DISTINCT IN MY APPROACH TO CONFLICT

Transcription

1 GET INTO THE STUDY 10 minutes GUIDE: Remind the group of what they have studied so far: > > Distinct in My Character (The Point: Choose actions and attitudes that are blessed by God.) > > Distinct in My Influence (The Point: Make your influence count for what matters.) (ENHANCEMENT: Pack Item 6: Distinct. ) DISCUSS: Refer to the picture (PSG, p. 118) as you lead the group to respond to Question #1: When have you regretted settling for a quick fix? GUIDE: Direct attention to The Bible Meets Life (PSG, p. 119). Note that we need more than a Band-aid when we are dealing with issues of conflict. Introduce The Point (PSG, p. 119): Take the lead in resolving conflict. SESSION 10 DISTINCT IN MY APPROACH TO CONFLICT The Point Take the lead in resolving conflict. The Bible Meets Life Road rage. Going postal. Workplace hostility. These are phrases that have entered our common language. While some people run from anger and conflict, others seem to embrace it. Jesus offers a better way to deal with conflict, an approach that is distinct from what we see in the world around us. We don t need to hide from conflict, but we can appropriately and lovingly work toward reconciliation. The Passage Matthew 5:21-26 The Setting Having just related that He had not come to destroy God s law but to fulfill it (vv ), Jesus then began to give examples of what He meant. He did this by taking several of the Ten Commandments and another highly regarded command and stressing the shortcoming of popular interpretations by emphasizing the fuller intent behind them. The subject of this session is the Sixth Commandment, Do not murder. SAY: The world can see our distinctiveness in the way we work toward reconciliation. 122 Session 10

2 Matthew 5: You have heard that it was said to our ancestors, Do not murder, and whoever murders will be subject to judgment. 22 But I tell you, everyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. And whoever says to his brother, Fool! will be subject to the Sanhedrin. But whoever says, You moron! will be subject to hellfire. KEY WORDS: Fool (v. 22) This word comes from the Aramaic term rhaka [RAH kuh]. This insult refers to an idiot or empty-headed person, meaning someone mentally inept. Moron (v. 22) This word derives from the Greek term moros, and is primarily translated as fool or some variation or related form of that word. Avoid anger. Verse 21. In Matthew 5:17-20, Jesus had declared that His intention was not to destroy or abolish the Law and the Prophets, but to fulfill them. He did not give any further explanation in those verses, but in verses He demonstrated what that fulfillment looks like with respect to six commandments from the Mosaic Law. Each example begins with a restatement of the traditional teaching from Exodus, Leviticus, or Deuteronomy. Each is introduced with the formula You have heard that it was said to our ancestors or some shortened variation of the formula. The traditional teaching is followed by Jesus own explanation, which reveals the true intention of the teaching. Jesus introduced these corrected interpretations with But I tell you. We should not underestimate the authority Jesus claimed in stating His teaching in this format. It is one thing to say Moses said and this is how I interpret it, but Jesus went beyond that. He claimed an authority greater than Moses. In fact, Jesus claimed an authority that belongs to God alone. Finally, Jesus concluded each statement with an illustration of a realistic action that His followers could perform that would result in obedience to Jesus instructions and thus also would fulfill God s true intention. In Matthew 5:21, Jesus referred to the Sixth Commandment (from Ex. 20:13 and Deut. 5:17), which prohibits murder: You have heard that it was said to our STUDY THE BIBLE Matthew 5: minutes OPTION: IN ADVANCE, get a magazine page where a picture covers most of the page. A picture that includes some people interacting is best. You will also need some clear tape. You can use this activity to tie together all three sections of this session. See the OPTION in each section for further guidance. SUMMARIZE: Use the information in The Setting (p. 122) to introduce the focal passage. READ: Invite a volunteer to read Matthew 5: DISCUSS: Question #2 (PSG, p. 120): What s your initial reaction to these verses? SUGGESTED USE WEEK OF FEBRUARY 7 123

