The Local Church in a Culture of Narcissism Part 1: Living in a Culture of Narcissism

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Sophie Dayna Harrison
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1 The Local Church in a Culture of Narcissism Part 1: Living in a Culture of Narcissism This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves Timothy 3:1, 2 Introduction We do not need in-depth research or a mind specially trained in discernment to observe that we are living in a culture totally consumed with Number One. If you watch one hour of television, you will be told that applying this particular deodorant will bring you happiness by making you attractive to the opposite sex, owning this car will earn you respect and prestige, this food or beverage choice will bring you happiness, this beer will bring you good times and great memories with friends 1, this latest technology will simplify your life, this gaming system provides the fun and relaxation you deserve, and this product lets you play games and watch movies and sports at the same time (after all, you really deserve that option). Products seek to offer fulfillment of any need you can imagine and some wants that you didn t even know you wanted! Advertising always caters to the desires of the individual because most people today live as though life is all about me and the fulfillment of my desires. In 2 Timothy 3:1, 2, Paul warns Timothy that in the last days perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of their own selves... Being lovers of self is certainly a trademark of our culture today. Case in point: do you know what word was Oxford Dictionary s 2013 Word of the Year? Selfie. It s officially in the dictionary and is defined as A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website. Have you ever stopped and thought about what a selfie really is? After thinking about the whole concept, here s my definition of selfie: a picture of self taken by self and posted by self for the world to see; (when mirrors are involved) self posting a picture of self taking a picture of self; a self-taken, self-promoted picture of self which is most admired and appreciated by self. This phenomenon is very telling of the times in which we live - people are lovers of their own selves. We re living in a culture of narcissism. If you ve never before been frightened by a dictionary, look at the definition of narcissism and think about our culture: egoism [ a doctrine that individual self-interest is the actual motive of all conscious action; a doctrine that individual self-interest is the valid end of all action ]; love of or sexual desire for one s own body. Think about that. That alarming definition perfectly describes the times in which we re living. What does the Church existing in a culture of narcissism look like? Thomas Torrance lays out the church in Trinitarian terms: 2 The church is the universal family of God the Father sharing sonship with the Son; the church is the community of the reconciled, finding its life in union with Jesus Christ; the church is the communion of saints living in communion with God through the Holy Spirit. Notice anything missing from this description of the church? The 1 Have you ever noticed that beer commercials never portray someone drinking alone? 2 This is not a direct quote from Torrance but a combination of his headings which deal with the church. 1

2 church is a family, a community, the communion of saints there s no me! This is as true of the local church as it is the universal church. The local church is a community of Jesus followers filled with His Spirit who live in close proximity to and fellowship with one another, who grow in the knowledge of God together, pray together, share together, participate in the life of Jesus together, and who live out the truth of the gospel together in the midst of their time and culture. In other words, the members of the local church live lives together which reflect their love of God and each other. Luke describes the activity of the early church in this way: Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having the goodwill of all the people. And day by day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved (Acts 2:46-47). Living in a culture of narcissism is a great opportunity for the gospel! Narcissus and the Original Selfie The Greek myth of Narcissus is an intriguing parable which is reenacted by thousands and thousands of people everyday. The handsome youth Narcissus constantly rejects the advances of those who are in love with him. Because of his coldness toward those he rejected, Narcissus is cursed to love someone incapable of loving him back. He soon falls in love with what he thinks is a beautiful water nymph, but the beautiful nymph disappears every time he reaches into the water. Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection which was incapable of loving him back. Yearning persistently for the love of his reflection eventually dissolves Narcissus who withers away and becomes the narcissus flower. This is a very telling myth. Consider his curse: to love someone incapable of loving him in return. His fate as a result? He withers away. Self-absorption leads to the disintegration of the true self and cuts off any opportunity to mutually love or be loved. How is this myth reenacted everyday? Think about the ways in which we love our own reflections. Selfies are the obvious reenactment of the myth. It s just a picture of me. I like it, and I want others to like it. 3 Are you a narcissist if you take selfies? No, but think seriously about what you re doing and why when you take and post pictures of yourself. The Narcissus myth is played out at least once a year by students: yearbooks. What is the first thing you do with a yearbook? You look for pictures of you. Narcissus stared at his own reflection in the pool; we haven t advanced much since. Social media is probably the most prominent stage for the Narcissus myth. This outlet has tremendous potential for good, but let s not be consumed by it. Remember Narcissus fate? He withered away. Being engrossed in social media without being equally engaged in real life will provide a false sense of community and friendship which will not hold up in difficult times. In fact, many use social media to hide their real lives by giving the appearance of happiness and joy when the reality is actually far from it. Do not use social media to manage appearances. One cheesy question we can ask ourselves when engaging with social media is whose face is the book about? If it s all about self, let s make adjustments. 3 Literally, on facebook we want people to like our posts. 2

