Famous Church Recipes. The Rev. Dr. Arlene K. Nehring Eden United Church of Christ Hayward, California

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1 Famous Church Recipes The Rev. Dr. Arlene K. Nehring Eden United Church of Christ Hayward, California Fourth Sunday of Easter May 11, 2014 Acts 2:42-47 (NRSV) The Women s Fellowship at Park Church in Upstate New York, where I served as pastor in the 1990s, decided during my tenure to have the church kitchen repainted. It was one of those necessary jobs that was long anticipated, and that legitimated the annual rummage sales that we sponsored as a fundraiser for the church. The ladies settled on a new paint color a light crème de menthe. Bertie Hoffman made new curtains and Connie Morse purchased and installed new shelf paper to match. Jan Butts organized a cast of thousands to empty the cupboards before the painters arrived, and to wash and dry all of the dishware and return every accoutrement to its rightful place after the painting was completed. The new color was cheerful. We agreed that Martha Stewart would have approved of the new curtains and shelf paper. And the health department gave us a perfect score during our annual inspection. By all accounts, the kitchen makeover was a huge success all except for the fact that the Red Book went missing during the process. The Red Book that I m referring to was not an issue of the women s magazine that was popular back then. No, the Park Church Red Book was the Women s Fellowship s cook book. It included all of the ladies favorite super-sized recipes. (I m not talking about the largest portion of French fries at Wendy s; I m talking about recipes that serve 50 or more.) Those recipes were based on secret family recipes that had been procured and perfected over several generations and scaled to commercial-size proportions, so that they could be served for all-church luncheons, mother-daughter teas, Advent chili suppers, and all of the celebrations associated with life passages, such as baby showers, baptisms, confirmation, bridal showers, weddings, anniversaries, and funerals. Given the uniqueness and centrality of the Red Book in the life of Park Church, the loss of it was much greater than any individual s misplacement of a favorite cook book. It was tantamount to misplacing the Shroud of Turin.

2 I still remember some of the comments made in the parlor when the sad news was shared that the Red Book was missing: How are we going to put on another Mother- Daughter Tea without our recipe for aspic salad for 100? Does anyone know what the ingredients are for Park Church punch? How long does it take to cook a pan of lasagna in commercial pans? The questions went on and on. The ladies fretted and rung their hands. Finally, a search and rescue mission was developed to recover the Red Book. I don t actually know if that prized recipe book was found. The ladies were still looking for it when Stephanie and I moved to Cleveland. Regardless of whether the Red Book was ever found, I am quite certain that no one has gone away hungry from Park Church, because that congregation like Eden Church and the Cherryland community can cook, and those ladies never did anything half-way! Even if the Park Church ladies did find their cook book, I suspect that very few of the recipes that were in it back in 1995 are still being prepared and served at church events, because very few people cook (or eat) like they did in days gone by. We re all much more health conscious these days. II The anxiety that swirled around the missing Park Church cook book, reminds me a bit of the anxiety that is swirling around some in our country today about the makeup of modern families. There seem to be a lot of people (many of them are members of churches) who think that there is only one recipe for how to be a good mother or a faithful family and that this recipe must be followed to a T or else the world is going to come to an end. Those who are sure that there is only one recipe for a faithful family typically define family by who s in a household, and they define good mother as a stay-at-home mom, rather than defining faithful and good by how people in a household treat each other. 1 James B. Nelson, a United Methodist ethicist, refers to this way of defining family as family fundamentalism. In a published manuscript included in the United Church of Christ s Marriage Curriculum, Nelson explains that family fundamentalism is based on a romantic view of the 19th century family, or what we would call today, the traditional nuclear family, which is characterized by a husband working outside the home, a wife working inside the home, their having 2.2 children, a station wagon, and domestic pets. 2 Today, the so-called traditional nuclear family represents less than 5% of the US population. 1 UCC Marriage Curriculum, United Church of Christ Justice and Witness Ministries, Cleveland, OH, p Ibid., p. 56. The Rev. Dr. Arlene K. Nehring, Famous Church Recipes, 5/11/14, p. 2 of 6.

3 I find it ironic that family fundamentalists also tend to be biblical fundamentalists, and yet their favorite recipe for family is not found in scripture. Did you catch that point? News flash: the nuclear family model is not found in the Bible. Please don t misunderstand me. I am not critiquing nuclear families. I m a big a fan of nuclear families. I spent most of my childhood in a nuclear family. My point here is simply to state a fact nuclear families are a phenomenon not found in Western societies prior to the 19th century Industrial Revolution. Nuclear families are a social construction that emerged during the Victorian era, and something that even in the 19th Century, only the more economically privileged were able to participate in. Even then, stay-at-home mothers were not sitting around eating peppermints and bonbons. They were managing households. Nelson points out, as have other biblical scholars, that the Bible describes a wide array of family forms such as the following: The patriarchal extended family, including the husband s parents and servants, such as Abraham s household. Polygamous marriages (which included one man with several wives or concubines and children), which are found ubiquitously throughout the Old Testament. Matriarchal extended families as illustrated by Rahab and her household, which included her mother, as described in the book of Joshua, and elsewhere. Matrilocal families, such as the families of Jacob and Moses, who lived for long periods of time with the birth families of their wives. Single parent families, such as the widow and her two sons, which are described in I and II Samuel. Levirate marriages, in which a brother married the widow of his dead brother, in fulfillment of Hebrew law. Monogamous heterosexual marriages, as we infer from phrases such as the two becoming one flesh, in Genesis, Mathew, Mark, I Corinthians and Ephesians. Same-gender companions, exemplified by Naomi and Ruth, and the two disciples who met up with Jesus on the road to Emmaus. The Rev. Dr. Arlene K. Nehring, Famous Church Recipes, 5/11/14, p. 3 of 6.

