Bits and Pieces Fred Acquistapace There are also some stories in the Bible that must either be parables or they would be considered nonsense. If they appeared in any other literature you would call them lies, fables, metaphors, legends, superstitions, old wives tales, fabrications, or hoaxes. But because they are in your Holy Bible they must be absolutely true, factual, and authentic. Look them over and see what you think of these stories. You may not believe some of these stories are actually in your Bible but I assure you, they re all in the book. 1) But there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground. And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul, Genesis 2:6-7 KJV. Some theists cannot accept the idea of Evolution that says man evolved from lower forms of life, but they can believe man was made from mud. Go figure. 2) And the LORD God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and made he a woman, and brought her unto the man, Genesis 2:18-22. Did
Bits and Pieces 2 you realize that God first created beasts and birds to be man s mate? Only later did he make woman from one of man s ribs. 3) Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil, Genesis 3:1-5. Do you believe in a magic tree and a speaking snake? There they are right in your Bible! 4) And Methuselah lived an hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech. And Methuselah lived after he begat Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begat sons and daughters: And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died, Genesis 5:25-27. Can you believe a man lived 969 years and all that was said of him was that he begat sons and daughters? 5) And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights And the waters prevailed exceedingly upon the earth; and all the high hills, that were under the whole heaven, were covered and after the end of the hundred and fifty days the waters were abated, Genesis 7:12-8:3. Do you believe forty days of rain caused that much flooding? There isn t even that much water on the whole earth! 6) And Moses and Aaron went in unto Pharaoh and Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent. Then Pharaoh also called the
Bits and Pieces 3 wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments. For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron s rod swallowed up their rods, Exodus 7:10-12. Not only did Aaron s rod become a snake, so did those of the Egyptians. Does that help you believe dead sticks turned into live snakes? 7) Aaron lifted up his rod, and smote the waters that were in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh, and in the sight of his servants, and all the waters that were in the river were turned to blood and there was blood throughout all the land of Egypt. And the magicians of Egypt did so with their enchantments, Exodus 7:20-22. Just by waving his walking stick over the Nile, Aaron turned all the water into blood. The Egyptian magicians were said to have done the same, but since all the water of the river was already blood, how could they? 8) And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on the throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle, Exodus 12:29. Do you really believe that not only the firstborn children but also the firstborn cattle all died at the stroke of midnight? 9) And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the LORD caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided. And the children of Israel went into the midst of the sea upon dry ground: and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left, Exodus 14:21-22. Would you believe the waters of the Red Sea parted on command?
Bits and Pieces 4 10) And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto the children of Israel, and take of every one of them a rod according to the house of their fathers twelve rods: write thou every man s name upon his rod. And thou shalt write Aaron s name upon the rod of Levi And thou shalt lay them up in the tabernacle And it shall come to pass, that the man s rod, whom I shall choose, shall blossom And Moses laid up the rods before the LORD And it came to pass that on the morrow the rod of Aaron for the house of Levi was budded, and brought forth buds, and bloomed blossoms, and yielded almonds, Numbers 17:2-8. Would you believe a dead walking stick became a living, budding, blooming, and fruit- bearing branch if you read it anywhere else? 11) And Moses and Aaron gathered the congregation together before the rock, and he said unto them, Hear now, ye rebels; must we fetch water out of this rock? And Moses lifted up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rock twice: and the water came out abundantly, and the congregation drank, and their beasts also, Numbers 20:10-11. Isn t it amazing that just by hitting a rock with a stick, enough water would come out to satisfy millions of people, and their livestock? 12) And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab And the ass saw the angel and the ass turned aside and Balaam smote the ass And when the ass saw the angel and crushed Balaam s foot against the wall: and he smote her again And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam and he smote the ass with a staff. And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, what have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times? And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee. And the ass said unto Balaam, Am
Bits and Pieces 5 not I thine ass which thou hast ridden since I was thine unto this day? Was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay, Numbers 22:21-30. Would you be shocked if an animal spoke to you? Balaam wasn t even surprised as he carried on a conversation with a mule. And you still don t believe Aesop s Fables? 13) And it came to pass, when the people removed from their tents, to pass over Jordan, and the priests bearing the ark were come unto Jordan, and the feet of the priests that bare the ark were dipped in the brim of the water, (for Jordan overfloweth all his banks all the time of harvest,) That the waters which came down from above stood and rose up upon an heap and those that came down toward the sea of the plain, even the salt sea, failed, and were cut off: and the people passed over right against Jericho and all the Israelites passed over on dry ground, until all the people were passed over Jordan, Joshua 3:14-17. How convenient that a raging river dried up at flood season so some people could cross on dry ground. 14) And Joshua rose early in the morning, and the priests took up the ark of the LORD. And seven priests bearing seven trumpets of rams horns before the ark And it came to pass on the seventh day at the seventh time, when the priests blew with the trumpets, Joshua said unto the people, Shout So the people shouted when the priests blew with the trumpets: and the wall fell down flat, Joshua 6:12-20. Have you ever heard that people blowing trumpets and shouting could knock down the walls of a city? Too bad they didn t try this to knock down the Berlin Wall! 15) Then spake Joshua to the LORD and he said in the sight of Israel, Sun, stand thou still upon Gibeon; and thou, Moon, in the valley of Ajalon. And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies So the
