Pressure Points PRACTICAL FAITH FOR FACING LIFE S CHALLENGES

Pressure Points PRACTICAL FAITH FOR FACING LIFE S CHALLENGES

Pressure Points PRACTICAL FAITH FOR FACING LIFE S CHALLENGES Editor Mike L. Wonch Director of Editorial Bonnie Perry Writers James Hampton Bethany Addington All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc. From The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (esv), copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. From The Message (TM). Copyright 1993. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means - for example, electronic, photocopy, recording without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews. The internet addresses, email addresses, and phone numbers in this book are accurate at the time of publication. They are provided as a resource. Beacon Hill Press does not endorse them or vouch for their content or permanence. Copyright 2016 by Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City PO Box 419527 Kansas City, MO 64141 nph.com ISBN: 978-0-8341-3536-9 Printed in the United States of America 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

CONTENTS Introduction 5 Grief/Loss 6 Stress Management 14 Family Relationships 22 Loneliness 30 Finances 38 Healthy Self-image 46 Vocation/Calling 54

Introduction There is a famous bit that appears once in a while on a comedy show. It involves a traveler who is packing a suitcase. While packing, he/she realizes that the suitcase won t close with its current fill of clothes. So, to solve the problem, the person sits on the suitcase, flattening it, and then zipping or snapping it closed. This scene is usually followed by the traveler at some time opening the suitcase, upon which clothes explode everywhere. The suitcase becomes a prime example of what happens to contents under pressure. Every life has its fair share of pressures. These are the life issues and challenges that can squeeze us from all direction. These pressures, if not dealt with and handled in a healthy way, can build up in our lives and eventually erupt in some shape or form causing pain to us and potentially to those around us. Pressure Points: Practical Faith for Facing Life s Challenges digs deep into the areas of life that have a profound impact on us, and examines practical ways we can face each challenge successfully. Dr. James Hampton is an ordained elder and currently serves as a professor at Asbury Theological Seminary. Bethany Addington is a student at Asbury where she is pursuing her M.Div. Her vocational goal is to pastor in the Church of the Nazarene. 5

Grief/Loss

There is no pain quite so deeply felt and thoroughly disorienting as the experience of loss. Though suffering touches all of us in many ways throughout our lives, we are never fully prepared for its arrival and often quite unsure of how to navigate the brokenness that it brings. In a raw description of the pain of losing his wife, C. S. Lewis wrote in his journal, Tonight, all the hells of young grief have opened again How often will it be for always? how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, I never realized my loss till this moment? The same leg is cut off time after time They say the coward dies many times. So does the beloved. 1 Lewis words provide a vivid glimpse into the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual chaos of a heart that has been profoundly shaken by loss. As we grapple with the reality of loss and attempt to move forward in grief, we find that our day-to-day living holds a thousand reminders, each one revealing a new facet of our loss. GRIEF/LOSS Grief Is Not Just for Funerals While grief is most often discussed in relation to the passing of loved ones, it is important to recognize that we experience loss in many ways. What are some ways that people experience loss? Broken relationships, lost employment, failing health, financial ruin, emotional breakdowns, damaged reputations, betrayal, tragedy, failure, and missed opportunities are just a few common examples of real and painful loss. Whether we see them coming or not, these losses knock the wind out of us and stretch the boundaries of our faith to the breaking point. They bring us face to face with the painful realities of injustice, suffering, and unfulfilled dreams, expectations, desires, and needs. The pain of such losses must be grieved, for it is only through grief that we can experience healing. 1. C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed (New York: Bantam Books, Inc., 1961), 67. 7

PRESSURE POINTS Reflect on this Is there ever a time when grief over a loss is not appropriate? Why or why not? Does grief look the same in each circumstance, or does it vary with each situation? Read again how C. S. Lewis described grief in the quote above. Think about a time of grief in your life. How would you describe the sense of loss you felt? Grief Is Necessary Often when we or someone we know is confronted with a painful experience of loss, our instinct is to combat that pain with reasoning or optimism. We feel that our loss may not seem so devastating if we can somehow find a silver lining or work out a way to reconcile it intellectually or theologically. Unfortunately, these attempts often trivialize the situation or bring greater confusion and turmoil to a heart that is already overwhelmed with the chaos of loss. As C. S. Lewis wrestled to explain away the pain of losing his wife, he quickly found himself utterly at the end of his rope. Exasperated, he wrote, Aren t all these notes the senseless writhings of a man who won t accept 8

the fact that there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it? 2 Lewis was right to recognize that the pain of loss cannot be escaped simply by analyzing it or by sheer force of optimism. There is no way around the truth that loss is deeply painful. An essential part of the grieving process is to allow ourselves and others time, space, and grace to acknowledge that pain and to mourn what has been lost. Indeed, if healing is to come, suffering must first be suffered. GRIEF/LOSS Grief Moves the Heart of God Perhaps what was clouded from Lewis view at the time that he penned this frustrated, pain-stricken thought is that suffering is never suffered alone. Psalm 34:18 declares, The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. God has a special tenderness for those who are broken, and His Spirit is drawn especially close to those whose hearts are shattered by loss and heavy with grief. This truth is demonstrated beautifully in Jesus as He mourns with Mary and Martha in the loss of their brother, Lazarus: Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, Where have you laid him? They said to him, Lord, come and see. Jesus wept. So the Jews said, See how he loved him! But some of them said, Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying? Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb (John 11:32-38a, italics added). 2. Ibid. 38. 9