3 THE POINT Take the lead in resolving conflict. SUMMARIZE: Anger is not something that happens to us; it s a choice we make. Circumstances come upon us, but it s ultimately our choice whether or not we respond to those circumstances with anger. (OPTION: Display the magazine picture. Note that it s intact and looks good. Then begin tearing the picture into four or five large pieces. While you are tearing, point out that anger can tear apart families, friends, and even churches. Then offer the summary above.) GUIDE: Acknowledge anger is not always wrong. Note some times Jesus expressed righteous anger. > > He became angry because the religious leaders showed no compassion for a man with a withered hand (Mark 3:1-5). > > He became angry at the mistreatment of people seeking to worship, and He turned over the moneychangers tables and whipped them until they ran away (John 2:13-16). 124 Session 10 ancestors, Do not murder. The word used here is not a general word for killing that might include killing in war or the governing authorities carrying out capital punishment. Unfortunately, the KJV translation thou shalt not kill could easily be interpreted to prohibit killing in any situation, and indeed has been so interpreted. Instead, Jesus used a specific term for murder that referred to the deliberate and illegal taking of a human life. That Jesus did not intend this as a general prohibition against killing under any circumstances is precluded by the fact that Jesus alluded to the practice of capital punishment when He added the warning and whoever murders will be subject to judgment. Verse 22. Jesus introduction of His interpretation of the prohibition against murder reveals the true intention of the original commandment. He opened the interpretation with the words, But I tell you. Jesus explanation does not contradict, abolish, or revoke the original commandment. Jesus did, however, go beyond the literal act of murder to the realm of motives and intentions that underlie the act of murder in most instances. Rather than beginning with the outward act of taking another life, Jesus began with the inward attitude of anger: everyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. The word Jesus used for anger (orgizo) can refer either to extreme emotional anger that forms the foundation of most acts of rage or to the very act of violence towards other human beings. Thus we have the consistent refrain in Paul s writings against anger directed at others, particularly fellow believers (Rom. 12:19; 2 Cor. 12:20; Gal. 5:20; Eph. 4:31; Col. 3:8; 1 Tim. 2:8; see also Jas. 1:19-20). Anger is a dangerous emotion that in most instances we allow to bring evil consequences. Interestingly, the term often points to God s righteous anger directed toward sin and injustice. God s wrath remains on those who refuse to believe in Jesus (John 3:36) and on those who are disobedient and unrepentant (Eph. 5:6; Rom. 1:18; 2:5). Jesus also expressed anger, most memorably when He drove out of the temple the moneychangers and those selling animals for sacrifice. As He did, He cried out, My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations but you have made it a den of thieves! (Mark 11:17; quoting Isa. 56:7 and Jer. 7:11). In each case God, whether in the First Person of the Trinity in the Old Testament or in the person of Jesus in the New, expressed anger at an appropriate object, namely those who reject God and His purposes.

4 The reality that so many biblical texts condemn anger even though God expresses anger could be seen by some to indicate a contradiction or even hypocrisy. The correct interpretation, however, is that there is a righteous anger and a sinful anger. Since it is possible to express anger that is not sinful, there is no contradiction or hypocrisy. The difference between the anger condemned and the anger that is justified is the object, cause, and motivation for the anger. Thus, God s anger is righteous not simply because whatever God does or expresses is righteous, but because His anger is not without proper cause. It is directed at that which is wrong, unjust, sinful. Moses is an example of someone other than God who expressed righteous anger. When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the tablets containing the Ten Commandments, he found the Israelites worshiping the golden calf. Moses was enraged and threw the tablets out of his hands, smashing them at the base of the mountain (Ex. 32:19). Moses anger was justified in the face of gross idolatry. Interestingly, there is a textual variation in Matthew 5:22 that has significant manuscript evidence but has been largely rejected by modern translations. Some manuscripts include the word without cause following the words everyone who is angry with his brother. While it is unlikely this was in the original text, it does offer an early interpretation of what Jesus meant. Jesus did not condemn all anger; rather, He condemned anger without proper justification. Paul s words in Ephesians 4:26 seem to confirm this idea: Be angry and do not sin. This seems to acknowledge that a person can be angry without sinning. Thus, anger itself can be sinful or righteous based on the object, cause, or motivation. Jesus warned His disciples of anger that arises without cause, anger aroused where there has been no wrongdoing, or anger that arises from selfish motives and is thus self-serving and vindictive. Jesus was getting at the heart of a vicious cycle that begins with sinful anger and all too frequently ends in violence or even murder. He warned that those who express such anger will be subject to judgment. A human court would not convict a person for sinful anger, but sinful anger will be subject to God s judgment. The precise nature of the judgment is not explained, but it sounds an ominous note. Jesus then moved beyond the warning against anger to warning against name-calling: And whoever says to his brother, Fool! Jesus used the Aramaic term rhaka, which some modern versions simply transliterate (that is, put the Greek letters into their nearest equivalent English letters without translating the meaning of the word, as in KJV, NIV) Stress that a certain kind of anger is good, right, and justified. The difference between the anger condemned and the anger that is justified is the object, cause, and motivation for the anger. God s anger is righteous not simply because whatever God does or expresses is righteous, but because His anger is not without proper cause. It is directed at that which is wrong, unjust, sinful. READ: Lead into the discussion of Question #3 (p. 126) by inviting a volunteer to read the brief paragraph at the top of PSG page 122: Expressing righteous anger assumes that our hearts are aligned with God s heart. Most of the time, though, that is not the case. We get angry at the slow-moving line at the bank or the neighborhood kids who won t stay off the lawn; this isn t righteous anger. 125

