Dads in God s Plan (September 4, 2011)

Transcription

1 Dads in God s Plan (September 4, 2011) This morning I want to take a moment and address dads. But before 80% of you mentally check out because you are not a father of young children let me say this first it has been a number of years since we did a Father s Day Sermon on Father s Day and second 90% of what I want to say applies to everyone men and women young and old single and married. The Bible uses the analogy of fathers as a way to describe how we should behave in all our relationships so use these thought in all your relationships with one another. Last week a number of us had an encouraging and refreshing week in Sydney at the Oxygen Conference with John Piper and John Lennox. It was wonderful to be reminded of the truth that our greatest joy comes from satisfying ourselves in the glory and wonder of God. At the conference they had a number of electives. Dena and I went to one elective entitled: Discussion panel: Reaching generation next. There were some good ideas put forward but as the hour and a quarter drew to a close I leaned over to Dena and whispered wow here is a seminar on how to reach youth to see the gospel passed on to the next generation and there was not one word about family or the role of fathers. Everything was about how the church pastors and youth leaders can reach the next generation. So in the Q and A I put my hand up to ask about the role of families and dads but I wasn t picked to ask a question. I went down the front at the end and asked one of the panellists if he thought families and dads have a role in reaching the next generation? He took a deep breath and said wow! that is an oversight on our part isn t it they do have a role. 1

2 I would go further I would say they should have the primary role in reaching the next generation. I say that because that is what the Bible says. Let me read you a couple of texts. There are a dozen I could read but these two make my point. Ephesians 6:4: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Deuteronomy 6: Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the rules that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the LORD your God, you and your son and your son s son. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. When your son asks you in time to come, What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the LORD our God has commanded you? then you shall say 2

3 to your son There is no commandment that reads Youth leaders bring the children in your care up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This is not to say there is no role for the church or youth groups but it does seem to suggest that the primary role and responsibility for passing faith from generation to generation is the family dads and mums. Perhaps I can put it this way. When our kids are little we are the centre of their universe. Then suddenly they grow up they are teenagers and mum and dad who once knew so much are now so out of touch. My son told me not so long ago that one of my prime roles is basically not to embarrass him. An acquaintance of mine told me how he learned this. He was like many middle aged men beginning to spread in the middle so he bought a bike, bike pants, cycling top and off he went. Suddenly he found himself outside his sixteen year old daughter s school around 3.30pm. He said he stopped opposite the pick up and saw his daughter with her friends and began yelling out to her. But despite how loud he yelled she never acknowledged him. That night she confronted him in tears and told him she had to lie to her friends and join in saying how glad she was that the embarrassing dad in spandex wasn t hers. Even I could see that overweight in spandex at school was not cool. But here is the reality dads. Think about our youth leaders. Lyle is now in the states and probably heading to South Africa in four years. Danny is now leading our youth but in twenty years who knows where Danny will be. Youth Leaders are crucial for a time but they come and go. And the time when we dads are totally uncool and embarrassing it passes and we are still their dad. In twenty years you will still be your kid s dad they will still come and ask for advice and probably money. You are and always will be the greatest single influencer of your sons and daughters. And on the final day the Lord will hold you responsible for how you raised them. So why do panels on reaching generation next talk about Facebook and social activism but not even mention dads and mums? 3

4 I asked myself is it the church muscling dads out or are dads copping out or is it both? I think that to a degree it is a little of both. Dads feeling inadequate out of their depth in reaching a generation they don t quite get and youth ministries seeing a void and moving in. So while I do see a role for churches and pastors and youth pastors in encouraging teenagers to faith today Father s Day I want to remind us of the crucial place dads have in the plan of God for reaching the next generation. I want to make this simple so I want to remind all of us but especially dads of the 3 Great Priorities we have. I am talking specifically about dads and their children but it applies to any relationship mums, grandparents, friends, workmates: First Their Salvation. By this I mean we have to make the salvation of our children a priority. Now, please hear what I am saying and what I am not saying. I am not saying that we can save our children or if we do everything right we guarantee our children s salvation. No! Their salvation their election their calling is ultimately in the hands of our sovereign God. However, God works through means and the greatest means in your child s life is you. Your prayers, your teaching, your example, your time. So make their salvation a priority. This means a lot of time, effort, thinking, building relationships and praying. At this conference John Piper and John Lennox both shared about the incredible pain of having a child not walking with Christ. You got the impression that if they could talk 4

