg. 14:1 2). Israel s beloved king, DAVID, reaped tragic results from lack of self-control in sexual pleasures (2 Sam. 11:1 5); and so did his son SOLOMON (1 Ki. 11:1 4). 1 Uncontrolled anger can cause damage to your relationships. Stress and overeating damages your health. Overspending can damage your living and your marriage. Spending too much time in leisure instead of work can hurt your reputation and relationships. II. HOW DO WE PRACTICE SELF-CONTROL? In a book, Eternity, Money, and Possessions, Randy Alcorn lists several principles to help people control their spending. But I realized that the principles he gave can be applied to other areas of our lives where we need to practice self-control. Here are just a few, along with my thoughts on applying them to other areas of our lives, such as eating, using our time wisely, anger, etc. 2 1 Moisés Silva and Merrill Chapin Tenney, The Zondervan Encyclopedia of the Bible, Q-Z, 2009, 5, Randy Alcorn, Money, Possessions, and Eternity, (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale, 2003).

3 3 1. Realize that nothing is a good deal if you can t afford it. Paying $120,000 for a house that is worth $150,000 sounds like an excellent deal. Paying $80 for a pair of barely used skis that cost $400 new seems like a great deal. But if we can t afford them, it simply doesn t matter. It s always a bad choice to spend money on a good deal we can t afford. This is also true in how we control our use of time maybe the next new thing will be more of a distraction than we realize. Getting angry seems like a good deal at first because it feels good, but what will it cost in terms of our relationships? 2. Recognize that God isn t behind every good deal. Suppose we can afford it. Does that mean we should buy it? Self-control often means turning down good deals on things we really want because God may have other and better plans for his money. People lose control sexually because they make themselves believe that God must want them together because they love one another. God isn t behind every good thing in your life! 3. Understand the difference between spending money and saving money. Saving is setting aside money for a future purpose. Money that s saved stays in our wallet or in the bank. It can be used for other purposes, including our needs or the needs of others. Money that s spent leaves our hands and is no longer at our disposal. As I said in chapter 17, if we buy an $80 sweater on sale for $30 and think we ve just saved $50, we simply don t understand the concept of saving. Where is the $50 we think we saved? It doesn t exist. All we ve done is spend $30. If we keep saving like that, we ll soon be broke!

4 4 This principle can be applied to any area where we think that we re getting a good deal. For example, if you are trying to control your eating, then one of those all-you-can-eat buffets is not a good deal! 4. Look at the long-term cost, not just the short-term expense. If we buy a nice stereo, we ll also end up buying a lot of CDs. If something breaks, we pay to get it repaired. If we buy a new car, we fret about dents and buy insurance to fix them. If we acquire a free puppy, we immediately have to start spending $20 a month on dog food and the next thing we know we re putting $1,200 into a fence and paying $400 to the veterinarian to stitch up its wounds from a dog fight. Over the course of a year or two, we may spend several thousand dollars on our free puppy. (As a dog lover, I speak from experience!) Count the cost in advance. Everything ends up being more expensive than it first appears. What s the long-term cost of sleeping together before marriage? It maybe that down the road, when you try to tell your teenager that sex needs to wait, you will have all that thrown back in your face. When you keep eating junk food and pop everyday, what will be the longterm expense? Poor health. The opposite is also important to consider. We should try to choose the long-term good over the short-term good. In a study performed in the 1970 s, four year olds were asked to wait for something better Around 1970, Walter Mischel launched a classic experiment. He left a succession of 4-year-olds in a room with a bell and a marshmallow.

5 5 If they rang the bell, he would come back and they could eat the marshmallow. If, however, they didn't ring the bell and waited for him to come back on his own, they could then have two marshmallows. In videos of the experiment, you can see the children squirming, kicking, hiding their eyes desperately trying to exercise selfcontrol so they can wait and get two marshmallows. Their performance varied widely. Some broke down and rang the bell within a minute. Others lasted 15 minutes. The children who waited longer went on to get higher SAT scores. They got into better colleges and had, on average, better adult outcomes. The children who rang the bell quickest were more likely to become bullies. They received worse teacher and parental evaluations 10 years on and were more likely to have drug problems at age Another principle Alorn recommended, and the last one we ll look at is: 5. Pray before you spend. When something s a legitimate need, God will provide it. How often do we take matters into our own hands and spend impulsively before asking God to furnish it for us? How often do we buy something whether we consider it a want or a need a week or a month before God would have provided it for free or at minimal cost, if only we d asked him? My friend wanted a good exercise bicycle. He even picked the exact model, a Tunturi with a retail price of $350. But instead of going out to buy it, he told me he was praying that God would provide him that exact bike. By not spending the money, he would have more to give. 3

6 6 A few days later I was in a thrift store and was stunned to see a Tunturi bicycle, the exact model my friend wanted. It looked like it had never been used. I called my friend and he got the exact bicycle he had asked for, paying $25 instead of $350. Ultimately, self-control is not a product of our will, it s a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Prayer is one of the ways that we can exercise dependence on God. III. HOW DOES GOD HELP US HAVE SELF-CONTROL? God helps us make the decisions that we ought to be making, as well as showing us his gracious blessings if we are willing to wait and trust him for them. 12 Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. 13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:12 13) God works in us. What does he do in us? He is working to create the fruit of the Spirit 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. (Galatians 5:22 23) The word worketh means to energize or enable. In other words, God doesn t work in you like you were a robot, moving you from one place to another. Instead, his work is giving you the ability to work out your own salvation.

7 7 Why do you think that we are to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling? Basically, fear and trembling in the Bible is an awe and respect of God that produces humility and submission in us. In verse 10-11, it reads 10 That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; 11 And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:10 11) The way I read this is, that, for God s work in us to have the maximum effect, we need to have an attitude of submission to the Lord Jesus. In fact, that very well may be the most critical thing for us to be working out. In terms of self-control, we focus not on increasing our will-power to resist something (not a bad thing), but on our submission to the Lord Jesus. Prayer is going to be a big part of that the more we pray, the more apt we will be to submit to Jesus and more his work in us will come out as fruit of the Holy Spirit.