When Your Child Turns From God? EPC 2012 Paul Tompkins. DMin Introduction Pastoral families face many unique challenges and one of the greatest is the nurture of our own children. Conflicting priorities, unrealistic expectations and the pressure of the secular society that we live and minister in can affect all families at some time or another. When children choose to take a break from the church we can carry this hurt alone, and we don t speak about what truly matters, and so this seminar is dedicated to help and encourage family members as we together explore the thoughts, feelings and fears of Christian parenthood. You Are Not Alone The purpose of this seminar is to encourage parents of childrenwho have wandered from God and the church. To encourage you, To give you hope, To help you know that you are not alone. (Dorothy Eaton Watts, When Your Child Turns from God, Review and Herald Pub Assoc, 1996.) Hope from Bible parents. 1 Samuel 8: 1-7 (P&P 604,5) Susanna Wesley / Becky s story 1
The Blame Game Myth 1 Children who are taught right will never rebel Myth 2 Parents are responsible for the sins of their children Myth 3 Parents must rescue their wayward children Myth 4 Our children belong to us; they are ours. Myth 5 It is possible to be the perfect parent Myth 6 Parents can control the destiny of their children. Why Do So Many Young People Give up on God? Adolescence can be an incredibly daunting journey, and is one that seems to be getting harder.yet there is great hope! I met Jesus in the midst of my rebellion. (Gavin Calver, Disappointed with Jesus, Monarch Books, 2004, 153.) For families with youngsters still living at home there will often come the inevitable divide regarding attending church. Unfortunately there is no set pattern parents can follow on these matters. I have friends who were allowed to choose whether or not they went to church, others who had to go, and some who had a bit of both. There is no simple pithy answer available. Yet one thing is certain, all young adolescents need as much help and support during this period as they have ever done. (Calver, p 53) A Churchless Faith One study categorized leavers into 5 groups: 1. Displaced Followers 2. Reflective Exiles 3. Transitional Explorers 4. Transitioning to an Alternative Faith 5. Integrated Wayfinders (Church Leavers: Faith Journeys five years on) 2
Some Personal Research Some findings from a Pilot study (Stanborough Park) * The early, mid and late teenage years are the focal point when youth make decisions for or against continuing church fellowship. The peak age bracket for becoming inactive, in this study, was between ages fifteen and twenty. Some young people may be very sporadic in their church attendance but do not consider that they have cut all ties with the church. Church attendance does not seem to be a major priority for some during their early twenties or period of tertiary education. Virtually half of the group felt they would return to church one day. This provides hope in so many cases that all is certainly not lost. Overwhelmingly the young people surveyed showed that they still felt that Christianity was relevant in their lives. Research carried out as part of Dmindissertation Bringing Home Our Adventist Prodigals: A Strategic Plan To Reclaim Youth in the Trans-European Division. (Andrews University 2009) Roots and Identity Never Give Up. No matter how long someone has been away returning is always an option. Roots and identity are a very powerful combination. The search for identity is not static and just as it is part of finding one s own identity that pushes young people to challenge their value systems, and sometimes push them away, so too the reverse search for identity may well bring them back one day to their roots. Many young people who question their parents, values and beliefs ultimately accept them as their own. Looking Ahead Warm memories was found to be a factor in another study of returning Adventists who definitely expressed that they had warm memories from their childhood. Eight out of ten persons interviewed expressed memories of early Adventism that reminded them of happy times in the church. (Tim Laleand Pat Habada, Ten Who Came Back, Pacific Press, 1998) 157, Study of the Baby Boom Generation (Re-emerging Church) 3
Cementing Relationships 1. The cement of affirmation and appreciation. 2. The cement of written communication. 3. The cement of memories. 4. The cement of special celebrations. 5. The cement of talk and laughter. 6. The cement of being there. 7. The cement of kind actions. Building Bridges Trust your upbringing, trust your genes and most of all trust God. Be There even when it hurts. Learn to Listen Learn to listen Share experiences The power of encouragement Build a circle of prayer The Gift of Prayer A gift that can go anywhere A gift that expresses love Prayer is a gift of our time A gift with great power and eternal consequences I doubt if I would be a Christian today if it had not been for prayer warriors praying for me when I was a reckless rebellious teenager. Clayton Peck, Seventh-day Adventist Minister. 4
Reasons For Hope 1. God s ability to work depends on His resources, not ours. 2. God can use anything to accomplish His purpose for our children. 3. Whether we see Him or not, God is working. 4. Our children cannot stray beyond the reach of God. 5. God doesn t view time as we view it. 6. We serve a God who gives second chances. 7. God will keep on working even after we are gone. What Can I Do Now? One of the most powerful experiences I have seen was at a meeting of Bringing Home the Prodigals in the Methodist Central Hall in London. Hundreds of people came forward to lay the names of their children at the feet of the cross. Prayer Cards keep one and pray for those names. Conclusion The desired outcome is that returning prodigals will have a chance to return to a church that is waiting to meet them. Such churches may vary in appearance from country to country but it is clear that any church that wishes to effectively nurture returning young people must make this a priority Churches of Refuge ( www.churchofrefuge.eu) 5