9 Thinking habits holding you back and how to stop them!
No. 1 Comfort Zone Our Comfort Zone contains everything we are so familiar with that we feel comfortable in the familiarity. For example, struggling with having enough money might easily be inside our Comfort Zone because this is how it has been most of our lives. We feel so comfortable in knowing how to deal with it that it s familiar. Having abundant money will be outside our Comfort Zone. While we would no doubt love the benefits of having enough money, the fact that it s unfamiliar will eventually make us feel uncomfortable and we will soon find ourselves retreating back into familiar patterns with struggling to have enough money. When we strive to create better lives for ourselves, the same dynamic comes into play. The same old behavior is known and familiar and hence it falls within the Comfort Zone. Claiming a better life is new and possibly unknown but definitely unfamiliar and therefore outside our Comfort Zone. make a conscious choice Learn to recognize when you are outside your Comfort Zone and then make a conscious choice to keep doing this new thing until it becomes familiar. Once it s familiar you ve expanded your Comfort Zone to include this new thing.
No. 2 Seeking Approval Many of our decisions are based on what we believe will get us the most approval. If others approve of us being busy, then busy we will make ourselves. If others approve of us saying yes to them, then we will say yes no matter what the consequences may be, in terms of overwhelm and stress. This includes living up to other people s expectations of us. Whether clearly voiced by another person or we mind-read him or her, living up to other people s expectations is again a form of seeking approval from others. We become people-pleasers and neglect self-approval in favor of outside approval. Creating a better life is something we can do to please ourselves, not others. Pleasing ourselves is sacrificed when faced with the possibility of losing approval from others. choose to increase your self-respect Make a decision for self-approval first. Choosing to do what you approve increases your self-respect and then your selfconfidence and your self-esteem.
No. 3 Fear Of Missing Out On It Many of us have an unconscious fantasy that if we just do the right thing at the right time, then magic will happen and we will live happily ever after. This is reinforced by marketing messages promising us that the next product, the next workshop, the next book etc. will give us It whatever the It is. This longing the longing for bliss and eternal peace and happiness is very strong inside of us, and we keep hoping, hoping, hoping that this time we will get It. With so many promises and the potential for something better around us, it becomes scary to choose to say no to some of it because we don t know how to recognize It when it s in front of us. So we do more and more and more hoping to find it, finally, once and for all. Think it through! There are many paths to the same results. You ll find your It when you commit to one thing and then do that thing wholeheartedly. What path, what teachings, what method calls you? commit to one thing
No. 4 Living Outside-In Instead Of Inside-Out For whom are you living your life? We have all been taught to live outside-in instead of inside-out. We are motivated by people around us, living up to their expectations and seeking their approval rather than finding our motivation for self-approval inside ourselves. While in some ways it appears that this action is much easier and assures us approval, eventually we end up feeling miserable because we ignore ourselves and our inner voices. The longer this continues, the more our dissatisfaction and resentment builds up until we go into full-blown rebellion. As all of this typically happens on a mostly subconscious level, we don t understand why suddenly we have become our own silent saboteur in creating a new and better life for ourselves. This is even more the case when we base the foundation for a new life on what someone else deems a good thing to do. The only way to create a new life without sabotaging ourselves is by letting the new way of living be based on our own deepest truth and by claiming our own authenticity and not someone else s. There is really only one thing to do. Ask yourself, over and over and over, many times a day What do I want?. And then listen for the answer. The truest answer will come from somewhere inside of you that is not your mind. listen for the answer
No. 5 Fear Of Feeling Guilty We have all learned that we get approval by being busy and accomplishing things especially the things other people want us to do. We have learned, as children, that it is not good to hang out and do nothing. No, our parents liked us to do things things they thought were good for us to do: homework, after-school activities, clean our rooms, help with housework, hold a job and so on. Our parents required us to do the things they wanted us to do by making us feel guilty if we didn t. The guilt is still lurking inside of us, ready to pounce as soon as we stop doing what we think other people want us to do. The guilt comes on even stronger if we do something that we would like to do purely for our own pleasure. Nobody likes to feel guilt, so we keep on doing what we think other people want us to do just to avoid the guilt. We fear the feeling of guilt and choose actions accordingly. do it anyway In essence, feel the guilt and do it anyway if you know it s something that s good for you and won t harm others. Guilt is only a feeling and it might take surprisingly little time for the guilt to leave you alone if you don t give in to it.
