My Cultural Identity: "Building who I am"

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Gordon Perry
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1 My Cultural Identity: "Building who I am" 1

2 Rita Rebaza Professor Gordon Storrs Com 2150 November 1, 2012 My Cultural Identity: "Building Who I Am" There are many different aspects that have affected my cultural identity and it is obvious that some of those aspects were more significant than others. I grew up in a country with a rich cultural identity, a rooted catholic belief, a spirit of community, and high values. My life has been filled with many joyous experiences, family, school, and friendship, and some bitter experiences due to discrimination, stereotypes and prejudice. However, all those experiences throughout my life is the result of the person who I am today. Understanding my own cultural identity has helped me to communicate with people and cultures whose identities differ from my own. I am mestiza (mixed of Spaniards and Incas race), Peruvian, Spanish speaker, former catholic who was raised in a working class family. I grew up in a small mestizo community about forty five minutes from downtown of the Peruvian Capital, Lima. I had lived there for 26 years until I came to the United States of America, an immigration that I never dream of. I was raised by my two parents. My father is mestizo, from the north side of the Andes in Peru. His parents were farmers and textile artisans who were struggling economically to raise their seven children. My Father, at his 10 years of age, understood his family situation which forced him to migrate to Lima looking for better opportunities. While he was in Lima, he realized that it was not what he expected. Most of the people in Lima are individualists, focused on their personal lives and who had lost most of our country's cultural tradition. He had to learn to survive and adapt to this new way of life. He, in some sense, was lucky because his uncle, a bakery owner, provided him a place to stay; however, he had to pay it with his labor. It was very hard for him because he had to work and go to school at the same time. However, he was so excited about being in Lima that he didn't care what he had to do, not caring about his young age. His spirit and his vision of progress guided him to do his best. He finished high school in the night while he worked at the bakery in the day. My mom also struggled in her life as she grew up. She is also a Mestiza from the north coast of Peru. Her father was a carpenter, farmer, and musician. Her mother was a stay-at-home mom. She is the third of ten siblings. She was allowed to go to school for a couple of years, only to learn how to read and to sign her name. Her father didn't believe in women's education; his concept was that women should stay at home to take care of their children and be dependant of their husbands. So looking for an opportunity to pursue a career, she used an excuse to take care of her father's father to migrate to Lima thinking that maybe he would provide her with the opportunity to study, but he didn't. She felt frustrated and sad about her reality. 2

3 However, when my parents married, they had it very clear in their mind what they wanted for the future of their own family. Since both of my parents came from large families, they decided to have only two children, to provide better education, dedication, and love. They didn't want their kids to go through what they went through in their lives. They maintained the high moral values from their parents such as love, respect, honesty, and cooperation; however, they created their own culture based on what they have experienced throughout their lives. They didn't want to deadlock their kids with their parents prejudice mentality. Their first priority was our education and progress based on the values of responsibility, discipline, honesty, vision, hard work, and persistence. Accomplishing their goals and objectives wasn't easy. Having to raise their family at such a young age (my mom,18 and my dad, 21) required dedication, commitment and hard work. In fact, my father was the sole supporter in our house and my mom was a stay-at-home mom, so she could take care of us. My father was very responsible and his ethics as an employee were admirable. He never missed a day of work; it didn't matter if he was sick or if he had to work extra hours. The whole purpose of his hard work was to provide for the family and to ensure that my brother and I had what we needed. I think my parent s work ethics has influenced me greatly as a mother, wife, student, and when I was a teacher. Although both of my parents had strong personalities within the family; nonetheless, my mother was the one who took control in my family. She was the matriarch who carried out the love, discipline, and decided how things were to be. She made sure that the house was organized and cleaned, the bills were paid, and her kids were disciplined. Although my mother was very strict and tried to be fair, she was a little bit biased towards my brother's privileges (when he had to go out with his friends or go to parties); but when it came to me, she would put limits and more control over me. Tired of this, I confronted her, why does she have that attitude with me; she told me that she was afraid that something wrong could happen to me out there just because I was a female. Certainly, now that I am a mother, I understand her position. Her strong personality in the family shaped my personality, character, and sex role in me. Her attitude and temper made me mature, more self-reliant, and more capable of understanding that it takes hard work and discipline to succeed in life. I believe that the role she assumed with their children was because her dreams of getting an education mirrored on the education that my brother and I were receiving at school. She, by choice decided to be a stay-at-home mom, and she did an excellent job. She dedicated her time completely to us, especially to me, since my brother was in a military camp almost his whole life. Since he was 13 years of age, he was basically away from home in the Military school, then he enrolled in the National Police Academy. My parents didn't agree with his decision; however, they understood that it was my brother's dream. My parents didn't agree because the majority of polices officers, after they graduate from the academy, were sent to the most dangerous cities in Peru to combat drug trafficking and terrorism. That was something we had to live with throughout our lives. Now, after 20 years of service, he still loves what he is doing. The love and respect that my parents inculcated to him never died. 3

