Your Awakening Experience: How to Recognize, Allow, and Invite the Guidance of the Holy Spirit* by Amy Torres A Course in Miracles is, ultimately, about awakening. It uses the metaphors of sleeping and waking, darkness and light, throughout the entire teaching. Awakening is the thing the ego wants least. It interprets awakening as death. And it avoids it at all costs. What is awakening? Becoming aware that we are not a body we are still as God created us: Living Loving Light. This Living Loving Light is so beyond human comprehension and the words we use to try to describe it that we have to trust that it is True. And the awakening experience proves it. Why do we want to awaken? Because awakening is our inheritance and our true identity. Awakening makes us aware of the Peace and Joy we actually are. Awakening brings us Home, to the Reality of Infinite, Eternal, Formless, Unified Love. No one has to try to awaken. We are deliberately unconscious of our awakened state, and it is this of which we must become aware. Then awakeness presents Itself. Being awake is actually our natural state it s another way of saying we are Living Loving Light. But we have put ourselves into a state of amnesia a self-induced coma. The weight of this deep sleep is tremendous and rising from these depths seems impossible until we want to. This little willingness is all that is needed. Then all spiritual forces come to our aid. They were there before but we didn t want to know about them. In Chapter 3, Jesus references the Bible and tells us, Many are called but few are chosen should be All are called but few choose to listen. A Course in Miracles offers us an undoing process, called forgiveness, to help us awaken. There are several ways of understanding forgiveness as the Course defines it: In Chapter 16, in a section called, True Empathy, we are given a prayer: I am not alone, and I would not intrude the past upon my Guest. I have invited Him, and He is here. I need do nothing except not to interfere. We need do nothing except be willing to step back and let the Holy Spirit (referred to above as my Guest ) lead the way. This willingness to do nothing allows our belief in the ego-self we think we are, to be unraveled until it is completely undone. The practical application of forgiveness is nothing more than for giving ourselves over to the Holy Spirit s guidance. 1 1 The Course defines forgiveness as recognizing what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred. It does not pardon sins and make them real. It sees there was no sin. And in that view are all your sins forgiven. What is sin, except a false idea about God's Son? Forgiveness merely sees its falsity, and therefore lets it go. What then is free to take its place is now the Will of God. see W-ptII.1.What Is Forgiveness? In other words, forgiveness helps us realize that the world does not exist it is an illusion dreamt up by a part of God s Mind which is sleeping. And furthermore, we are the dreamer of the dream the world is not happening to us we have dreamt it up! The world is literally a figment of our own imagination.
In Chapter 21, section IV. The Fear to Look Within, we are asked, What if you looked within and saw no sin? The ego maintains the illusion of its existence by tricking us into feeling guilty, afraid, and deserving of punishment. We are the ones who accept there is something to fear. What if we haven t done anything terrible? What if we aren t guilty of some lurking horror that we re not quite sure about but haunts us below the surface every day of our lives? If you think this doesn t apply to you, simply imagine being called into your boss office do you feel a sense of happy anticipation? Are you expecting to receive a raise in pay? Or do you have an automatic flinch of dread? In the same chapter, section VII. The Last Unanswered Question, we are given four questions, the last of which is, And do I want to see what I denied because it is the truth? This is the question we find so difficult to answer. On a deep unconscious level we have set up the dynamics of the ego so that we deny the truth. In order to maintain our sense of individuality, we cannot let ourselves know the truth of our formless, unified Oneness. To the ego, the truth feels like death. We don t remember that the way the world and the first human in it was birthed was by saying, no to God. Saying no was not a problem, since it can t actually be accomplished anyway. The problem was that we took the idea that we could reject God seriously and that led to a big bang of guilt and terror. That s where free-floating anxiety comes from. And depression is the deadening of free-floating anxiety. No one is depressed without being anxious. What do you think existential anxiety is? A fear of death? Think again! Death is the ego s favorite weapon. Death is an anti-proof of life. Death implies human life exists. If death is possible, life in the body is real. Very clever, but not true. It is based on ego logic of its own and holds true within a game of pretend, but is not reality. Existential anxiety is a deep abyss of uneasiness that we are not who we think we are. Our assignment, dear separated ones, is to say not no to God. This double negative delivers us from madness. We do not have to say, yes! to God because we are One with God. The