WORDS OF HOPE. What is Hope?

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1 WORDS OF HOPE FOR THOSE WITH CO-OCCURRING DISORDERS of ADDICTION AND PSYCHIATRIC ILLNESS Volume 10, Number 2 NATIONAL EDITION Spring 2008 Thoughts on Addiction By Eckhart Tolle Author of A New Earth A long-standing compulsive behavior pattern may be called an addiction, and an addiction lives inside you as a quasientity or subpersonality, an energy field that periodically takes you over completely. It even takes over your mind, the voice in your head, which then becomes the voice of the addiction. It may be saying, You ve had a rough day. You deserve a treat. Why deny yourself the only pleasure that is left in your life? And so, if you are identified with the internal voice due to lack of awareness, you find yourself walking to the fridge and reaching for that rich chocolate cake. At other times, the addiction may bypass the thinking mind completely and you suddenly find yourself puffing on a cigarette or holding a drink. How did that get into my hand. Taking the cigarette out of the packet and lighting it, or pouring yourself a drink were actions performed in complete unconsciousness. If you have a compulsive behavior pattern such as smoking, overeating, drinking, TV watching, Internet addiction, or whatever it may be, this is what you can do: When you notice the compulsive need arising in you, stop and take three conscious breaths. This generates awareness. Then for a few minutes be aware of the compulsive urge itself as an energy field inside you. Consciously feel that need to physically or mentally ingest or consume a certain substance or the desire to act out some form of compulsive behavior. Then take a few more conscious breaths. After that you may find that the compulsive urge has disappeared for the time being. Or you may find that it still overpowers you, and you cannot help but indulge or act it out again. Don t make it into a problem. Make the addiction part of your awareness practice in the way described above. As awareness grows, addictive patterns will weaken and eventually dissolve. Remember, however, to catch any thoughts that justify the addictive behavior, sometimes with clever arguments, as they arise in your mind. Ask yourself, Who is talking here? And you will realize the addiction is talking. As long as you know that, as long as you are present as the observer of your mind, it is less likely to trick you into doing what it wants. What is Hope? To want, to desire? To expect that what s envisioned May indeed happen? What does it take to hope? Everything. Hope takes never ceasing To be amazed Believing that tomorrow could Be better than today That you ll get a second chance That you ll make a difference That you matter. I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

2 May you never take one single breath for granted And When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance. Mark D. Sanders & Tia Sillers I Hope You Dance Making a Decision to be Willing to Change By Louse Hay, Author of You Can Heal Your Life If you really want to know how stubborn you are, just approach the idea of being willing to change. We all want to have our lives change, to have situations become better and easier, but we don t want to have to change. We would prefer that they change. In order to have this happen, we must change inside. We must change our way of thinking, change our way of speaking, change our way of expressing ourselves. Only then will the outer changes occur. We are now fairly clear on what the problems are, and where they came from. Now it is time to be willing to change. I have always had a streak of stubbornness within me. Even now sometimes when I decide to make a change in my life, this stubbornness can come to the surface, and my resistance to changing my thinking is strong. I can temporarily become self-righteous, angry, and withdrawn. This still goes on within me after all the years of work. It s one of my lessons. However, when this happens now, I know I m hitting an important point of change. Every time I decide to make a change in my life, to release something else, I m going even deeper into myself to do this. Each old layer must give way in order to be replaced with new thinking. Some of it is easy, and some of it is like trying to lift a boulder with a feather. The more tenaciously I hold on to an old belief when I say I want to make a change, the more I know this is an important one for me to release. It is only by learning these things that I can teach others. It is my opinion that many really good teachers do not come from joyful households where all was easy. They come from a place of much pain and suffering, and they ve worked through the layers to reach the place where they can now help others to become free. Most good teachers are continually working to release even more, to remove ever-deeper layers of limitation. This becomes a lifetime. The main difference between the way I used to work at releasing beliefs, and the way I do it today, is that now I don t have to be angry at myself in order to do so. I no longer choose to believe that I m a bad person just because I find something else to change within me. Do Cats Get Addicted? From the book Medications for Cats who do too much, Learning to take things one life at a time, by Michael Cader Catnip is vodla and whiskey to most cats. -Carl Van Vechten The catnip problem has been swept under the rug (literally) for a long time. So let s be loud and clear catnip is a drug. Yes, it is a natural drug, and used in moderation it is a fine recreational balm to life s little anxieties. But used to excess it can indeed produce cravings, mood swings, abnormal outbursts, and a tendency to stare out the window for hours watching an imaginary bird. But can we really help ourselves when the Higher Power leaves a mouseshaped bag of catnip on the floor for months on end? Of course not, and yet we must. The best solution is to muster your strength and kick those catnip bags as far under the furniture as possible. In so doing, you ll kick the habit as well. Cocaine A Poem by Sharon