PRESSURE POINTS In the verses leading up to this passage, Jesus assured Martha that Lazarus will be resurrected to life again, and indeed, just a short time later, Lazarus did rise from the dead. Though Jesus knew with confidence that Lazarus was not lost forever, the Scripture tells us that He was deeply moved and even troubled by the grieving heart of Mary as she wept at His feet. To see someone so precious to Him in such a state of brokenness brought tears of grief to the eyes of Jesus. Although Jesus knew that the ultimate outcome of the story was a joyful one, He met Mary in the depths of her grief and mourned with her the deep pain of loss. Jesus, who is the Resurrection and the Life himself, was drawn so near to the heart of this broken friend that His own heart was touched by the pain of suffering and death. Likewise, although we know that Jesus has conquered death and will reign in final victory when He returns, He does not ask us to diminish, dismiss, or ignore the real pain that we experience in loss now. Rather, His heart is deeply moved by our sorrow and He draws near to commune with us in our grief. Reflect on this Has there been a time when you were experiencing grief, and someone tried to minimize your pain? How did that make you feel? What difference does it make that Jesus is moved by our sorrow and meets us in the depths of our grief? 10

Grief in Community As the body of Christ, the same Spirit of Jesus who was moved to tears in the presence of Mary s grief now moves us to extend the love of God in tangible ways to those who are grieving. In John 11, Jesus individual responses to Martha and to Mary demonstrate compassion and a sensitivity to the needs of each. When Jesus arrived in Bethany, Martha came out to meet Him. Lord, if you had been here, she lamented, my brother would not have died. Then in faith she added, But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you (11:21-22). Jesus nurtured that statement of faith and encouraged Martha with a message of profound hope: Everyone who believes in me shall never die (11:26, ESV). GRIEF/LOSS Mary, on the other hand, did not go out to meet Jesus, but remained in the house until He called for her. Like Martha, Mary expressed her grief: Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died (11:32b). Unlike Martha, however, Mary did not have the strength to confess her faith, or even to remain standing. Instead, she fell at Jesus feet and wept. In this moment, Jesus recognized that Mary s need was not for a theological discussion of the matter. Mary simply needed to know that Jesus was present, and that He loved her deeply, and that He shared genuinely in her grief. In the same way, as we walk alongside those who are grieving, we must be sensitive to their unique needs at any given moment. Perhaps at one time, they may need a message of hope and encouragement, and in such moments we can speak words of assurance that Jesus has won the final victory, and in Him all death and loss is once-and-for-all robbed of its devastating power. Other times, a grieving heart may not have the strength to see beyond the bitter pain of this moment. In those times, we extend Christ s love most 11

PRESSURE POINTS genuinely by our gentle, compassionate presence, sharing in that moment of grief, and mourning with those who mourn (Romans 12:15). Grief Is a Process One of the most difficult aspects of grief is the overwhelming uncertainty of how long the pain will last and whether life will ever return to normal. In the midst of such questions, it is important to remember that grief is a process and that healing comes gradually. As time passes and we return to daily routines, there will be moments when the pain suddenly rises to the surface again, catching us off guard and causing us to wonder how the wound could still seem so fresh after all this time. There is no need to feel distressed, discouraged, or impatient with ourselves when these moments come. Jesus assured His followers, Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. In these dark moments, the Spirit gently draws near to us with a unique blessing that can only be received through grief, for it is only when we allow ourselves to mourn that He can be our Comforter. The Spirit longs to meet us in the pain of these moments and to be intimately present with us there. If we will share honestly in the pain of that moment with Him, allow Him to comfort us, and finally release to Him that piece of our brokenness, He will bring healing there. In this way, the Spirit uses even our bitterest moments of grief to usher us into our most profound and precious experiences of restoration and intimacy with the Father. 12

Reflect on this Are you more like Martha or Mary when it comes to handling grief? GRIEF/LOSS Is it necessary to always to express our faith in the midst of grief? What does Romans 8:22-26 say about this? 13

Other Dialog studies also available! THE BEATITUDES Living a Blessed Life Discover why those who live as described in the Beatitudes are likely to find themselves both at odds with, and misunderstood by, cultures built on radically different assumptions. PARTICIPANT S GUIDE ISBN 978-0-8341-3374-7 FACILITATOR S GUIDE ISBN 978-0-8341-3373-0 THE PROPHETS Hearing the Timeless Voice of God The prophets live during specific times and speak specific words to their listeners. Yet, because their messages are from God, their words are timeless. Learn about seven of these prophets, who they are, and the messages they deliver that transcend time to grow your spirit today. PARTICIPANT S GUIDE ISBN 978-0-8341-3376-1 FACILITATOR S GUIDE ISBN 978-0-8341-3375-4 Available online at DialogSeries.com