ego puts us into a state of limitation and forgetfulness, because we are saying no to God. The original moment of separation was an act of no. Essentially we said, No, God, I don t want to be Unified I want to be myself! There is nothing wrong or dangerous about this. It is our reaction to it that is wrong-minded and makes danger appear real. So we have to stop saying no to God. That is the work of undoing. That is the practice the Workbook in A Course in Miracles (ACIM) gives us. First, we undo (or forgive undoing and forgiving are the same) and then we become aware of our inner Light. You ll see :) Allowing Your Experience All we need is a little willingness that will take us far. And if you become aware that you are not willing, you can be willing to be willing. Sometimes we know we really want to do something, like stop smoking cigarettes, but the urge to continue is stronger than our desire to do what s in our own best interest. We can still be willing to be willing, and that will work wonders. If you notice that resistance to an exercise is strong, it means you re feeling afraid. You may not realize you re afraid. You may not realize you re resistant. You may just feel sleepy, bored, distracted, busy, hungry anything but do the lesson! Or, you ll forget about your spiritual practice completely. -2-
This is to be expected. The ego has a powerful desire to remain unaware of God s Presence and so its strategies depend on keeping you fixated on the past and future. Here are some ways to allow yourself to come into the present moment while practicing the lesson of the day. 1) Notice what you are thinking pay attention to the thoughts rather than letting them automatically determine how you behave. Separate thoughts from feelings. For instance, I feel stupid is combining a thought that you are stupid with a feeling of inadequacy or self-hatred. Give your thoughts to the Holy Spirit with a simple statement, Holy Spirit, I give this thought that I am stupid to You. 2) Identify your feelings what emotions are moving through you? Do you know why you are feeling what you re feeling? Are you angry, sad, scared, overwhelmed? Guilty, ashamed, hating, lonely? Clarify to yourself what you are feeling and then give your feelings to the Holy Spirit. 3) Tune in to your body and notice where you are having sensations. Are they in your heart? Your belly? Your neck and shoulders? List the sensations and where they are located. Acknowledge each sensation by telling yourself, My heart is beating fast. That s because I m afraid of what this lesson is telling me. I suddenly feel very hungry. I must be afraid of what this lesson is telling me. Then give each sensation to the Holy Spirit. 4) If it isn t obvious already, get into the habit of consciously giving everything to the Holy Spirit. Placing yourself in the Holy Spirit s Hands allows your experience to unfold. 5) If fear is too great, back off from the practice. Jesus would never want you to suffer and too much fear only leads to suffering. In Chapter 30, we re told,... if you find resistance strong and dedication weak, you are not ready. Do not fight yourself. But think about the kind of day you want, and tell yourself there is a way in which this very day can happen just like that. You can gently remind yourself that you d like to experience love, peace and joy, and that it is possible when you feel ready to return to the lesson. Although the Course says it saves us time, there is no hurry. Haste makes waste. There is no sense rushing toward a goal that terrifies us. Eventually, everyone becomes aware of their true nature and the force of our Identity becomes irresistable. We all want to be Home. I remember watching a video of Irina Tweedie, a Sufi teacher, who explained her experiences of awakening. She said she felt branded by God. At a certain point in my own unfolding, I realized I was obsessed with God. During the day, the memory of God kept rising in my mind; if I awoke in the middle of the night, God s Name was on my lips (and to this day it continues). We are all, at bottom, addicted to the ego. As we awaken, being obsessed (not fanatical, not preaching, but simply alive ) with God is a fine replacement. Recognizing Your Experience Lesson 69 tells us, If you are doing the exercises properly, you will begin to feel a sense of being lifted up and carried ahead. Your little effort and small determination call on the power of the universe to help you, and God Himself will raise you from darkness into light. You are in accord with His Will. You cannot fail because your will is His. Have confidence in your Father today, and be certain that He has heard you and answered you. You may not recognize His answer yet, but you can indeed be sure that it is given you and you will yet receive it. -3-
