Making Space for Growth By rick hoyt From a trusted source! Wisdom to share from Peleg Top
The first act of creation is destruction we have to remove something already in existence in order to make the space where new creation can appear. Creating the future requires letting go of the past. Healthy spirituality means being able to talk about yourself with a confident sense of who you really are 2 Healthy spirituality means having confident answers to the three spiritual questions: Who am I? What should I do? and Why does it matter?. The goal is not to learn the right answers, because there are no right answers. The goal is to have our answers to those questions, answers that for us help us create the satisfying, productive, meaningful and joyful lives we seek. Nor should we expect to ever have final answers to those questions. Being on a spiritual journey means that throughout our lives we will ask and answer those questions, and sometimes change our answers as we learn more about ourselves and as circumstances around us change. Healthy spirituality means being able to talk about yourself with a confident sense of who you really are, what work you can do that uses your best talents and serves the needs of the world, and what large goals of something bigger than yourself you are contributing your life to. The three spiritual questions are difficult questions. It s very difficult to get an objective sense of who we really
if there is a different, more true person living inside you how do you let that person out into the world? 3 are. We are blind to our true selves. We get stuck in old patterns. We re lazy and it s simpler just to go on with the life we already have than to do the work to change. We get paralyzed by fear. We listen too much to cultural prejudices telling us that we can t be or do something different, or we tell ourselves that we aren t strong enough or smart enough or talented enough to be or do the person we really want to be. Voices of pessimism tell us that it doesn t matter what we do because it s all meaningless anyway. And we believe the naysayers, or we want to believe them, because it relieves us of the pressure of the hard work that it actually takes to make a better life for ourselves. But if we don t give up. If we don t give in. If we re willing to do the hard work. If we re able to imagine that we might still during this lifetime be that greater, more powerful, more loving, more peaceful and generous person that the world needs us to be, then we can start at any time on a journey of spiritual growth and development that will get us there. An important initial step on a journey of spiritual growth and development is to be very clear about our values: letting core values shape our decisions throughout the process. And a second important first step on our journey is to begin with a clear vision of what we want the new reality to look like when we get there. But there s actually an even earlier step in the process. The very first step in creation. And this is true whether we are talking about creating a new life for ourselves, or whether we re talking about creating a new vision for our career, or just creating a great dinner for your friends.
The first step of new creation is getting rid of a past creation. 4 The first step in any creation process is to clear a space. Before you can create something new, like a new painting, or a new life, or a new building, you have to create a space. In some creation projects the idea that you have to clear a space before you can begin to build is obvious. Law of physics tell us that you can t have two physical things existing in the same place at the same time. If you re going to cook a dinner for your friends the first thing you want to do is clean the kitchen so that you have space on the counters where you can lay out the ingredients and the tools. You clear off your desk before you start a new work project. You clear the ground before you plant a new crop. It s less obvious but the same rule is also true for non-physical creation, like creating a new life through personal growth and development. In order to become the new person that you want to be, you have to first clear a space for that new person to come into being. And clearing a space for growth, means that you have to push aside and probably throw out some of the old stuff that is currently taking up all the space inside yourself. If you want to create something new: a new career, a new relationship, a new attitude, a new appearance in the mirror, the first step is to clear a space. The first step of new creation is getting rid of a past creation. The first step of creation is destruction. It can be difficult to have a clear vision
In order to become the new person that you want to be, you have to first clear a space for that new person to come into being. 5 of some new thing we want to create because our imaginations are so completely overwhelmed by the reality of what already exists. It s very hard to look out into the world of existing things, and imagine anything different. In order to overcome the tyranny of the past we have to work to make the space for a different future reality to come into being. That means deliberately going into the space where we want to build something new, and clearing out what is already there. Not only can you not build until the space is clear, but sometimes it s even hard to imagine what you might build, until the space is clear. Imagine clearing out a derelict house in order to build a new construction. You go into the lot with dump trucks and bulldozers and jackhammers to break up concrete and a whole lot of workers and a couple of weeks of time to do the job, and you clear out the existing building. It takes deliberate, focused work to clear the space. And you have to do that work, before you start building the new building. You can t build and clear at the same time. First you create the space to work in, then you can shift your attention to creating the new building. Think how this principle might apply to some area where you want to make some change in your life. And remember that growth means change. Development means change. You grow when you change what you were before into the new thing you want to become. And change means getting rid of the old. If you have a healthy past you can add on to the old. And if you ve got room in your life you might be able to shove some things out of the way to make a space for the new growth. But for most of us, with lives that are already full,