3 Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Let me share an article with you from PsychCentral which explains Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Think about our culture and our own lives. It s sometimes respectable to be selfish or prideful; we all know that we struggle with that. But happens when that sin of selfishness or pride is identified as narcissism? Causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder Researchers today don t know what causes narcissistic personality disorder. There are many theories, however, about the possible causes of narcissistic personality disorder. Most professionals subscribe to a biopsychosocial model of causation that is, the causes of are likely due to biological and genetic factors, social factors (such as how a person interacts in their early development with their family and friends and other children), and psychological factors (the individual s personality and temperament, shaped by their environment and learned coping skills to deal with stress). This suggests that no single factor is responsible rather, it is the complex and likely intertwined nature of all three factors that are important. If a person has this personality disorder, research suggests that there is a slightly increased risk for this disorder to be passed down to their children. Narcissistic Personality Disorder In-Depth Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder generally require excessive admiration. Their self-esteem is almost invariably very fragile. They may be preoccupied with how well they are doing and how favorably they are regarded by others. This often takes the form of a need for constant attention and admiration. They may expect their arrival to be greeted with great fanfare and are astonished if others do not covet their possessions. They may constantly fish for compliments, often with great charm. A sense of entitlement is evident in these individuals unreasonable expectation of especially favorable treatment. They expect to be catered to and are puzzled or furious when this does not happen. For example, they may assume that they do not have to wait in line and that their priorities are so important that others should defer to them, and then get irritated when others fail to assist in their very important work. This sense of entitlement combined with a lack of sensitivity to the wants and needs of others may result in the conscious or unwitting exploitation of others. They expect to be given whatever they want or feel they need, no matter what it might mean to others. For example, these individuals may expect great dedication 3

4 from others and may overwork them without regard for the impact on their lives. They tend to form friendships or romantic relationships only if the other person seems likely to advance their purposes or otherwise enhance their self-esteem. They often usurp special privileges and extra resources that they believe they deserve because they are so special. Individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder generally have a lack of empathy and have difficulty recognizing the desires, subjective experiences, and feelings of others. They may assume that others are totally concerned about their welfare, so they may tend to discuss their own concerns in inappropriate and lengthy detail, while failing to recognize that others also have feelings and needs. They are often contemptuous and impatient with others who talk about their own problems and concerns. When recognized, the needs, desires, or feelings of others are likely to be viewed disparagingly as signs of weakness or vulnerability. Those who relate to individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder typically find an emotional coldness and lack of reciprocal interest. These individuals are often envious of others or believe that others are envious of them. They may begrudge others their successes or possessions, feeling that they better deserve those achievements, admiration, or privileges. They may harshly devalue the contributions of others, particularly when those individuals have received acknowledgment or praise for their accomplishments. Arrogant, haughty behaviors characterize these individuals. Is this not a scary description of most of our culture and perhaps many of our lives (if we can be honest with ourselves and each other)? The P2 Effect : An Opportunity for the Gospel I share the myth of Narcissus and the information about Narcissistic Personality Disorder in order to give us some idea of exactly how twisted and sick our culture and our selves really are. But this is an opportunity for the gospel! Remember that the local church is a community of Jesus followers filled with his Spirit who live in close proximity to and fellowship with one another - that s us. Next week, I want us to look specifically at the local church, but let s think now about the individuals in the local church. What are individuals in this community to look like? This is the opportunity for the gospel, and we can call it The P2 Effect. Let s look at the opening verses of Philippians 2 and see the opportunity we have in front of us. If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better 4

