The Great Divorce Small Group #5 The Embarrassed Woman LEADER S GUIDE Ver 1.1 Covers: The Great Divorce Chapter 8 Main Scripture: Matthew 23:5-12,23-28 Main Idea: Concern over how we appear to others can become an idol. We all need human feedback, but we need to get our primary identity not from how others see us but from how God sees us. We are sometimes tempted to use other people as mirrors as surfaces whose purpose is to reflect back to us what we want to see, to reduce them to nothing but props for our egos. When we have too strong a need to be admired by others, we are in danger of both pride and shame. Both produce self-absorption where the thing we are most aware of in the world is our selves. The opposite of pride is not humility, it is shame. Often guilt leads to shame, but Guilt and Shame are not the same. The feeling of Guilt is about what I have done, the feeling of Shame is about who I am. You can not serve two masters either shame will dictate your worth, or God will dictate your worth. Ideally, when we really get the gospel deep in our bones, a Christian should feel true guilt when we sin, but we should not feel shame because God tells us our value is infinite worth - our value does not fluctuate with our failures and successes. Another word for shame is dis-grace, and we are covered in grace, because if Jesus is truly your Lord, then you are clothed in his righteousness. Participants that were not able to hear the sermon can hear a fairly close rendition of it at www.levpres.org/the-great-divorce-podcasts/ How to use this Guide: This study includes a section for each of five basic steps THE OPENER starts where your people are, THE BOOK gets them into The Great Divorce, THE CHALLENGE gets them to share honest things about their own lives, THE SCRIPTURE helps them dig into a scripture that can help them with this issue, THE TAKEAWAY allows them to create a plan as they go back into their world. THE PRAYER creates space for prayer partners or small groups to pray for each other by name as an end to the group. During THE BOOK section, we encourage you to have two people read (or act out) the script found at the end of this guide to the rest of the members. THE OPENER: Can you share an event that was embarrassing in the moment, but now looking back, you are able to laugh about it? THE BOOK: SAY: In most chapters of The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis has pairs of people who knew each other on earth, meet on the front lawn of Heaven. One has come up from Hell and the other has come down from High Heaven. The people from heaven seem solid while the people from heaven seem unsubstantial. Today however, we meet two loners people who had no one coming for them. Once again we get the gift of being read to, so X and Y are going to read excerpts from chapter 5 to refresh our memories! As they do, try to imagine the scene and what the people are like. 1 P a g e
[Two readers read Condensed Script #5, located at the back of this study] 1. What struck you most about this scene? 2. Why is it that the Embarrassed woman wants so badly not to be seen? 3. There is something more here than just the way she feels about herself. What is implied when she says I d never have come at all if I d known you were all going to be dressed like that.? 4. What is the angel s reasoning in calling down a heard of unicorns that are both beautiful and terrifying? 5. How might this be connected to how daily devotionals might help us break our own selfabsorption? THE CHALLENGE: SAY: In the sermon, Pastor Palmer said we all do embarrassing things that we just have to laugh at, but shame is different it steals the smile from our face. Talking about what we really feel shame about can be incredibly difficult. To the degree you feel comfortable doing so, can you share with us something that tends to make you feel shame, or made you feel shame in the past? THE SCRIPTURE SAY: In the scripture we are going to look at Jesus is confronting the religious leaders of his time about things that appear Holy but actually are not. Two such groups were the Pharaisees (who were very earnest about obeying scripture), and the Scribes or Teachers of the Law (who were respected teachers). {Have someone read MATTHEW 23:5-12, 23-25} 5 "Everything they do is done for men to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; 6 they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; 7 they love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have men call them 'Rabbi.' 8 "But you are not to be called 'Rabbi,' for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. 9 And do not call anyone on earth 'father,' for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. 10 Nor are you to be called 'teacher,' for you have one Teacher, the Christ. 11 The greatest among you will be your servant. 12 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. : 23 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices-- mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more 2 P a g e
