I am truly honored to have the opportunity to speak with you today. I am honored to be asked by

Transcription

1 Final I am truly honored to have the opportunity to speak with you today. I am honored to be asked by Stephen Swann to talk to this group, here at the school his dad, Father Swann, founded. I truly believe in ESD s founding tenets of preparing students for lives of intellectual discovery, integrity and purpose. These very tenets were the basis to educate many of the men in this room, or at least inspire many of the men in the room to have their children educated here at ESD and I am grateful to be part of it. The best advice I ve ever been given about public speaking was advice that my old high school principal gave me. I had prepared a speech for a class and, with all the confidence of an 18-year-old, bragged to the principal that it was probably the best 45 minute speech anyone has ever heard. He looked at me down his glasses and said, A good speaker should never speak more than 3 to 5 minutes, unless he has something important to say and Jones you have nothing important to say. I learned my lesson well but, because this morning I have 20 minutes, I chose an important topic. One that does have some importance to us all. That topic is fatherhood. The best lessons on fatherhood I learned came from two sources: one was a celibate priest who understood the male teenage mind, the other, a businessman who understood me. Father George Tribou was my high school principal the same one who gave me advice on public speaking. Of course, the businessman is my own father, Jerry Jones. Let me start with Father Tribou. Just as many of you have benefited in some way from the tremendously positive impact of ESD, so too have we, the Jones family, benefited from an academic institution led by an inspiring priest, Father George Tribou. A man, that for over 50 years, served as principal and rector of an all-boys high school called Little Rock Catholic High. I think about the impact he had on my high school. I think about the impact he had on generations of boys. I think about the impact that he had 1

2 not only on me, but my father as well. Over a 9 year period, my brother Stephen and I had the honor to attend high school at Catholic High. Many of the tenets and founding principles of fatherhood that he preached were the same lessons I was getting at home from my dad. Go back with me if you will to I was a freshman and as typical freshman do, I had earned a couple of hours in detention hall that were to be served on Saturday mornings. I was to serve detention hall one day in January that coincided with the Super Bowl being played between the 49ers and the Dolphins in Palo Alto, California and our family had the opportunity to go to it. So, my dad accompanied me up there that cold January morning. We knocked on Father Tribou s wooden office door and he let us in a cloud of cigar smoke. My father is a salesman at heart. He knows how to get people thinking his way. So, he approached Father Tribou about the possibility of missing detention hall that day in order to fly out and visit my sister who was attending Stanford University. Expressing, What a wonderful opportunity to see the campus of one of the country s finest universities. Father Tribou looked sternly at my father and quietly quipped, And I imagine you are going by that big game being played on their campus tomorrow. Even Fr. Tribou had heard of the Montana vs. Marino matchup and he called both my dad and me out on it. (But, my father was able to negotiate a plea deal whereby I would rake leaves on campus the next weekend in exchange for temporary clemency). You see, Father Tribou understood men, he understood boys, he understood how to teach boys how to become men, to be responsible, to be accountable, to understand that life is full of choices and with choices come decisions, and with decisions come consequences. There was not much that got by him. Father Tribou was a legend in central Arkansas and beyond. To give you an idea of his importance, it was President Bill Clinton who made sure The Pope met Father Tribou when The Pope visited St. Louis. President Clinton flew Fr. Tribou up there as part of the Pope s welcoming committee. There is a 2

3 photograph of the event in the Catholic High yearbook that year Pope John Paul II, Father Tribou, and President Clinton all huddled together talking the caption reads: Father Tribou and two other guys. As the principal of Catholic High School for Boys, he gained a certain notoriety for a no-nonsense approach to discipline and academics. He specialized in dissecting the nuances of adolescent behavior that so often eludes most adults. Fifty years in one spot will do that to a man. When he spoke, he was cloaked with the armor of experience. Father Tribou led the campus of boys and inspired generations of educators, men and dads just the same with his purveyance of common sense. He enlightened us not only with his sermons at student body masses, but from countless stories that came from Junior and Senior English that he taught. He believed our young minds were a victim of television, trained to have a commercial every seven minutes. However, his commercial breaks from Kipling and Thoreau were lessons on life. Simply put, he got it. He understood. He was right more times than most. His approach was simple: While many schools are concerned that a student FEEL GOOD, he was concerned that a student BE GOOD. When boys do something good, laud them shamelessly. When boys fall short, cajole them and encourage them tirelessly. And when the boys step out of line, challenge them, fearlessly. I can think of no better advice for fathers. In short, Father Tribou believed what John Steinbeck wrote, A boy becomes a man when a man is needed. CHS made it necessary for a boy to become a man. The world has met its quota of Peter Pan s of boys who refused to grow up. The world has enough 30, 40, 50 year old boys. The world has enough absent fathers, neglectful husbands and lazy workers. What the world needs is for its males to become men. And Father Tribou was determined to make that happen. 3