Bits and Pieces 6 sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day, Joshua 10:12-13. Can you imagine the sun and moon stopping in the sky for about a whole day on the command of a man? 16) Elijah went with Elisha from Gilgal And they two went on. And fifty men of the sons of the prophets went, and stood to view afar off: and they two stood by Jordan. And Elijah took his mantle, and wrapped it together, and smote the waters, and they were divided hither and thither, so that they two went over on dry ground, 2 Kings 2:1-8. First the priests now two of the prophets dried up Jordan just so they could walk across without getting their feet wet. 17) And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven. And Elisha saw it, 2 Kings 2:11-12. I remember seeing about the same thing in the Wizard of Oz, as Dorothy and Toto were picked up by a tornado and taken to the Land of Oz. Why should someone believe one story and not the other? 18) Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, answered and said to the king we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up Then these men were bound and were cast into the midst of the burning fiery furnace Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, came forth of the midst of the fire Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, in the province of Babylon, Daniel 3:1-30. You burn your tongue on hot soup, and these three men survived a fiery furnace. But you believe it because it s in the Book. 19) Wherefore king Darius signed the writing and the decree that every man that shall ask a petition of any God or man within thirty days, save of thee, O king, shall be cast
Bits and Pieces 7 into the den of lions Then answered they and said before the king, That Daniel, which is of the captivity of Judah, regardeth not thee, O king but maketh his petition three times a day and they brought Daniel, and cast him into the den of lions Then the king arose very early in the morning, and went in haste unto the den of lions Then said Daniel My God hath sent his angel, and hath shut the lion s mouths, that they have not hurt me So this Daniel prospered in the reign of Darius, and in the reign of Cyrus of Persia, Daniel 6: 1-28. Can you believe that hungry lions wouldn t eat Daniel? 20) So they took up Jonah, and cast him forth into the sea: and the sea ceased from her raging Now the LORD had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights And the LORD spake unto the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land, Jonah 1:15-2:10. Not only do people believe a fish swallowed a man, they would even believe that a man swallowed a whale, if the Bible said it! 21) And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea And Peter said, LORD, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus, Matthew 14:22-29. Here we have the story of two men walking on water, and you believe it as the gospel truth. 22) And they crucified him And set over his head his accusation written, THIS IS JESUS THE KING OF THE JEWS Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over
Bits and Pieces 8 all the land unto the ninth hour, Matthew 27:35-45. How could there be darkness at noon on the day of the full moon? 23) Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost. And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent; And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, And came out of the graves and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many, Matthew 27:50-53. An earthquake caused the mass resurrection of many dead people who then walked into Jerusalem, but only Matthew thought it was interesting enough to write about it. 24) Jesus himself stood in the midst of them And he led them out as far as to Bethany, and he lifted up his hands, and blessed them. And it came to pass, while he blessed them, he was parted from them, and carried up into heaven, Luke 24:36-51. Jesus didn t need a whirlwind to take him into heaven like Elijah did. 25) Martha, the sister of him that was dead, saith unto him, Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days Then they took away the stone And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said Lazarus, come forth. And he that was dead came forth, John 11:39-43. A man had been dead for four days and walked out of his tomb when the stone was rolled away. Why didn t Jesus bring the rest of the dead back to life too? These are but a few of the Bible s many bizarre tales we are expected to accept as the Word of God, yet we are to reject similar stories as fiction. What makes people take leave of their senses and believe the Bible, but recognize fantasy when reading other books? Let s look at a short
Bits and Pieces 9 catalog of stories similar to those listed above and try to figure out why those in the Bible are considered worthy of belief while the others are not. Aesop s Fables contain some very fine stories about talking animals, but they are called fables. Lewis Carroll wrote a nice story of Alice s Adventures in Wonderland. The Brothers Grimm came up with some fascinating Fairy Tales. Sir Thomas Malory wrote Noble Historyes of King Arthur as good as those of David and Solomon. Jerry Seigel and Joe Shuster wrote some terrific stories in The Adventures of Superman, but they re only make-believe. Dante s Divine Comedy is worthy of some Bible stories. Carlo Lorenzini penned The Adventures of Pinocchio in which a man made a wooden puppet that became a human boy. This is similar to a God making a human man from dust. Pinocchio also spent a few days in the belly of a whale! John Bunyon had his character, Christian, journey from the City of Destruction to the Celestial City in Pilgrim s Progress, but it too is fiction. The Babylonian Epic of Gilgamesh is the basis for the Bible story of Noah and the Flood, but it is not considered fact. L. Frank Baum s tale of The Wizard of Oz tells of Dorothy and her dog Toto traveling in a whirlwind just like Elijah, but you still consider it fantasy. Charles Perrault told stories on a par with some of the Bible stories in his Tales of Mother Goose. Even Homer s Odyssey is as fascinating as the travelogue of Moses and Joshua. These and many more books match the Bible in some far-out ways but still you believe one set as fact and reject the other set as phony. It s about time you realize the Bible too is only makebelieve and the product of man s imagination. Many of the Bible stories were based on older
Bits and Pieces 10 stories from the people around them. They changed the names, added a change of scenery, put a moral and ethical spin on them, and pretended they were their own history. Even though the Jews were not always the most original storytellers, they were able to add an important lesson to many of the stories they borrowed. The time has come, however, to admit the fact that while the stories in the Bible may have a truth to them, they are not necessarily factual.