important matters of the law-- justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24 You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel. 25 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26 Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. 27 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. 28 In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. 1. What strikes you about this scripture? 2. Jesus is critiquing a lot of particulars to get them to see underlying problems. What would be the primary problem they have in the first set of verses and what would be the primary problem they have in the second set of verses? 3. In what way like the Pharisees? In what ways is she different? 4. How does Lewis use the Embarrassed Woman to draw out the implications of verse 27? In what ways will the judgement day of God show the utter foolishness of this approach to life? 5. In what ways does verse 12 show both the Embarrassed Woman s problem and the way to avoid it? 6. Which of these verses to you find the most personally convicting and why? SAY: Think a moment about some aspect of shame you feel about yourself. Then listen to what is promised in 1 Peter 2:6-10 to those who give up their pride and give their lives to Jesus becoming adopted into the household of God: 6 For in Scripture it says: "See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame." : 9 you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10 Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Ask: Are there things that make it difficult for you to see your self as one who is chosen by God, belonging to God, accepted, holy, even royal? How does this verse make you feel? THE TAKE AWAY SAY: In the podcast the pastor asked: 3 P a g e
Will I hold on to MY PRIDE and so be held by MY SHAME in the end? OR Will I let go of both my pride & my shame and hold on to Jesus? Two problems this study revealed are self-absorption and shame. What steps could you take in your life to break up the strangle-hold of either shame, or self-absorption in your life? THE PRAYER Take time praying for each other for protection from false pride and false shame. Pray for success in the steps they want to take to against self-absorption. Ask God s Holy Spirt to reveal to your prayer partner who they are in Christ, and to give them the ability to see themselves as the accepted, beloved one of God. ------------------------------------------------------------------ END ---------------------------------------------------------------------- EXTRA STUFF - IF YOU NEED IT 1. In Chapter 6, what scenes most struck you? What about them did you find so moving or interesting? How do you think an angel-waterfall could speak to the idea of a person s calling in life? 2. How would you guess the Embarrassed woman viewed herself on earth what kind of woman did she think she was then? {Examples: she thinks she is a Christian. She has dreams for the future, She views herself as a lady, hardworking, self-sacrificial, life of the party, underappreciated, treated unfairly, wronged though she is ready to forgive} 3. What mattered to her during her life on earth? 4. What does she want that she cannot have? 5. Recounting how heaven has been described so far in the book, have you ever (like the Embarrassed Woman) feared that Christianity or Heaven is no place for a person like you? If so, what do you think was behind that fear? 6. If you gave yourself a number from 0-10 where 10 is completely self-absorbed and concerned about appearances and 0 is completely self-forgetful and unconcerned about appearances what number would you give yourself? 7. If you gave yourself a number from 0-10 where 0 = I never struggle with shame and guilt and 10= I always struggle with shame and guilt, what number would you give yourself? 8. SCRIPTURE #2 (Proverbs 31:20-31 NIV) Compare the embarrassed woman to the woman of proverbs: "She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy." "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is 4 P a g e
fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." 9. SCRIPTURE #3 1 Peter 3:3-4 Consider Peter s advise to women: 3. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.how difficult do think it is in our current culture to live out the following scripture: How do you react to this? How difficult is this to live out in today s culture, and why? 10. SCRIPTURE #3&4 Consider how a real relationship with God can remove our sense of shame as reflected in the following two scriptures: (Psalms 30:11-12) "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, 12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever." (Isaiah 61:10) "I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." 11. Additional Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 15:54,Romans 12:3,Psalms 91:15-16,Proverbs 15:33,Proverbs 21:21,Proverbs 25:27,1 Samuel 16:7, Mark 12:38-40, Luke 14:8-11,Proverbs 31:20-31,Philippians 2:5-11, 1 Peter 3:3-5, Galatians 3:26-29 12. Have you ever known someone who was so concerned about not looking foolish that limited their choices and options, and their willingness to try new things (example skiing)? 13. What could you infer from the inverse of the ghost s stance) about the way you should behave here and now? 14. What does this reading imply about the character of God {Examples: God already sees everything we would be most embarrassed for people to see. We are already performing for an audience of one. } 5 P a g e