4 Father Tribou meant a lot to our family. I will miss the days of going to Philadelphia to play the Eagles and the look their fans had as we walked into the stadium with a priest in tow. A look that said, Are we such rabid fans that Jerry Jones is escorted in by a priest? For nearly 15 years Father Tribou would travel with us to that game. Our family s pre-game ritual included a Saturday night dinner with him and his two sisters. We were enlightened by their stories as we got to know Father Tribou, the brother. Because of his influence, I am convinced that there are three types of fathers: The see-no-evil fathers who are neglectful of their sons and are permissive in their relationships with them. Then on the other end of the spectrum are the helicopter fathers that hover over their boys mapping out every move and planning every step. And then, in the middle, is the GOOD FATHER. Standing firmly behind his son, ushering him forward, ever cognizant of the fact that the true measure of a man is not how many times he has success, but how he handles failure. He understands that preventing failure in a child s life robs him or her of the opportunity to build experiences that they will draw from when their adult lives are less than perfect. I am fortunate enough to have the GOOD FATHER. And not only is he a GOOD FATHER, he is the most important influence in my life. Jerry Jones was raised in Rose City, Arkansas. Have you ever heard of Rose City, Arkansas? Not many have. But, my father s first lesson he ever taught me was by accident he taught me that it does not matter at all where a man starts what matters is how he runs the race how he finishes. My dad s father, my grandfather, owned a grocery store in Rose City. Every family member was involved. My grandmother was the bookkeeper and my dad was the marketer. As a distinguished 9 year old, he would stand at the front of the store, dressed with a bow tie, and greet customers as they came in. Bare-in-mind that grocery stores in the late 40 s weren t much more than a present day farmers market. My grandfather, ever-the-salesman, would have the local radio station broadcast from the middle of the store to promote business. He would walk around in full cowboys gear 4

5 carrying six shooter guns and all. He taught my dad not only about marketing, but about hard work and discipline. My father passed that down to me. Our family is very blessed. We are fortunate to be able to work as a family and be involved in something as exciting as the Dallas Cowboys. My dad has always believed in the family business. It was when he was in college that he and my grandfather started an insurance company in Missouri. All though it was the footing that led to a prosperous business career, he is quick to remind me sometimes as we walk out to watch a practice of the 5 time World Champion Dallas Cowboys, son, this sure beats selling insurance. One thing you may have noticed about my father is that he is, and always has been, a superior motivator. He understands that motivation is not a gimmick. Gimmicks are often used by parents to get the motivational ball rolling and sometimes that s a good start, even a catalyst, but is not lasting. However, true motivation comes when that inner fire is lit, when sacrifices are made to the greater good, when that teeth clenching, fist making, eye narrowing, right-foot-forward moment comes to fruition. It occurs when a young man understands that masculinity is born in perseverance. It occurs when a young lady understands that virtue is born in confidence. My dad has always had high expectations, but expectations that are rooted in reality. He specialized in knowing what I could achieve and then advocating for just a little more. He always reminded me I was exchanging a day in my life for today. Make sure you use it wisely, he would say. He has always believed that the greatest determiner of success is work ethic. His philosophy was simple yet profound: Your work ethic should exceed your ability let me repeat that your work ethic should exceed your ability. He often paraphrased Theodore Roosevelt, I have never admired a man who led 5

6 an easy life; however, I have admired a great number of men who led difficult lives and lead them well. He believed the finest steal goes through the hottest furnace. Now, spending his entire life in some type of athletics, my father was able to put life in perspective by using sports as a metaphor. He would advise me and my brother another simple rule: celebrate the victories and learn from the defeats. He didn t allow us to dwell on the defeats, or spend too much time patting ourselves on the back for our victories. Every situation was an opportunity to learn. That s one of the great truths of life. He was always quick to say ENJOY THE PROCESS..... ENJOY THE PROCESS. This has been another great lesson on fatherhood for me. It s so easy to concentrate on trophies, on playing time, on accolades. But, really, it s the process that is the most enriching part of life. How you got there. What you are doing to get better. That is the Big Jerry philosophy. As he often told us: Sometimes hard work is not rewarded in an outward fashion. Sometimes you ll give something you re very best and still fall short and there will be no particular award. It s difficult. It s life. But he would reiterate that his pride in us was still very much there. You see, failure in life is inevitable, it happens to everyone at some point in time. But failure does not mark you as a man, what you do after you fail is what marks you as a man. As I stand here today, I can tell you that my dad is my best friend. But a father son friendship is an evolving process. During my formative adolescent years, he was a disciplinarian and a mentor. He was the father figure that challenged me to do the right thing. He would sit down and ask 1. What do you want out of life? 2. What are your expectations? 3. And what steps are you taking to get there? It wasn t about setting a goal for change by January 1 of next year. It was set the goal for February 1 of this year. Then March. Then April and keep on building. But also, it was important for him to be a good listener. 6

