All right everyone. I m really excited about this whole concept of being yourself. It s something we hear all the time, Be yourself. Be yourself. What does it mean? There s the classic line I want to get from the Disney film The Incredibles where the guy says, You re always saying be yourself but you don t say what that means. Who s the self you re supposed to be? I think there s a part of us that absolutely knows what it means, and we run like heck from it because we have all this programming about, No, don t be yourself. You re supposed to be this. You re supposed to be that. The magazines, the television, your parents, your teachers, the clergy, everybody has an idea of who you re supposed to be regardless of whether it feels like yourself or not. There s something inside of us that knows who our true self is and what feels right. That s what we re up to discovering and finding. I think that s where the greatest joy and greatest success comes from really being authentic and knowing that inner guidance. Who we re created to be is who we re meant to be. It s not like God, source, universe, whatever, created us to be a certain thing and it s like, Yeah, but they got it wrong so I need to fix that and be something else, according to what someone else told me. I read a newspaper article once and that told me what I should be. The universe got it wrong in terms of my programming. With that, let s go ahead and get grounded and centered first. Go ahead and close your eyes. Take a deep breath and then hold it, and let it go. Now just breathing comfortably with the eyes closed, go ahead and feel your feet on the floor. Allow yourself to feel that connection. Allow yourself to feel centered and grounded. Allow yourself to be right here right now, as present as possible so as to receive maximum benefit from this hour. Just allowing yourself to feel your body in this place. Allow yourself to feel your breath flowing through your body, and just allowing yourself to ponder those two words be yourself. What does it mean to you and how do you feel about that? If you were to look in a full-length mirror and say, Be yourself, how would you respond? What would be the comments and feelings that come up? I don t know what that is. I m not supposed to be. I can t be myself. Who I am feels like this but I ve been told not to be that. Just allow yourself to be aware of those feelings, both emotional and physical, allowing yourself to be aware of the thoughts that come up, the memories, the times that you might have felt that you were being 1
yourself and someone said, No, you re being wrong. You re doing it wrong. The times you ve gotten messages as to who you should be. Notice what s rattling around in there. Notice if you d feel safe to be yourself. It s not safe to be me because and just notice what reasons come up, what answers come up. Allowing yourself to be aware of what feels important. Take another deep breath, and let it go. If you d like to share something first, just press *6 to unmute yourself, some thoughts about why you couldn t or shouldn t be yourself or why you couldn t or shouldn t even know what that means. This is Cathy. Hey, Cathy. Hi. My main issue is I was raised in a very narcissistic family so even though in my head I know that I am worthy, I don t feel worthy. I m constantly battling always, You can t do this, you re not worthy, you re not worthy of success, you re not worthy of happiness, you re not worthy of recovery. I want to right my ability to feel worthy. Okay. It s hard to be yourself because you ve got all this programming that who you are isn t good enough. Who I am is wrong because I m supposed to enable everyone else. Yeah. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Everybody, do this too, please. Just feeling what goes on inside, say, It s wrong to be myself. Say that aloud? It s wrong to be myself. Just take a moment in allowing yourself to be aware of what thoughts and feelings comes up as you say that. Scale of 0-10, how true does that feel? How true it feels? Not logically. Logically, you know that s not right, but what s your programming inside says? I think about a 7 or 8. A lot of guilt and shame comes up. 2
Side of the hand. Even though it s wrong to be myself Even though it s wrong to be myself I choose to love and accept myself anyway. I choose to love and accept myself anyway. Even though I m afraid it s wrong to be myself Even though I m afraid it s wrong to be myself I choose to love and honor myself. I choose to love and honor myself. Even though I ve been told it s wrong to be myself Even though I ve been told it s wrong to be myself and that who I am... and that who I am isn t good enough isn t good enough and I need to be what other people need me to be. and I need to be what other people need me to be. It s all about everybody else. Because it s all about everybody else. And even though I m not allowed to be myself And even though I m not allowed to be myself I choose to deeply and completely. I choose to deeply and completely. 3
love, honor and accept myself. love, honor and accept myself. And maybe even all these other people And maybe even all these other people who make it so hard to be myself. who make it so hard to be myself. Eyebrow point. It s wrong to be mysel. It s wrong to be myself. Side of the eye. I m not supposed to be myself I m not supposed to be myself Under the eye. because other people need me to be different. because other people need me to be different. Under the nose. They re being selfish. They re being selfish. Under the mouth. But they re telling me that I m being selfish... But they re telling me that I m being selfish... Collar bone. when I want to be myself. when I want to be myself. Under the arm. And I m guilted And I m guilted... Top of the head. and I m shamed and I m shamed 4
Eyebrow point. when I play with the idea of being myself. when I play with the idea of being myself. Side of the eye. And they ve told me that who I really am... And they ve told me that who I really am... Under the eye. or who I think I might be or who I think I might be Under the nose. isn t good enough. isn t good enough. Under the mouth. That I m not worthy. That I m not worthy. Collar bone. All these beliefs All these beliefs... Under the arm. that I m not worthy that I m not worthy Top of the head. all these beliefs... all these beliefs... Eyebrow point. that I m not good enough. that I m not good enough. Side of the eye. How can I be myself How can I be myself Under the eye. when who I am isn t worthy? when who I am isn t worthy? 5