The Great Divorce Scripts GATHERING #5 - Chapter 8 - The Embarrassed Woman CONDENSED READING for two readers The main reader reads all the non-bold words, the second reader reads the words in bold which are also indented. <parentheses> signify a side comment to be read by the main reader. {bracketed} words signify an action or attitude and should not be read. A Ghost hobbled across the clearing as quickly as it could on that uneasy soil looking over its shoulder as if it were pursued. I saw that it had been a woman: a well- dressed woman, I thought but its shadows of finery looked ghastly in the morning light. It was making for the bushes. It could not really get in among them the twigs and leaves were too hard but it pressed as close up against them as it could. It seemed to believe it was hiding. A moment later I heard the sound of feet, and one of the Bright People came in sight: one always noticed that sound there, for we Ghosts made no noise when we walked. Go away <squealed the Ghost> Go away! Can t you see I want to be alone? But you need help, If you have the least trace of decent feeling left you ll keep away. I don t want help. I want to be left alone. Do go away. You know I can t walk fast enough on those horrible spikes to get away from you. It s abominable of you to take advantage. Oh, that That ll soon come right. But you re going in the wrong direction. It s back there to the mountains you need to go. You can lean on me all the way. I can t absolutely carry you, but you need have almost no weight on your own feet: and it will hurt less at every step. I m not afraid of being hurt. You know that. Then what is the matter? Can t you understand anything? Do you really suppose I m going out there among all those people, like this? But why not? 6 P a g e
I d never have come at all if I d known you were all going to be dressed like that. Friend, you see I m not dressed at all. I didn t mean that. Do go away. But can t you even tell me? If you can t understand, there d be no good trying to explain it. How can I go out like this among a lot of people with real solid bodies? It s far worse than going out with nothing on would have been on Earth. Have everyone staring through me. Oh, I see. But we were all a bit ghostly when we first arrived, you know. That ll wear off. Just come out and try. But they ll see me. What does it matter if they do? I d rather die. But you ve died already There s no good trying to go back to that. (The Ghost made a sound something between a sob and a snarl.) I wish I d never been born What are we born for? For infinite happiness! You can step out into it at any moment... But, I tell you, they ll see me. An hour hence and you will not care. A day hence and you will laugh at it. Don t you remember on earth there were things too hot to touch with your finger but you could drink them all right? Shame is like that. If you will accept it if you will drink the cup to the bottom you will find it very nourishing: but try to do anything else with it and it scalds. You really mean?... My suspense was strained up to the height. I felt that my own destiny hung on her reply. I could have fallen at her feet and begged her to yield. Yes Come and try. 7 P a g e
Almost, I thought the Ghost had obeyed. Certainly it had moved: but suddenly it cried out, No, I can t. I tell you I can t. For a moment, while you were talking, I almost thought.., but when it comes to the point... You ve no right to ask me to do a thing like that. It s disgusting. I should never forgive myself if I did. Never, never! And it s not fair. They ought to have warned us. I d never have come. And now please, please go away! Friend Could you, only for a moment, fix your mind on something not yourself? I ve already given you my answer, <said the Ghost,coldly but still tearful>. Then only one expedient remains To my great surprise he set a horn to his lips and blew. I put my hands over my ears. The earth seemed to shake: the whole wood trembled at the sound. I suppose there must have been a pause after that (though there seemed to be none) before I heard the thudding of hoofs far off at first, but already nearer before I had well identified it, and soon so near that I began to look about for some place of safety. Before I had found one the danger was all about us. A herd of unicorns came thundering through the glades: twenty-seven hands high the smallest of them and white as swans but for the red gleam in eyes and nostrils and the flashing indigo of their horns. I can still remember the squelching noise of the soft wet turf under their hoofs, the breaking of the undergrowth, the snorting and the whinnying; how their hind legs went up and their horned heads down in mimic battle. Even then I wondered for what real battle it might be the rehearsal. I heard the Ghost scream, and I think it made a bolt away from the bushes... perhaps towards the Spirit, but I don t know. For my own nerve failed and I fled, not heeding, for the moment, the horrible going underfoot, and not once daring to pause. So I never saw the end of that interview. 8 P a g e