Helping Others Thrive --- With the Golden Rule Matthew 7:12 INTRODUCTION TO THE THRIVE INITIATIVE

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1 Helping Others Thrive I --- Golden Rule Page 1 of 8 Helping Others Thrive --- With the Golden Rule Matthew 7:12 INTRODUCTION TO THE THRIVE INITIATIVE We are THRIVING. It s true! We ve been focused on thriving for the past 18 months and all that effort and energy is paying off. We started with the challenge to thrive spiritually. And we have more people in Bible Studies than ever. We can t even find enough room for them to meet around here on Wednesday mornings and Wednesday evenings. Next came the challenge to thrive physically, emotionally and relationally. Our support groups are helping folks in and outside our church. Our outdoor ministry is going strong. Yoga classes are in place and we recently walked to Bethlehem and almost all the way back. Last September, we issued a challenge to help the Church --- not just Williamson s Chapel but THE CHURCH --- thrive. We went back to God s original plan. We just did our best to help you name and claim your own faith story and then practice sharing it with others. And you have! God is using you and your stories and lives are being changed. That was God s original plan for helping the Church thrive and it s still the best way. Now, each of those efforts was important in and of itself, but together they inevitably lead to this fourth and final THRIVE challenge. And we are kicking that off today with a four-week sermon series entitled Helping Others Thrive. INTRODUCTION TO THRIVING WITH OTHERS And the very best way to help others thrive is to Thrive WITH Others. To thrive is to prosper, to flourish, to succeed. And the best way to make that happen in the lives of others is to thrive together. You see thriving does not require a winner and a loser. When it s done right everyone thrives. When we, in the name of Jesus and with the power of the Holy Spirit, reach out to help others thrive, we will discover something really wonderful. We will discover that we are thriving too. We thrive best when we thrive together. But --- it may require a bit of a shift in our way of thinking. To truly thrive with others, we have to turn away from both dependence and independence. INTERDEPENDENCE Think about that with me. To be dependent means that one person in a relationship needs the other person. To be independent means that one person in the relationship does not need the other person. Neither of those relationships will foster thriving. No, true thriving is enabled when there is neither dependence nor independence. We thrive together when we are interdependent - when we choose to be

2 Helping Others Thrive I --- Golden Rule Page 2 of 8 mutually reliant on one another not because we have to but because we want to. Let me be clear. DEPENDENT INDEPENDENT INTERDEPENDENT You see, friends, I believe that God created us to be in interdependent relationships because that is the kind of relationship that enables mutual respect, nurturing and true fulfillment. Just look around you. Nature is full of such interdependence. It s called symbiosis. For example, bees pollinate flowers and flowers provide food for bees. Recently, when walking on the beach, I came across a horseshoe crab. When I first saw the little creatures attached to its back, I didn t see the symbiosis at work. I thought they were just parasites on him. But as it turns out, they help each other. He provides them a home; they provide him an extra layer of protection and great camouflage. God created this world to be interdependent. Why would He create humans any differently? I believe that interdependence is God s plan for right relationship. We encounter this teaching across a wide array of cultures, religions and down through the generations. It was part and parcel of the man whose legacy we celebrate on January 15th - Martin Luther King Jr. But most important to us is the fact that Jesus told us to take this approach to life. He said it like this. Matthew 7:12 In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets. In this simple statement, Jesus is declaring a virtually universal principle of civilization. He is summarizing the law and the prophets. He is even summarizing his own teaching. Seems to me that it s almost as though Jesus is frustrated by people s inability to understand. I can almost hear him saying: Come on folks. It s not rocket science. Just do to others what you want them to do to you. Oh Beloved, when we honor this teaching from Jesus, we will not only enjoy a multitude of interdependent relationships. We will also discover that we are thriving --- with others. GOLDEN RULE We call this the Golden Rule but the concept was part of human society long before it had that name, long before Jesus said those words as part of his Sermon on the Mount. Why even that great prehistoric figure Fred Flintstone understood this concept. When he stops to help a stranger who was robbed and left to die, good old Fred explains it this way: I d want him to help me. (harryhiker.com) And it continues from there. The Old Testament book of Leviticus tells us to love your neighbor as your self. (Lev 19:18.)

