Eulogies for Elvin Montlake. Funeral Thursday 24th September 2015

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1 Eulogies for Elvin Montlake Funeral Thursday 24th September 2015 Dad Andrew Montlake Andrew and Matt Montlake Mavis, Elvin s sister and Ian his friend First off it is lovely to see you all here and the support you have shown my dad and all of us over the years in many different ways is much appreciated. You should also all feel special about being here, as it proves that you were all on Dad s infamous list of nice people, rather than the rather long banned list headed up by anyone working for Boots the Chemist for various reasons unknown! So what can I say about Dad? I think if you could sum it all up it would be to say that he was a thoroughly good man, in so many ways. Yes he had his cantankerous streak, which he was also proud of, but he always had time for everyone. Over the course of his illness his demeanour would instantly change once a nurse or Dr walked in the room and he would always show off his very best qualities. The qualities that made him so loved by his many patients that stayed loyal to him for years and years. It is important to mention here that the standard of care he received from those looking after him was absolutely incredible. Every nurse, care worker, Dr, home help was brilliant and so lovely. Dad gave me many things which have shaped my life and whilst the OCD and blind obsession to Piccalilli and various sauces with any type of food, something my daughter is carrying on with aplomb, may be one thing, his work ethic and attitude towards people definitely resonated. Dad was always at pains to make sure that everyone knew he was a Humanist at heart, he believed in a very simple way which to me meant that you always treated people in the manner to which you expect to be treated. He told me very early on that things don t just come to you and working hard and most importantly honesty is the key. He worked incredibly hard to provide a fabulous life for our family, working during the day and attending evening classes at night to become the best he could be and ensure we had a nice house and a good education. Whilst this meant we did not see him often growing up,

2 he always put his heart and soul into us when he could and our family holidays were always happy, as were our Sunday rambles and drives whilst he sang us the windy road song. To say he excelled in his work was an understatement and he was overwhelmed and so proud with his awards and the love and respect he felt from his colleagues. He was a great sportsman, something that obviously bypassed me and found its way to my brother, mind you I got the looks and charm, and enjoyed playing Rugby, Football, cricket, Judo and squash as well as managing football teams and refereeing right up to his 70 s. His RAF footy matches were quite legendary and I remember his comment on Montlake flying down the wing to cross for Fred Truman to head home. He kept himself fit and ate well which meant that when this disease hit, he was always going to defy all the odds and battle bravely, giving himself 2 more years to spend with his family and all his grandkids who he loved and doted on so much. Last night the nurse told me that his office was his favourite place, where he could just go and look at all the pictures of his extended family. A special mention also to his wonderful sister Mavis who was always so precious to him and unfortunately cannot fly at the present time. I could go on for ages, but I need to mention Dad s rock during the past few years, Phil. To say you have been extraordinary in the way you battled and cared for our father is something Matt and I will always be grateful for. You dealt with his moods and frustrations and gave him the one thing he prized above everything, a dignified and peaceful death he loved you so very much. You saved him from the abyss of grief a long time ago and he was so lucky to have the love of not one but two extraordinary women. Together with your amazing daughters and their wonderful families, without whom we would have struggled, words cannot express our thanks and how much he loved you all so very much. We really are one big family, something he wanted more than anything. He is at peace now and I would end by urging you all not to be sad, but reflect on a lovely man, remember his humour, however dry, and always mourn with a smile. After all, to quote his favourite saying, it s all bollocks! Dad we miss you, but we move on better people for having you in our lives.

3 Matt Montlake Dad's clear, written instructions were that we must celebrate his life rather than mourn his death. Well, I very rarely did what my Dad told me to do. We will all have our own memories of my Dad, but for me, if you'll forgive me a bit of self indulgence: He was the man who I used to watch shave in the morning; who told me Robin Hood stories at bedtime; who put my contact lenses in for me by the side of the pitch before a football match; who slurped his soup in just the most annoying way; who held my hand in hospital after my back operation, and whose hand I held right up to the end. He wasn't a tall man, but back in the day when a gust of wind caught that combover of his he stood 7 feet tall. He always made sure Andrew and I knew how proud he was of us. He showed us, he told us, he spoilt us, he encouraged us, he got angry with us when we took things for granted and we knew, we always knew, what we meant to him. He made me the man I am today - so yes Katie you can blame him - I certainly blame him for the nose and the hair-line. But I mourn the loss of my father, as the person I want to be. Dad used to tell the story of how during the blitz they came under attack from a fighter plane, and his father threw him to the ground and then threw himself over Dad to protect him from the gunfire. Dad never had to throw himself over me to protect me from gunfire. But I know he would have. And that's enough for me. And that's enough from me, thank you all for listening. Elvin Montlake - Avram ben Moshe - Mavis, Elvin s sister and Ian his friend This morning, we heard Andrew and Matthew talk about their father. This evening, we will hear the words of Mavis, Elvin s sister who was unable to fly to be here today. However, it would have been inappropriate to leave someone out who loved her brother so profoundly and so Mavis has provided these words with a few others inputted by Ian, one of Elvin s best and longest friends. Mavis writes: I am thinking today of the man who has been my rock, my advisor, my guru, my safety net - and the man who has steered me through every period of my life - all the ups and downs.