5 THE POINT Take the lead in resolving conflict. DISCUSS: Question #3 (PSG, p. 122): What does our anger reveal about what we believe? (Alternate: Where do you see the negative consequences of anger in our community?) GUIDE: Note the seriousness Jesus assigns to our unjustified anger. Note that this kind of anger is often a result of our feeling our rights have been violated. In other words, our anger is a reflection of our commitment to ourselves. TRANSITION: We need to avoid this kind of anger. But Jesus also wants us to seek reconciliation. while others translate directly (HCSB) or indirectly (ESV). The word is a term of insult, meaning empty-headed or idiot. Ultimately, Jesus issued a warning against insulting your brother or sister in Christ. As in the prohibition against anger without cause, Jesus warned that such a person would be subject to the Sanhedrin. The Sanhedrin was the ruling Jewish council in Jewish life. Composed of 71 members, this body exercised judicial authority and dispensed punishment with the exception of capital punishment (John 18:31), which was a right reserved by Rome. Jesus did not mean a person who insulted his brother would literally appear before this body in Jerusalem. Rather, Jesus used the earthly court of the Sanhedrin in Jerusalem as an image of God s heavenly court where every idle word uttered would be recorded and judged, including angry words (Matt. 12:36; 2 Cor. 5:10). Jesus issued a third warning, this time against anyone who would say to another, You moron! This word is a transliteration of the Greek term moros, and is frequently translated fool or some variation of that word. It is a similar to the term rhaka in the previous line and expresses contempt. Jesus employed this term later in the Sermon on the Mount to refer to the foolish person who refuses to listen to Jesus teachings and thus builds his house on sand (Matt. 7:26-27). Jesus also later used it in the parable of the 10 virgins to describe those who were not prepared with sufficient oil (25:2-8). Jesus interpretation of the commandment against murder expands to include any person caught in a vicious cycle that begins with anger and leads toward violence. Anger progresses to personal insults, which invites an angry response. The conflict intensifies as the person insulted likely responds with similar name-calling. The conflict can escalate still further to violence and ultimately murder. And not only does the action escalate, so does the judgment. First is the reference to generic judgment (vv ), then the more specific reference to the Sanhedrin (v. 22). In this final example of Jesus, the consequence has been raised to hellfire. The term Jesus used here is the Aramaic geenna or Gehenna, a valley south of Jerusalem. In earlier days the site had been a place of human sacrifice, and during the time of Jesus was a place for the burning of garbage. Jesus used the term as a way to refer to the ultimate place of judgment. 126 Session 10

6 Matthew 5: So if you are offering your gift on the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. STUDY THE BIBLE Matthew 5: minutes READ: Invite a volunteer to read verses Seek reconciliation. Verses Rather than a person being trapped in a vicious cycle that begins with anger and ends in violence, Jesus offered a better way. Jesus provided realistic, transforming actions that would break the brutal cycle. He utilized an everyday situation of a worshiper at the altar preparing to make a sacrifice. 1 While the situation sounds foreign to Christians today, Jesus Jewish audience would have recognized the scenario immediately since the sacrificial system was in full swing during Jesus ministry. It was an everyday occurrence for Jewish worshipers to offer animal or meal offerings as a means of reconciliation with God. If a person was in the process of making the offering and realized that a brother or sister had a complaint or grudge against them, Jesus insisted that the person stop and immediately go and make things right. Thus, Jesus maintained the need to make reconciliation with a brother or sister in Christ before attempting to seek reconciliation with God or making an offering. After making things right with others, only then could the act of worship continue. Perhaps this is an extension of Jesus insistence that mercy is greater than sacrifice (Jesus quoted from the Hos. 6:6 reference in both Matt. 9:13 and 12:7). Interestingly, Jesus left the situation ambiguous with respect to who was at fault. He said if you are at the altar and you remember that your brother has something against you, you must take action, you must take the initiative to be reconciled with your brother. Even when we are not responsible for the conflict, if another person feels wronged or holds a grudge against us, then we are responsible to seek reconciliation. The priority is to be reconciled. Restored relationships between believers please God and are signs to outsiders that our faith has transformed us. In the context of a restored relationship, there is no room for anger and insults. Since we cannot SUMMARIZE: Use the Bible commentary 1 to help the group understand the historical context. GUIDE: We must be proactive in seeking reconciliation not wait for the other person to make the first move difficult when you are the person who has been wronged. (OPTION: Note the torn pieces of the magazine picture. Tape the pieces of the picture back together. While you are taping, offer the guidance suggested above.) DISCUSS: Question #4 (PSG, p. 123): Why do you think reconciliation is tightly intertwined with worship? (Alternate: Why is it sometimes tempting to confess our sin to God but skip making it right with others?) 127

