The Likeable Christian

Transcription

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2 The Likeable Christian A Journey Toward the Radical Love Jesus Taught Us to Live JUSTIN LATHROP

3 Copyright 2015 by Justin Lathrop ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Published by Salubris Resources 1445 N. Boonville Ave Springfield, Missouri No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise without prior written permission of the publisher, except for brief quotations used in connection with reviews in magazines or newspapers. Cover design by Plain Joe Studios ( Interior formatting by Prodigy Pixel ( Unless otherwise specified, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc. Scripture quotations marked RSV are from the REVISED STANDARD VERSION of the Bible. 1946, 1952, 1971, 1973 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked NASB are from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. ISBN: Printed in the United States of America

4 chapter one The Dilemma It s 8 a.m. on a Tuesday morning. Sally is getting ready to head to work at a local marketing agency in Kansas City, Missouri where she moved just after college. A part of her normal weekday morning routine is coffee. She brews it herself to save money and sits down at her small breakfast table for a few moments to relax and watch the sunrise. During quiet moments like these, and as a way of calming her mind before she begins her busy day, it only makes sense to catch up on the news from around the world and from her circle of friends. Opening her computer, she heads straight to her Facebook newsfeed. The problem is that she notices right away how anxious she becomes when she begins scrolling. Sally is involved in a healthy community in Kansas City. She attends a medium-sized church every Sunday morning and participates in a small group each week. She also has several friends scattered across the country friends from CHAPTER 1 THE DILEMMA 11

5 back home, from college, and from the little bit of traveling she s done over the years. They come from all different backgrounds and perspectives, different cultures and families. She respects each of them for different reasons, but when you bring them together under one Facebook page, there s undoubtedly some disagreement. She s witnessed some of the most confrontational conversations of her life on her Facebook newsfeed hence her memorized anxiety. Some mornings she imagines what it would be like if, instead of words, her Facebook friends were hurling food. It would be such a mess! As she scrolls on this particular morning with sun streaming through her kitchen window she reads a post from her friend who is a new mom about how her baby is nearly Are there more options than just the two she can see right in front of her being a passionate, committed Christian or a loving person? sleeping through the night. Another post comes from a friend who s been traveling it s a picture of his shoes against airplane carpet. Others have posted pictures of dinner from the night before or thoughts about the weather or sports. A moment of peace passes over her as she thinks about how the morning review of Facebook hasn t yet yielded another argument. That s when she sees it a friend has reposted an article about the latest political move by the president of the United States. Friend after friend has commented on the article, some disagreeing, others liking, others including nothing but emoticons or exclamation points. To be honest, Sally has her own opinions about this subject, but she isn t sure she would 12 THE LIKEABLE CHRISTIAN

6 ever feel comfortable sharing her opinions online. The 187 people who have commented on this thread, however, don t seem to share her hesitation. Sally s heart sinks as she scans through the article itself and all the resulting comments some from her friends, some from strangers, a few from non-christians, but many of them from people who are part of the church community in her area. Does it have to be this way? She wonders to herself. Is this helping anyone? But Sally s discomfort with these heated conversations stretches far beyond Facebook. She has dedicated her entire life to being a follower of Jesus, which for her, means loving people, first and foremost. It means forgoing judgment, being kind even when that s difficult, and having an attitude of humility and grace. Yet the more she watches members of the church argue, and the more she learns about Jesus, the more she s convinced that battling strangers via Facebook especially over hot-button political issues just doesn t line up with what Jesus taught us. At the same time, she doesn t want to be a lukewarm Christian. Passion is important. She wants to live in a way that pleases God. Sometimes as she watches these debates unfold she wonders if she should join in, if the mark of a passionate Christian is a willingness to fight for it. But something about that still doesn t feel like the Jesus she knows. Are there more options than just the two she can see right in front of her being a passionate, committed Christian or a loving person? Is there a way she can be both? Pausing for one more minute with her phone and her Facebook page, Sally notices the girl who posted the article is one of her closest friends a great, Christian girl whom Sally CHAPTER 1 THE DILEMMA 13

