Overall Experience with the 7 Habits Giovanni Mejia San Jose State University SLIS

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1 Mejia, Giovanni Final 1 Overall Experience with the 7 Habits Giovanni Mejia San Jose State University SLIS Interpersonal Communication Skills for Librarians Professor Jill Cody December 8, 2008

2 Mejia, Giovanni Final 2 If happiness is activity in accordance with excellence, it is reasonable that it should be in accordance with the highest excellence (Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics, bk. 10, ch. 7). Aristotle's teleology was that humanity's end was to achieve happiness, but not in the sense feeling happy. Aristotle thought that happiness was an activity of living well through the idea of Arete, which means excellence. These ideas sum up Stephen Covey's book, 7 Habit for Highly Effective People, in the sense that 7 habits lead to excellence. But, Covey's book makes Aristotle's idea of happiness tangible. My overall experience with the book and class has helped focus my approach to life to consistently strive for excellence. In the following pages I will discuss the concepts in Covey's book that have had the most impact this past semester. Human Nature Before discussing the content of the book, I'd like to discuss some points related to the class. First, someone in class brought up cultural and moral relativism, but not in those words exactly. The point of the short discussion was about the definition of principles, and how they can vary from culture to culture. The response to the student's inquiry was that there are basic principles that exist in all cultures such as honesty. The point was valid and powerful because if every individual lived by basic principles such as respect, honesty, integrity, and so forth--our society would be a lot friendlier. An sent out class asked about the nature of humanity arguing that our paradigm toward our human nature dictates everything else in our lives was intriguing. Is the world a friendly or unfriendly place? This is a question people have been asking for centuries without any significant answer. Machiavelli saw human nature as fickle and cruel. Hobbes saw human nature along the same lines as Machiavelli, and thought that we had to give up some rights to the government for the sake of our own protection. After considering our history, their views on the nature of man are attractive. WWII was the blatant genocide of a group of people, the colonial period was shaped by the slavery of millions, and the countless events in our world history reflect our brute nature of humanity. The world is an

3 Mejia, Giovanni Final 3 unfriendly place, so it is not a surprise that we tend to take a Win/Lose paradigm. The reason we do not live in complete chaos is because of the controls in our lives such as religion, government, ethics, and socially constructed norms. But the idea that how we view humanity shapes our paradigm toward individuals seems to be a reactive idea. In other words, factors outside my influence control my choices, and behaviors. I disagree with determinism, and my principles dictate how all else in our lives flows (Cody, November 16, 2008). I do not agree with the s premise that our view of the world as friendly or unfriendly dictates what flows from us. Proactive versus Reactive The concept of proactive, and reactive behavior has been a strong reminder of the idea of choice. Determinism is a scary concept because it does not allow for freedom of choice. Yet we live in a society that speaks in a reactive language. Every day I hear people say, I have to do this, or I need to do that. No one needs to, or has to do anything, but only choose to do something. Being proactive a reminder that my choices dictate my life. As I interact with friends and family I cannot help but notice their language. For example, a friend was complaining about having to stay on campus for his job over the summer knowing it was part of the contract before signing it. After listening to his grievances I told him that he did not have to stay, but chose to stay because he chose the keep job. Every day I see and hear reactive people, and feel sad that they unconsciously allow their circle of influence to be so small. Mission Statement Writing a personal mission statement was a life changing experience. Initially the mission statement seemed to be a self-help gimmick, but after working on my written and visual mission statement, it empowered me. The visual aspect of my statement helped transcend the energy within me. I agree with Covey that individuals need mission statements just like any business. The second habit talks about beginning with an end in mind. My mission statement describes my end and how I will reach it:

4 Mejia, Giovanni Final 4 I will to be the best human possible. Living a virtuous life, and never straying from the core ideas that have led to my success. Goodness, justice, piety, wisdom, love, and the other valuable Forms will lead to my continued success in my private, and public life. Success is being in a win-win paradigm in which I consider my wants along with other people s wants and needs to make the best possible decisions. My home will be a place where positive attitudes and vibes rule everyone s soul. I will dictate my life everything is a choice. My happiness is not a static state of being that ends with a plateau, but an activity of continuous renewal. The renewal will entail weekly exercise to appreciate my body, continuous reading of literature that will challenge my mind, writing to express all my thoughts and feelings, caring for my important relationships, and accomplishing my goals. The world does not revolve around me it never has and never will. WE is how I will approach life because WE ARE ALL ONE. The current draft is a bit rough, but it explains where I currently am in life. I like Covey's language because it clear and easy to understand, so I put it in my mission statement. I found it valuable to put my ideas into a condensed statement to have as a reminder. Self-management The experience with self management based on Covey's quadrants makes decisions a lot easier. Initially, I did not understand why Covey used weekly scheduling. But after watching the video with the woman trying to fit the large rocks on top of the little rocks I realized how inefficient we can be without proper management. Fitting the big rocks into my week helps fulfill my personal mission statement. Additionally, saying NO to people a lot easier since I am focused on my priorities. More importantly, the concept distinguishing between important versus urgent has made a difference in the daily decision making. For example, I love bagels, and when I run out I feel pressed to drop everything to keep my cupboard with a steady supply of bagels. But when I have school assignments to do I have to remind myself that eating bagels will not help me fulfill my mission. I realize that is a crude example, but I see people doing a lot of urgent things at the cost of neglecting important things. The male members of my family are great examples. They prefer eating unhealthy food to fulfill their urgent hunger instead of waiting an extra couple of minutes to get home to make a healthy meal which is important to their well-being. But my experience with scheduling myself for the week takes quite a bit of time. I have spent 45 minutes thinking about what I need to do, and in what order to do them. I will stick to weekly scheduling since it has been so helpful.

5 Mejia, Giovanni Final 5 Emotional Bank Account The emotional bank account is the most important concept when dealing with people. The concept is multifaceted, and includes empathic listening. The concept is a reminder that all my relationships are like plants that need to be taken care of to remain healthy. For a long time I neglected relationships assuming that things were great, but I was not making any deposits. In some cases, I attempted to call the person and talk to them, but it did not seem to make a difference in how the conversation proceeded. But with the application of empathic listening I have made surprising breakthroughs with a variety of people. The breakthroughs have been beneficial because I feel closer to the people around, and communication has increased dramatically. For example, a good friend of mine is an amazing tennis player in college, but has been injured for the past couple of months. She has been stressed, and a bit depressed because she has not been playing. I can relate to her feelings because I have had two knee surgeries that kept me away from soccer for a long time. I could have told her my whole biography about my depression and recovery. But what would the point have been? The conversation was about her. I just listened and empathized with her, and tried understanding her state of being. From our conversation she thought there would have been more time for homework, but found herself in a more stressful situation. Her situation reminded me of habit 7, and in this case she has not been able to sharpen the saw. I asked her if I could suggested a few ideas about relieving her stress that were effective for me as an undergraduate such as watching the sunset, or visiting a museum to unwind. People are more receptive when asked for permission to give advice, and the practice in class helped avoid imposing my biography. In short, the concepts of the emotional bank account and empathic listening have been extremely beneficial in my relationships. Win/Win/No Deal The Win/Win/No deal paradigm has been a valuable tool for group work in school. I have not been put in a position where I have had to negotiate something important. But when I am placed in situation

6 Mejia, Giovanni Final 6 where problems could arise, I have the tools and paradigm to deal with the worse situations. More importantly, the sense of having to go into a situation and dealing with it like sporting event made the idea of negotiation stressful. But the Win/Win/No deal paradigm almost guarantees that I will not lose because I can decide on no deal. Further, the willingness to listen emphatically allows for a sense of security because I feel that I will be making the right decision no matter what situation I am in. For the next couple of semesters I am looking forward to group work, and hopefully apply this concept successfully. Sharing Thoughts and Teaching The book has been so instrumental in helping strive for excellence I have purchases a copy for each of my brothers. I don't really know how to get them to read it since they are not big readers. But I have tried talking about some of the concepts with them such as the difference between reactive and proactive language. I don't have have kids, but my brothers do. I was thinking that the personal mission statement has worked so well that maybe the family mission statement could work for my brothers' families. Further, I've convince a taught a couple of friend about reactive language, and they now check me with I say that I have to do something. For the time being I look forward to sharing my experiences with the people in my life. Conclusion Covey's ideas have had a huge impact on my life. I have only been able to work with a couple of concepts, but thus far have felt they are worth retaining. The best part about Covey's ideas is that I feel they are rooted in philosophies that have lasted for ages such as Aristotle, yet it remains flexible enough for individual application. I may feel that human nature is unfriendly, but it does not mean we need to treat each other as unfriendly. The habits create a model to follow to apply my principles to achieve my mission. My mission is not an end in itself, but an activity of excellence.