At first, you may not feel that much is happening. Experience varies greatly among different people. Some people are psychologically defended to remain numb, and so it s hard to feel that something is opening inside them. Some people are very sensitive and may imagine everything is a sign. Little by little we begin to discern what is ego interference and what is Divine Intervention. Intervention is perhaps not the best word to use because the Holy Spirit doesn t do anything except reflect God s Light. In Chapter 14 we re told, Say to the Holy Spirit only, Decide for me, and it is done. For His decisions are reflections of what God knows about you, and in this light, error of any kind becomes impossible. As we shovel out the darkness and debris, as the Course puts it, we clear a space to experience the Light which is always inside us. Your experience may be subtle. Even if nothing at all seems to be happening, trust that seeds are being planted and eventually will sprout. And if you experience some kind of fireworks, it will be temporary. Don t be impressed by or attached to spiritual experiences just be happy that they are proving what you already know that you are not an ego-self, but a God-Self. Little by little, you will breathe easier. The death grip on your mind will release. Your priorities will shift from body-centered to Spirit-centered. You will recognize the Holy Spirit s guidance as: 1) Anxiety falls away. It may be in one area and not another, but little by little you will notice that you are less afraid. And you will be motivated to bring your fear to the Holy Spirit more and more. 2) Depression lifts. Life will take on new meaning. Being a conduit for God s Love will become the most rewarding thing you do. 3) Perfectionism dissolves. Good enough will make sense as we embrace our Godly Perfection and realize humanity was made imperfect. 4) You become bored with gossip. Talking about other people won t make any sense as you realize we are all facets of the same One. 5) You desire what is for the highest good of all. You lose your taste for your previous selfcentered desires that came at the expense of others, or in a barter arrangement of give and take. You will discover that give and take is an ego device. God s Children can only give and receive. 6) Blood turns out not to be thicker than water. You will feel that there are no strangers. Just because you have a certain set of people you are meant to spend more time with, doesn t mean everyone in the world isn t family. 7) You find yourself at peace with the unknown. You will have a high tolerance for uncertainty because you will have an inner certainty that you are Spirit, not the body. 8) You embrace paradoxical experiences. Rather than defining your experience as good or bad, you will know that within humiliation lies dignity, within fear lies freedom, within hatred lies Love. Everything is a forgiveness opportunity. -4-
9) You have confirming clicks of recognition those moments when the Course is saying something you ve always known but hadn t put into words. 10) There is a dis-identification with the body (not dissociation which is an ego defense). There comes a sense of the body thinning, as if it is a threadbare sock. Your relationship changes from the body being me, to the body being a vehicle to be well-maintained for serving the Holy Spirit s purpose. 11) You have the sense that time is malleable. I remember working with a client who had arrived late and was very upset about missing out on the full session. Words fell out of my mouth, Therapy time is concentrated. It is very potent and expands into the rest of your week, like adding water to concentrated orange juice. This session is going to feel very rich and full. And you can use this new information that time can be stretched or shortened (useful when in the dentist s chair) from now on. Wow! Not only was that amazing for me to contemplate, but the next week when my client returned, she was astounded to report that all week she had been able to experience time in a whole new way. She had applied this to other situations with success. 12) Synchronicities are common. These are experiences of meaningful coincidence. The same word or number coming up over and over again. Hearing a song on the radio which gives you just what you needed to hear. In and of themselves, these are not so much meaningful in the world as reminders that there is more than meets the eye. They strengthen your conviction in taking guidance from the Holy Spirit. 13) An increasing inability to plan. Lesson 135 informs us, A healed mind doesn t plan. To the ego, this is not only nonsense, it is irresponsibility! But when we really step back and let Him lead the way, His Plan moves through us and what to do becomes clear and effortless. For instance, the idea for this class, Workin the Workbook, presented itself to my mind in an instant and that was that. There has been much effort in preparing it, but it quickly became clear that the rewards were much greater than the work. Another telltale sign that it was Spirit-given was that it was clearly for the highest good of all. And the fuel to get it done was unlimited even though technically I didn t have enough time or staff. 14) You, possibly, lose interest in things that previously were enjoyable. The spiritual teacher Hilda Charlton wrote in her book, Saints Alive, about being unable to go to the movies anymore. It was just that her spiritual life was far more interesting than watching stories on a screen. She knew what she had to do! This can feel scary like pleasures are being taken away. You ll know if you re ready when even as the ego squawks and protests, you continue following God s Direction. There are countless more. I hope these give you a feel for how to recognize your own awakening symptoms. Start making your own list. Use journaling as a process to reinforce what might be quickly dismissed or overlooked. And stop by the Bonus Room and read Symptoms of Inner Peace by Saskia Davis. Inviting Your Experience Inviting a spiritual experience is more proactive than allowing spiritual experience. Allowing is when we feel frightened but willing. Inviting is when willingness is greater than our fear. If you feel eager to do the hard work of looking at the ego with Jesus then you are consciously deciding to actively open your mind. Ways of doing this include: 1) Be relentlessly honest with yourself. This does not mean being critical. It means observing and exposing to Jesus everything that is self-serving. -5-