5 than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. (2:1-4) In a narcissistic culture, people who are living The P2 Effect are going to stand out. Jesus followers are to do nothing from selfish desires - nothing! In the kingdom of God, that s how we roll. Why? Well, Paul tells us. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death - even death on a cross. Therefore God also highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (2:5-11) There s no room in the body of Christ for selfishness, pride, or narcissism. Look at Jesus! The Creator God became a human baby and grew up as a child in a poor family in the backwoods of a country occupied by the Rome. What did God becoming a man look like? It looked nothing like what we would expect. Everything about his life was beneath him as the Creator of the universe - becoming a creature is beneath the Creator! To top it off, he s nailed to a piece of wood and executed by the state - the God of the universe hanging and dying on a cross. Jesus never exploited his God-ness. In fact, he became a servant and told us to do likewise. There s no room for selfishness, pride, or narcissism as Jesus followers, and if we live Philippians 2 a narcissistic world is going to notice. I m a firm believer in learning how to accurately communicate the gospel, but we can preach the gospel everyday if we re living Philippians 2 together. Practical Application As individuals, how can we take steps to practically do nothing from selfish ambition? There are many ways to make this practical, but let me make three suggestions. 1. Take Actions to Promote Others. One way to practice Philippians 2 is by making an effort to promote others. This can happen in a variety of ways and circumstances. In conversations, promote your friend or seek out your friend s interest. Find admirable qualities and encourage that person in those. Do not make it about you - you do such a better job than me about This kind of compliment really focuses back on ourselves. Social media is another area in which we can seek to promote others rather than ourselves. Again, whose face is the book about? What if our social media life is more about the local community and our friends more than just ourselves? That s gospel living. Promoting co-workers at work without drawing attention to ourselves or our work is another way to practice Philippians 2. Do nothing from selfish ambition. Can we really promote our co-workers without having any selfish motive behind the promotion? Let s practice this! For students, the classroom or the sports field is a 5

6 great place to practice promoting others. Practice promoting your friend s success without drawing any attention to yourself and your exploits. Be about the team - that s gospel living. Proverbs 25:27 says, Nor is it glory to search out one s own glory. Do not fish for your own glory; make your life about promoting those around you. Fade into the background. Decrease so that others may increase. This is the P2 Effect because our culture has no concept whatsoever of doing nothing from selfish motivation. 2. Stop Turning Things Back Toward Yourself. Rejoice with those who rejoice without taking their rejoicing as putting you down. For example, when someone posts that their child is the cutest kid in the world, don t take that as a slight against your kid. Don t respond to someone s story with Yeah, one time I... That story is now focused on you and making your experience the center of conversation. These are things we should practice because they re easy to slip into without meaning any harm, and yet if we step back and look, how often is the motivation selfish? Other people s success is not our failure (neither is someone s failure our success!), and a compliment directed toward someone else isn t an insult to us. Let s stop making everything about us. 3. Meditate on Philippians 2 and John 13. Read and work through Philippians 2, and then go to John 13 and look at the attitude and actions of Jesus as he washes the disciples feet. The world will know that we are Jesus followers by the love we have for each other. We are also to have among ourselves the attitude of Christ who could have utilized and asserted His deity for His own purposes but chose instead to lay that privilege aside and saved us through His self-giving love - the humiliation of Christ. Do we have this attitude among ourselves? Conclusion In a culture which is increasingly becoming marked by narcissism, the local church has an amazing opportunity to live out the gospel in a way that will turn heads and perhaps even hearts. This world cannot help but notice a unified community of individuals who are living out Philippians 2. The image of Jesus to which we are being conformed through his Spirit is so radical and counter-cultural that we can evangelize and be witnesses of Jesus just by living life in a community of believers who do nothing from selfish ambition. That s a crazy testimony in today s culture, and it undermines every worldly establishment there is. The kingdom of God will advance because Jesus is Lord and his Spirit indwells his people and his church. Benediction (from N.T. Wright s paraphrase of Philippians 2:1-4) So if our shared life in the king brings you any comfort; if love still has power to make you cheerful; if we really do have a partnership in the spirit; if you hearts are at all moved with affection and sympathy - then make my joy complete! Bring your thinking into line with one another. Here s how to do it. Hold on to the same love; bring your innermost lives into harmony; fix your minds on the same object. Never act out of selfish ambition or vanity; instead, regard everybody as your superior. Look after each other s best interests, not your own. 6

SERVANT VS. SELFISH PHILIPPIANS 2:1-4

SERVANT VS. SELFISH PHILIPPIANS 2:1-4 at ti tude ˈadəˌt(y)o od/ noun 1. a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior. One attitude