7 THE POINT Take the lead in resolving conflict. Note what we must be willing to do to take on the cost of reconciliation: 1. Honesty. Be willing to hear and to tell the truth. 2. Humility. This not only will help you admit your own wrongdoing, it will help you forgive with the same grace and mercy God shows when you come to Him. 3. Security. When you are secure and confident in your relationship with Jesus, you can apologize. How the person responds cannot change your secure relationship in Christ. TRANSITION: We must do all we can to resolve differences. STUDY THE BIBLE Matthew 5: minutes READ: Invite a volunteer to read verses Session 10 control other people s actions, we cannot guarantee we can come to right relations with everyone, but we can diligently try. Paul wrote, If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone (Rom. 12:18). Matthew 5: Reach a settlement quickly with your adversary while you re on the way with him, or your adversary will hand you over to the judge, the judge to the officer, and you will be thrown into prison. 26 I assure you: You will never get out of there until you have paid the last penny! Resolve differences. Verses In order to demonstrate further the better way to deal with anger and conflict, Jesus offered a second illustration, this time involving legal proceedings. If your adversary intends to bring you before a judge, do everything within your power to make things right before the judicial proceedings begin. The majority of Jesus followers were not people of wealth or power, thus the chances of winning a case in court would have been slim. In just a few verses, Jesus would mention the possibility of someone dragging one of His followers to court in order to take that person s shirt or tunic, an inner garment. In such a case, Jesus commanded that His follower should give the person his or her outer garment as well (see Matt. 5:40). In both sayings it is clear that in legal proceedings things were not likely to go in favor of individuals who made up Jesus followers. Thus, Jesus called on His disciples to do everything possible to be reconciled with others before the situation spiraled out of control. The intent behind Jesus instruction was not to hide from conflict in the hopes that it would go away on its own, but rather to aggressively, appropriately, and lovingly work toward reconciliation. In Matthew 5:21-26, Jesus revealed what fulfillment of the Law and Prophets looked like. It was not enough to say,

8 I have not murdered. Such a plea might allow a person to escape a human judge or court, but not God. In the kingdom that Jesus came to proclaim, it is not sufficient to merely punish those who have committed crimes. Rather, in the kingdom of God the emphasis is on prevention. By raising the bar beyond the outward act itself to the inner root cause of the action, Jesus revealed God s true intention. God s desire is that His people live in harmony with one another rather than merely not murdering one another. There is a difference between harmony and the mere absence of outward, open conflict. This is why Jesus declared in the Beatitudes: the peacemakers are blessed, for they will be called sons of God (v. 9). Never are we more like our heavenly Father than when we actively and lovingly work toward reconciliation in our own relationships as well as in the lives of those we influence. God s work of making peace with sinful, hostile human beings through the blood of Christ s cross is a central component of Paul s theology. In one of the greatest passages describing who Jesus is and what He has done, the apostle declared that God was pleased through Christ to reconcile everything to Himself by making peace through the blood of His cross (Col 1:20). Perhaps even more gloriously, Paul stated in Romans 5:10-11: For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, then how much more, having been reconciled, will we be saved by His [Christ s] life! And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ. We have now received this reconciliation through Him. It is not that God acted to provide reconciliation to human beings who were trying hard to please God or to follow God s will. On the contrary, it was while we were hostile toward God shaking our fists at God as it were that He acted to reconcile us to Himself. God, the one offended, initiated making peace with the offenders. In Christ, God provided the means to change our status with Him from being His enemies to being His friends. But it is not enough that we be reconciled to Him ourselves. In light of what God has done for us, we are now to serve as God s agents of reconciliation. This became an all-consuming responsibility for Paul, and so should it be for us (2 Cor. 5:18-20). While it is true that reconciliation with God is not based on our work as agents of reconciliation, it is also true that the only proper response to the grace God demonstrated to us while we were yet hostile to God is for us to work toward reconciliation at all times and in every way reconciliation of ourselves to others, of others to God, and of others with one another. We are to take the lead in resolving conflict. GUIDE: (OPTION: Display the restored magazine picture.) Point out that in families, friendships, and church, we need to make resolving differences a priority. Note two reasons why resolving conflict demands urgency. 1. Earlier is easier. The earlier individuals can face and discuss their differences, the easier it will be for them to reach a resolution. 2. Unity is important. When we let our differences fester and divide us, the rest of the world questions the effectiveness of the gospel. DISCUSS: Question #5 (PSG, p. 126): What are some steps we can take to pursue peace and resolve differences? (Alternate: Why is conflict resolution such an urgent matter?) DO: Invite volunteers to share their responses to the activity, Resolving Conflict (PSG, p. 126). 129