2) Embrace your contradictions. Become aware that you want your independence and you want someone to rely on; that you like to get things done quickly, but you don t like to be hurried; that you re a people person and a hermit; make your own list. 3) String your contradictions together. Now take a look at the whole you: I hate my boss and I want to curse him out and sometimes he s actually endearing but I can t let myself soften because he s so unfair and takes all the credit for everything I contribute, but I admire his intelligence, etc, etc. This is the ego mind. It is in a constant state of conflict. It is irrational, unreasonable and chronically dissatisfied. See it for what it is and bust out laughing! 4) Stop taking yourself personally. Often we re told when another person behaves in a way we don t like that it wasn t personal. When we get it that nothing is personal (because everything is projection a subject for another day) it stops a lot of drama. Well, we have to include ourselves in this detachment. Detaching from the ego-self in partnership with the Holy Spirit is a very healthy spiritual move. To accelerate your spiritual awakening, be willing to step back and laugh. The whole human experience is a cosmic joke we re playing on ourselves. When are we going to start laughing? 5) Breath through pain as if it is nothing more than pure sensation addressing pain (physical, emotional or psychological) without judgment or interpretation. Of course, if it s necessary, take normal medical measures. But even then it is possible to have spiritual detachment especially if you keep calling on the Holy Spirit to guide you. And always bless everyone who provides you with healing services and their staff for the highest good of all. Even when you re the one who has an emergency, you are still equally healing to the people around you. 6) Be creative with your fears. I ll never forget how, after years of anxiety attacks with cunningly changing symptoms so that at first what seemed like some legitimate illness, inevitably revealed itself as one more bout with anxiety, I busted this fearful state of mind. I said to the fear, You re very cunning and you keep changing the symptoms, but I m on to you now. Every time I feel anything in my body which frightens me, I m going to experience that sensation as pleasurable. No matter what it is! After that, my anxiety attacks pretty much stopped. The first step with anxiety is to call it fear. That makes it more concrete and solid. Speculate as to what is frightening you and say it out loud, write it down, tell fear that you re not interested in being afraid anymore. You re not combatting fear just informing it that you have a new Teacher now. You don t indulge in reaction formation, which is doing the opposite of how you feel. For instance, you re afraid of snakes so you wrap snakes around your body. Or you have a fear of heights, so you force yourself onto the balconies of skyscrapers. It can t be in resistance to the fear it has to be faced in concert with the Holy Spirit. It s an undoing not a fight. Try it for yourself. Let me know how you do. 7) Beware of spiritual bypass, or what Freud called, a flight into health. This is pretending that everything is great, all is Love and Light, without really facing our inner demons. Go to the Bonus Room and read Ken & Gloria Wapnick s article, Resistance: How One Studies A Course in Miracles Without Really Learning It. The awakening experience can be comforting, calming, energizing, disorienting and frightening. As we become used to the symptoms we can welcome what was once uncomfortable. Sensations such as magnetism in the head, tingling through the spine, walking on air as if almost levitating, seeing colors, hearing sounds, tasting nectar... these are common to people on a spiritual path. -6-
On the other end of the spectrum is the nothing s happening population. Trust that if you are doing the ACIM exercises, they will inevitably come to fruition. What seems like a long time to us, is a drop in the hat, eternally-speaking :) That s plenty for now. Recognizing, allowing and inviting your experience is what spiritual life consists of. Give it time. And always remember to ask for Guidance. * ACIM explains that Jesus is the manifestation of the Holy Spirit. So Jesus was taking his marching orders from the Holy Spirit, too. God s Light shines through the Holy Spirit, Who reflects it to us, and when we open as a conduit for this Light, it travels through us (just like it did, and does, travel through Jesus). You can give everything to God, the Holy Spirit or Jesus it s all the Same Loving Guidance. -7-