Under the nose. They keep telling me who I need to be... They keep telling me who I need to be... Under the mouth. but that s about their needs. but that s about their needs. Collar bone. They ve told me who I am isn t good enough. They ve told me who I am isn t good enough. Under the arm. And are they Nobel Prize winners? And are they Nobel Prize winners? Top of the head. Who says they re right? Who says they re right? Eyebrow point. What they re telling me... What they re telling me... Side of the eye. isn t about what s true. isn t about what s true. Under the eye. It s about what they think will work for them. It s about what they think will work for them. Under the nose. Because if I allowed myself to be myself... Because if I allowed myself to be myself... Under the mouth. I might not do their bidding. It might not do their bidding. Collar bone. They need me to think this way. They need me to think this way. 6
Under the arm. The sad part is... The sad part is... Top of the head. it s not working for them either. it s not working for them either. Eyebrow point. Being true to myself... Being true to myself... Side of the eye. would be the greatest gift to me... would be the greatest gift to me... Under the eye. and the greatest gift to them. and the greatest gift to them. Under the nose. They convinced me that I m not worthy... They convinced me that I m not worthy... Under the mouth. because deep down inside because deep down inside Collar bone. they don t feel worthy...they don t feel worthy. Under the arm. They don t feel worthy They don t feel worthy... Top of the head. and that s not my fault. and that s not my fault. Eyebrow point. I am releasing all this responsibility. I am releasing all this responsibility. 7
Side of the eye. And part of me says, I can t do that. And part of me says, I can t do that. Under the eye. I need them to need me. I need them to need me. Under the nose. I need to play nice with them. I need to play nice with them. Under the mouth. I must not upset them. I must not upset them. Collar bone. And if being myself upsets them... And if being myself upsets them... Under the arm. I better not be myself. I better not be myself. Top of the head. And the safest way to avoid being myself... And the safest way to avoid being myself... Eyebrow point. is to let them convince me... is to let them convince me... Side of the eye...that myself is not the person to be. that myself is not the person to be. Under the eye. That who I really am isn t good enough That who I really am isn t good enough Under the nose. and that I should avoid being myself. and that I should avoid being myself. 8
Under the mouth. I think I ve played that game long enough... I think I ve played that game long enough... Collar bone. because deep inside because deep inside Under the arm...i know who I am. I know who I am. Top of the head. I know who I m here to be. I know who I m here to be. Eyebrow point. I even know what I m here to do. I even know what I m here to do. Side of the eye. And I m so scared of acknowledging it. And I m so scared of acknowledging it. Under the eye. All this fear. All this fear. Under the nose. This fear that I couldn t handle being myself. This fear that I couldn t handle being myself. Under the mouth. This fear that they couldn t handle me being me. This fear that they couldn t handle me being me. Collar bone. As if that was my problem. As if that was my problem. Under the arm. Oh, but they ll make it my problem. Oh, but they ll make it my problem. 9
Top of the head. They ll make it clear how upset they are. They ll make it clear how upset they are. Eyebrow point. But here s the thing But here s the thing Side of the eye. they re upset anyway. they re upset anyway. Under the eye. Me not being myself Me not being myself... Under the nose. isn t making their lives any better... isn t making their lives any better... Under the mouth. because it can t. because it can t. Collar bone. Because who I really am Because who I really am... Under the arm. is for the highest good of all concerned. is for the highest good of all concerned. Top of the head. I can t benefit anyone by denying who I am. I can t benefit anyone by denying who I am. Eyebrow point. So I m clearing the fear that keeps me stuck. So I m clearing the fear that keeps me stuck. Side of the eye. Clearing this fear of how they ll respond. Clearing this fear of how they ll respond. 10
Under the eye. As if how they re being right now As if how they re being right now... Under the nose. is all sunlight and roses. is all sunlight and roses. Under the mouth. Oh, but everything s so perfect right now. Oh, but everything s so perfect right now. Collar bone. Why would I want to mess with this perfection? Why would I want to mess with this perfection? Under the arm. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Top of the head. The situation needs an improvement... The situation needs an improvement... Eyebrow point. and the best way I can do that and the best way I can do that... Side of the eye. is by being myself. is by being myself. Under the eye. The real me... The real me... Under the nose. is the person who can make the best of this situation. is the person who can make the best of this situation. Under the mouth. So I m clearing the blocks to that. So I m clearing the blocks to that. 11
Collar bone. Clearing the fears. Clearing the fears. Under the arm. Allowing myself to be myself. Allowing myself to be myself. Top of the head. Knowing that I am worthy and deserving... Knowing that I am worthy and deserving... Eyebrow point. of the best this world has to offer. of the best this world has to offer. Side of the eye. They have tried to convince me otherwise. They have tried to convince me otherwise. Under the eye. They were mistaken. They were mistaken. Under the nose. That was about them getting their needs met... That was about them getting their needs met... Under the mouth. or what they thought were their needs. or what they thought were their needs. Collar bone. It s not working for any of us. It s not working for any of us. Under the arm. So I m clearing the fears and doubts... So I m clearing the fears and doubts... Top of the head. that cover up the truth. that cover up the truth. 12