No. 6 Perfectionism When we strive to make everything perfect, which we do to finally feel good enough by getting approval from others, we put enormous pressure on ourselves. Striving for excellence, on the other hand, is a healthy motivation. But where perfectionism is focused on approval from outside ourselves, striving for excellence is something we do for the satisfaction it gives us, for self-approval and for self-respect. When we set out to create a better life, we venture into unexplored and unknown territory. When we are doing something for the first time, it won t be perfect and possibly not even excellent. We may give up because we don t get it right the first time. We may feel like losers. We may feel like total failures when, in fact, it is only a matter of repetition is the key to mastery and practice makes perfect. Sometimes, good enough is good enough, you don t have to strive for excellence. Take a look at your life and choose a few things that it s ok that you only do good enough. While you ll probably feel guilty at first, eventually you ll end up with more time and energy for enjoying life. sometimes good enough is good enough
No. 7 Liking The Idea Of Change But Not The Doing A friend once told me: I like the idea of change as long as I don t have to do anything different. It is a certain form of laziness, not wanting to put the effort in to gain the desired change. It is a belief that we are entitled to have it the easy way. Life doesn t work this way. All change requires effort, whether it is changing your thoughts, your diet, your lifestyle, your work or anything else. Change comes about only as a result of different actions. Different actions for the first time bring excitement. Different actions for the twentieth or fiftieth or hundredth time is just plain boring and hard self-discipline. It is so much easier to relapse into old behaviors. While making positive changes requires effort in the beginning, if you persist those changes will free up energy and bring a sense of freedom and accomplishment along with increased self-respect and self-confidence. positive changes free up energy
No. 8 Not having a clear direction for living Do you know how you want to live your life? Do you know what your values are? Do you know your life s purpose? Do you have any big life goals? Do you have a vision? When we don t know or recognize in which direction we are moving, we don t know what decisions to make. Knowing where we are headed paves the way for making decisions, as we automatically choose those that favor our chosen direction. Not knowing our destination, we are blown by the wind of various circumstances in any which way and often end up going nowhere. We end up spinning the same wheels that lead to continued stress and frustration. First, let go of your expectations of who you have been taught you should be, or who you think you should be. Then ask yourself: Who do I want to be? What do I most love to do? If I weren t afraid, how would I live my life? What do I feel passionate about? Once you have gotten some answers (and they might come slowly), take a look at your life: What needs to change for you to live that magical life you long for? Then use the magic power words, I can and I will!, to give yourself courage to create - step by step - the life you want and the YOU you want. who do you want to be?
No. 9 Addiction to intensity People are biological creatures. As such, we are hardwired to move from pain to pleasure or from more pain to less pain. What is important about this point is that we are too often crisis motivated, as in: only big pain will motivate us to change. When we are faced with a crisis of any kind, we learn how strong we are and how much we can accomplish in terms of adversity and hardship. We feel a sense of self-worth, self-respect and self-approval. However, we can easily become hooked on, perhaps even addicted to, the intensity of a crisis. We may become habituated to crisis as a motivator, our only motivator. For most of us, a better life involves a peaceful, easy and happy way of living in other words, an intensity-free and a crisis-free life. Since we have no other motivator, we sabotage our efforts at creating our best life because there is no negative intensity to motivate us to further change. There is wonder and challenge and excitement in being the truest you. There is also wonder and challenge and excitement in creating the life that is the truest expression of who you are. I promise you this: you ll feel more alive in pursuit of these than you ever will in any emotional crisis or adrenalin-inducing crisis. the wonder of being you
I m Gitte Lassen, the Positive Power Pilgrim and I help Highly Sensitive People transform from being painfully sensitive to being powerfully sensitive. Many Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) suffer from being so sensitivity and I consider it a sacred trust to help them turn their high sensitivity from being a curse into the greatest blessing of their lives and their source of strength, power and self-confidence. I have a bachelors degree in geology and a master s degree in geophysics but I left the world of science halfway through my Ph.D. studies to pursue my heart s desire: multi-dimensional personal transformation. First for myself, and then helping others. For the last 25 years, I have helped HSPs find self-love, self-confidence and create their dream lives via lectures, online programs and (best of all) workshops. I now have clients all over the world. HSPs have 4 defining character traits as see here to the right. You can remember these 4 character traits by paraphrasing Forrest Gump: Highly sensitive is as highly sensitive D.O.E.S. Our Western culture does not, in contrast to other cultures, value HSPs: People who notice things (S), think about those things deeply (D), and make decisions with heart (E)! Something our modern world is in desperate need of. Furthermore, modern Western life is terrible for over-stimulating and overwhelming (O) HSPs. We, as HSPs, can t fully step into our historical roles as guides, advisors and healers until we learn more about who we are, what our gifts are and how to manage our high sensitivity. The one thing HSPs need in order to truly turn their high sensitivity into a powerful blessing is boundaries, and particularly emotional and energetic boundaries. A client of mine, Frances Asha, plant intuitive and flower essence healer, said: I realized that some of the issues I thought were caused by my high sensitivity were really boundary issues. HSPs have 4 defining character traits:* D O E S Depth of Processing Overstimulation and Overwhelm Strong Emotional reactions and Empathy Sensitivity to the Subtle * Dr. Elaine Aron I mentioned above that I empower HSPs. Specifically, I do that by helping them gain real and strong emotional and energetic boundaries so they are no longer victims of their high sensitivity. Stay true and be gentle with yourself, Gitte The Positive Power Pilgrim gitte@positivepowerlife.com www.positivepowerlife.com Look for an email from me to learn more about boundaries for HSPs. ps You can find me on facebook as Positive Power Life