February A Monthly Publication of Impact Ministries. The ART. of Staying in Love

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1 IM A Monthly Publication of Impact Ministries P ACT February 2013 The ART of Staying in Love

2 Staying in Love As a pastor I developed a premarital counseling program. It was only six bi-weekly sessions. The goal of the sessions was to get couples talking about the things that people tend to never talk about before they get married. In fact, I soon found that it was failure to talk about these issues that usually led to divorce! About half of those who came to me for premarital counseling ended up not getting married. They discovered through communication that they were not the match they once thought they were. Since the divorce rate is around 50% I simply assumed these were the half that would have ended in divorce! Every day I am amazed at the general inability of the average person to provide meaningful communication. The problems range from the simple to the bizarre. Here are some reasons people give for not communicating: I don t feel comfortable talking about this stuff! We ll fight if we try to talk about these things. He/she will think this is silly. And there is the issue of a person talking but never listening. One of the most interesting and conflicting problems is the person who asks for communication, yet when he or she gets it they become so defensive or argumentative that no one wants to ever talk to them. Then, with a typical victim s attitude they complain that they are open, yet their spouse just won t talk to them. If I identified one predominant issue that destroys meaningful communication I would have to say it is judgment! When we assume to know why others do what they do we are judging them. When we assume to know why anyone is doing what they are doing we have now attached significance to their action. Once we attach significance to a person s behavior it affects us as if our judgment is correct. This is what Jesus meant when He said with the measure you meet is shall be measured back to you. (Matt. 7:2) For example, if someone is attempting to show me kindness and I judge their behavior as being manipulative, I feel as if I am being manipulated regardless of their true intention! One of the most common forms of judgment occurs when I project my motives onto their actions. In other words, if I tend to show kindness as a way to manipulate I will assume others do the same. I have assumed to judge why they are doing what they are doing. If we do not trust someone, especially if their track record supports it, it s alright. But even if your track record supports a certain motive, I still have no right to judge. Just because you usually manipulate through kindness does not mean you are doing so in this situation. This is where we allow events to play out on their own until the truth comes out. In most of these conflicts we seldom simply say, When you do this it makes me feel like..! Is this what you are intending to do? Instead of discussing how someone s behavior makes us feel we go straight to saying something like, I know why you re doing this. The conflict that follows is never based on fact, it is never based on what the person did; it is based on our judgment! Conflicts based on judgment are never resolved even when we are right! This is why I highly recommend the use of The Top Five Lists. The Top Five List of Conflict consists of the top five things your mate does that makes you feel unloved or unappreciated! This is something couples should exchange on a regular basis. Don t wait until you re angry to attempt to discuss offensive behavior. And, by all means, don t wait until you are in the place of judgment! (Con t on pg 3) 2

3 Staying in Love (con t from pg 2) If you swap Top Five Lists on a regular basis and actually discuss them you may come to an understanding of your mate that you never realized. There may be things you do on a regular basis that rob your marriage of love and passion. People who do this exercise a few times actually develop their communication to the place where they are able to do it conversationally in real life rather than needing to set aside a time to write it down. If you love your mate or have any intention of loving them you must know the things you do that make them feel unloved! Then you must commit yourself to changing those behaviors. The Top Five List of Conflict does more to remove fighting and conflict than anything I know. But then you re ready to stop dealing with the negatives and move on to the Jim & Brenda Richards positives. Now that you ve stopped hurting one another you can turn your world into paradise by exchanging The Top Five List of Love. This is where you make a list of the top five things that make you feel loved. You swap and discuss them with your mate and now you have a plan for passion, romance, and staying in love. Once you know what makes your mate feel loved, you ve struck gold. Now all you have to do is do it! Even in marriages where love has disappeared, when two people want it to work and have the right tools they can find the love they never had. The Top Live Lists provide a starting place for communication that will bring love alive and keep it alive! WORLD CHANGERS WEEKEND 2013 Watch for Details to Come! You Don t Want to Miss It!! 3