Eyebrow point. I am worthy and deserving... I am worthy and deserving... Side of the eye. of the best this life has to offer. of the best this life has to offer. Under the eye. And the more I allow myself to be my true self... And the more I allow myself to be my true self Under the nose. the more good I can allow into my life. the more good I can allow into my life. Under the mouth. And it s safe to do so. And it s safe to do so. Collar bone. It hasn t been any safer not doing so. It hasn t been any safer not doing so. Under the arm. So I m setting myself free with love... So I m setting myself free with love... Top of the head. in body, mind and spirit. in body, mind and spirit. Take a deep breath. What s going on in there? You were so right on. Oh my God. Wow. Just the validation of it, just your understanding the validation of the underlying stuff is huge. Considering that the role models were men and you re a man validating it is extra huge. What a feeling. We re not all bad. I know that. I know that intellectually, but I am now starting to attract healthier men in recovery. Thank you very, very much. 13
My pleasure. Thank you for sharing that. Who s next? Hi Brad. Mia. Hey Mia. Hi. What came up for me is in the last couple of years I feel like I ve gotten pretty good at being my self interaction with other people and lately I ve got great connections with friends, even with family and so on. I m at the point where I m coming closer to a man, which might lead to a relationship. I don t know yet because it s very early in the connection. When I considered that this might grow into a relationship and I think if I m myself in that relationship, he s just going to jump at me and he s just going to dismiss me and he s never going to accept me being myself. The main thing that comes up in that respect is really memory from my marriage where I got the comment from my husband several times that I was working too little. I wasn t working hard enough and I wasn t bringing in enough money and so on, and always questioning the way I spent my time and the way I worked. I don t know why but this is what comes up when I think of beginning a relationship with this person, like the moment he finds out how I really am, the moment he finds out who I am and how I spend my time and who I really am without any screen before me, the moment he finds out that, the essential me is just going to say, Okay. I give up. You go. That s strange because, like I said in interactions with many other people, it s gotten easier and easier to really be myself. It s like if I can t run away, if someone s getting very close to me then I just can t be myself because I ll be getting criticized because I ll never be good enough. Right. Everyone, go ahead and be tapping here. This is one of the things. You see so many dating books and sites and they ll talk about playing the game of dating and how to put on or make a good first impression and all of this, and basically, cover up who you are. They ll find out after you re married. Once you got them nailed into a marriage then you can let people know who you are. It s like, Oh, that sounds like really good advice. Let s not play games and find out who the person is because if they re not going to accept us for who we are, why on earth would we want to be in a relationship with them? That s why you want to be yourself in 14
the early stages so that it s like, Okay. This isn t going to work, then great. Let s find out now. Yeah. The thing is that the times I ve seen him so far have been great and I didn t think like I was covering up myself. It s just when I think ahead and think of being closer to him and spending more time with him, just in this first tapping round it was like the ghost of my exhusband looming up and saying, Ha-ha. You escaped then. You ran away from this marriage but I ll be right back with my judgment. It was him, the voice. Yeah, because the voice is still inside. It just links so closely to being close to someone. Yeah, which is a safe way to keep people at a distance. I know. Everyone, close your eyes and take a deep breath. A lot of this is going to sound similar to the first round. As we stay on this one topic over the next two weeks, we ll sound kind of similar but they re approaching the aspect in different ways. Allow yourself to feel what s going on inside. Follow your breath through your body and say, There s something wrong with me. There s something wrong with me. Just take a moment to feel what goes on inside. You might imagine whoever it was who said it, your ex-husband. It could be your parents. For everyone listening, whoever may have said that to you in any way, shape, or form, just allowing yourself to hear that. Sometimes we know that people in our lives have said there s something wrong with you and we go, No. You re just blind, and we dismiss it. Sometimes we take it on and we keep them in our heads. Even though we may not have seen them for ages, they re still in our heads, taking up space, we re giving them free rent. Every so often, they say, Oh, by the way, just a reminder. You re not good enough. Particularly, it s like, Oh, you want to date this new guy. Guess what? I just want to remind you you re not good enough. Allowing yourself to be aware of that, on a scale of 0-10, Mia, how strong does that feel? 15
