Be the Total Woman You Are Living Your Purpose in Full Totality

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3 Be the Total Woman You Are Living Your Purpose in Full Totality Fola Sade Popoola

4 Be the Total Woman You Are Living Your Purpose in Full Totality Copyright 2017 Fola Sade Popoola Published by Total Woman Network All Rights Reserved. No part of this sample book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever, or stored in any information storage system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written consent of both the publisher or the author of this book, except in the case of brief quotations with proper reference, embodied in articles and reviews. All quotations remain the intellectual property of their respective originators. All use of quotations is done under the fair use copyright principal. Disclaimer: This publication is made available with the understanding the author is not engaged in rendering psychological, medical, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counselling is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Christian, Personal Growth, Self-Awareness Published in the United Kingdom

5 Chapters Introduction Why Totality Matters... 3 Chapter One Growing into My Identity... 5 Chapter Two Growing Wild in America Chapter Three Growing in the Church...23 Chapter Four Escaping the Fire Chapter Five Healed by Grace Chapter Six Growing in Natural Beauty Chapter Seven Finding Beauty from the Ashes...77 Conclusion...83

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7 Living Your Purpose in Full Totality Chapter One Growing into My Identity I grew up in Lagos, Nigeria. We call people like me Ajebutter, a term used to describe those that grow up with the proverbial silver spoon in their mouths. Ajebutters have all the goodies in life. They never really have to lift a finger for anything. Yes, like the Ajebutter, I had most things a child could want or need. I went to the best schools, Corona and then Methodist Girls High. My father made sure we had everything. We travelled every summer and had the best things. I grew up in an affluent area so everyone had their own mansions, well-to-do parents, and private schooling, so you can imagine the trimmings of life that were at hand. Yet when it comes to forming a strong identity, I d say my growing up was quite mixed. Yes, I had great parents but I grew up a very confused person and much of it due to what was expected of me. Who I was expected to be. As most people know, the Nigerian parent has high expectations for their children, and education often features at the top. This was certainly the case for my family, especially as my dad was an academic and my mum an English literature teacher. So, you could imagine their frustrations with a child that hated books, reading or writing. Often in my culture, parents expectations determine how children are moulded. That s how most Nigerian children turn out: as their parents expect. This worked well for my brother and especially my sister who adored reading books. In fact, to say that she loved to read is an understatement. She read anywhere and everywhere 5

8 6 Fola Sade Popoola possible: at the dinner table, in the hallway, on the balcony, in bed. Just name the place and you would find her there reading away. I believe that if she were opened up, what you would find inside is a Waterstones or some huge library. But I was different and my parents and siblings could not understand why. After school and weekends were times to hangout or to party as far I was concerned. My mum and dad, bless them, could not understand why I could not just stay home and get into school work or read a book like my sister! I remember being told off by my sister many times because she could not fathom why I hated reading. She tried everything to get me to read, including chasing me around the house with Enid Blyton books! Right up to this day I hate the name Enid just because of that. I just could not give a monkey s if four boring children went on an adventure and found a barn and decided to stay in it. Who cares? My dad, being an academic, loved the fact that my sister loved to read. He loved that she would read even at the dinner table. To make matters worse, my sister went on to study law, which meant even more reading! That was part of her identity, and I give her that, as until today it is still how I see her. It still reflects in her life and her home which is full of books. But growing up, you can imagine that dad and I were not best of friends because all I wanted to do was hang out. I just had difficulty fitting the mould they made for me. That was not Sade. I was not my studious sister. And yet I m not sure if that had anything to do with my rebelling later on because at the time I never let it bother me; I just went about my life. Strangely enough, despite hating books, reading and writing I actually liked magazines. I found them much more exciting than a book full of just words. I just loved poring over pages of glamorous looking women, fashion, make-up and hairstyles in magazines like Vogue, Marie Claire and Cosmopolitan. Something about the magazine images held a clue for who I really was as an individual

9 Living Your Purpose in Full Totality and what I was born to do. The pictures made me feel more alive. They stirred my creativity and they made me appreciate beauty. Of course, I did not understand it at the time, and neither did my parents. But from as far back as I can remember, I never liked to wear our African traditional dress. I never owned anything of Nigerian traditional regalia and was never attracted to it. Often in our culture when we have a big occasion the women will have garments made in the same fabric to wear to the event. Although the design of each garment would often be a bit different from one another as far as I was concerned they all looked the same. I didn t like that. Whenever such occasions arose and we all had to wear the same thing I would buy my own fabric and make my own garments with a bit of the uniformed fabric in the design. I would stand out like a sore thumb. I was in my own world fighting to be who I was born to be. This was key, because I remember vaguely that there were times I felt real ugly because I was made fun of. I was called big head and bow legs and people taunted me on this for a long time. It bothered me to the point that for years I wore long skirts just to cover my legs. It took my husband to let me know how beautiful my legs were when I met him so you can imagine how deeply the name-calling affected me and how much damage it did to my selfesteem. When I add to that the experience of being compared to my studious sister it helps me to understand why I felt so confused growing up. I was struggling to emerge the total woman I was born to be. There were other things going on inside my head as a child growing up that would affect my developing identity. My added confusion came from concerning myself with things I had no business with as a child. I worried myself to stupor with silly things like, How will I ever be able to care for my children like my parents do? How will I know what school to send my child to? and How will I know how to take care of a home? I would tell myself that I would never 7

10 Fola Sade Popoola get married because I just could not fathom the idea of staying married to the same person for the rest of my life like my parents did! I mean, sleep and wake up to see that same face day in, day out! Yes, I concerned myself with these things and it created a spaghetti junction in my mind. On top of that I was gullible. I was one of those people that trusted what other people said even if it looked different to me. I mean, if you told me it was raining and I saw the sun shining I would still believe you that it was raining! It was unreal! With all this you can fully understand why I was so confused. So, of course, I drifted like the sea from one issue to another untill the day I quit college and told my dad that I was not going to continue my education anymore. No, it wasn t that I was bold or had a death wish that led me to stand up against my Nigerian parents expectations that day. It was only easy to do that because I was 12 hours away from my dad. I had moved to the States by that time to continue my schooling. Once I told them of my decision to quit my education I felt relieved and glad, but these emotions were short-lived and gave me a false sense of security. At the time, I was unaware of the injurious consequences of my rebellious actions, which is all revealed in subsequent chapters of the book. 8

11 Thank you for reading this sample chapter from Be the Total Woman You Are: Living Your Purpose in Full Totality by Fola Sade Popoola. To order your copy of the full book visit About the Author Fola Sade Popoola was born in West Ham, grew up in Nigeria, and currently resides in London. She is a devoted wife, mother, beautician, presenter, inventor and author with plenty of energy and a solid record of accomplishment in her field of skill. She has worked as a makeup artist for over fifteen years, ran her own salon for a decade and has also been a top stylist on a number of television stations and shows in Nigeria. Being gifted as a makeup artist and beautician, Sade invented and designed The Quute Illuminated Handbag, which led to her being nominated for the coveted British female inventor and innovator awards. Sade is frequently invited to speak on the role of innovation in business as well as other topics. In the UK Sade hosts Beauty for Ashes talk show, a Christian talk show, and she also works for UK community radio. Sade founded the Total Woman Network to help women attain the level of totality they were born for. The network helps women gain confidence, maintain their health and well-being, and become effective contributors to society through mentorship programs, weight-loss products and other initiatives.