7 respects. She wonders if this deluge of disagreement is what her friend intended to spark when she shared that article. Sally wants to discuss the morning s events with her friend, talk together about the best way to show people the love of Christ, regardless of how we feel about a particular issue... but she isn t sure how to approach the subject. The clock switches to 7:35 a.m., which means it s time to leave for work. As she stands up at the table, she can t help but wonder to herself: What can I do to help? How do I love people like Jesus taught us whether I agree with them or not? With that thought, she sets down her phone and heads toward the bedroom to get ready for the day. CAN I BE BOTH CONVICTED AND LOVING? Sally s situation isn t uncommon. It fact, it may feel really familiar. My guess is that from time to time you have also felt trapped between the desire to love others and to defend what you know to be right. Maybe it wasn t on Facebook but during a holiday meal when members of your extended family squared off on opposite sides of a political issue. Or maybe your cousin returned from her first year at college and announced to her Bible-believing family that all Christians were irrational bigots. You have strong convictions about these matters, but you wonder how you can navigate these situations in a way that doesn t infuriate or alienate people you love. Not to be trite, but to borrow a popular phrase, what would Jesus do in this situation? This tension is not new. Doctrinal and political tension has been a part of church culture from the time it began. We can read Paul s letters to the Corinthians where he addressed their greed, their warped thinking, and even their sexual 14 THE LIKEABLE CHRISTIAN

8 immorality. We can read about Martin Luther, John Calvin, and other great thinkers and passionate leaders whose convictions, commitment, and willingness to speak up about where the church needed to grow led to important change. At the same time, we also know churches have split because of heated arguments about unimportant matters. Families have become isolated. Friends have missed opportunities for relationship and connection. And all of us as followers of Christ have, in our own ways, forfeited the beauty of a life lived with more acceptance than judgment, more love tactics than fear tactics, with enough grace to balance out our passion and conviction. There s an incredible tension here. Thanks to technology, this tension is amplified. In other words, Facebook isn t the problem, as it often gets classified, but it does present a new outlet for the same problem that has been around for hundreds, even thousands of years. From my office chair, I can relay a message across the country and around the world in less than five seconds a distance of 3,000 miles that would take me weeks or days to traverse. This means, if I feel strongly enough about something let s say the rights of ducks in a nearby park I can, for the first time in history, type up and post an unedited and unscreened document and share it with all of my friends, instantaneously. Technology has removed barriers that used to help us think before we spoke. Now we can say anything we want, whenever we want, no matter who it may hurt or anger or offend. Technology sure has changed things. And at the same time, certain things are the same as they ve always been. People have always had strong opinions about how things should be. This was true in Jesus day as much as it is today. In the days of the New Testament, some CHAPTER 1 THE DILEMMA 15

9 people thought sacrifices should be sold in the temple courts for a price favoring the priesthood. Others disagreed. Some people thought Jesus shouldn t heal on the Sabbath. Those who experienced his healing touch on the Sabbath begged to differ. Some people thought you had to be circumcised to go to heaven, or that some foods were unclean while others were clean. In response to their disagreements, Jesus urged them to stop arguing. Many people thought Jesus shouldn t go to a tax collector s house to eat, but Jesus went with Zacchaeus anyway. I can only imagine if social media had been around in Jesus day what kind of arguments would have taken place. It s not a different attitude from today. It s just a different vehicle. But if you ask me, there doesn t need to be a tension between living a life of conviction and being gracious and loving. It s not the easiest way to live. It takes more humility and more work. But it s possible even with social media. You and I (and Sally) can do it. But in order to accomplish this we need a little bit of something I like to call likeability. LOVE: IT S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE Isn t it ironic how the people we re supposed to be the closest to and the people we say we love the most can be the hardest to love? For example, when I say the words family road trip what comes to mind? My guess is it s some combination of Chevy Chase, the gathering the family scene from Home Alone, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Don t get me wrong, I love family road trips. But I also have two young kids, which means that road trips aren t the easiest, most relaxing way to travel. One of my favorite images is the backseat pillow barrier. You re probably familiar with the scene: two young children 16 THE LIKEABLE CHRISTIAN