I would say 7. What comes up is I m not diligent enough. I m not applying myself enough. I m too loose with discipline. It s very much along those lines. There s something wrong with my discipline and my habits and the structure in my life. You re not doing it right. Yeah. It s far too loose, not disciplined, and not diligent. Side of the hand. For everyone tapping along, the reasons why you re not good enough may be exactly the same, maybe different, so we ll see what comes up in this. Even though I m not good enough... Even though I m not good enough... I choose to love and accept myself anyway. I choose to love and accept myself anyway. Even though I m told there s something wrong with me... Even though I m told there s something wrong with me... I choose to love and honor myself anyway. I choose to love and honor myself anyway. Even though I ve been told there s something wrong with me... Even though I ve been told there s something wrong with me... I just don t do things right. I just don t do things right. I m not hard-working enough... I m not hard-working enough... I m not diligent enough. I m not diligent enough. 16
I m not organized enough. I m not organized enough. There s all kinds of things I ve been told... There s all kinds of things I ve been told... about what s deficient in me. about what s deficient in me. And how that makes me unlovable And how that makes me unlovable... and how I should not be myself. and how I should not be myself. That if I want to have love in my life... That if I want to have love in my life... I need to be something other than who I am. I need to be something other than who I am. I need to create a better version of myself. I need to create a better version of myself. And even though I ve been told there s something wrong with me... And even though I ve been told there s something wrong with me... I choose to deeply and completely... I choose to deeply and completely... love, honor and accept myself. love, honor and accept myself. 17
And anyone else And anyone else who told me this... who told me this... I don t know what was wrong with them. I don t know what was wrong with them. They were doing the best they could. They were doing the best they could. Eyebrow point. This idea that there s something wrong with me... This idea that there s something wrong with me Side of the eye. and so I should not be myself. and so I should not be myself. Under the eye. I should be something better than who I am. I should be something better than who I am. Under the nose. I can t be myself... I can t be myself... Under the mouth. because there s something wrong with myself. because there s something wrong with myself. Collar bone. There s something wrong with who I am. There s something wrong with who I am. Under the arm. There s something missing. There s something missing. 18
Top of the head. There s something deficient. There s something deficient. Eyebrow point. Relationships will never work in my life... Relationships will never work in my life... Side of the eye. if I choose to be myself... if I choose to be myself... Under the eye. because no one could really love me if I m being myself. because no one could really love me if I m being myself. Under the nose. No one could really accept me if I m being myself. No one could really accept me if I m being myself. Under the mouth. No one could really live with me if I m being myself. No one could really live with me if I m being myself. Collar bone. So I have a choice. So I have a choice. Under the arm. I can be myself... I can be myself... Top of the head. and live alone. and live alone. Eyebrow point. Or I can choose to live with someone else... Or I can choose to live with someone else... Side of the eye. and manufacture a better version of myself... 19
and manufacture a better version of myself... Under the eye. and strive to keep that up. and strive to keep that up. Under the nose. Which is going to be difficult... Which is going to be difficult... Under the mouth. because it s never really clear what someone else wants. because it s never really clear what someone else wants. Collar bone. And their wants may change from day to day. And their wants may change from day to day. Under the arm. I m going to have to get up every morning... I m going to have to get up every morning... Top of the head. and figure out who I m supposed to be today. and figure out who I m supposed to be today. Eyebrow point. It s going to be exhausting. It s going to be exhausting. Under the eye. So do I even want a relationship So do I even want a relationship with someone who won t love me for who I am? with someone who won t love me for who I am? Under the nose. Do I want to pretend to be someone different Do I want to pretend to be someone different Under the mouth. and then strive to be that fabrication... 20
and then strive to be that fabrication... Collar bone. everyday for the rest of my life. everyday for the rest of my life. Under the arm. Now, that s going to take some diligence. Now, that s going to take some diligence. Top of the head. I m going to have to be a whole lot more hard working. I m going to have to be a whole lot more hard working. Eyebrow point. And a whole lot more organized... And a whole lot more organized... Side of the eye. to keep track of who I m supposed to be... to keep track of who I m supposed to be... Under the eye. in order to please someone. in order to please someone. Under the nose. But if they don t love me for who I am... But if they don t love me for who I am... Under the mouth. why am I working so hard to please them? why am I working so hard to please them? Collar bone. Is it really impossible Is it really impossible Under the arm. that on a planet with over seven billion people... that on a planet with over seven billion people... 21
Top of the head. there isn t someone who could accept me for who I am. there isn t someone who could accept me for who I am. Eyebrow point. I choose to be myself. I choose to be myself. Side of the eye. And I m allowing into my life... And I m allowing into my life Under the eye. the people who appreciate who I really am. the people who appreciate who I really am. Under the nose. So I have someone in my life... So I have someone in my life... Under the mouth. someone in the past someone in the past... Collar bone. who couldn t appreciate who I really was. who couldn t appreciate who I really was. Under the arm. And as I look back... And as I look back... Top of the head. do I kick myself do I kick myself Eyebrow point. thinking I should have worked harder thinking I should have worked harder Side of the eye. to please this person to please this person 22
