CHILDREN, CHOICES AND CHURCH Service offered by Layne Richard-Hammock Director of Lifespan Faith Development Sunday, March 8, 2015

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Brendan Walsh
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1 In the spirit of life and of love we gather here this morning. May we grow into the best people we can be, serving those who need what we have to offer. Help us notice the holy sacred moments and hear the stories unfolding all about us and to hold in the palms of our collective hands, the many paradoxes of being in community together. From Generation to GenerationAntoine de St. Exupéry [1] In a house that becomes a home, one hands down and another takes up the heritage of mind and heart, laughter and tears, musings and deeds. Love like a carefully loaded ship. Crosses the gulf between the generations. Therefore we don not neglect the ceremonies of our passage: when we wed, when we die, and when we are blessed with a child. When we depart and when we return, when we plant and when we harvest. Let us bring up our children. It is not the place of some official to hand to them their heritage. If others impart to our children knowledge and ideals, they will lose all of us that is wordless and full of wonder. Let US build memories in our children, lest they drag out joyless lives, lest they allow the treasures to be lost because they have not been given the keys. We live not by things but by the meaning of things. It is needful to transmit the passwords from generation to generation. Choices, children and church and holding the many paradoxes of choice and of being in community together is sometimes like walking through a storm. The good news is We are in this together and there always comes the golden sky. Sunday mornings. Sundays offer most of us choices of how we will use our time in a different way than is available to us during the work-a-day week. Some of us choose to be here, in beloved community, most Sunday mornings. For families this has become increasingly less true. Well this doesn t happen here that I know of but it does happen. The decision to come to church or not to come to church is made from a host of options these days. While I totally support all aspects of the separation of church and state, I also observe that in relatively recent years we have evolved as a society, away from the blue laws that helped to keep Sunday as Sabbath. It s a choice we as a society have made and like all choices; it s not without consequences and resulting challenges. Is what we offer here compelling? Most Sundays the answer is a resounding yes and yet each Sunday there is the choice. (SLIDE words and image of diverging path in the woods) From Robert Frost s The Road Not Taken [2] Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; In our culture at least the part of the American culture that dwells in relative affluence and privilege - we hold tight to our hearts the values of freedom of choice and we enjoy having a relatively unencumbered range of choices in most all areas of our lives. (SLIDE road sign with too many choices pointing in many many directions) Well, recent studies have demonstrated clearly that the value of self-determination when we have too many choices actually decreased our sense of satisfaction, happiness and sense of well-being and increases confusion. We live in an increasingly multicultural world, together

2 with messages everywhere that we can have it our way comes this story. Sheena Lyengar a Psychological Economist studies humans and consumer choices she shares this story On my first day in Japan, I went to a restaurant, and I ordered a cup of green tea with sugar. After a pause, the waiter said, "One does not put sugar in green tea." "I know," I said. "I'm aware of this custom. But I really like my tea sweet." In response, he gave me an even more courteous version of the same explanation. "One does not put sugar in green tea." "I understand," I said, "that the Japanese do not put sugar in their green tea, but I'd like to put some sugar in my green tea." (Laughter) Surprised by my insistence, the waiter took up the issue with the manager. Pretty soon, a lengthy discussion ensued, and finally the manager came over to me and said, "I am very sorry. We do not have sugar." (Laughter) Well, since I couldn't have my tea the way I wanted it, I ordered a cup of coffee, which the waiter brought over promptly. Resting on the saucer were two packets of sugar. (pause) My failure, she says, to procure a cup of sweet, green tea was not due to a simple misunderstanding but due to a fundamental difference in ideas about choice. From the affluent American perspective, when a paying customer makes a reasonable request based on her preferences, she has every right to have that request met. The American way, to quote Burger King, is to "have it your way," because, as Starbucks says, "happiness is in your choices." (Laughter) But from the Japanese perspective, it's their duty to protect those who don't know any better -- from making the wrong choice. [3] This is an example of differing cultural expectations. We have, right here at West Shore, our own versions of cultural values and expectations around the choices we make regarding church involvement. What values do we engage to help us from making wrong choices and how is it decided what is right and what is wrong? Or is there a right and wrong here? It s a paradox in many ways. As a faith group we do not have the fear of hell as a motivator, a motivator that is loosing purchase across our society. What motivates families in particular to choose church or choose that sports involvement which due to the evolution away from the blue laws, now schedule meets, and matches and games on Sunday mornings? Choice is a deeply held value. We have in fact so many choices it can at times become bewildering. As a child, I clearly recall not understanding my Grandmother Charlotte s admonition that is possible to have TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING. How could that possibly be true? Barry Schwartz, another observer of human behaviour as it relates to decision-making shares in his work, the Paradox of Choice, several points which speak to the conundrum of what choice to make on Sunday. While our cultural wisdom tells us that greater choice is for the greater good, Schwartz contends this is actually draining our psyche s and contributing to being overwhelmed with decreased happiness. (SLIDE Confused face Which Choice To Make multi Arrows)

