The Parking Lot Prophet

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Helen Walton
6 years ago
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1 The Parking Lot Prophet SETTING: The back of a truck in the Actors Theatre Parking Garage. The floor is covered in tapestries. Perhaps incense is burning. Perhaps there is a quilt draped overhead to create a tent-like feeling. However it s done, it s bizarre and hinting of a gypsy. CHARACTERS : Young man. Marketing Associate for Actors Theatre of Louisville : Young man. Shay s boyfriend. Spoken Word Poet THE PARKING LOT PROPHET OF LOUISVILLE: Self-explanatory. Duh. NOTE: The director(s) should not feel limited by the Prophet s stage directions. Maybe she dances. Maybe she sways back and forth. Maybe she is completely still. Whatever direction she is taken, her physical presence should be a vital force of the play. [ and approach the truck. They stop. The prophet sits, eyes clenched shut, meditating, and occasionally, smoking a cigarette. They stare at her for a moment Of all the parking lots in all the towns in all the world, she parked at Actors Theatre! How do you know she s not just a homeless person living out of her truck? Does she look homeless? NO! She looks like a Goddess glowing with wisdom and insight and She looks homeless. And are those bell bottoms? They say she s been doing this since the seventies and completely stopped aging because of all the meditation. I should start meditating. So you can look twelve forever? I prefer boyishly handsome. What do we do now?

2 Announce our presence? Go for it. Me? You. Give me a second. I want to savor this. Just say something. My breaks over in like fifteen minutes. Fine. But remember, we only get one question. [Deep breath] Excuse me? [Prophet opens her eyes.] Hi. My name is We were just It s such a You re so Are you the Parking Lot Prophet? Colin! What? What did I just say? We only get one question! [To the Prophet] That wasn t our question. We know who you are. I know who you are. When I was a kid, my friends and I would hunt for you in parking lots all over town for hours, from downtown to Bardstown to Frankfurt. I always wanted to ask you what I d look like when I grew up. Little did you know, you d still look twelve. [Prophet gestures them into the back of the truck. They climb in.] [To prophet] In college, I began to think you were just a myth, but when I moved back and started working at Actors, I saw this truck here every Thursday, and I just knew. Like

3 the way a Mom knows when her kid is in trouble. I mean, I m not psychic, not like you, but I m a little empathic. I study Tarot. And dabble with runes. But, yeah. I just knew. Wow. It s like you re the next Nostradamus. This is my boyfriend of three years, Colin. He s a smart ass. And a Spoken Word Poet. Perform something for her, Colin. Seriously? You ve proved you re a smart ass. Now prove you re a poet.. Fine. Here s one I ve been working on for a while. [Performs the first few lines of a spoken word poem. It is about hating Louisville. It s beautiful but damn, it s spiteful.] [Stops him] What are you doing? Performing a poem. That poem was You asked for a poem. I gave you a poem. [Coughs] Don t parking garages give people cancer? We ll be fine. And she s smoking on top of it. [To Prophet] Bet her lungs are as polluted as the Ohio River. [To prophet] Please forgive his disrespect, Prophet. He s from New York and doesn t understand what a folklore icon you are in the Louisville community. Yes, the Louisville community often evades my understanding. [To Prophet] Do you even talk?

4 [To prophet] That s not our question either. Why are we going to ask her a question if she can t talk. She ll talk when the time is right. Wisdom we should all live by. Well, ask already. I can feel the tumors rising. We ve been here for two minutes. Remember when you lost your car in the Disneyworld Parking garage? Three hours swimming in Carbon Monoxide. This ain t Disneyworld. Because it s real magic! Not corporate bullshit profiting off children s naiveté. Right, Prophet? Right. No profiting off naiveté here. [To Prophet] So should I pay you now or after? Please stop asking her questions! Have your rates changed since the seventies? Have you accounted for inflation? Has the recession negatively affected the psychic business or increased the demand for supernatural predictions? DON T ASK HER QUESTIONS! I just want to pay her so I can [Prophet hands them instruction card] Wait, so not only do we have to pay you a hundred dollars, we also have to [Reading] Give her a compliment, an insult, and a secret. Huh. Well that makes sense. It erodes barriers. Opens us to the process. I totally get it, Prophet. I ll go first with the

5 compliment. Great Prophet, you have a serene, radiant presence that makes people glow brighter around you. [Looks at Colin expectantly] Your turn! Someone could grate cheese on your freakishly sharp cheekbones. Colin! What? Prophets don t appreciate remarks about their good bone structure? Say your insult. Great Prophet, I I wish you would make your wisdom more accessible. I know so many people who would benefit from your spiritual light. That s not an insult. That s a thinly veiled compliment. Don t insult my insult! It wasn t an insult. It was tactful! No wonder you work in marketing. You re supposed to insult her. Not me. Prophet, you take people s money and give them nothing in return but silence and cancer. Jesus, Colin! What? Too far!