Under the eye. because this was the right person for me? because this was the right person for me? Under the nose. And I should have been more of who he wanted me to be? And I should have been more of who he wanted me to be? Under the mouth. And whatever he said was right? And whatever he said was right. Collar bone. I know better. I know better. Under the arm. I choose to be myself. I choose to be myself. Top of the head. I choose to be myself. I choose to be myself. Eyebrow point. And there s nothing wrong with me. And there s nothing wrong with me. Side of the eye. And there may be times... And there may be times... Under the eye. when I engage in certain behaviors... when I engage in certain behaviors... Under the nose. that aren t being true to myself. that aren t being true to myself. Under the mouth. I choose to find out... 23
I choose to find out... Collar bone. who I truly am. who I truly am. Under the arm. There may be people... There may be people... Top of the head. who spend all their time in front of the television set who spend all their time in front of the television set... Eyebrow point. eating ice cream... eating ice cream... Side of the eye. and saying to the world.. and saying to the world... Under the eye. This is who I am. This is who I am. Under the nose. Accept me for who I am. Accept me for who I am. Under the mouth. But that s not who anybody really is. But that s not who anybody really is. Collar bone. Sometimes the behaviors we think define us... Sometimes the behaviors we think define us... Under the arm. are attempts to run away. are attempts to run away. 24
Top of the head. Attempts to keep ourselves safely in our comfort zone. Attempts to keep ourselves safely in our comfort zone. Eyebrow point. I choose to be who I really am. I choose to be who I really am. Side of the eye. But that doesn t come from someone else telling me. But that doesn t come from someone else telling me. Under the eye. Not even my ex-husband. Not even my ex-husband. Under the nose. I m finding out who I really am... I m finding out who I really am... Under the mouth. and I choose to be that. and I choose to be that. Collar bone. And if this new person doesn t love that... And if this new person doesn t love that... Under the arm. then he s not the right person for me. then he s not the right person for me. Top of the head. And that would be really frustrating... And that would be really frustrating... Eyebrow point. and it would be disappointing... and it would be disappointing... Side of the eye. but would it be more disappointing... but would it be more disappointing... 25
Under the eye. than having to spend the rest of my life... than having to spend the rest of my life... Under the nose. trying to fabricate someone... trying to fabricate someone... Under the mouth. to keep someone else happy. to keep someone else happy. Collar bone. I choose to find out... I choose to find out... Under the arm. if I ll be accepted for who I am... if I ll be accepted for who I am... Top of the head. because there s someone out there who will. because there s someone out there who will. Eyebrow point. I really hope it s this person I really hope it s this person Side of the eye. and I ll handle it if it isn t. and I ll handle it if it isn t. Under the eye. I choose to be myself. I choose to be myself. Under the nose. I choose to be loved for who I am. I choose to be loved for who I am. Under the mouth. And I choose to know there s nothing wrong with me. 26
And I choose to know there s nothing wrong with me. Collar bone. There may be parts of me I want to improve... There may be parts of me I want to improve... Under the arm. and I choose to improve them for me... and I choose to improve them for me... Top of the head. not to make myself more acceptable to others. not to make myself more acceptable to others. Eyebrow point. I don t need to answer to anyone on this. I don t need to answer to anyone on this. Side of the eye. I m finding out who I am for my own sake. I m finding out who I am for my own sake. Under the eye. And I choose to love myself. And I choose to love myself. Under the nose. I am worthy and deserving. I am worthy and deserving. Under the mouth. I am plenty good enough. I m plenty good enough. Collar bone. Getting better all the time. Getting better all the time. Under the arm. And I am loving myself And I am loving myself... Top of the head. in body, mind and spirit. 27
in body, mind and spirit. Now, take a deep breath. What goes on inside? The first thing that came up very strongly was my father and my former schoolteacher from first class, the combination between these two. I visually saw our house just opposite the school so it was like the line between my dad and my teacher. That came up very strongly the judgment coming from them, You re not good enough. You re not organized enough. You voiced it very accurately. The weird detail that came up with is that the guy I m getting to know now has black hair and that reminded me so much of my dad. My dad has black hair. The next thought that came up was I was reminded of, I took a course for several years in the personal development area and that was three or four years. Fellow students told me after a while, You know, you re having such an amazing influence on this teacher because he used to be so strict. You make him laugh all the time. He s changed under your influence. That came up like, Okay. Being myself isn t necessarily always a bad thing. It can also have a positive influence on people. Yeah. It s recognizing everyone keep tapping here that when we look back at the times that it hasn t been a good thing, is that about that it wasn t good, that there was something wrong maybe in myself or something about the person who deemed me not good enough and their divisions. Again, if you have that program inside of you re not organized enough that can show up again. It will show up in different places, that feeling of, I m not good enough, I m not organized enough. We can take each belief individually even though I m not organized enough and go, Okay. Organized enough for whom? I m organized enough to get my work done. I m organized enough to have my house in order. Then we can look at it and go, Okay. If I m not happy with how things are going in my life, then I can say, okay, I m not as organized as I d like to be but I don t need to be organized enough for anybody else. It s a matter of recognizing. Yeah. I think it s probably that I sense on some level, I don t know him well enough yet, but it s probably that I sense that he s a pretty structured and organized and rational and efficient person, which can all be positive traits, but I think it s something coming from sensing that that just triggers all the alarm bells in my mind, Oh my God. He s someone who has traces of my dad. 28