The mistake is to think that we can develop a new habit before we ve broken the old habit. and with old habits that we don t want to add on to but we actually want to replace, we have to get rid of the old stuff before we can create new stuff. We have to go in and tear out the old house that has been sitting there for a hundred years all the way down to the empty lot. And then we can start building something new. The mistake is to think that we can develop a new habit before we ve broken the old habit. We think, I m going to start going to the gym three mornings a week this year. But we don t first say, I m going to stop doing the thing that I m already doing on those three mornings a week. We say, I m going to start a new career finally doing that thing that I really love and that I ve always wanted to do. But we don t first think, in order to have time to create the new job, and go back to school to get the training I need for the new job I m going to have to cut back on the time I m already spending at my current job. Because we don t create space for the new habit, we find we don t have time. Because we don t create space to make the shift to the new career, we end up stuck in the old career. This is tough work because it means consciously saying no to some of the stuff that we re already doing in life. It s hard to say no. It feels ungrateful. It feels mean. If we were successful in the old life then saying no to it now feels like we re dishonoring our past. And if we weren t successful in the old life than saying no to it now feels like failure. It s so much easier just to stay with what is than to trade that in for something that doesn t yet exist. 6
Unless we can be fearless enough to deliberately create the space for the possibility of something new, then we will forever be stuck with the reality of what already is. 7 We have to be willing to get rid of stuff that may have served us well at an earlier part of our life. We have to be willing to say no to things that are maybe even good in themselves, but are blocking us from having a different life, or a better life. We have to be willing to leave behind the security of what we already have, and deliberately create an empty place, and emptiness can be scary. Even if what we have doesn t make us happy, at least we know what we have. We may not be happy but we re making it work. But wouldn t you rather at least try for the happier life? Unless we can be fearless enough to deliberately create the space for the possibility of something new, then we will forever be stuck with the reality of what already is. When I was a boy, I won a goldfish as a prize at a school fair. I brought this little goldfish home in a plastic bag. And my mother found a small glass bowl that I filled with water and put the fish inside. Fortunately gold fish are pretty strong little creatures so the goldfish lived in this little bowl quite happily for several weeks. I loved having a fish. I fed it. And changed the water. And kept the cat away. But after a few weeks I thought the fish might be happier if it had a bigger place to live. I convinced my parents that we should buy a real aquarium for my goldfish. So we went to the pet store and we bought an aquarium, with gravel at the bottom and an air pump, and some fake plastic plants, and six or seven other tropical fish to keep my goldfish company. And I came home and set up the aquarium and filled it with water
Just like the goldfish, if you want to grow, you have to give yourself space. 8 and put all the new fish inside and then also added my goldfish. And here s the interesting thing. Over the next few weeks, living in the aquarium the goldfish grew to be about four times the size it had been in the original bowl. The fish grew to match the size of the new environment. No matter how long I kept the fish in the first bowl it was never going to grow bigger than the space available. As soon as I made more space available by buying an aquarium, the gold fish grew. If you want to grow, you have to give yourself space. And because you can t create more space, that means you re going to have to get rid of something that you re no longer using. You re going to have to get rid of the stuff in your life that isn t serving the purpose of creating the satisfying, productive, meaningful and joyful life you seek. You re going to have to identify those parts of your life that are left over from some time in the past that you no longer need. Some childhood habit you ve outgrown, or should outgrow. Some way you used to think about yourself that s holding you back now. Some idea of yourself that s no longer true. Some attitude that s getting in the way. Maybe it s something that never really served to create joy in your life. Or maybe it s something that created joy 10 years ago or 20 years ago or 40 years ago but isn t working any longer. You ve changed. The world around you has changed. It s time to say, Thank you, but no more to all the lingering stuff that just isn t doing the job of joy any longer. Don t just shove it aside. Don t just push it down deeper into your psychology. Give yourself permission to go ahead
Be courageous enough to stand for awhile in the clear open space you ve created and get rid of it. Trust that in the empty space something new and beautiful will appear, even if you can t imagine it yet. Work at making the space. And it is work. Tearing down the old house, before you start building the new one. Take it apart. Haul out the old boards plank by plank. Cart away the old bricks one by one. Save and reuse anything of real value that you uncover, there s probably something that you can still use. But the stuff that s just taking up space, don t let it take up space any longer. You need that space. Learn to say no. Be courageous enough to stand for awhile in the clear open space you ve created, and then, unburdened by the former reality, begin to create in the empty space you ve made for yourself the healthy, joyful life you seek. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Rev. Rick Hoyt received his MDiv from the Claremont School of Theology in May 1998 and was fellowshipped and ordained to the Unitarian Universalist ministry later that year. He currently serves as minister of the First Unitarian Church of Los Angeles. Rick Hoyt and Peleg Top have shared their lives together since 1996 and were officially married in 2008. Visit Rick at www.revricky.com 9