4 OPERATION ONE BILLION! There are more people alive in this generation than have lived in all of history combined. Darkness is upon the face of the earth. Evil is called good and good is called evil. Yet, where sin abounds grace does much more abound! Darkness can never overcome light! God is raising up more uniquely called and qualified ministries to reach beyond the scope of the church walls than I have ever seen or imagined. I am so thankful the church reaches who it does. But I am also thankful that God is continuing to do what He has done through history; He is constantly calling those to go where the church won t or can t go. I remember the heart-wrenching words of my first pastor. I had been preaching on the streets, winning hippies to Jesus, and packing the pews week after week. In my naivety I thought this wave of souls would be welcomed with open arms. After all, every week the pastor gave an invitation for the lost to be saved and he encouraged the believers to win the lost. We even had an evangelism program that knocked on doors every Monday evening! Instead of being welcomed in arms of love these new converts were met with criticism for their hair and clothes. I was criticized for being out on the streets all night Saturday night and not attending Sunday school class on Sunday morning. After all, only a half-committed Christian only attended the main worship service. It was surreal to be rejected for the very thing the Bible and the pastor encouraged us to do! My pastor was a wonderful man who helped me so very much. Even though our beliefs were worlds apart, his insistence on an absolute commitment to the Word of God was the very heart of my beliefs. On this day we met he had deep sorrow in his eyes. He said, Jim. You are doing exactly what the Bible tells us to do and what the entire church should be doing. But the truth is you and the people you are reaching will never survive here. You need to do something that doesn t look anything like church, but is church - something these people can relate to, a place where they can receive ministry! Then he apologized profusely for the sad attitude of the people. In an instant, I was severed in my heart from the denominational church that had been so good to me. But in the same instant a light came on: It doesn t have to look like the traditional church to be church! That was pretty revolutionary in the South in As I have learned through church history and observed through forty years of ministry, the orthodox church has a role that I recognize and value, but it has never been the orthodox church that reaches the world. The moment we take steps to reach one group of people we automatically alienate ourselves from other groups. That s why I look for those who have the calling, the passion, and the personal ministry style to reach those who are waiting! Jimmie Bratcher is one of those unique individuals who left the security of a successful pastoral position in one of the fastest growing churches in America and said, I ve got to be true to my call. That s why he is a part of our Operation One Billion outreach team. He is going where we can t go, touching those we don t know! Every year Jimmie and his team go into prisons, biker rallies, blues bars, and churches going where we can t go, showing the love they ve never known! Here is a report from a recent trip to Ellsworth Correctional Center. You Visited Me! By Jimmie Bratcher This is the seventh time that I ve heard you here in this prison and this will be my last. I ve been in prison for twenty-four years and they re letting me out next month. I m going home to my wife. She has waited for me all this time. Needless to say, I was inspired to continue helping people like this go home to a new life! The holidays are some of the most stressful and discouraging times to be incarcerated. (Con t on pg 6)