Maybe his yang needs a little more yin then. Cool. Thanks. Thanks very much. Thank you. Who s next? Hi. This is Sue. Hi, Sue. Hi. I ve gone in sort of to the opposite well, not opposite extreme but I ve gone and actually sort of set myself apart from everybody because I ve had so many people in my life tell me that I was unacceptable and they didn t like me. Attractive people used to sit me down and give me long lectures. This is when I was an adult, about how bad I was. Like you said, that s one option. It s easier to isolate myself than it is than to put up with other people. Exactly. Oh, I m not good enough the way I am. I ll show you. You think I m too disorganized? I ll show you disorganization. I ll be so disorganized that no one will come near me with a 20-foot pole. No, with me it s opposite. It s because I m a perfectionist. Okay. There s all kinds of different ways in which we ll do it and so yes, in that case, Oh, you think I m too much of a perfectionist? I ll show you. I ll become a total tyrant in my perfectionism. That ll scare everybody away and then no one can come close to me and hurt me. Exactly. Everyone, go ahead and be tapping here. That s when we look at those times that we ve defended ourselves and say, Well, this is just who I am. Is it really or is it who I ve created myself to be? Sometimes we create ourselves to be someone that other people will find acceptable, and sometimes we create ourselves to be someone that others will find unacceptable as a safety mechanism. It s looking and going, Okay. When I say be myself, is that the perfectionist? Well, maybe not. Maybe I have to convince myself that it s okay to be myself even if other people might like that. Yeah. As you say, you know inside yourself somewhere who you are but I haven t found that somewhere yet. You know when people do guided meditations and stuff and they say go into your heart, and that 29
light in your heart and now it s getting bigger. As soon as they say that, I just get this blackness. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Everyone, do this too. Just feeling what goes on inside your body, say, It s safe to find out who I really am. It s safe to find out who I really am. Scale of 0-10, how safe does that feel? Which end of the scale is feeling safe? Ten would be it s absolutely safe to be myself. Zero. Where in your body do you feel emotions come up around this? My solar plexus and my gut and my throat, and my ears and my jaw. Okay. Side of the hand. Even though it s not safe to be myself... Even though it s not safe to be myself... I choose to love and honor myself anyway. I choose to love and honor myself anyway. Even though it s not safe to be myself... Even though it s not safe to be myself. I choose to love and accept myself anyway. I choose to love and accept myself anyway. Even though it s not safe to be myself... Even though it s not safe to be myself... and it s so unsafe... and it s so unsafe... 30
it s not even safe to know who myself is. it s not even safe to know who myself is. Because if I knew who I was supposed to be... Because if I knew who I was supposed to be... I might risk being myself. I might risk being myself. And that just feels so unsafe. And that just feels terrifying. And even though I m terrified of being myself... And even though I m terrified of being myself... I choose to deeply and completely... I choose to deeply and completely... love, honor and accept myself. love, honor and accept myself. And maybe even all these people... And maybe even all these people... who scared me so much who scared me so much... because of their ignorance. because of their ignorance. Eyebrow point. It s not safe to be myself. It s not safe to be myself. 31
Side of the eye. It is not safe to be myself. It is not safe to be myself. Under the eye. It s so unsafe It s so unsafe... Under the nose. that it s not even safe... that it s not even safe Under the mouth. to know who I am. to know who I am. Collar bone. So I fabricated who I am. So I fabricated who I am. Under the arm. I ve created a version of myself... I ve created a version of myself... Top of the head. that scares everybody away. that scares everybody away. Eyebrow point. Because if no one s nearby Because if no one s nearby... Side of the eye. they can t hurt me. they can t hurt me. Under the eye. All this fear that people will hurt me. All this fear that people will hurt me. Under the nose. All this fear that people will hurt me. All this fear that people will hurt me. 32
Under the mouth. So I ll keep them away. So I ll keep them away. Collar bone. Part of me suspects Part of me suspects Under the arm. that this scary version of me... that this scary version of me... Top of the head. isn t really the real me. isn t really the real me. Eyebrow point. But it sure feels safe. But if sure feels safe. Side of the eye. It feels safer to keep people away. It feels much safer to keep people away. Under the eye. But it s not a very joyful feeling. But it s not a very joyful feeling. Under the nose. I m trading joy for safety. I m trading joy for safety. Under the mouth. All this fear... All this fear... Collar bone. that I couldn t handle being myself. that I couldn t handle being myself. Under the arm. All this fear... All this fear 33