5 to themselves twenty thirty years ago they might say write less books, minister less spend more time with the family. You could just see that it was so painful. These are godly men who did spend a significant amount of time with their children so there are no guarantees. But we must remember that the task of building the glory of God into their lives is to be a priority for us. This takes time. I am told that the average Dad spends EIGHT minutes a day talking to his kids and if Mum also works it is reduced to FOUR minutes a day. I am amazed at how fast the time goes from the time when you open the garage door and the kids run screaming Daddy s home and they just pour out their day you can t shut them up. Then one day the door opens and no one greets you. So you go to them. How are you doing son? Good. How was your day? OK. What did you do? Stuff. What stuff? Stuff! Look Dad I m busy. We have these precious lives only for a short time. The brick of their heart is hardening and we only have a short time to mould them. Again let me remind you of Ephesians 6:4: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the 5

6 discipline and instruction of the Lord. OR as some versions put it Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But what does this mean? Let me begin by telling you what it doesn t mean It is not a formula which says add two parts of discipline and one part of instruction mix well and God guarantees that you will have a wonderful Christian child. What it DOES mean is that God in His sovereign will uses the discipline and instruction of parents as part of His plan to draw those who He has chosen. This word discipline actually comes from the word for child and refers to the systematic training of a child. So to bring up a child in the discipline of the Lord, is to bring up a child in the systematic training of the things of the Lord. Children are born as malleable pieces of putty that are hardening all too quickly. You only have so many years to mould them into the ways of the Lord before that putty hardens and the mould is set. A famous university professor once stunned his colleagues by resigning his position and applying to teach at a primary school. When a friend asked him if he had lost his mind, his response was this, Would you rather write your name on a brick before it is baked or afterwards? To bring up a child in the discipline of the Lord, is to write the teachings of the Lord on those little hearts while they are young. But note the KEY word I gave you about this instruction it is SYSTEMATIC training. Instruction is a word that refers to admonition, counselling, correction, instruction. Instruction in the things of the Lord. Dads there needs to be some systematic training, some admonition and instruction in the Lord instituted in your family. Family devotions, memorising the Word, discussing the sermon, learning the catechism. The Jews based their families on the model of Scripture. This led to the situation where every facet of the lives of their children rotated around training them in the things of God. That was much easier when most of the training and educating was done in the home. At the conference we went to they pointed out that far and away the two biggest influences on the lives of today s teenagers are: Peers and the media. Eight hours a day of school, three hours of TV, three hours of Facebook, two hours of internet surfing, and two movies a week and we counter that with a prayer at dinner, two hours of youth group and crossing our fingers. 6

7 How do we make seeking their salvation a priority? 1. PRAY FOR THEM DAILY, WEEKLY, YEARLY UNTIL YOU DIE. The effective prayer of a righteous man accomplishes much. We don t save our kids God does so pray, pray, pray. Pray for them when they are doing well. Pray for them when they are struggling. I don t know about you but I have found teenage years a great stimulus to my prayer life. Paul tells us to pray without ceasing and in all things to give thanks. Pray with them before meals, before bed, in devotions. Then pray for them whenever you can. Pray without ceasing for their salvation, their relationship with God, their purity, their relationships. Most of us starting praying for them before they were born just don t stop. When all else fails pray. 2. BUILD THE WORD INTO LIVES OF YOUR CHILDREN. A Jewish father had three goals for his son. To find an acceptable wife. To learn a trade. AND above all else his supreme goal for his son was for him to know the Word of God and the God of the Word. Turn over to Psalm 119 verse 9. I wish I had the time to take you through every verse of this incredible Psalm, but just look at verses 9-16: How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O LORD; teach me your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth. In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches. I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word. The Jews began formal Scripture memory at three and informal Scripture memory before then. They hid the Word of God in their hearts. I have heard our two and three year olds in this church recite many verses of Scripture. Repetition. Repetition. Repetition. That is what does it. Do it creatively. Turn the Scripture into a song. If you can t do it yourself, then Steve Green or Colin Buchanon has done it for you. 7