5 February Testimonies I have completed Essential Heart Physics, Abundant Living, Limitless Living, and Creating Wealth. I have read Wired For Success two times. I have also listened to Wisdom for Healing three times. I will order New Beginnings and The Ultimate Put Off-Put On very soon. I am 57 years old and have walked with the Lord most of my life. I was saved when I was eight in a Southern Baptist Church and was raised in a fundamentalist home. I was introduced to the Charismatic movement and the Word of Faith Movement when I was seventeen. I graduated from Christ for the Nations Institute in the seventy s. I also graduated from Southern California College (Assemblies of God). I served on a church staff for a couple of years. Those were good things but they also created a lot of inner turmoil that has tormented me all these years. Jim s teachings have helped me to find relief in many areas already. I have had a roofing business for the last thirty two years and I build beautiful acoustic guitars as time permits. I had reached a level in my life and business that I could not seem to rise above. I have been praying, confessing the Word for years with little change. This past fall I was driving to Oklahoma on business. I had been praying and seeking God for help and guidance. I took a break and started searching radio channels and I caught the last few minutes of a radio interview that fascinated me. The man being interviewed was talking about reprogramming your genes. I later found out that it was Jim being interviewed on Sid Roth s program. I had never heard of Jim and was only vaguely aware of Sid Roth. He was offering Wisdom for Healing on the radio program. I immediately ordered the series, listened to different parts multiple times, and put as much as I understood into practice. I noticed enough change that I knew I had to learn more. In the last few months I have been working with Jim s materials on a daily basis. I have noticed a lot of the torment has gone away. Wisdom for Healing I believe being certified in Heart Physics could be valuable to me in several ways. I have always been less than enthusiastic about sharing the message of God s love with other people be- cause I never really felt like He loved me. I know He does love me, intellectually, but had never felt it un- til I did Heart Physics. I have always felt inadequate to help others because I had so many nagging feelings that hindered me. I have come to see the benefit of writing truths on your heart through deep meditation. I now feel like I can truthfully share with people and help them to rise above their challenges. I want to pursue all the levels of certification. I know it will help me personally and then free me to help others. I have been married since My wife has noticed a change in me and is now on her second week of Heart Physics. ~SF~ Names of God & Foundations of Faith FREE ONLINE! Thank you so much. I have never seen such a wonderfully comprehensive list. Just came across your ministry on the internet yesterday and words fail to describe how much I am benefitting from it -- truly extraordinarily helpful!!!!! Have done the first lesson in the Foundations of Faith course and listened to Jim Richards on Youtube. Am looking forward to much much more. Bless you -- (you have so blessed me), ~AN~ 5

6 You Visited Me! (con t from pg 4) Every year Sherri, the band, and I do several prison events around the holidays. Why? Because God loves and values those men and women and they have a right to know that and the gospel will change their lives forever. If they had heard the gospel they may have lived a different life. If they hear the gospel now, they may be delivered from this life. It is impossible to rehabilitate the heart. The only sure hope for those whose heart has been scarred by pain and sorrow is the healing of a broken heart! Other efforts are all but wasted until the prisoner is set free in his own heart by becoming a new man! I know you want to reach and help these people. But I also know those of you who share this passion have no way to go where I go. So with your help I go where you can t go, showing the love they ve never known! Each year, the weekend before Christmas, we do an event in central Kansas that is remarkable in so many ways! The favor we have with the prison and the prisoners is really unprecedented! Saturday we do a concert to a very enthusiastic capacity crowd of about 300 men. I mean the place is rockin! To make it even better, these guys are avid fans of my music so they are shouting out requests. I consider this to be one of the most important events we do. By listening to music that has redeeming lyrics their hearts are being affected! The CDs we leave behind preach the gospel to them 365 days per year! Music not only opens the doors for us to share the gospel, it empowers the message we preach. Every CD is like a missionary left behind but it doesn t have to be fed, it won t compromise the message, and it won t back down in the face of rejection! Then on Sunday morning we again do music and I share a message. Then we go cell to cell sharing and passing out Christmas gifts to each of the 950 men. This personal touch is something these men rarely get from prison ministries. In 2012 it was just Sherri, the band, some staff, and me. The gifts are part of a community effort. They aren t much, but they are so appreciated by these men who have so little. Many of them have no contact with their family at all. For some this will be the only gift they receive, and possibly the only expression of love in a dismal world of violence and confinement! Then in the Spring we follow up with an event on the prison yard where we minister to the entire prison population. Sunday evening after the event we ministered in a church a couple of hours away. One of the first men at the church to speak to me said. The last time I saw you I was in the prison you just came from and now I am going back into the prisons sharing the gospel just like you shared it with me. He then turned and introduced his wife and children. Stories like these compel me to keep going, keep sharing, and keep connecting. These lives that are transformed inspire me to love these hurting people and share God s incredible love through the gospel. Jesus said it best: I was in prison and you visited me. When I go into a prison it is not just me. It is me and all those who send me. There are no offerings in a prison. They have nothing to give. It is a mission field. You can t take anything from them! You can only give! They hear the gospel because people who can t go send me to those they will never know. Like all missionary outreaches, we presently have more opportunities like these than we have funds. We are presenting a proposal to the state of Kansas in hope of doing events like these in all the prisons in the state. This will involve a discipleship program and Impact International School of Ministry. We want to take this message of God s love to every inmate possible! We want to give them the chance they never had for a life they have never known! With your help I will go where you can t go, sharing the love they ve never known! Check out the music and videos at 6