3 Helping Others Thrive I --- Golden Rule Page 3 of 8 Authors like Homer, teachers like Confucius, Buddha, Zoraster, just to name a few each have their own versions. Then Aristotle picks it up followed by Jewish teachers like Hillel and Philo. And all that is before Jesus. After Jesus, the teaching becomes a cornerstone of Christianity. It reappears in: Romans 13: 8 Owe no one anything, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. Galatians 5:14 14 For the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. James 2:8 You do well if you really fulfill the royal law according to the scripture, You shall love your neighbor Just to name a few. The teaching shows up in the Dead Sea Scrolls and in numerous Apocrypha writings. Even the Roman Emperor Alexander Severus adopts it as his motto in 220AD and displays in on public buildings. The Koran has a variation of the teaching as does Shintoism in Japan. In 810 the Book of Kells appears - a lavishly decorated Gospel with this illustration of the Golden Rule: A dog extending its paw to a rabbit. And it continues to show up in the teachings of Augustine, Aquinas all the way to our own John Wesley. This golden rule is used as part of the anti slave movement by the Underground Railroad, Abraham Lincoln and John Newton. Even Norman Rockwell painted a work of art for the United Nations entitled The Golden Rule. Authors, politicians, business leaders, teachers and perhaps most of all mothers have based their work on this simple philosophy of thriving together. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And yet, this universal teaching, so easy to understand that even children can use it as a guide, is simply ignored in so much of life. And when it is, everything and everyone suffers. Possibilities are limited, potential is stifled, relationships are destroyed, and no one thrives. But here s the good news. When we do, when we start faithfully using this simple teaching from Jesus, we will not only thrive, we will discover we are actually THRIVING WITH OTHERS. HURDLES So, what s the problem? Why aren t we using this guiding principle that not only comes straight from Jesus but also from virtually every great teacher in history? I ve done a whole lot of study about this folks and I am proud to say that the person who I believe best identifies the real problem is our own founder - John Wesley. In one of his

4 Helping Others Thrive I --- Golden Rule Page 4 of 8 sermons, Wesley points out two hurdles that stand between us and our ability to fully enact what he, in echo of the book of James, calls that royal law. Listen to me, friends. If we are going to accept this challenge and be successful in thriving with others, we have to get past these two hurdles. JUDGING OTHERS Wesley takes us back to what Jesus says just before he gives us the Golden Rule. Matthew 7:1-2 Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. This, Wesley points out, is the first hindrance. The temptations to judge others are, as he says, innumerable. And it s true. Don t you see folks? When we fall prey to the sin of judging others, we completely destroy any possibility of thriving together. If you and I are going to be successful in this challenge of THRIVING WITH OTHERS, then we have to get past this hurdle. And the first step is to develop the capacity to put ourselves in the other person s shoes. Until we can actually imagine ourselves in the other person s circumstances, we don t have any hope of doing to them what we would want them to do to us. A study by researchers at the University of Toronto and at James Madison University in Virginia helps explain this problem we have with judging others. Here s the name of the study: Cognitive Sophistication Does Not Attenuate the Bias Blind Spot. Try not to let that put you off. Despite the title, the results are pretty easy to understand. Here it is in a nutshell. We cut ourselves more slack than we give to others. And here s why. I m putting this in my own words, mind you. When we evaluate the bad choices of another person especially someone we do not know we do so based solely on their behavior, what we can observe. But when we evaluate our own bad choices, we do so with great introspection. We also consider the motivations behind our behavior. For example: When I whip and cut through traffic, rush through a yellow light and speed past another car, it s because I have an important meeting, someone is waiting for me somewhere or I m trying to get to the hospital. In other words, my good motivations are the reason for my bad behavior. However, if someone else whips and cuts through traffic, rushes through a yellow light and speeds past me there s only one simple observable explanation that driver s a jerk. Adapted from Craig Gross, Open (Thomas Nelson, 2013), pp Now, let me push a little further with this. If we are not very, very careful, this same principle will impact our attitude toward most everyone who is different from us. In fact the researchers made a point of saying that these bias blind spots are largely

5 Helping Others Thrive I --- Golden Rule Page 5 of 8 unconscious. So, we do this judge others by behavior only without even realizing it. How does that manifest itself? Well let s just think about it. If we are not very, very careful we may fall prey to thinking things like: Poor people are poor because they are lazy. Sick people are sick because they didn t take good care of themselves. People in prison did bad things so they are bad people. People in Third World Nations have problems with education, hunger, disease because --- well I don t know, you fill in the blank --- They are stupid, selfish, lazy or just not as important as we who were born in First World Nations. Now that s an oversimplification, I know, but do you see how this works? We all have these bias blind spots. They cause us to judge others far more harshly than we judge ourselves. But just because we can explain this tendency does not excuse it. That s the wisdom behind this golden rule. When we walk a mile in the other person s shoes well, we will see things differently. So how do we do that? How do we put ourselves in the place of another? Seems to me, that s really what Thriving With Others is all about. The key word here is WITH. The only way we can begin to understand the behaviors of another person is to connect WITH that person, to spend time WITH that person, to essentially live life WITH that person. Then, we will begin to understand the motivations behind their behaviors. Again, just think about this with me. When we know and love a person who has a chronic disease or who is going through say cancer treatments --- we expect less from that person. We would not expect them to be a Scout leader, to be the room parent, to teach Sunday School, to chaperone a youth trip. We would understand why they can t show up to every event and why they find it difficult to even take care of their own families. And understanding all this, we step up to care for this person we know and love. Right? We offer to pick up their children, we prepare food for their families, we excuse their absences and actually take on more responsibility to cover for them. People regularly give their sick-days to help a coworker keep his or her job while undergoing medical treatment. You see when we know someone --- when we have a relationship WITH someone --- well, we are far less likely to be judgmental. It s by living life WITH others that we begin to see things from their point of view. Nearly 10 years ago now, I began a prison ministry. It has only been possible because of numerous administrative assistants but in the last couple of years, Joe Kufhta has taken that ministry to an incredible place. And even though he s no longer my assistant, he is still overseeing this special ministry. We now have relationships with nearly 70 women in NC prisons. 18 of you are pen pals with those women. We need 10 more pen pals