8 It means that YOU have to be doing Scripture memory with your kids. NOT just Mum, but Mum AND Dad. Do it as a family. The verse for the week. Your own program. They are never too young to start going over Scripture with them. Read the Scriptures regularly. Do the Scripture memory. Sing the great songs of the faith. Read the great books of the faith, Pilgrim s Progress The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe as a family. Teach them the catechism. 3. BUILD MEMORIES POINTING TO THE GOSPEL. Memories were a central part of the way in which God ordained that every generation of children would understand Him and His mighty works. Have reminders around the home that your home is dedicated to the Lord. The Jews had the Mesusah on the doorpost to remind them of the fact that their home was God s and He protected it. Have a few things on the walls on your fridge saying right up front that YOUR home is God s and you have dedicated it to Him and His service. Try not to have a day go past where your children aren t reminded somehow of the Lord who loves them and bought them Think about the Passover. The whole Passover was structured to be a perpetual reminder of the Lord who redeemed His people from Egypt. The Sabbath was designed for man to remember the Creator God and the rest that we will one day have with Him. Memories are one of the greatest tools for shaping a heart. Take the great Christian days they are the ideal time to build memories. At Christmas have an advent wreath. Each week leading up to Christmas, another candle is lit. During that week you gather as a family to light the candle and to read and discuss the next part of the Christmas story. Use a nativity set to explain the story of Christ s coming. Sing the hymns of the season regularly and instil them in their hearts. Similarly, the weeks leading up to Resurrection Sunday are a wonderful opportunity to slowly read and act out the story of the Last Supper, the betrayal, arrest and trial of Christ, His crucifixion and finally His resurrection. Make Sunday a special day. Church as a priority not a duty. When you get home, discuss what happened in the service in Sunday School with your kids. Make it counts. Find other ways to build memories that point to the gospel. 4. BUILD RELATIONSHIPS SO YOU CAN SHOW THEM GOD. Make spending time with them a priority. It is when you are doing something that you have the opportunity to talk with them about God. 8

9 Deuteronomy 6:4 9: Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. You need to be building into their lives. At the conference I was at John Lennox was asked whether He has doubts about God and how he handles those doubts. Basically his answer is that after fifty years of walking with God His relationship with God is so sound that it survives the doubts. He knows God well enough that he gives Him the benefit of the doubt until answers come. But our kids don t have fifty years of walking with God. What they do have is many years of walking with you. But even that is not enough. You need to use your relationship with them to show them God. I was thinking about myself. Where do I go when doubts arise? Two places the heavens and the Word. Psalm 19:1 6: The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. Their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them he has set a tent for the sun, which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy. Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them, and there is nothing hidden from its heat. I look at the heavens. I look at a waterfall. I look at the sea and I see God. I cannot see a random force with no mind behind it. I look at a tree or a lion or a baby. That cannot just happen. I see the glory of God. 9