7 INVEST in Yourself and Your Sweetheart! ext. 301 or impactministries.com THEY TWO SHALL BECOME ONE DR. JAMES B. RICHARDS 7

8 Watch IMPACT CyberChurch impactministries.com On Demand 12 noon CDT til The Following 12 noon CDT Past Weekly Messages Now Archived Under the Resource Tab for Your Convenience! Watch on Your Big Screen TV You can now watch our broadcast on your big screen TV through Vimeo on Apple TV. Just log on and search for jimrichards.tv. And now we are also broadcasting through Roku. This makes it easier than ever to have your own igroup or turn CyberChurch into a family event!

9 Staying in love is within the reach of any couple fully committed to following Jesus. There is no more important relationship in life that will develop our character and our capacity to know God than our marriage. That s why more than any other analogy the relationship between Jesus and the Church is compared to the relationship between a husband and wife. Consequently, investing in your marriage will pay huge dividends in your relationship with God! Despite the similarities, no two couples are alike, which means no two marriages are alike. There is no one size fits all formula for a great marriage. It s all about the heart! The Art of Staying in Love is not a series of formulas. It is about the desire and intent to stay in love and build a great marriage! This can only be developed in the heart. Jesus explained that the real cause for divorce is hardness of heart! Unless you guard your heart the seeds for loss of love and eventual divorce can be sown the first day of the marriage. Guard your heart and you ll never get a divorce. Establish your heart and you ll always stay in love. Staying in love requires continual development, but the dividends far exceed any sacrifice. The ART of Staying in Love Dr. James B. Richards Special Offer Only $45! + S/H for CD Set, Book, & 9 Downloads! Learn how a broken heart can destroy your marriage before you ever meet Understand how to apply the tools necessary to heal your heart Stop the seeds of divorce before they take root Identify one of the most destructive relationship crimes committed by Christians Acquire unique, proven resources to resolve conflict Discover how hormones can destroy your marriage and what to do about it Avoid the devastation of The Hateful Divorce In addition to Dr. Richards bestselling book, We Still Kiss, you receive a 6 CD set of his series, The Art of Staying in Love. Whether you are married, single, divorced, planning to get married, or a marriage counselor, The Art of Staying in Love lays down the rules and practical applications for a happy, healthy, passionate, love-filled, life-giving relationship. Bonus! Included with this series as a free bonus are nine great audio downloads of real life teaching sessions for a happy marriage from three ministry couples who have mastered The Art of Staying in Love. Call ext. 301 or Order Online at impactministries.com Hurry! Offer Ends February 28, 2013 Everyone intends to fall in love and stay in love. However, not many people do. Over half of all marriages end in divorce. Those who remain married often settle for an unhappy coexistence to avoid the destruction of divorce. In this series, you will laugh, you will cry and you will ask yourself all the right questions. Dr. Jim Richards, author of We Still Kiss, will gently navigate you through the troubled waters of marriage and bring you to the safe shores of incredible crazy love. Get your own personal Love Score Card to evaluate and develop a strategy for bringing real love into your relationship. Then use the Chaos Calculator to identify and eliminate the chaos that keeps your relationship in turmoil. Finally, take the survey, "In Love or Crazy in Love?" It has been a long time since you ve gotten anything this practical for romance. 20% OFF! Hear what people are saying: I ve finally got something I can work with! Now I see that this is the most important area of my life and the least developed! Now I see why people who come here build great marriages! My wife and I are actually talking and enjoying our marriage! This has helped me more than all the marriage counseling we ve gotten! This saved my marriage! It is so good to be in love again. I had almost forgotten what it was like! ONLY $22 + S/H Is your marriage in trouble or, maybe just a little stale? These four messages along with the handouts will be one of the best investments you ve ever made in your marriage. Call ext. 301 or Order Online at impactministries.com Hurry! Offer Ends February 28, 2013

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