4 When my parents married, they started from scratch in the outskirt areas of Lima, where the majority of immigrants who came from the Andes gathered to form small communities. The community where I come from, everybody is pretty much in the same standard of living and ethnicity; there s not much diversity. My only access in my community to other cultures was the news and the media. My schools had never even hosted a foreign student, so needless to say, I relied on education and personal experiences to enlighten me of other cultures. But I have learned that even though I may be the same ethnicity and religion as somebody else, we may have different beliefs and practices based on which side of the country we live on. Growing up in the same community did not give me the privilege of not being discriminated. When I was in school, I enjoyed making friends no matter their social condition, religion, ethnicity. I didn't try to fit in, I just wanted to be myself. I don't know if being myself was a cause of discrimination from some of my classmates towards me. Some of my classmates called by names, " boy," "Rito," "ugly" just because I had a short hair cut. It really hurt my feelings, but as my mom always said: "A palabras necias, oidos sordos" (For foolish words, deaf ears), so I tried to do what she said. I believe that this situation of indifference bothered them, to the point that one day, at recess time, they waited to see me alone without my best friend, to punch me several times in my stomach, leaving me without respiration and with a lot of pain. After it happened, I was scared to death and depressed. I asked myself what did I do to deserve this. I tried to do what my parents always taught me, and it didn't work this time. What went wrong? My mom always told me that it was envy because I was doing well in school. Some of my classmate's moms created in their kids the idea that I was the "little girl who believed she was smart." All I know is that the reason I studied hard was because it gave me personal satisfaction and I made my parents proud of me. I never did anything to show off in this regard; instead, I was very humble. Certainly, at that time, my mother suffered for me as well; but as a good mother, she encountered this incident in the most wise manner. She never demanded anything, all she did was asked the mothers and the kids who were involved to stop this type of discrimination with me and anybody else. Now that I have a better understanding of what it means to be discriminated, I don't want anybody to go through it and I will do whatever it takes to stop such situations in anybody. I know that I cannot take control over people's mind; however, I believe that I can influence people around me, especially my kids not to do such negative actions. Although I was discriminated against because of the way I looked, and how I excelled in school, I never nurtured a resentment; instead, I always tried to followed my parent's values. Be yourself, take pride in everything you do, don't sell yourself short, and be helpful, were some of my parents' advice. My dad always said to me, "Never leave other people behind you, if you have knowledge share it with others." "No hagas a otros lo que no quieres que te hagan a ti" (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you), and that is what I did. When some of my classmates asked for my help in mathematics or language, I didn't think twice about it. My mother was also excited for such events, she made a little space in the house, so I could teach them. My classmate's moms were very happy on how their kids responded and improved in math. When I was 4

