Renshaw 1 Stephanie Renshaw December 1, 2004 American Radical Thought Section 003 Dr. Joe Natoli Visions of a Constructed Reality Welcome, my son, to the machine Pink Floyd sings in their song Welcome to the Machine. We are all a part of the machine produced by it, influenced by it, and living by its rules. We live our lives based on our past events and our reactions to those events. Our reactions are often based upon what we see on TV and what the media feeds to us, as well as what our family and community tell us is appropriate. The values which are so important to us are created by our relationships with others and our reliance on the media. Our goals in life reflect past events and the values that we find important. In my life, although I have been a part of the machine, I believe that that same machine has formed me to try to help to make the world a better place. In about four years, I hope to graduate from Michigan State University with a degree in Primary Education Language Arts, and a certification in Special Education Learning Disabilities. This goal reflects my value in education. I believe that my value of education is deeply rooted in family s as well as societal influences. Since I was a young child, higher education was not a matter of if but a matter of where. I was told that I could accomplish anything that I wanted to, and that I could be anything that I wanted to be, but the most important goal of my education was that I would be happy with who I was, where I was, and as well as where I was aiming to be. This, I was taught, is true success. More and more, our society
Renshaw 2 expresses the importance of success. Society also tells us that this success is impossible without some form of higher education. We are told that without a college education, it is not possible to be monetarily successful, and therefore, it is not possible for one to be happy (without higher education). When I was younger, my dad and I would watch Home Improvement almost every night. I admired how Jill (the mom) went on to do what she wanted to do. She was a teacher, and then became a psychiatrist, and then went on to teach college. I think that Home Improvement influenced my expectations and goals I set for myself, and it helped me to realize that anyone can do what they put their mind to, no matter what the age. However, my goal of becoming a teacher doesn t completely give in to societal influences. Because I am aiming to be a teacher, I know early on that I will probably never make millions of dollars, I won t live a life of luxury ; however, I will be helping others to be able to become successful. Perhaps that is of greater importance. Shortly after graduation, I plan to join the Peace Corps. I hope to be accepted/hired to teach the Language Arts in Southeast Asia. This goal really reflects my value in equality and justice for those who seem to be not as blessed as I have been in my life. I believe that by joining the Peace Corps, I will be able to help people across the world, as well as help myself to grow as a person. I believe that teaching through the Peace Corps would be a wonderful way to peacefully express my political stances and help to better the lives of others. This value in equality and justice is deeply rooted in family and community influences. Ever since I was younger, both my family and my faith community have stressed Kingdom Values, such as clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, visiting the imprisoned, sheltering the homeless, visiting the sick, burying the dead, teaching the ignorant, giving advice to the confused, comforting those who suffer, being patient with others, and forgiving injuries (the Corporal Works of Mercy and
Renshaw 3 the Spiritual Works of Mercy), as opposed to Individual Morality Issues, including sexual morality/abstinence. I was taught that helping out your neighbor is more important than worrying about what he or she has done wrong in his or her life. My parents always encouraged me to give to the needy, serve my community, and speak out for those who are being treated unfairly. But I was also taught that this giving and helping was to be done to the fullest extent possible, not at a minimal amount. This idea of giving to others could also stem from my love of TV shows like 7 th Heaven when I was younger. I would watch that show quite a bit, and would try to model much of my actions by what the Camden family was doing to help others. However, I have also always been told that I have an old and just soul. Therefore, I believe that it is possible that my family, my faith community, and TV shows like 7 th Heaven have simply fed into my knowledge and belief that I have a great responsibility to help serve the greater community. After I am done working in the Peace Corps, I want to move back to the Mid-West (close, but not too close to my parents), get married, and start a family. I want to live on a ranch, raise horses, grow (most of) my own food, and teach second or third grade students in a nearby school. I believe that this set of goals reflect a few main values in my life. I believe that this set of goals reflects my value in the strong support system that my family has. This value is illustrated in my most vivid memory of my life, my moment of time, the day my grandma died: On the night of Thursday, September 5 th, 2002, my entire family was at the memorial service for my Grandpa on my mother s side. When my grandma (on my dad s side) walked in, she came to me and told me how beautiful I looked and how glad she was that I had people there to support me. She looked absolutely radiant, her outfit was new, crisp, and fit her beautifully. The memorial service was just like any other memorial