10 occupy the back of the car. Let s say their names are Daniel (four years old) and Katie (six years old) Wilson. The Wilson family leaves Franklin, Tennessee, early one morning to travel to Seaside, Florida, for their spring vacation. It s a sevenand-a-half-hour drive, shorter than the workday, so their parents, Rudy and Mary, are hopeful for a peaceful trip. Their destination is a beach house large enough to provide a room for each member of the family (even the dog), so they know the hardest part of their trip is the next seven to nine hours. The first two hours of the trip are great. Their pre-sunrise departure leaves both children passed out in the back seat. As the sun rises, so do the children, at first peacefully. They listen calmly to their audiobook version of Charlotte s Web. Yet as soon as Katie decides she wants to listen to her music through the car audio system, Daniel decides he does too (their timing is incredible). In a matter of seconds, the low murmured argument erupts into a sound that can only be described as complete pandemonium. Rudy keeps his eyes on the road, prioritizing his family s safety over their emotional stability. Mary leans back to deal with the children. She offers them each their small ipad filled with educational games, squeezing a few pillows between them to give each their own space. But this doesn t seem to help. Pretty soon ipads are on the floor and tears are flowing. Rudy grips the steering wheel a bit harder, visibly frustrated but maintaining composure. Mary sits back into her seat and lets out a long sigh. Rudy leans over to a tired Mary, slouching in the passenger seat. If you ask me, there doesn t need to be a tension between living a life of conviction and being gracious and loving. CHAPTER 1 THE DILEMMA 17

11 Have you got any more ideas? he asks. There s nothing like family to remind us how hard it can be to like people, let alone be likeable even when it comes to those we love the most. And there s nothing like a pillow barrier to remind us how silly it is to create dividing lines just because people are different than we are. Do those dividing lines really protect us? What if, instead of focusing all our attention on winning political battles or fighting for nonessential theological positions, we used our energy to love really love the people God has put in our path? Maybe this thing we call faith wouldn t feel so complicated. That brings us to likeability. Likeability is a way of approaching spiritual life that says, When I follow God and yield my life to His purposes above my own, the natural result is love, generosity, and a The bottom line is this: You don t have to be hated to be a sincere Christian. desire for connection, community, and camaraderie that ultimately leads others to (or back to) Christ. For those who seek to please God, it s tempting to get caught up in specifics such as how to vote, which church to attend, how to do communion, or the theology of men and women. While none of these concerns are unimportant, they re not nearly as important as the greatest command ever given: Love God and love one another. That s likeability. The bottom line is this: You don t have to be hated to be a sincere Christian. 18 THE LIKEABLE CHRISTIAN

12 WE DON T HAVE TO BE TOUGH TO LOVE Take a minute and think how you feel about the people around you. I m a big fan of Seinfeld and there s one interaction between Jerry and Elaine that is both human and true. After being disappointed by the trials of life, Elaine turns to Jerry and laments, Ugh, I hate people! Jerry responds without missing a beat, They re the worst. While we wouldn t normally say it like that, it can be true. We can be the worst; we can be tough to like. Now think of the people you like the most. The people you re drawn to beyond your understanding what makes them likeable? My guess is they re not on Facebook, stirring up controversy. My guess is they re not standing on a street corner, holding a sign. My guess is they show up at the hospital when you re sick. They come by your house and drop off a meal when you ve just had a baby. They give you a hug on Sunday morning and ask sincerely, How s everything going? Is there anything I can do to help? When I think of people like this in my life, one particular face comes to mind: My friend Mark Brewer is one of the most likeable people I know. Mark was there for one of the best moments of my life, and for one of the worst. It was just before midnight on a Sunday night when our first child was born. That night was one of the best of our lives, and with so many people who knew us and loved us nearby, we couldn t wait to share McKenna with them the next morning. Well, before morning could even arrive, Mark Brewer showed up. At 2 a.m. the elevator door opened and there he was, coming to congratulate us. I ll never forget seeing his face when the elevator door opened to the maternity ward at the hospital. Our life-change was his life-change, our victory was his CHAPTER 1 THE DILEMMA 19

13 victory, and it showed through his actions. Mark was also there for one of the hardest days of my life. A few years later, on a Sunday night, I got a phone call from a paramedic who had just discovered my father lifeless on the kitchen floor of his home. I don t remember anything else about the next few hours other than the fact that the first person to show up at my door that night was Mark Brewer. Sitting in my living room well into the night, Mark was just there. My life-change was his life-change, my pain was his pain. Mark Brewer is one of the most likeable guys I know because he shows up. Now I want you to ask yourself a difficult question: Am I a likeable person? I don t ask you this to make you feel bad. Likeability isn t easy. There are ample moments throughout our days when we have the chance to be unlikeable. But those are also moments when, with a slightly different mindset, we could share the love of Christ. When I think through my day, I m certain there are moments when I could be more likeable. When I stop to get gas on my way to the office and the pump isn t working properly, I can either get frustrated or I can be gracious as I walk into the gas station for help. That s an opportunity for me to be likeable. When my wife and I don t agree about something, I can either fight to get my way, or work to listen. That s an opportunity to be likeable. When my direct superior confronts me about a problem with my work, I can either be defensive or I can be teachable. That s an opportunity for me to be likeable. When someone I love has an opinion that scares me or makes me worried for our future, I can either lash out at him or try to understand where he s coming from. That s a chance for me 20 THE LIKEABLE CHRISTIAN