9 THE POINT Take the lead in resolving conflict. LIVE IT OUT 5 minutes GUIDE: Emphasize The Point: Take the lead in resolving conflict. GUIDE: Review Live It Out (PSG, p. 127; see text to the right). Encourage group members to choose an application that fits best with what God is calling them to do. Wrap It Up GUIDE: Emphasize that anger comes to all of us at one time or another. Remind the group that it s what we do with our anger that matters. SAY: We must be willing to place our anger under the rule of Jesus. LIVE IT OUT Anger is a big deal. It s more than a natural reaction to frustration; it s more than mere emotion. Anger is an issue of the heart. The degree to which we allow ourselves to become angry is a reflection of our commitment to ourselves and our self-interest. But anger, like all other parts of ourselves, should be brought under the rule of Jesus. That s not going to happen by accident; it s only going to happen when we are conscious of our anger and the true reasons behind it. > > Take control of your anger. What situation is likely to make you angry this week? Prepare your heart and mind to respond appropriately before you ever step into that situation. > > Say I m sorry. Look for a chance this week to say I m sorry without qualification. Humble yourself before Christ and the other person, and say those two words that can be the first step toward healing. > > Seek reconciliation. Examine your relationships, past and present. Is there someone you still need to reconcile with? If so, don t wait any longer. Before the end of the week, contact this person. Seek to honor Christ as you begin the process of reconciliation. PRAY: Father, give us the grace to set aside selfinterest in order to be agents of reconciliation in our families, our church, and our community. Amen. 130 Session 10

10 ILLUSTRATOR PHOTO/BOB SCHATZ The rugged terrain on the road to Jericho the location for Jesus parable of the Good Samaritan in which He explained the meaning of neighbor. The following excerpt is from the article You Have Heard It Said, Jewish Laws Behind Jesus Teachings (Fall 2007), which relates to this session and can be purchased at biblicalillustrator. Matthew 5:45 in a sense provides the key to all of the antitheses: in loving even our enemies, we show ourselves to be children of God. Normal human effort is incapable of fulfilling Jesus radical statement of God s law no anger, no lust, no infidelity, complete honesty, complete forgiveness, nondiscriminatory love. These are only possible for children of God for those guided by His Spirit. These are not laws to make us God s children. They are rather the characteristics of those who are God s children. We are to live as God s children, complete and whole in all our relationships, even as God is in His relationship to us. Read the article Please Don t Send Me to Prison! in the Winter issue. Previous articles Raca: The Meaning (Win ), Laws Behind Jesus Teaching (Win. 1996) and Aramaic in the New Testament (Winter 1988) relate to this session and can be purchased at biblicalillustrator. Look for Bundles: Bible Studies for Life. Subscribe to Biblical Illustrator at or call SHARING THE GOOD NEWS The Son of God came to earth to resolve the conflict between God and humanity. When we turn to Christ in repentance and faith, we find ourselves no longer in conflict with God, but instead, in fellowship with Him. Each week, make yourself available either before or after the session to speak privately with anyone in your group who wants to know more about becoming a Christian. See the article, Leading Someone to the Greatest Decision of All, on page 2 for guidance in leading a person to Christ. Remind group members that page 2 in the PSG offers guidance in how to become a Christian. Encourage believers to consider using this article as they have opportunities to lead others to Christ. > > Get expert insights on weekly studies through the Ministry Grid (MinistryGrid.com/web/BibleStudiesFor Life). >Grow > with other group leaders at the Groups Ministry blog (lifeway.com/groupministry). > > Additional ideas for your group are available at BibleStudiesFor Life.com/blog. 131