5 helping them, I never expected to receive anything in exchange, but their moms were so glad that they rewarded me with some extra cash enough to buy some treats at school. Now that I look back at these events, I can reflect and I can see why my education was paramount for my mom. She pointed out that an educated person would not be taken advantage of by anybody. She knew that my education would make me strong, selfreliant, capable of making decisions, and financially independent. She knew that with education I could develop new ideas and I would not have limits. Commentaries such as "Why do you educate your daughter, if someday somebody is going to impregnate her," "Martha why do you invest so much money on her, she will turn her back on you someday," always crossed through my mom's ears, but she never let those comments negatively influence her. She did what she believed was right as a mom, and supported me no matter what. Although those comments were negative, they had some truth in them. Most of the young women in my community got pregnant even before finishing high school, or choose not to continue with a higher education and get married soon after high school and became a stay-at-home moms. I do not believe that either of my parents were prejudice when I said that they didn't care about what people said about the effort they made to provide us a better education. The fact is, my parents had a different world view from my neighbors, and while their actions didn't hurt or damage the community, I think everything was OK. My parents always respected my neighbors' behaviors, beliefs, values, language, and social space. Even though some people in my community were prejudice against women's education, there were values that I learned from them: the values of unity and cooperation. Those were reflected when my country faced a time of terror and economical depression in the midst of the 80's. Many people lost their jobs, the basic food was scarce, and terrorism emerged. Women had to work to help their husbands to support the family. Others formed small clubs and gathered to cook for the neighborhood, in an attempt to feed everyone. The terrorists attacked the big cities destroying the electric plants and killing soldiers, police officers and politicians who opposed the revolutionary movement. As a result of destruction of electric plants, in my community, the majority of my neighbors gathered outside and began conversing more than usual. However, this social interaction stopped when the government passed the law "El toque de queda" which prohibited a person or business to operate after 8 P.M.; otherwise, the person would be shoot down and businesses would be closed down. At that time, Peruvian people felt fear, insecurity, and instability. Many people migrate to other countries as a result of this. I remember when it was past 7 P.M., I sat on my dad's chair in the living room waiting to hear his keys touching the front glass door as he opened it. When I saw him through the glass door, I felt such a relief and happiness to see him again. At that time, the insecurity was so intense that we did not know if would see each other again. As a result of all these experiences, most of the members of my community matured more rapidly in comparison than young people from other epochs. These experiences gave us a better notion on how our country's political system could define the future of its citizens. Our conversations were not typically what young men and women 5

6 would to talk about; to the contrary, we engaged in discussions such as, why our country was led to this situation in which we lost control over it. Certainly, the majority of the adults in our neighborhood looked at us like we were incapable having ideas to solve this social problem. Since the terrorists used the Socialism philosophy, the government banned schools, universities, and to the media to spread out that philosophy. Books related to it were prohibited to be sold or even to have at home. Any citizen could face prison for having any writing related to this philosophy. Many who followed this philosophy felt offended because the government and the media related them with terrorism. Certainly, at that time, my country was facing the worst time in its history. But the drama related to this issue for my family began in 1992, when I decided to enroll into the San Marcos University which the right wing media portrayed as one of the most extremist socialist/terrorist universities. The media stated that this university was taken by communist/terrorist teachers who were influencing their students to a social revolution. When my parents learned about this propaganda, they did everything possible to change my mind, so I could choose another university to pursue my career as a History and Geography teacher. They felt relieved when I opted for another university. In my university years, my life changed, my personality accentuated and my way of thinking, and what I stood for defined even more. The new education reform, known as Constructivism, executed by the new government, placed the student as an active agent in the class. Now students not only heard and memorized information from their teachers, but also formulated their own opinion and discussed about it in an open class. As a consequence of this reform, teachers who didn't update their knowledge, were corrupt, or didn't do their job in the way they were supposed to do it, were laid off. The government had a vision for a new development of the country, and it wasn't going back. The new teachers were allowed to teach every philosophy without fear. They used the critical thinking methodology, which meant that the students had to analyze, compare, and contrast information in order to get their own conclusion. In fact, what I learned there, I put to practice in my last two years before I graduated. I was required to do my pre-professional practice before I could get my teacher certification. On the weekends, I taught parents in the poorest areas of Lima, and between Monday to Friday, at night, I taught teenagers that didn't have the privilege to finish high school because they had abandoned their studies due to economical reasons or simply because their parents didn't support them. Most of them were teenagers and adults that recently came from the Andes region or other regions and didn't speak Spanish very well. I just mirrored my parents on them, and wanted to make the change that they wanted me to make. I was proud of my students, for the constant effort they did, for the mind set of progress in the middle of Lima that in most cases didn't welcome them. Hearing phrases such as "Hey cholo, go back to your land" or "You are better there, you don't belong here," embarrassed me because I felt that no one deserved to be discriminated or humiliated. Usually, the majority who came from the Andes area bowed their head as a sign of acceptance. I know, that as a teacher, I could not instigate them to fight back or to 6

