CAPITAL BIBLE CHURCH February 7, Relationships # 1 The Golden Rule of Relationships Matthew 7:12

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1 CAPITAL BIBLE CHURCH February 7, 2010 SERMON NOTES PASTOR BILL HAKEN Relationships # 1 The Golden Rule of Relationships Matthew 7:12 Intro: Begin new series on Relationships today by talking about how to get, how to have, how to improve, or how to grow Super Relationships with everyone. The #1 thing that determines our success or failure in life with everything is our Attitude. This story of two buckets, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, underlines this truth. There has never been a life as disappointing as mine, said the empty bucket as it approached the well. I never come away from the well full, but what I return again empty. There has never been such a happy life as mine, said the full bucket as it left the well. I never come to the well empty but what I go away again full. Your attitude tells what you expect from life, and thus from people. A great story is told of a Grandpa visiting his grandchildren and every afternoon he laid down on the couch to take a nap. One day, as a practical joke the kids decided to put Limburger cheese in his big, bushy moustache. Quite soon, he awoke sniffing. Why this room stinks, he exclaimed as he got up and went out into the kitchen. He wasn t there long until he said, My word, this room stinks too! So he walked outside for a breath of fresh air. Much to Grandpa s surprise, the outside air brought no relief and he was heard to exclaim, The whole world stinks! How true that is in life! When you carry Limburger cheese in your attitudes, everything and everyone is affected and your whole world smells bad. One way to test your own attitude or outlook on life is to ask yourself this question: Do you feel your world is treating you well? If you answer in the positive you will receive positive results. The worse you feel your world is treating you, the worse will be the results that you get. Or, another way to ask it, is if you were a bee, buzzing over a cow pasture in a county meadow, would you smell the wildflowers that were blooming everywhere, or only the cow manure?!

2 Many people who live unhappy, unfulfilled lives, if you listen to their conversations, they are constantly complaining about the bad rap they are getting from everybody. Whining about how everyone is out to get them. Would you like a little cheese with that whine? When you choose to adopt a positive, healthy outlook toward life, does not change your circumstances as much as it changes you. Can t change people, but can change your response to people. The apostle Paul overcame a terrible background. He told Timothy that he was the chief of sinners. Yet after his conversion, his chief desire in life was what? To please God! He didn t look back and whine or look ahead and worry or fear. Listen to what he says in Phil. 3:13, 14 No... I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me... Phil. 3:13, 14 It often is not possible to change your circumstances, but it is possible to change your attitude. Paul again demonstrates this for us while he is locked up in a jail. He wrote to the church at Philippi, Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I will say it, rejoice! Phil.4:4 Notice, the guy in jail, tells people who are free to rejoice! How could he say that? I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. Philippians 4:12, 13 Paul says here with God s help, the help of Jesus Christ, you can learn to be content, learn to adapt and adjust and do well in every situation, with most relationships. But it all depends on your attitude. Attitude Check-up! which song title reflects your attitude toward life? 1. Make the World Go Away 2. Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head 3. I Did it My Way 4. Oh, What A Beautiful Morning Our Attitude determines our relationships with people.

3 Do for others what you would like them to do for you. Matthew 7:12 Not, do to others, before they do it to you! Why are people so hard to get along with? My father, used to say this little poem: To live above with saints we love, oh won t that just be glory. To live below with saints below, with saints we know, well that s another story! People are funny at times. They want to sit in the front of the bus, the back row of the church, and drive in the middle of the road! Tell a guy there are 300 billion stars and he will believe you. Tell that same man a bench has just been painted, and he has to touch it to be sure. Illus. Sign on the desk of an airline executive in Chicago: "Don't bother to agree with me, I've already changed my mind." People are really frustrating at times. They show up at the wrong place at the wrong time for the wrong reason. They are always interesting but not always charming. They are not always predictable because they have a mind of their own... You can t get along with them, and sometimes you can t make it without them. That s why it is so important to build good relationships. Stanford Research Institute says that the money you make in any endeavor is determined only 12.5% by knowledge and 87.5% by your ability to deal with people. Why Teddy Roosevelt said, The most important single ingredient to the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people. What are some hindrances to good relationships? A negative attitude A lady went to her doctor complaining about how she felt tired and poorly all the time. He asked her, Do you wake up grouchy in the morning? She said, No, I let him sleep! A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's