6 Poets don t lie. Fine. I m a lying sell-out and you re truthful poet. Glad we settled that. Shay, that s not what I meant. Can you please try to understand? Meeting her is like, finding Santa eating cookies in your living room. Like seeing the tooth fairy swimming in your coffee cup! Like being a child? She s a Louisville legend come to life. Please do this with me. Please tell her a secret.. Fine. [Pause] Here s a secret. Remember that dinner with the donors we went to last month? When they were announcing the Festival lineup? Yeah? One of the donors asked me to bring him more wine. So? He thought I was a waiter. The average age of an Actors Theatre donor is like ninety-five. He probably couldn t see you. He saw what he needed to see. What are you implying? Maybe you didn t notice, but there was something every waiter and I had in common. Something I did not have in common with the ATL employees, actors, or apprentices.

7 What are you saying? I m just saying. What are you saying? I m saying that never happened in New York. So you re saying the theatre is racist? Because there is a diverse production and administrative staff at least two black apprentices and I m saying I m sick of these kind of situations. And I m sick of you not even listening to me when I point out how When you complain relentlessly about Louisville? See you don t listen. You Louisville is the most democratic, liberal city in Kentucky and it s my home. Our home. The donor was probably just old and confused. Right, prophet? Is that your one question, Shay? Shit. No. Not my question. But It s your turn. What? Tell a secret so I can get back to work. You work at star bucks! Stop acting like you re a heart surgeon that has to rush back to an open-chested patient!

8 Just say your secret. Fine. Here s a secret. I know the names of every Barbie my four-year-old niece owns. That s your secret? No. The secret is. I love it. I love that I know Jaycee is the barbie with freaky blue eyes and Stephanie is the barbie with jointed wrists and Maria is the bad barbie that all the other barbies hate and Isn t Maria also the Mexican Barbie? So now my four-year old neice is a bigot too? I m just saying! What are you saying? Just finish your secret. I love how I know when Cece has grown even a centimeter. I love bringing her to A Christmas Carol and hearing her gasp at the ghost of Christmas past just like I did. I love taking her to Cherokee Park and dancing with her under trees I planted in my Middle School science class. I love walking with her in Old Louisville and imagining ghosts in the old mansions. And I love you sharing all of that with me. [SILENCE] Should we ask the question? [Prophet nods] Great prophet! Wine of the spirit! Smoke of the Earth! Source of

9 Shay, just ask. Source of divine knowledge. Illuminator of ASK HER. Should Colin and I move to New York? [Prophet hands him a piece of paper] What does it say? It says Wrong question. Wrong question? Maybe we re phrasing it wrong? Maybe it can t be a yes or no question? Maybe it needs to rhyme? Maybe you should just ask the question that s really on your mind. I don t know what you re Maybe you should ask her what we re both wondering. What are you Prophet, should Shay and I stay together? WHAT? Don t answer that, Prophet. That s what you re wondering, isn t it? NO! I would never ask that! I love you. I don t need a prophet to tell me that. I would never gamble our relationship on her response. But I guess you would. Shay, I can t stay in Louisville.

10 But And you won t leave Louisville. I know, but And I love you, but she s right. We are asking the wrong question. Because I m going to New York no matter what she says. And I d rather hear your decision from you. So answer me. Will you come with me? [Sean considers it. He can t. He shakes his head] I knew it. [Pause] My break is over. [pause] Shay, I really wish I could look at her and see what you see. [ gets out of car and leaves. is left with the prophet in silence] What s the matter with us, Prophet? [Sits next to her] Why are we both tethered here? PROPHET [Starts reciting the Spoken Word Poem Colin started earlier about hating Louisville. She completes it, and the tone/content shifts from spiteful to beautiful, from hating Louisville to finding beauty/identity/home in it. Toward the end of the poem, she touches Shay and he speaks along with her, speaking together until the end of the poem. He recovers from this supernatural experience and leaves. The prophet returns to her original position. The audience leaves the car.] END OF PLAY.

Walls. By Annika Murrell. reaches his arm out and pauses the television with the remote.

Walls. By Annika Murrell. reaches his arm out and pauses the television with the remote. Walls! By Annika Murrell Scene opens on Meta and Shawn sitting on the couch. Meta is playing a game on her phone, and Shawn is watching TV. Also Dirk is there, sprawled out on the floor writing in a notebook.