Top of the head. that I couldn t handle having people attracted to that. that I couldn t handle having people attracted to that. Eyebrow point. All this fear... All this fear... Side of the eye. that I couldn t handle more people being closer. that I couldn t handle more people being closer. Under the eye. All this fear that they ll hurt me. All this fear that they ll hurt me. Under the nose. And part of me says... And part of me says... Under the mouth. of course, I m afraid they ll hurt me. of course, I m afraid they ll hurt me. Collar bone. I have plenty of evidence that they will. I have plenty of evidence that they will. Under the arm. These people hurt me. These people hurt me. Top of the head. Those people over there hurt me. Those people over there hurt me. Eyebrow point. They lectured me... They lectured me Side of the eye. about all of the things that were wrong with me. 34
about all of the things that were wrong with me. Under the eye. I don t need any more lectures... I don t need any more lectures... Under the nose. so I ll just push people away. so I ll just push people away. Under the mouth. And then I ll say, That s who I really am. And then I ll say, That s who I really am. Collar bone. I am being myself... I am being myself Under the arm. and myself is someone nobody likes. and myself is someone nobody likes. Top of the head. And I m perfectly happy with this arrangement. And I m perfectly happy with this arrangement. Eyebrow point. And I m lying to myself and others... I m lying to myself and others Side of the eye. not because I m bad or stupid not because I m bad or stupid... Under the eye. but because I m doing what I m supposed to do. but because I m doing what I m supposed to do. Under the nose. I m taking care of myself. I m taking care of myself. Under the mouth. And I love and accept myself for that. 35
And I love and accept myself for that. Collar bone. I appreciate all of my efforts to take care of myself... I appreciate all of my efforts to take care of myself... Under the arm. even at the expense of being happy. even at the expense of being happy. Top of the head. And I m allowing myself to heal now. And I m allowing myself to heal now. Eyebrow point. Allowing myself to heal. Allowing myself to heal. Side of the eye. Releasing this old pain. Releasing this old pain. Under the eye. But I want to hang on to it. But I want to hang on to it. Under the nose. I ll use it to teach people a lesson. I ll use it to teach people a lesson. Under the mouth. Oh, you re going to hurt me, will you? Oh, you think you re going to hurt me? Collar bone. I m going to hang on to that pain. I m going to hang on to that pain. Under the arm. Won t that make you feel bad? Won t that make you feel bad? Top of the head. And maybe it will and maybe it won t. 36
And maybe it will and maybe it won t. Eyebrow point. It s not working for me so well. It s not working so well for me. Side of the eye. And I m allowing myself to heal. And I m allowing myself to heal. Under the eye. Allowing myself to heal. Allowing myself to heal. Under the nose. I choose to be myself... I choose to be myself Under the mouth. even if there might be people who like that even if there might be people who like that Collar bone. and might show up in my life. and might show up in my life. Under the arm. Being myself Being myself... Top of the head. means risking being hurt. means risking being hurt. Eyebrow point. And I love and forgive myself... And I love and forgive myself Side of the eye. for being afraid of this. for being afraid of this. Under the eye. I choose to acknowledge the truth. 37
I choose to acknowledge the truth. Under the nose. That while being myself might mean risking being hurt... That by being myself I m risking being hurt Under the mouth. by not being myself, I m guaranteeing that I m hurt. by not being myself I m guaranteeing that I m hurt. Collar bone. I m hurting myself... I m hurting myself Under the arm. in order to avoid other people hurting me. in order to avoid other people hurting me. Top of the head. Again, not because I m bad or stupid... Again, not because I m bad or stupid... Eyebrow point. but because somewhere along the line... but because somewhere along the line Side of the eye. I learned that this would keep me safe. I learned that this would keep me safe. Under the eye. I forgive myself for doing this. I forgive myself for doing this. Under the nose. And I m giving myself permission to heal. And I m giving myself permission to heal. Under the mouth. I m setting myself free... I m setting myself free 38
Collar bone. to find out who I really am... to find out who I really am... Under the arm. even if that person might be acceptable to others... even if that person might be acceptable to others... Top of the head. and might let others into her space. and might let others into her space. Eyebrow point. I choose to know who I am. I choose to know who I am. Side of the eye. I choose to love who I am. I choose to love who I am. Under the eye. And I choose to be myself... And I choose to be myself Under the nose. even with all the risks that come with that. even with all the risks that come with that. Under the mouth. I can handle the risks. I can handle the risks. Collar bone. It s okay to be myself. It s okay to be myself. Under the arm. And I m loving myself... And I m loving myself Top of the head. in body, mind and spirit. in body, mind and spirit. 39
Take a deep breath. What s going on in there? That was great. That really was, and you hit all the relevant points, but that voice came on saying, I didn t know it was safe to do that at all. It sounds well and good and that s what I really want, but hey, um You mean I haven t overcome years of programming in five minutes? Really. I mean, you know. Darn it. As long as there s part of you that s going, Oh, yeah, that part of you will start emerging. It will take a little more encouragement and that s why I ll be giving the recordings. Again, for those of you who got on the call late, remember to please send me an email to let me know that you re on Call 01 so you get this recording. As you go back through and either tapping along with these rounds or just tapping on your own with these ideas of recognizing it s safe to be myself, again, we can say it s risky to be myself. I risk being hurt. Okay, but not being myself I m guaranteeing that I m hurt. Absolutely. Thank you very much for that. That was wonderful. Thank you. Yes, you are. We re going to close up the call with a guided imagery, as I tend to like to do on teleclasses. Everyone, go ahead and get yourselves comfortable. Get comfortable. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and then hold it, and let it go. Another deep breath in and hold it, and let it go. A third deep breath and then hold it, and let it go. Now, just breathing comfortably with your eyes closed, breathing comfortably and just imagine that with each breath you take in, you breathe in relaxation and positive energy. Go ahead and imagine a healing light of whatever color you like surrounding your body so that each breath you take in, your lungs comfortably draw in that healing light, allowing it to flow through every muscle, nerve, fiber, tissue, cell and atom of your body. Imagine a healing shower flowing down, crystal clear water that s a perfect temperature as it flows over the top of your head, soothing and relaxing your scalp, washing away fear, doubt, anxiety, washing away anger, sadness, guilt, shame, pain. Washing these away to reveal a light that you truly are, that real light of who you really are, that real self. 40
Underneath all the fears and doubts, underneath all the attempt to please, underneath all the shoulds, that bright light of who you really are, allowing more and more of that light to be revealed as that healing shower flows over your forehead, relaxing the muscles in your face. Flowing down over the back of your head, your neck, your shoulders, washing away tension. Leaving your shoulders calm, comfortable, and relaxed. Healing shower flowing down your arms all the way down over your fingertips, down over your chest and your stomach, soothing and relaxing, healing and cleansing. Allowing yourself to remain comfortably in whatever position you choose, allowing that healing shower to flow down over your upper and lower back. As you torso relaxes, your internal organs comfortably do whatever they need to do to achieve and maintain your optimal level of health and well being in body, mind and spirit. As that healing shower continues down over your body, down over your hips and your thighs, over your knees, down your lower legs through your ankles, into your feet. Finally, that relaxation flows over your toes as you allow yourself to relax twice as much, going at least twice as deep with each number as I count backwards. Five, drifting down to four, floating down to three, two, one, and zero is deep sleep. Deeper, deeper, five, four, three, two, one, and zero is again deep sleep. In this comfortable state of mind and body, I d like you to imagine yourself in some beautiful place. You get to choose where this beautiful place is. It could be indoors or outdoors. It could be a place that you know or a place completely of your own imagination. Wherever it might be, that s okay. That s good enough. You don t need to create a place based on what someone else might want. In this moment allowing yourself to choose the beautiful place you choose to be in. It doesn t need anyone else s approval, just like you don t need anyone else s approval. It often feels like we do and there have been times in the past where approval was important for survival. Allowing yourself to be in this beautiful place, just breathing, relaxing, enjoying, taking it all in with a sense of gratitude for the beauty that s around, taking pleasure in that beauty. Noticing what s there that you find pleasing, and allowing these things to be what they are. If you re in a forest, allowing the trees to be trees. They don t need to be something else. They re perfect just as they are. If you see the ocean, it s perfect just as it is. The mountains, the skies, stars, flowers, 41
whatever might be around, allowing yourself to appreciate these things for what they are. In doing so, giving yourself permission to appreciate you for who you are. If there are aspects of yourself that you d like to improve, asking yourself, Am I approving that because it s something that I want or because someone else says I need to? Allowing yourself to ask this question without any judgment, just a question, just wondering, Hmm. Do I want to improve myself for me or for someone else? There may be times that we want to improve ourselves for someone else because that benefits us in a deep way, and allowing yourself to recognize that. Allowing yourself to be aware of what it means to be yourself, giving yourself permission to love yourself just as you are right now. Even if there are things that you re working on and it feels like you re a long way away from that, giving yourself permission to love and appreciate yourself right where you are right now. That doesn t mean you re going to give up on those things. That doesn t mean you re going to say, Oh, well. If I love myself now I ll settle for this. No. It means, I love myself right where I am and in the process of getting where I m going. Again, looking at those places where you re intending to go and seeing, Is this for me and is this something I really want, and allowing yourself to be okay with the answers. Allowing yourself to give yourself more permission to find out who you are, to be who you really are, to know that it s okay to be who you really are. There s a reason why you were created to be this way. Who you really are is exactly who you re here to be. You re not here to be what someone else wants you to be, and recognizing that if someone else is insisting that you need to be something other than who you really are, recognizing that that comes from some fear on their part, some fear that they re not good enough the way they are. They re looking to you to compensate for that, and recognizing that that doesn t do either of you a favor. Allowing yourself to again look at the beauty around you to take it in, to appreciate, appreciate the beauty and magnificence all around and in doing so allowing yourself to appreciate the beauty and magnificence inside of you, and allowing yourself to be even more aware of it. Allowing yourself to be even more aware of who you really wish to be, who you really feel you re meant to be, and knowing that that s the best thing to be, it s for the highest good. Allowing yourself to love yourself right where you are and loving who you really are inside, as we go even deeper. Five, four, three, two, one, and zero is again deep sleep. 42