4 To merely say I loved him, doesn't somehow cover the depth of feeling I strive here now to describe. We spent a lifetime exchanging confidences, sharing emotions, experiences and on various occasions, he sought my advice. I must say I was very chuffed when this happened because it was usually the other way around! As we all know, he was a man of integrity, humour and wisdom. When we were very young and Elvin was ready to embark more fully on his social life, our Dad was very concerned that he should be connected to a circle of Jewish friends because, at that time, we lived in what was then very much considered the countryside, far from a Jewish population except for our relatives. And so Elvin was introduced to a youth club that became the springboard to life long friendships...those of Ian, Stephen, Gill, Raymond, Cyril - and later their lovely wives Gloria, Sandra, Linda, Marilyn and our much beloved Rachelle. At this point let us switch to Ian: We met when his Father schlepped him from the outbacks of Cheshunt to the Southgate Shul club so that he could meet Jewish friends. I was the first person he met, and we were to be friends for nearly 65 years. Elvin was my best friend. Mavis: Dad then said it was time to include me, and that's when: "So you're Elvin's sister" became an often used exclamation. Actually that was part of my educational history as well. Elvin and I went to the same schools although he was ahead of me in the timeframe. And so I'd get the same exclamation from teachers: "Oh, you're Montlake's sister!" Let me tell you, that was very hard to live up to. Their admiration for my brother couldn't be disguised and I was so relieved when I passed my 11+ exam!! My brother had no hesitation in taking me along. I met "the gang" - went to the house parties, and loved being "Elvin's sister" and I have always loved being "Elvin's sister." We have talked many, many times about our formative years and the paths we took. We had a strong bond, a sound friendship and a profound brother-sister love. Ian: When I first knew him, he worked in a Men's wear shop in the Archway, but Elvin being Elvin, a highly intelligent and determined person wanted more for himself. So he started to study Optics, and spent 7 years going to night school to qualify. He opened a number of successful Optical Practices, sold them, became Technical Director for a large American Optical Company travelling the world for them. He was enormously well regarded in the profession, and became an expert consultant for contact lenses. He was sent to the Far East many times to train and invigilate exams for students. More recently he was honoured by the Profession who created a special award to be given to students in his name, an honour usually bestowed posthumously "The Elvin Montlake Award", presented to the best Student in Low Vision Study. Elvin presented it for the first time, and it will now be awarded annually in his name. This award was normally given posthumously, but it was given to Elvin as a special honour and took place at Canterbury Cathedral last year, he was so thrilled.

5 Most people knew that Elvin was a slow-starter (although not a slow starter with the girls). Modest, self deprecating, handsome Elvin had a way with the girls, and he certainly was not a slow starter when he met his late wife Rochelle. I can still remember their first meeting, and I didn't stand a chance). Mavis: Andrew and Matthew are an extension of that love. I think of them as my sons and always so grateful for the way they stay in touch with me. Elvin was so proud of them and their families - his pride and joy - and I echo that sentiment. They have wonderful, beautiful wives in Lisa and Katie along with wonderful children. They are my pride and joy too. And to my marvellous Phil, an amazing, loving, loyal and beautiful lady. Elvin was looked after during this terrible time with such caring and thoughtfulness, down to every last detail. There are not enough ways to thank her other than to give her my everlasting love. She and Elvin spent some wonderful years together, many of which Jack and I spent with them. We had some amazing holidays together and I will look over those photos again and again. It was beautiful to see how the two families came together. Phil has incredible, loving and lovely daughters - Jo and Karen, also with loving husbands and terrific children. Elvin was proud of each of them as his own family. Jo and Karen have also been dedicated in their e- mails of encouragement to me and I thank them and love them. I'm grateful that Jack and I came to see Elvin when we did. We were able to say how much we loved each other, and in many subsequent phone calls, although brief, we sent the same message. I feel as if a part of me has become dislodged and torn away. My Jack holds me up, along with your lovely s, and Mo and family provide love and support. Mo has said, many times, that Elvin was like a father to him and Jack says, "I love the man who gave me the shirt off his back." Phil will have to tell you what that means. All the love in the world goes out to each of you.