3 Last time was the last time, or so that's what I thought. But now it seems I was wrong, no lesson has been taught. I'm lying here in bed, heart beating faster than ever. And to think before the first time you asked and I said "never". All it took was once and my life began to shatter. I'm slowly killing myself, but it doesn't seem to matter. Lost in fluffy white powder, I've given up on all my dreams. Trying to escape the pain, but no one hears my screams. My pulse becomes sporadic. I'm slowly losing my mind. Maybe I should do some more, so I can leave this world behind. You say don't give up, I can kick it if I try. But you don't really understand, so I will just have to lie. DON T SPEND ALL YOUR TIME DREAMING ABOUT THE FUTURE, BECAUSE THE KEY TO TOMORROW IS TODAY. Bradley Trevor Greive WHEN YOU HUNGER AND THIRST The body must be nourished, physically, emotionally and spiritually. We re spiritually starved in this culture not underfed but undernourished. -Carol Horning Many men and women swallow life in an attempt to keep it manageable. Whenever we re anxious, worried, nervous, or depressed, without thinking, we instinctively swallow food and drink in order to push away the uncomfortable negative experience we re feeling in our guts. We hunger and thirst, but it s not for a bowl of ice cream or a glass of wine. It s for inner peace and deeper connection. Carl Jung, the famous Swiss psychiatrist, believed that alcoholism was a sacred disease. M. Scott Peck relates in his book Further Along the Road less Traveled how it occurred to Jung that it was perhaps no accident that we traditionally referred to alcoholic drinks as spirits, and that perhaps alcoholics were people who had a greater thirst for the spirit than others, that perhaps alcoholism was a spiritual disorder or better yet, a spiritual condition. I believe this is also true about compulsive overeating, which is the addiction of choice for many women. We have such a passionate appetite for life, we just don t know what we truly need to satisfy our insatiable cravings for wholeness. When I first became aware that when I swallowed life I was really hungry and thirsty for joy and serenity, it was a turning point for me in learning selfnurturance. Finally, I understood that I wasn t underfed but spiritually undernourished. I realized I could go within and ask my soul my authentic self what I needed. I learned to stop and ask myself the questions How can I care for you at this moment. How can I love you? What is it you truly need? The next time you reach to put something in your mouth, take one minute to focus your awareness on what you re doing before you do it. Are you eating because you are physically hungry, or anxious? If you re anxious, a walk around the block instead of into the kitchen would be better for you and more loving. At the end of the day, are you pouring yourself a glass of wine out of habit in order to signal that it s time to relax? Instead, why not take a few moments to slip into comfortable clothes, sip a glass of delicious fruitflavored mineral water as you prepare dinner, and enjoy the wine with your meal? Learn to create ceremonies of personal pleasure that can nourish your deeper longings. As you nurture your spirit with kindness, your physical

4 cravings will loosen their grip. Realize today that you hunger and thirst for a reason. Ask your authentic self to reveal your deeper needs, so that Spirit can quench and satisfy your parched and ravenous soul. Simple Abundance Sarah Ban Breathnach In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die, and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility. Eleanor Roosevelt CHOICES By Karen L. Wondering why I don t Make good choices It seems I m still hearing voices Telling me I m bad and don t deserve to have good things happen in my world I ve been in therapy To strengthen my spirit But it seems so easy To not believe what I m hearing The messages she gives me Seem to intrude On my self loathing And my bad moods It s almost like I want to fight For my right to dislike myself But I keep going back To hear her words Because my thoughts Seem so absurd I ve been punishing myself For something I didn t do As I let her in to help me fight my disease I let go with ease And welcome her advice As she encourages me To make different choices And helps me see All the good parts of me And it sets me free Because I only see All that s negative in me As I try to change My thoughts and my actions I feel a difference in what I do and say and I look forward to each new day And am thankful For my life today. FREEDOM BY Irit Shimrat My friend Suzanne was locked up, put in the seclusion ward of a general hospital for eight days, and debilitated with major tranquilizers, before they put her on the assessment ward. There, she was assessed as incompetent and a danger to herself. She spent ten weeks of last summer receiving professional help in two hospitals. It took her six months to begin to recover from that professional help, and get off the drugs they addicted her to. Suzanne says: I worked so hard to become the version of me they wanted me to be, that I forgot who I was. They obliterated the me I knew. Wendy says, At one time I thought I had freedom to study, to earn a wage, to have a family and friends, to travel the globe. But then it was all, completely taken away. Freedoms that I hadn t given a second thought to, were suddenly gone. In the hospital, my glasses were taken away I couldn t see. They took my watch I lost every concept of time. My clothes, my books, my children. Everything. Wendy says, Even my capacity to think was taken, as my thoughts became fogged and blurred with the use of drugs and electricity. I lost the freedom to feel and to express I wasn t happy or sad, I didn t love or feel loved. I didn t cry or laugh or sing, or speak. With my memory destroyed, says Wendy, the freedom to live with peace of mind and a sense of security and safety is not to be had.