10 If that is what you see talk to your son or daughter ask them what they see. Help them to see the glory of God. All of life and creation points to God. I look at a tree and see God. I need to help my kids see God in a tree. I need to ask them, What does this tree teach us about God? Compare that with how most of us learned about trees. We sat in a classroom while a teacher explained about seeds and germination and photosynthesis. We need to see the world as a classroom where every detail points to the Creator. The other place my doubts are calmed is in the Word. For me the Word is self attesting I read it and the Spirit lets me know no man wrote this this is God. It convicts and challenges and changes. Read the Word to them. Tell them the awe and glory you find there. So if they have doubts later they might come to the Word and find God. Abraham Piper John Piper s son walked away from the faith for a number of years. Years later he wrote this: When I was 19, I decided I d be honest and stop saying I was a Christian. At first I pretended that my reasoning was high-minded and philosophical. But really I just wanted to drink gallons of cheap sangria and sleep around. Four years of this and I was strung out, stupefied and generally pretty low. Especially when I was sober or alone. My parents, who are strong believers and who raised their kids as well as any parents I ve ever seen, were brokenhearted and baffled. I m sure they were wondering why the child they tried to raise right was such a ridiculous screwup now. But God was in control. One Tuesday morning, before 8 o clock, I went to the library to check my e- mail. I had a message from a girl I d met a few weeks before, and her mentioned a verse in Romans. I went down to the Circle K and bought a 40- ounce can of Miller High Life for $1.29. Then I went back to where I was staying, rolled a few cigarettes, cracked open my drink, and started reading Romans. I wanted to read the verse from the , but I couldn t remember what it was, so I started at the beginning of the book. By the time I got to chapter 10, the beer was gone, the ashtray needed emptying and I was a Christian. The best way I know to describe what happened to me that morning is that God made it possible for me to love Jesus. When He makes this possible and at the same time gives you a glimpse of the true wonder of Jesus, it is impossible to resist His call. Build the Word into their lives and God may well use it to keep them near Him. I could go on and on but maybe I will sum this point up like this. 10

11 Before I even got married I talked with a godly man who had raised incredibly godly kids. I asked him the secret. He said there is no secret you just love them, pray for them, keep telling them God loves them and spend as much time with them as you can. There is a second Great Priority. Your Life You can tell your children all about the glories of God but if your life screams that you are living only for self and this world they won t hear what you say. Listen to Titus 2:2 where Paul says: Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Teach the older men to be worthy of respect by how they live through temperance and self-control and faith and love and endurance. If that is true of older men in general how much more is it to be true of fathers. 1 Corinthians 4:15 16: For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. I urge you, then, be imitators of me. As a father Paul said imitate me. 11

12 If we want our kids to follow Christ then we had better have a life worth imitating. If our faith is real and satisfying and growing they will see that. A number of years ago The Briefing magazine quoted a study entitled: The demographic characteristics of the linguistic and religious groups in Switzerland by Werner Haug and Phillipe Warner of the Federal Statistical Office, Neuchatel. This was a study that came out of the Swiss census. We just did our census a couple of weeks back and all we were asked was what religion we were. They asked about regular church attendance and then they correlated this with the regular church attendance of your children when they were old enough to choose. I know statistics can mean anything. I know these statistics come from Switzerland and just what regular attendance at church meant for them I am not sure. But these are census figures for the nation and the trends are remarkable. Father Mother Children 1 Regular Regular Regular 33% Irregular 41% 2 Irregular Regular Regular 3% Irregular 59% 3 Nonattending Regular Regular 2% Irregular 37% 4 Regular Irregular Regular 38% 5 Regular Nonattending Regular 44% 6 Irregular Nonattending Regular Irregular 23% 25% 7 Nonattendinattending Non- Regular 4% Irregular 15% Non-attending 26% Non-attending 38% Non-attending 61% Non-attending 52% Non-attending 81% Let me highlight some figures. Having children who grow up to attend church regularly relates to closely to whether dad is serious or not. Interestingly it does not correlate as closely with mum. It seems that if dad is serious about his faith then the kids see a reality there. If dad is not serious about his faith then why should they take it seriously? Dads if you aren t feeding your own soul and talking about the glory of Christ and making church and fellowship a priority your kids see that. If they see Christ alive in you sustaining you in the tough times encouraging you then they will catch that reality. 12