7 I remember one time in the not-so-distant past sitting silently in front of my dad. Unbeknownst to him the weight of the world was sitting on my shoulders. Or so I believed. Just looking at me caused him to ask, Are you okay? I curtly answered no and shared with him what was bothering me. Never one to give a short answer, he, as he always did, reflected upon one of his own life s lessons to help me better understand the issue. He was quick to point out that I was not alone. He said to me, Those days that seem so challenging and unbearable are days that we all face. There is not a grown man that hasn t gotten up every morning and looked into the mirror and had feelings of doubt. Concerned and even scared of the unknown. Believe me, he said, I have had my share of these. He continued, we have all had to overcome great challenges in life. It s part of the process. So ENJOY THE PROCESS.... ENJOY THE PROCESS He helped me to understand that becoming an adult means tackling commitments, taking responsibility for one s actions and managing fear. After all, it is that commonality of life that binds all humans together. Still to this day he listens to my disappointments and my thrills. Always there to guide me. And as all fathers should be, remaining the strongest influence in my life. Never surrendering that responsibility never surrendering that honor. My father taught me several important lessons that I ve shared with you today. But, the most important one can be explained in just three words: I LOVE YOU. Tell your son that you understand his goals. Tell him that you understand his disappointment when he has fallen short. Tell him that you will not hold his hand to prevent his future falls, but you sure will offer him a hand up. Tell him that you ve been most proud of him when he fails and then climbs right back into the ring for another round. You will continue to cheer his every victory. You will continue to help him learn from every defeat. But most importantly, tell him that you love him. Tell him that you have loved him since the day you felt his first foot fall in the comfort of his mother s stomach. My father is one of the toughest men I ve ever 7

8 known and he has never been afraid to say I love you. Those words are so important to children. They are so important because they build the most basic confidence and the most sturdy backbones. I ve heard those words from my father a million times and it s a large part of why our relationship is so strong. Those three words mean so much and, truly, only the very strongest of men understand that. To be a strong father, you must first be able to communicate your love to your children. So, today, I ve told you about Father Tribou and Jerry Jones. I ve told you how they raised me, how they sculpted me, how they inspired me. Father Tribou s greatest contribution to my life was that he echoed what my own father was teaching me at home. Like I said, he understood boys. He understood men. He understood how to get the best out of them. My father, on the other hand, has been the strongest constant in my life. He modeled what a good father is all about and still does to this day. He was wise enough, like you with your own children, to send me to a school that would help build strong character. This I know - ESD does not believe much in bumper sticker philosophy or gimmicks. It believes in uncovering character and exposing integrity. That s why my children are here. Sure, I want them to excel academically and excel at athletics, and ENJOY THE PROCESS. But most of all, I want them to learn to be contributors to the community. I want them to learn to embrace the moment. I want them to be a good father, a good mother, a good parent. In closing I would like to say, I am a firm believer that life s greatest moments come in finding challenge and over-coming them. Life s greatest moments are a product of character. These moments are built brick by brick, row by row, one experience at a time and they are a product of commitment. Life s greatest moments are made by pulling together everything you ve learned and casting it far into the wind of Faith. No one gets a guarantee. In taking a term Shakespeare once used, Life is a sea of troubles. Life IS not easy. Families are sometimes difficult. Careers can be overwhelming. But, I guarantee this: you will never regret being a good father. My dad would go to great lengths to help us 8

9 build our confidence on a foundation of love and support. Ever the disciplinarian, he was also a great mentor and friend. The approach he took was obvious to him. It s how my granddad was with him. I leave you with one final piece he shared with me at my high school graduation. It s titled, Your Name. And it goes like this.... Your Name You got from your father A most precious thing to give So it s your to use and cherish For as long as you may live. If you lose the watch he gave you It can always be replaced. But a black mark on your name son, Can never be erased. It was clean the day you took it, And a worthy name to bear, When he got it from his father, There was no dishonor there. So make sure you guard it wisely. After all is said and done You ll be glad the name is spotless When you give it to your son. 9