3 He speaks of an official dogma of all Western Industrial societies in which we are totally immersed. He says the dogma goes something like this If we are interested in maximizing the welfare of our citizens, the way to do that is to maximize individual freedom OF CHOICE as in itself good, valuable, worthwhile and essential to being human. When people have freedom we each can act on our own, to choose the things that will maximize our welfare and no one else decides on our behalf. More choice then equals increased welfare. [5] Right? (SLIDE OF FISHBOWL big fish speaking to little fish, caption You can be anything you want to be no limits ) We can be anything we want to be choose anything we want to choose right? We are so immersed in this dogma we rarely question it. These fish also think they can be anything and like us in reality, are somewhat bound by our own version of a fishbowl, which, actually may be a good thing. If the fishbowl were to shatter opening in reality an truly endless series of choices our lives loose form. This brick and mortar building, our church fishbowl, brings us into focus for being human beings who choose to be inspired to lead lives of meaning and purpose. For some this is most Sundays and for others with less frequency. What is given up in not choosing regular involvement what do children lose out on? And times are changing. Perhaps as we move further into the 21 st Century it is time to think outside of the fishbowl. Churches all over our nation are exploring new and less bound ways to do church. Perhaps we ll be evolving a whole new form. Going back to the Frost poem, considering divergent choices And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim? Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same. Schwartz contends that most all of the choices we make are between relatively similar options like cereals hair coloring clothing and yet for most any product most any choice we now have literally hundreds of options.and as Frost seemed to know all those years ago for that the passing there really about the same. This phenomenon makes us stew and worry that we will choose wrongly once we choose we have less satisfaction because maybe that other choice would have been better and robs us of our joy. For some it leads to just not choosing at all. Is staying home on Sunday - those increases in the no affiliation responses on Census questions reflecting this 21 st century phenomenon? And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.

4 Choosing the other path on a Sunday both provides the opportunity to be involved in sport or other activities and for our young ones it impacts the community the children build with each other with consistent attendance - or it creates challenges for that building with less than consistence attendance. It has been demonstrated that inconsistent attendance parallels inconsistent levels of commitment - this being true of any endeavor. We make Choices We make Choices We make Choices. So often, paradoxically, our free culture s response to chaos is to create rules, sometimes religious rules sometimes things like Common Core or mandatory sentencing. In subsequent work to the Paradox of Choice, Schwartz had looked in depth at the concept of Practical Wisdom a concept first put forth by Aristotle who held that the keys to happiness included ability to flex, to be in meaningful relationship and to have meaningful work. Interestingly Aristotle came to this through observing masons and builders who worked with rules rulers. They demonstrated the ability to bend the rule in places where hard strait rulers would not do the job literally the invention of the measuring tape that could bend the application of practical wisdom I love that. So what does that have to do with Sunday morning choices? If we are to engage in adaptive changes to evolve this brick and mortar fish bowl of ours to serve our needs we will need to apply flexibility. We need all of us. The elders need the children and the children need the elders. We need to have a sense of community and how that manifests as we move into the future might take forms we cannot yet conceive. You may or may not be aware of a newly formed task force commissioned through our Board of Trustees the REView task force who over the coming year will be examining all manner of Religious Education rules if you will, measuring all manner of data, looking at what the program offers now, where we have been and how we might flex into the future to have a program that meets the needs of families to make choices and that reflect and engage Practical Wisdom. In the coming months everyone at West Shore will be encouraged to engage in the process through some survey work and face to face gatherings of thoughts on challenges and successes and new possibilities. We all want the best for all of our children, our middles, our teens, young adults and elders and as a community who values the teachings and processes of Unitarian Universalism, we want hope that the next generation will carry into the future the good news and life and spirit saving