5 Freedom is knowing that I am a real person, a good person. Freedom is knowing that it s okay to be bad sometimes. Freedom is the room to breathe, the room to expand, to relax. Freedom is the right to breathe. I m allowed to breathe the same air that people in suits breathe, because I m free. I can be loud and full of power, even though I m female, because I m free. Getting out of shackles, getting out of the little box called the Quiet Room, getting out of the bigger box called the hospital, getting out of the zombie haze the tranquilizers put me in these were sweet and precious achievements. Wherever I go, I am free to put on my coat, to walk out the door. Or to stay. The choice is mine. Having that choice, is freedom. I got out of the hospital by agreeing with everything they said about me. I ve stayed out by denying it. The system taught me that I was weak, that I was sick, that my brain was diseased. They taught me not to trust myself. They taught me that I would never be okay again. They taught me that, on my own, without them and their drugs, I did not have what I needed to survive. They taught me to fear them. They taught me to respect them. They taught me silence and shame. They taught me that I was not responsible for myself. They taught me hate. Slowly but surely, I m unlearning everything they taught me. I am learning that I am strong. That I am well. That my brain is healthy. I m learning to trust myself. I m learning that I m okay a lot of the time. I have within me all the capacities I need for survival. I do not fear the system. I do not respect it. I am learning to be proud of who I am. I am learning to be responsible for myself. I am learning love. I am learning that my emotions are just emotions, not symptoms. I am learning that I m not broken, and I don t need to be repaired. Freedom from humiliation, from labeling, from loneliness, from self loathing. Freedom to be a person rather than a patient, to live in an apartment rather than a residential facility, to have a job rather than social programs. Freedom to take risks. To feel strongly. To have fun. Much of the time I should have spent writing this talk I spent in bed, curled up in a little ball, sleeping as much as I could. Full of despair, sure I wasn t good enough. Sometimes I d praise myself for taking a bath, or boiling some noodles, or actually getting out to the street to bum a cigarette. More often I d curse myself for being so useless. When I had to be with people it was awful. I felt like I wasn t one of them. I couldn t make myself smile, relax, talk, listen. Does this make me abnormal? And if I am, so what? Are normal people as happy as I am when I m up? What is normal anyway? That which, for some people, is imbalance, might just be balance for me. Neil Talks about his Depression Isn t it funny how we all have a story and until we get it down on paper can we objectively view the component parts. Let

6 me ask you a question. Have you ever felt so bad about your life that it was easier to stay in bed each morning, coiled in the fetal position, firmly tucked away from the fears and tears that the coming day had in store?. Have you been so low and alone that what you really would prefer would be to just... fade away. Nothing, it seems, can save you from this most overwhelming blackness mixed with a series of irrational fears about your future or current situation. These fears are so strong that they really border paranoia. You also believe that no one other than you ever felt this way. You just want the world to go away, so you tuck yourself further into the bed and continue to worry. It has been days since you slept which means your whirring mind has 24 hours of opportunity each day to undermine and criticize. Any semblance of self confidence has evaporated with assistance of this negative self talk. The worst thing though, is being completely out of control. You did not invent or encourage this absolute bleakness or encourage your self esteem to desert you. You know not why this has happened and feel there is no one to talk to as they surely will not understand. The question of What is happening to me is so real. Where did this come from and when will it leave? Not only when will it leave, but horribly, when will it return and why? The very first time I experienced this obnoxious, soul destroying blackness was when I was eighteen years of age. My father had recently been killed in an industrial accident and the grief I experienced probably kicked off this episode. The blackness was accompanied with terrible anxiety and changed my life forever. Up until that point I had a normal, healthy happy existence and life was filled with opportunity, color and a sort of innocence, the latter left me forever the first time I was depressed. However, looking back, my life was not actually normal, just normal for me. I was always and had always been anxious, or cried much more than my friends and felt things deeper than most of them. But I had never experienced depression until this point. The anxious depression was to follow me throughout my life and appeared just when I believed I had beaten it. I began psychotherapy, mixed this with a medication regime but all to no avail. While holding down a job and progressing through it all, I was always fearful that the color in my life could disappear at any moment and I would be overwhelmed with those devastating emotions that exist within this anxious depression that lived deep within me. Unable to function, to converse, to feel any form of joy, unable to read, or concentrate or sleep. Why me, why has this happened to me. Well, I am very nearly fifty years of age and I actually think I am getting the hang of this. First, I was diagnosed as Bipolar about seven years ago and the medications I take work for me, most of the time. I take 1000mg of Lithium daily and augment that with 20mg of an SSRI [Cipramil]. I watch my food and alcohol intake, ensure I have regular exercise and attempt to balance my emotional/stress levels as much as I can. I have continued to work for the same multinational company throughout my adult life and now hold a senior position. The balance is even more important now and I can still be thrown off balance, but the dark days are just blue and the anxiety is manageable, thank god. My message is this. You can and you will, no matter how difficult, overcome this burden. But consider it in a different light. Think how much more insight you have due to the experiences you have shared with depression. Think how much more of an empathetic person you have become. If the world was filled with more people just like you, it would instantly be a better, more nurturing place to live. Go on, share your self nourishment and experiences to soften the world. All the very best, Neil.

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