4 ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. "Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan. "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone. "Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY... for all eternity?" persisted Satan. "Yep," was the calm reply. "And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan. "Nope." More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for the last 48 years." A suspicious attitude. Do you always assume that everyone else is out to get you? Lady in the airport bought a pack of crackers and began eating them at a table while waiting for her flight. Businessman came over, asked if he could sit down in the seat across the table while he read his newspaper. She agreed and he sat down to read... A critical attitude, not willing to overlook others faults. A young musician s concert was poorly received by the critics. The famous Finnish composer Jean Sibelius consoled him by patting him on the shoulder and saying, Remember son, there is no city in the world where they have a statue to a critic. A bitter unforgiving spirit. "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:15 The enemy of our souls has a very specific strategy to destroy relationships. Whether these relationships are in business, marriage, or friendships, the strategy is the same. A conflict arises, judgments are made, and feelings are hurt. What happens next is the defining point of whether the enemy gains a foothold, or the grace of God covers the wrong. When a root of bitterness is allowed to be planted and grown, it not only affects that person, but it also affects all others who are involved. It is like a cancer.

5 Breaking satan's foothold requires at least one person to press into God's grace. It cannot happen when either party "feels" like it, for none of us will ever feel like forgiving. None of us feel like talking when we have been hurt. Our natural response is to withdraw or lash out at the offending party. It is only obedience that allows God's grace to cover the wrongs incurred. This grace prevents the parties from becoming victims who will seek compensation for their pain. The next time you are hurt by someone, realize the gravity of the crossroads where you find yourself. Choose grace instead of bitterness. Then you will be free to move past the hurt, and a root of bitterness will not be given opportunity to grow. A selfish attitude Between two farms near Valleyview, Alberta, you can find two parallel fences, only two feet apart, running for a half mile. Why are there two fences when one would do? Two farmers, Paul and Oscar, had a disagreement that erupted into a feud. Paul wanted to build a fence between their land and split the cost, but Oscar was unwilling to contribute. Since he wanted to keep cattle on his land, Paul went ahead and built the fence anyway. After the fence was completed, Oscar said to Paul, "I see we have a fence." "What do you mean 'we'?" Paul replied. "I got the property line surveyed and built the fence two feet into my land. That means some of my land is outside the fence. And if any of your cows sets foot on my land, I'll shoot it." Oscar knew Paul wasn't joking, so when he eventually decided to use the land adjoining Paul's for pasture, he was forced to build another fence, two feet away. Oscar and Paul are both gone now, but their double fence stands as a monument to the high price we pay for selfishness. Turn in your Bibles to Philippians 2:20 I have no one else like Timothy, who genuinely cares about your welfare. All the others care only for themselves and not for what matters to Jesus Christ. Philippians 2:20, 21 What are the secrets to good relationships?...make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose. Don t be selfish; don t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. 4 Don t think only about your own

6 affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. Philippians 2:2, 3 1. Do things for the right reasons use things not people. When we put people first and we see people as important, then our perspective will reflect their viewpoint, not ours. Until we walk in the other person s shoes and see life through another s viewpoint, we will be like the man who angrily jumped out of his car after a collision with another car, Why don t you people watch where you re driving? he shouted wildly. You re the fourth car I ve hit today! 2. Put others before yourself Use Gospel magic trick Jesus. Others. Yourself. 3. Put others interests before your own Don t think only about your own matters, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. Philippians 2:4 4. Have a Christ-like attitude Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:5 The King James version says, Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus. Several churches in the South decided to hold union services. The leader was a Baptist and proud of his denomination. "How many Baptists are here?" he asked on the first night of the revival? All except one little old lady raised their hands. "Lady, what are you?" asked the leader. "I'm a Methodist," meekly replied the lady. "Why are you a Methodist?" queried the leader? "Well," replied the little old lady, "my grandparents were Methodists, my mother was a Methodist, and my late husband was a Methodist." "Well," retorted the leader, "just supposing all your relatives had been morons, what would that have made you?" "Oh, I see. A Baptist, I suppose," the lady replied meekly. 5. Be humble and willing to serve others Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God. He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human

7 form. And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal s death on a cross. Philippians 2:6 8 Matt. 20:25 Jesus called them together and said, You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27and whoever wants to be first must be your slave 28just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.