5 messages that UUism has to offer. Therefore we Must carefully load that ship for the crossing the multigenerational sharing of practical wisdom that flows both ways and embrace some change even as we share our keys. Let us all hark back to those times of innocent awe and wonder, artful religious imagination to better support both families we have now, and those who are on their way to choose church more and more often in whatever form it takes in the future. AND FROST CONCLUDES- I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. And we of course, have more than two choices I wonder what we ll decide. We are religious we walk always on holy ground and in our state of being relational humans what we do and say and are HERE and what we take out into the world as a result of our experience here helps us live lives of meaning and supports us having faith in and hope for transformation of our world and ourselves. How then do we weave the threads provided by our culture into the tapestry of faith that is created of our experiences to date and our hopes for and faith in the future? Like the fish, we are all immersed in culture and via the internet and , television and twits and tweets that immersion has grown exponentially. The plethora of cultural ideas to which we are exposed and virtually required to consider in the choices we make in this modern world can be paralyzing. Sometimes we may feel like we are holding on by our fingernails and the tapestry is falling apart. Let us listen to Aristotle - be in relationship show up, commit and work - meaningfully contribute and flex bend all the while understanding the fishbowl container provides us some sense of safety and structure and yet is always subject to Practical Wisdom. We need each other we are interdependent - to foster a house of worship that gathers in and welcomes and expands and transforms hearts to acceptance and embracing and valuing of theological diversity of multi cultural and multi generational community - of antioppressive and anti-racist values and moving all of this toward religious learning modalities that reflect the 21 st century we need each other. UU s typically respond to that kind of statement with some version of well of course. I wonder frequently how deeply that value is held how truly and Universally we accept and embrace and live those values and how does that fit with the future of Faith development. We must always in my way of thinking, maintain balance on that axis of what is feeding individual needs and what best feeds and upholds the whole of the community from cradle to grave. It is our work all of our work and so we keep on moving forward. Closing Hymn (Adapted) Keep On Moving Forward Pat Humphries [5]

6 We re Gonna Keep On Moving Forward We re Gonna Keep On Moving Forward We re Gonna Keep On Moving Forward Never Turning Back, Never Turning Back We re Gonna Keep On Singing Loudly We re Gonna Keep On Planning Proudly We re Gonna Keep On Being West Shore Never Turning Back, Never Turning Back We re Gonna Keep On Making Choices We re Gonna Share And Hear All Voices We re Gonna Keep On Moving Forward Never Turning Back, Never Turning Back AND BEFORE WE CLOSE OUR SERVICE A QUICK TRIP TO SELMA WHERE THEY ARE MOVING FORWARD (A VIDEO POSTCARD FROM SELMA FROM REVS WAYNE AND KATHLEEN, AND OTHERS) CHILDREN, CHOICES AND CHURCH [1] From Generation to Generation Antoine de St. Exupéry; Singing the Living Tradition [2] Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken [3] _on_the_art_of_choosing/transcript?language =en [4] _the_paradox_of_choice [5] keep on moving forward - Emma's Revolution

NAMING and DEDICATION

NAMING and DEDICATION A Service for Parents and Children Unitarian Church of Edmonton 10804 119 Street NW Edmonton, AB T5H 3P2 780-454-8073 chadmin@uce.ca What Is A Naming Ceremony? Coming as it does close