6 Helping Others Thrive I --- Golden Rule Page 6 of 8 immediately just to meet current requests. Let me just share a brief message we received over Christmas: Dear Pastor Jan and Staff at Williamson s Church, I want to wish y all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Please keep sending Bible Studies. (Those are copies of my sermons with study questions.) I m doing good, still waiting on a pen-pal so whenever one comes up. But for now you all have a Merry Christmas. That s from Melissa. Anyone out there interested in thriving with Mellissa? Look, some of these women have done terrible things. But, as I ve gotten to know them through their letters, through their questions about and responses to my sermons, (in other words, as I ve begun to live life WITH them) though I may still condemn their actions, I just find myself less and less able to judge them. Don t you see? It s the WITH that makes the difference. Not one of us has the right to judge another. Judge not, says Jesus, lest ye be judged. All of us sin and fall short of the glory of God. Acknowledging our own bad choices AND understanding the motivation behind the bad choices of others is the best way over the first hurdle. If we are going to THRIVE WITH OTHERS, we first have to stop judging others. FAILURE TO LOVE OTHERS John Wesley then points to a second hurdle. And that is our failure to actually love others. Remember when Jesus was asked the greatest commandment, he responded, to love God and to love others. These two loves love for God and love for others are essential if we hope to actually THRIVE WITH OTHERS. How does that work? Well, when we love God when we truly love God we will love what God loves. Look folks, we do not love people because of who they are or because of what they do. We love people because of whose they are. And all people, every person is a child of God. God loves them. And when we love God, we will love them too. Of course, this is not just the feeling kind of love. This is the doing kind of love. Ti voglio bene. That Italian phrase is commonly translated, as I love you. But more literally it means, I want what is good for you. That, my friends, is the kind of love that God expects from us and that is the kind of love that will in fact enable us to THRIVE WITH OTHERS. True love seeks what is best for the beloved. When we love others, we will in fact do to them what we want them to do to us AND we all can thrive. Frederick Buechner in the ABC s of Faith talks about the importance of the frame. Art provides a frame enabling us to pay attention to things we would not notice in everyday life. Put a frame around it and the bloom of a rose will not be ignored. The old face of the woman next door becomes a map of life; a gentle smile is immortalized. Literature does the same thing it causes us to space special attention to a boy and his

7 Helping Others Thrive I --- Golden Rule Page 7 of 8 love of a horse, a young adult grieving the loss of his father, a child devoted to her grandfather. Well in the same way, love is a frame. Love enables us to see things we could not see people who need our help, ways we can step up and serve, opportunities to be part of what God is doing and wants to do in the world. That s why loving others is essential to THRIVING WITH OTHERS. GRACE Do unto others what you would have them do unto you. At times this approach to life has been expressed in the negative: Do not do to others what you would not want then to do to you. Though they essentially mean the same thing, I do like Jesus version better. Don t you? As one commentator put it: The negative confines us to the region of justice; the positive takes us to the region of generosity or grace. (Expositor s Greek New Testament) And Grace, well, you know Grace is always better. CIRCLES So that s what we hope to do in this challenge. That s how we hope to THRIVE WITH OTHERS just honor the Golden Rule. Do to others what you would have them do to you. Simple to say but oh, so hard to do. To be successful, each of us will have to stop judging others and start loving them. But who exactly are those OTHERS? Well, that s what we will be doing in the next three weeks identifying THE OTHERS we can help thrive. And here s the good news. The Resurrected Lord Himself tells us exactly where to find them. I ll be looking for you as we accept this new challenge and step up to THRIVE WITH OTHERS. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

8 Helping Others Thrive I --- Golden Rule Page 8 of 8 Life Application Questions: 1) We ve been in the THRIVE Initiative for almost 2 years at Williamson s Chapel. Has that focus had any impact in your life? If so, what? If not, why not? When you hear a call to Thriving With Others, what s your gut reaction? Why? 2) Can you say the Golden Rule by heart? If so, how do you think that happened? Who wanted you to know it that well and why? 3) Think about your most important relationships? Are they based on dependence, independence or interdependence? What s the difference? Which do you enjoy most and why? 4) John Wesley identified two hurdles to honoring this teaching from Jesus. Which of these hurdles is the most troublesome for you and what might you do to overcome it? a. Tendency to judge others b. Failure to love others