Renshaw 4 service, nothing spectacular. After the memorial service, everyone went down the street to a hall, while at the hall, my grandma reminisced about her old friends who had passed away in recent years, and laughed a lot. As I was leaving, she gave me a huge hug, and told me to Buckle up for safety because I love you. I said I love you too, Grandma, gave her a hug and kiss, and left. The next day began like any other normal day of school. I went to first, second, and third hour just as I always did. About twenty minutes after sitting in fourth hour English, a voice came over the PA system, Mrs. Woolums, could you please send Stephanie Renshaw to the attendance office? So I left. As I was walking down the hall, I figured that the reason I was being called down was because I hadn t turned in my note from the previous Wednesday that I had missed. As I was walking into the front lobby of my school, I saw a person with legs that looked like my dad s sitting near the attendance office, but I just kind of brushed it off. As I got further into the lobby, I saw both my mom and my dad sitting and waiting for me. Immediately, I thought to myself What did I do? and I went through the actions of the morning in my head, trying to figure out why they would be there. As I got even closer to them, I realized a look of broken-heartedness in both of their faces. I got to them, and my mom said, Maybe we should step outside. So I followed them outside to just outside the doors of my school, and my mom and dad turned around and looked at me. The look on my fathers face broke my heart, as my mom simply said, Grandma didn t wake up this morning. They both started to cry. I was confused. What do you mean my grandma didn t wake up this morning? Was this a sick, cruel joke? Why did this happen to my family? All the feeling I had in my body simply disappeared. My mom went back into the school to get my things from my English class so that I wouldn t have to explain anything
Renshaw 5 to anyone. My dad and I drove around the school so that I wouldn t have to walk at all. I got to my locker, and one of my close friends came up and gave me a hug. She said that everything would be ok and that God would provide. I turned to her, looked her square in the eye, and told her, I don t believe in God anymore, and I walked away. I don t think that at that point I didn t believe in God, but I do believe that at that point, I didn t believe in anything. As I walked out of the school back into the car, many of the memories I had of my grandma flooded back to me: all the Wednesdays we spent over her mom s apartment when I was little, all the Christmases, Thanksgivings, birthdays, all the phone calls from Florida, and the trips up to our family property up north, all the card games, all the Sundays, the visits to the zoo, the walks to the store, the days at the playground. Slowly, I realized that I would never have that again. We went to my grade school to pick up my brother so that we could see my grandma before the coroners came to take her. I sat in the car and cried. When we got to my grandmas house, I was totally unprepared for what was to come. I walked in, walked through the kitchen, and got to the dining room. My dad s cousin Paula gave me a huge hug and said, I am so sorry. Everyone was there, my grandpa, my grandma s sister, Aunt Marylin, my Aunt Debbie, my Uncle Jeff, my Uncle Bob, my Uncle Geno, my parents, and my brother. After I gave everyone hugs and cried with everyone, I went upstairs with my dad. I walked into my grandma s room, and sat next to her body on the bed. I sat there for a while, talking to her about everything I was thinking. She didn t look like she was dead; she looked as though she was just sleeping, not in pain at all. I went downstairs, and made myself a cup of tea. I went back up to her bedroom, and I sat and drank tea with her like we used to. I cried a lot. When the people from the funeral home came, I had to walk away. The way they
Renshaw 6 carried her body, I half expected her to get up and say What the hell do you think that you are doing to me?! After about an hour, people started to bring food over. I didn t want to eat, but I forced down food, just so that I wouldn t get any sicker. Me, my mom, my dad, and my Aunt Debbie went to the church and made all the arrangements for the funeral mass and the memorial service. The next week, I spent just about all my time with my family. We ate together; we cried together, we did everything together. We built a support system that I didn t know could be as strong as it was. The strength of my family s support system and the amount of love that we poured out for each other made me realize that I do want to have that as I grow old. I want a husband as much in love with me as my grandpa still was with my grandma. I want a family that truly cares, that could be a support system for each other when I die. All three of my favorite shows when I was younger (7 th Heaven, Home Improvement, and Boy Meets World) all portray a strong family basis. All three shows portrayed families of more than the average two kids, a mom, and a dad. I think that those shows illustrated to me what the perfect family was supposed to be, and influenced my view as far as that goes. Although much of my basis for valuing family comes from my own family experience, it is also influenced by the TV shows I watched as a child. As much as I would like to believe that I am a unique individual, I know that I am not. Even though my goals in life don t really reflect the show me the money attitude very prevalent in our society today, I know that most of my actions are influenced by the media. I know that everything I wear, every move I make has been influenced in some way by my family, my social community, and especially mainstream media. Even if I wear clothes because they are comfortable and buy things because I like them, I still have those sub-conscious beliefs that somehow I am closer to cool when I wear these clothes and buy these items. No matter the
Renshaw 7 comfort level, I know that I won t wear things that I know are out of style. I, just like every other person, have a sub-conscious want to fit in, and a desire to one-up my neighbor. I believe that my short-term lenses change often; they change based on family, based on community, and based mainstream media. However, my long term lenses tend to be illustrated in a quote from one of my favorite books: Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Album when Morrie tells Mitch, So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning in your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning. That is my goal in life... to die with a meaningful life, to change the community I live in, to love others, and to life a life that has been devoted to having purpose and meaning, regardless of whether that is what society tells us to or not. Those are the lenses that I live through and those are the goals which reflect the values in my life.