13 If your soul isn t thriving why should they take the claims of Christ seriously? If it doesn t transform you why should a couple of hours of youth group change them? There is a third Great Priority. Prodigal Father I know that for many of you Father s Day is a painful time. Those who wanted to be dads but aren t and for dads with a prodigal child. Luke s famous parable of the Prodigal Son has many lessons. The main point of the parable the essence of grace is found in verses 17-24: But when the younger brother came to himself, he said, How many of my father s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants. And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to celebrate. 13

14 The father in this parable is God. He sees the son coming. He does not stand on the veranda tapping his foot saying: I knew he would cave in one day and come crawling back. He didn t gloat. He didn t demand his pound of vengeance. He didn t turn him away. He didn t even say, OK I forgive you come home! The point is that he did what is entirely unnatural he acted with grace. He saw the ragged, starved wretch in the distance and he ran to his son. Oriental men don t run. It is beneath their dignity. They do not hitch their robe up tuck it into their belt and run. Yet this father ran. He had been disgraced by this son but he humbles himself. He threw his arm around the son and kissed him. The boy had been practicing his speech. The father cut him off and cries You are my son. Kill the fatted calf, bring the robe, the ring. This boy had done nothing to earn the father s favour he had done everything to earn disfavour. This boy had done nothing to develop his relationship with his father he had declared he wanted him dead his only interest is in the old man s money. In fact, even coming back all he wanted was to get out of the pig sty and get some food and a place to sleep. But what he got was the kiss of the father. God offers that for every one of us. This is the gospel. If any here don t understand that love of the high Father for us then I would love to share that. But dads we need to be like that. If we have a prodigal pray, reach out, wait and be there. I told you that Abraham Piper went far from the Lord for a number of years. After coming back to faith he wrote this: Many parents are brokenhearted and completely baffled by their unbelieving son or daughter. They have no clue why the child they raised well is making such awful, destructive decisions. I ve never been one of these parents, but I 14

15 have been one of these sons. Reflecting back on that experience, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child. He gives 12 points. I won t read the whole article it is too long. But here are a few: 1. Point them to Christ. Your rebellious child s real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or pornography or laziness or crime or cussing or slovenliness or homosexuality or being in a punk rock band. The real problem is that they don t see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for them and the only reason to do any of the following suggestions is to show them Christ. It is not a simple or immediate process, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will only begin to fade away when they see Jesus more like he actually is. 2. Pray. Only God can save your son or daughter, so keep on asking that he will display himself to them in a way they can t resist worshiping him for. 5. Welcome them home. Because the deepest concern is not your child s actions, but his heart, don t create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, it is God giving you a chance to love him back to Jesus. 7. Connect them to believers who have better access to them. There are two kinds of access that you may not have to your child: geographical and relational. If your wayward son lives far away, try to find a solid believer in his area and ask him to contact your son. This may seem nosy or stupid or embarrassing to him, but it s worth it especially if the believer you find can also relate to your son emotionally in a way you can t. 9. them. 10. Take them to lunch. 11. Take an interest in their pursuits. 12. Point them to Christ. This can t be over-stressed. It is the whole point. No strategy for reaching your son or daughter will have any lasting effect if the underlying goal isn t to help them know Jesus. Never stop loving them, never stop praying for them, never cut off the relationship just be there waiting like the Prodigal Father. Dads you have an incredible God-given task to show your children Christ. You aren t perfect they aren t perfect. But make their salvation a priority. Find the time to pray for them, tell them of Christ, show them the glory of God and His gospel. 15

16 Make your life in Christ a priority. If they don t see Christ in you it makes it much harder for them to come to faith. Show them Christ in you. Be a father who they can imitate and respect. And if they do stray be a Prodigal Father keep loving and praying and reaching out ready for the day they might come home and you can run to them and kill the fatted calf. 16