7 say something about it; however, what I could do was to educated and elevate their self esteem. Using my parent's experiences as an example to enlighten their new path in Lima was a better way to connect with them. Until the last day that I had to teach them, my message was to pursue their dreams, make their own history, value their cultural identity and never feel ashamed of it. After I graduated from the University in 1997, I felt more confident in teaching. As soon I received my diploma, I applied for a teacher position in the same high school where I studied. When I was interviewed by the principal, he recognized who I was. He knew me since I was 11 years old, and because I was a scholarship holder from his school. He knew that I was studying to be a teacher, but he never expected that I was going to ask him for a job. When he interviewed me, one of his questions that stuck with me for a long time, was if I would be able to handle the job at such a young age and if I would be able to compete with other History/Geography teachers in his school. When I heard the question, I knew that it was going to be a challenge, but I said to him, "I don't have as many years of experience as your other teachers; however, I feel confident and competitive to do this job." I told him the experience I gained when I did my teaching practices. He listened patiently and accepted me as one his staff member. Now I could say that I was the first one in my family, and the second in my extended family that earned a bachelors degree in Education and had a job as a teacher. Certainly, in that school, I was the youngest of all the teachers. Some of them looked at me incredulous that at my young age (22), I was going to do a good job, but in fact, I didn't pay attention to it. I just told to myself, "Everybody has a first time in everything." " Nobody was born knowing everything." " Reason and experience would build my personality and identity." As a result, I just concentrated on my new students who gave me the confidence to perform the best I could, but not everything was easy. The meetings between teachers and parents was the hardest task. Sometimes, our views didn't coincide. In some cases, parents discriminated against teachers due to their physical impediments. On one opportunity, in a parents meetings, one mother criticized one of the Language teacher because the teacher could not pronounce the letter "s" very clearly. The mother stated that the teacher was going to teach the students a wrong pronunciation of the Spanish letter. But, despite the concern of the mother, her discrimination towards the teacher was clear. Certainly, in situations like this, it is not fair to judge a person who was born with natural limitations. The teacher was excellent and every parent and staff member in the school knew it. To calm the situation, the principal stepped up and defended his personal staff, and invited the parents to reflect on and measure their behavior. Experiences like this, fortified who I am and gave me knowledge of what is right and what I have to defend. In four years of growing as a teacher, I gained the trust of my principal, my colleagues, parents, but most importantly, my students. Some of them have finished the university, some are working, some are in another countries, some are parents and still remember me. I still keep communication with them by , and they are glad to know that I have a family and I live in the United States of America. 7

8 I have to say that the opportunity of living in America is enriching my family and me in many ways. Every single day is a new experience from going to college, interacting face to face with my classmates who the most is younger than me and who have different perspectives than me, to raising three children with a predominantly American identity which they are proud of. I know that their culture is not entirely my culture, just as my culture is not entirely my parents' culture, but we are both richer because of it. I just want to cultivate in my children all the values that I was raised with without interfering with their American identity. I just want them to become a contributing citizen of the world with a strong sense of social justice and be concerned for their natural environment and their neighbors. I know that raising children is not an easy task, but I am just doing what my mother did for me. I know that being a stay-athome mom will mean to put aside my personal ambitions, but I think, it is not too late. My children are almost becoming independent and I can develop myself in this culture which gave my family and I the most warm welcome. My family and I are trying to be good citizens by applying the values we learned from our parents and from people around here in order to develop a better social interaction. In this long journey of my life, I saw and experienced in my own skin discrimination, stereotypes, and prejudices at the same time. Those experiences helped me to accentuate who I am now and value more what I stand for. I learned that we all are diverse and unique, and that we can not put all people in the same basket. I believe that people can make the change for the better if they propose to do it. Everything is in our hands. If we start with our kids by teaching them values, we will reduce conflicts and develop better communication and reach understanding. This is a task which starts when we become aware of ours and others reality. 8

9 My Autobiography Summary My autobiographical memory is not only a memory that recalls who I am, what I did, where I lived, and when an event happened in my life; but also includes how this event occurred as it did, what it means, and why it is important in my life. It expresses my thoughts, emotions, and evaluations about what happened to me, and provides a framework of the interactions and relationships I experienced with other people; and in a very deep sense, provides a sense of myself through a narrative identity. In order for my world view and identity to make sense, I organize my experiences using intercultural communication concepts that allowed me to construct meaning on who I am. In this paper, I reviewed the role of social interactions, the role of history, the role of my culture, values, identity, and language in shaping my self. Ultimately, the goal of my autobiographical memory is to understand the communication between ones self and others, as the way of creating a sense of self through time, that explains the present and projects us to be better in the future. 9

Stories of Bullying My nightmare life) :

Stories of Bullying My nightmare life) : I started to get bullied in 3rd grade. I m always the new girl in schools. Well I get into fights because people pick on me. In 7th grade I began to cut myself