Drained... Too Drained to Drain... I did not write the man blog yesterday...an emotional vacation.

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1 Drained... Too Drained to Drain... I did not write the man blog yesterday...an emotional vacation. What is an emotional vacation...well let's review... Pretend everything is fine, normal, unchanged and just about right... The process of doing this...i don't know... Kevin came over yesterday to help me do some trim, we are in the middle of renovations here, something put off by illness...and other things...but these tasks do allow for a get away...time to think of other things... And the reminder of dreams never realized... Today will not be the first day I don't cry... I made it all the way to the evening yesterday, I thought I might make it the entire day. I wouldn't have cried at all I don't think it it weren't for the clan at Zizi's Kitchen. A few gifts cards are great, as is the food...but the note sent along with it...ya...i'm pouring tears right now. Ev and I loved Zizi's. We spent many evenings there sharing a pitcher of Sangria and great food...while we were trying to figure out why she was in so much pain we stopped going to ZIzi's...at one point we thought she might have an intolerance to garlic... In reality her bowel was backed up...and any large amount of food would give her discomfort...of course 2 years and 50 hospital visits couldn't help us figure that out...not until it was very far progressed. Am I bitter about that? You mean the doctor that told my wife she had a pulled muscle, laughing in her face and telling her to go home...just a month before she got her proper diagnosis...no...i'm not bitter at all... I'm... Pouring tears...kids just woke up and came in for a hug... I'm bitter...i don't know the name of the doctor at Rideau Valley Health Services that told my wife to stop working her lower body for a couple weeks...but it was one of their male doctors...just to help 1 / 6

2 him identify himself... If news of this gets back to you brother...2 choices...hand over your medical license, or start caring for your patients. MORON! Now...I've met some wonderful medical professionals, so many people that cared about my wife and my family. I applaud you, the pain you must feel trying to keep the sick well...alive... Pouring tears...the man blog vacation is easier than this...this is the realization of what I've lost...sharing isn't without so much anguish... Okay...back to life here...friday was a terrible day spent doing the passport scramble. And it ended with Syd sending her father a few texts asking that he expedite a signed passport application here by Monday. If it isn't here in the morning the chance of me getting passports in time is slim to none...i'm running out of time... If I had written this yesterday I would have been vicious about the following comments, but I'm now going to attempt to do it without emotion... And Todd...I hope you are reading this, if not, I hope your sister Paula is and shows you the light... Sydney is contacting you out of necessity, you control the ability for her to travel...outside of that, she wants to continue as things are...without you. Consider this Todd, as you text your daughter negative comments regarding her mother, or me...her father...consider how much pain you are making her feel...consider that she may be a 13 year old girl, but she is a young lady, wise beyond her years, the intelligence and street smarts of women in her later teens, early 20's... This young lady is a genius, and she hates your negative comments... Kindly consider also, that as we journey down the path to my legal guardianship of the children, you can choose whether to just sign for it to happen, or that I pay 20 thousand dollars in legal to do it. Money from the children...not unlike dental insurance money hey chum... Kindly keep in mind you had promised to sign off on their adoption if I gave you back you child support...something I am still willing to do...and that I have in writing along with your negative comments to Syd... I know...i'll get comments today to keep this to myself...too BAD! I'll pay whatever price is levied for laying out my life here for better or for worse! 2 / 6

3 Anyway folks...you walk into Zizi's Kitchen on Friday night, after a long day on the phone and a trip with Sydney to the passport office...a nice night out for the kids, a good dinner, in a beautiful atmosphere... I'm floored...the entire meal I'm fighting tears...a losing battle...the only thing keeping me afloat are the 4 children I'm with, loving their night out...all mixed in with reminders of the loving nights I spent with Ev here, and the girls asking me where we sat and what Ev loved to eat... Oh...my beautiful wife...just starting the best days of her life...i love your face so much babe!!!!! I've cried for a straight hour now...time for a bit of a detour. 3 / 6

4 Man Blog Weigh In The only one of us that has been dieting is Beagle. On Friday he sent me his weigh in pounds. To that I responded I'd see under 210 by Wednesday this week...sadly today I'm at 218.2, I turned the corner and now find myself feeding my grief rather than starving it... I'd also like to announce a new face on the man diet, Trafford. Skinny Trafford... Now...Trafford hardly NEEDS to lose weight, but the beach a month from now obviously has him yearning for the best body he can have...and that I understand. Although I would be perfectly comfortable without my shirt on at I want to hit the beach at under It won't be easy, Andy is in better shape than I am at the moment... That's Parker beside Andy in the photo, I believe he may be pointing to a sandwich in Parker's other hand... Parker is on the shakes, I saw him yesterday while I ate a curry and a ginger ale...i know I should 4 / 6

5 have passed on the pop but... Parker was watching soccer at the Heart and Crown, I paid his bill, it was $2. A coffee and 6 waters... I better pick up my socks. Today I really will watch what I eat, and tomorrow the gym...unless of course by some miracle I get passport documents... I'll likely end up driving to Toronto on Monday to beg for the damn things...perfect... Anyway... I don't want to spend the day Angry. It's not a state of mind my lovely wife would approve of...and as it is right now, I get through my days at this point being one with her...as crazy as that may seem... I'm not even sure I had a half a train of thought today... The Quote of The Day: Sometimes we just need someone to be there for us. Not to fix anything or do anything in particular, simply so that we can feel love, supported, and cared for. -included in a letter from Barb, Trudy and Ferdi The nice people at Zizi's...making me cry...xo Thanks today...wow...the Kevins...always there for me through thick and thin...all the GBG too. Mary, Andrea, Meagan, Gin, Kim...your comments help me explore my own feelings. Jen Holmes...some things are so hard for a reason, but the reason shouldn't make us hard. Happiness isn't a weakness...xo Mandy, Sarah, Kim, Trudy, Jen, Gin...thank you for putting a smile on my children...they are wonderful and they love you for it... The Auns, Kennedy's, Moe, Nasser, Sue, Megan, Derek...my neighbors helping me get by... So many people make my life a little bit easier every day....i will close out today with a bit of Anger though...and I know some of you will comment that I should keep my feelings and opinions in this regard to myself BUT... 5 / 6

6 Powered by TCPDF ( that I just deleted sorry, maybe I won't end this mornings blog in anger...i dedicate this moment to Jen Holmes...:) looking cold kids...bundle up... Love you. 6 / 6