4 Trial marriages, which were expressed sexually, such as the lovers referred to in the Song of Solomon, and the relationship between Ruth and Boaz, described in the book of Ruth. Adult siblings sharing a home, as did Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Celibate single adults, such as John the Baptist, and perhaps Jesus and the Apostle Paul. Dual-career marriages, such as the apostles, Priscilla and Acquilla, described in Acts 18, who traveled with Paul, led Bible studies, and made tents to support their missionary work. Christian communes, like the early apostles, who held all their property in common, which is described in today s scripture reading. While Bill Nelson illustrates that a diversity of family relationships were considered normative throughout the 3,000 year span of time covered in the Bible, some Christians might feel that Jesus example and teachings about family are the final word on the subject. Here again, Nelson reminds us that the Bible provides a more complex view of Jesus and the Christian family than is espoused by family fundamentalists. Jesus was as Nelson explains, a non-traditionalist about family life Based on what we know of Jesus life from the gospels, we see that Jesus and his family were refugees, for a time, who fled to Egypt from Palestine after his birth. Jesus seems to have spent most of his adolescence in a single-parent family, since Joseph does not appear in the gospels after Jesus turns 12 years old, and as an adult, Jesus lived as a single adult, rather than pursuing marriage, which was the norm for devout Jews like himself. Nelson goes on to explain that while Jesus taught the seriousness of the marriage bond, he also taught that one s family of origin must never be absolutized. When the disciples told him that his mother and brother had come to see him, Jesus said, Anyone who does the will of God are my mother and my brothers! III So Nelson shows us that there are many different recipes for faithful family, and that the most essential ingredients in a Christian household have to do with how people treat each other, rather than who comprises them. Nelson argues further that the Christian ideal for family relationships is that they be blessed. Blessed relationships, in his definition are, those that bless the partners The Rev. Dr. Arlene K. Nehring, Famous Church Recipes, 5/11/14, p. 4 of 6.

5 and the world around them. [They are relationships] that give life and gladden the universe and the heart of God. 3 Blessed relationships are characterized by the following marks: 1. Blessed relationships are just. They are mutual and promote equality and shared power. Justice becomes real when each partner has the power, selfconfidence and the encouragement to freely give and freely withhold consent without coercion, manipulation, or control. 2. Blessed relationships are self-liberating. They offer self-fulfillment to all members. They liberate us to become whole human beings, and to be our best selves. 3. Blessed relationships enrich others. They are generous in their concern for the wellbeing of the other. They are not manipulative or exploitive. They neither swallow the other up in themselves nor ask the other to become just like them. 4. Blessed relationships are honest and faithful. They convey truthfulness and free participants up to be who they are called to be. Pretense, evasion, and deception betray the trust on which blessing rests. Fidelity means acknowledging the primacy of the family relationship and all that builds it up. 5. Blessed relationships among consenting adults are also unapologetically erotic. They are relationships which, through physicality and sexuality, lead us to deeper experiences of love and compassion for our partners, ourselves, and our God. 6. Finally, [Nelson says] blessed relationships are relationships that connect us more deeply with God. They are relationships that deepen our understanding of the divine, and of God s fundamental gifts of love, grace, and justice. 4 Through the individual and cumulative illustrations that Nelson offers of blessed relationships, we are reminded that it is the quality of our dyadic, familial, and household relationships that determine their degree of sacredness not the number of people in them, not the gender of those who head them, and not the particular roles played by any of the participants. IV Notice how Nelson s view that the quality of our family relationships rather than their form is key to faithfulness. 3 Ibid., p Ibid., p. 58. The Rev. Dr. Arlene K. Nehring, Famous Church Recipes, 5/11/14, p. 5 of 6.

6 Notice, too, that the Apostle Peter (in Acts 2:42-47) explained that it was the qualities of the apostles relationships with each other not the makeup of the members, or the form of the early church community that defined church. Listen again to Peter s description of the Church on day one: They [the first Christians] devoted themselves to the apostles teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. Awe came upon everyone, because many wonders and signs were being done by the apostles. All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having the goodwill of all the people. And day by day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved. 5 As we celebrate the Festival of the Christian Home and Mother s Day today, let us remember and celebrate the many and varied ways that faithful families and churches are organized and that we work together for the good of our children and our community, and let us focus our energies on ways that we may be a blessing to each other, rather than on spending our lives obsessing about how the recipes for family and mother may have changed or even been lost over the eons. As we do, I trust that we will experience more fully the hope that God holds for all whole creation. Amen. 5 Ibid. The Rev. Dr. Arlene K. Nehring, Famous Church Recipes, 5/11/14, p. 6 of 6.