14 to practice likeability. I m not sure I always do the best job, but I know it s important and I m constantly working to get better. Can you recall moments in your life when you could have been more likeable? I m guessing you can. My hope for this book is not that you ll walk away with a judgment about your likeability ( If only I could be more likeable or If only everyone else in the world were as likeable as I am! ). Rather, I hope it will help you think in the direction of likeability. I want to challenge you to think about (1) what makes a person likeable; (2) whether Christians have a responsibility to be likeable; and (3) what keeps us from being likeable. If the people you interact with daily were to rate your likeability on a scale from one to ten, what do you think they would say? The gas station employee, elevator passenger, the mom at the bus stop you pass on your daily trip to work... what would they say? What about your spouse, your children, the people who go to your church, your boss, your co-workers? If they wouldn t call you likeable, why not? Are your spiritual convictions chipping away at your likeability? If so, please know I m not asking you to change your convictions. I m simply asking you to consider there might be a better way to live out those convictions. I hope this book will challenge you to think differently about your faith than you have in the past, and I encourage you to lean into that uncertainty. For now, don t worry about changing anything. Just be curious with me. Be willing to explore. Look with me at a few examples and questions and stories about Jesus and be willing to see things in a new way. If you re willing to take a chance and come with me on this journey, I think you ll like what we discover. CHAPTER 1 THE DILEMMA 21

15 LOVE SETS US APART I imagine the disciples experienced a lot of emotions towards the end of Jesus' ministry, prior to His crucifixion. The Bible mentions several times that the disciples were confused and collectively thought Jesus meant something completely different than He said. One of those times was at the end of the Last Supper. The gospel of John mentions that Jesus knew what was going to take place in the days ahead, so He gathered His disciples for a final, sacred meal. That s where Jesus did the unthinkable: He took a basin, filled it with water, and began to wash His disciples feet. Jesus asked them, Do you know what I have done for you (John 13:12 RSV)? Perhaps they did, but He went on to explain. You call me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you (John 13:13 15 RSV). Though Jesus often spoke in parables with an obscure meaning, in this instance He gave a distinct example of servanthood followed by a direct statement: A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. (John 13:34 35 RSV) 22 THE LIKEABLE CHRISTIAN

16 In the midst of great fear and uncertainty, Jesus gave His disciples a clear and direct command. It was something they could hang their hats on. Maybe at this point in this process you can identify with the disciples, at least a little. Maybe you re feeling a little uncertain or confused. Maybe you re skeptical of where I m taking you or you re unsure about the concept of likeability altogether. Maybe this sounds like jargon to you some kind of tactic to help you achieve personal gain. Regardless of where you stand, I think as we move toward God, He will make this clear to you the way He has for me. The Christian life can sometimes be confusing for us, but Jesus made it simple. On His way to His death, He left a direct commandment Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments (Matthew 22:36 40). Of all the things Jesus could have said during His last hours on earth, He described what would set apart the people who would choose to follow the King of the universe. That should cause us to pause, even if just for a moment. That should invite us to pay attention. I want these verses to set the trajectory for the rest of this book, but even more than that, I want you to see these verses as a trajectory for your life. What does it look like for love or for likeability, as I will call it throughout this book to be our primary aim? I m glad we re on this journey together. We re going to look to Jesus and His teachings, as well as our personal experiences, to discover how to become people who draw other people to the One who paid the price for their souls. We may just become more likeable along the way. CHAPTER 1 THE DILEMMA 23

17 about the author With over fifteen years in local church ministry, Justin Lathrop has spent the last several years starting businesses and ministries that partner with pastors and churches to advance God s kingdom. He is the founder of HelpStaff.me, Oaks School of Leadership, and YoungPastors. com. Justin has a passion to see the world connected and doing more together than we could ever do alone. He is a key contributor to Influence magazine and is the director of strategic relations for the Assemblies of God. ABOUT THE AUTHOR 149

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