BUILDING OUR MARITAL An Interactive Marriage Enrichment Workshop by Edward P. Wimberly, Ph.D.& Anne Streaty Wimberly, Ph.D.
in the Making Our Story Legacies are built on our remembering and recalling our story that begins when we met and continues over time. Your story is important to share with each other and with others. As you follow the upcoming directions, get ready to ask your mate the question, Do you remember..., or to swap stories with one or two other couples.
Laying the Groundwork for Building What is a marital legacy?
Let s Tell It A marital legacy is the unfolding story journey of our marriage as Christians the life of Christ in and through us as a couple that we want to be pleasing to God.
Claims On Which a Christian Marital Stand Claim One God offers us the privilege of marriage and gives us tools or ways of forming the talents we need to grow together in love and marriage to the end that God says, Well done, good and faithful servants. You have been faith over a few things. (Matthew 25:21,23).
Claims On Which a Christian Marital Stand Claim Two When we seek to live out our marriages as Christians in ways that are pleasing to God, we also serve as role models for others who, today, see so many problematic images of marriage around them and in the media. The scripture says, Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:14-16).
The Marital Up to Us is We have to it!
Building Steps Our invitation now is for us to engage in story-sharing around six key steps.
How will we do it? Our steps will include remembering our journey together, what has anchored us and the resources we have drawn on along the way. We will use the letters of the word LEGACY to help us remember the steps. At each step, we will be invited to share our stories and reflect on scripture. We will then close with a guide for further couple reflection and creation of a Legacy Journal.
L Look at God s Action Legacies are built from couple s memories of their meeting. As a couple, tell to someone else the story of your first meeting, when you knew you loved the person you met and wanted to get married. Describe the proposal. Share your thoughts about God s planting in your hearts the longing for your love to be shared and God s calling to you to marry and bring to each other the gifts of self God has given you. Say aloud the gifts/qualities you saw in the person who became your marital partner. Apply Jesus words as an anchor to your marriage: You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should last (John 15:16).
E Evaluate Your Journey Into and After the Marriage Ceremony Legacies are built from the memories of couple s mating. Share the story of your journey of planning for and moving through your wedding. What sticks most in your mind about this journey? Recall the vows you took. Look back and tell of a time during or after your honeymoon that makes you say now, God, you did a good thing to bring us together. Center and share your thoughts now on God s love and what this centering means as an anchor on your present journey and legacy-building: Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God... Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us (I John 4:7-8, 11-12).
G Grow Together Through Thick and Thin 1 Legacies are built by couple s sojourning through tough times that surely come. Recall a challenge you ve faced in your marital journey that you were able to meet and tell how you did it. What does this say about the resources tools or talents God has given you to keep on keeping on as a couple? Share your thoughts on ways the following scripture served then and may yet be an anchor for personally stepping along the marital journey in tough times: Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends... And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love (I Corinthians 13:4-8a, 13).
Grow Together Through Thick and Thin 2 Legacies are built on couple s remembering the joys of marriage. Recall one of the happiest moments you ve experienced on your marital journey. What made it happy? Consider and share what happiness means to you. Share your thoughts on ways the following scriptures served then and may yet be an anchor in times of joy: The Lord has done great things for us, and we rejoiced (Psalm 126:3). You have made known to me the ways of life; you will make me full of gladness with your presence (Acts 2:28, Based on Psalm 16:11).
A Access Resources for Continuing Marital Aliveness Through the Ages/Stages of Life 1 Legacies are built through the changes couples experience and resources they draw on as they go from one age/stage to the next. Identify the age/stage you are in now (e.g., early adulthood, middle adulthood, older adulthood). Describe what you are going through as a couple in your present age/stage. Which one(s) of the following resources are you drawing on in your present age/stage that helps to keep your marriage alive: Couple and family rituals; couple talk time; couple Sabbath rest; couple check-up times at marriage retreats, with a spiritual guide, or a counselor; times apart for self-reflection; and/or other resources that you name.
Access Resources for Continuing Marital Aliveness Through the Ages/Stages of Life 2 Share your thoughts on what the following scriptures suggest for a way of being in marriage and what each spouse may adopt for yourself as you move from one age/stage to another in your marriage: Be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:2b-5). For I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty... I can do all things through him who strengthens me (Philippians 4:11b-12a, 13.
C Celebrate Your Marriage and Your Spouse 1 Habits Legacies are built by the habits couples form to celebrate both their marriage and their spouse. Tell a story about one or two of the following 12 habits. Then identify at least two more that you will form:
12 Celebration Habits Say often to each other, I love you. Pray and have devotions together. Dream about the future and create talk time to share your dreams and how to make them a reality. Give an unexpected gift. Update your sex life new ways, new places, new times. Ask yourself at the beginning of each day: What will I do today to nurture, pamper, or show appreciation to my spouse? Then answer the question by doing it.
Take a walk together; see a movie, play, or concert; listen to and/or dance to music; get a shared hobby. Get a new couple picture and post it on the wall and/or in your wallet. Move beyond the usual talk to heart talk about thoughts lying at the quiet center of your being dreams, questions to ponder, words of affirmation you want to give or need to receive. Check on sleeping children together quietly then marvel at this gift of life given to you or agree based on a child-rearing challenge that WE brought them into this world and WE can take em out.
Celebrate your anniversary or make it a month-a-versary; and do not forget birthdays. Snuggle in bed even when you do not tuggle. See some of these and more on: 23 Ways to Celebrate Your Marriage, http://sheknows.com/tags/being-married Repeat the following scripture aloud: I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now (Philippians 1:3-5).
Y Yield to Opportunities to Share With Others Legacies are built as couples relate with, engage in times of fun and share their testimonies with others. Tell a story about an exciting or memorable time of being or sharing with another couple, family members, or others. What made it memorable or exciting? Share your thoughts on what the following scripture means for couples relationship with others: As it is, there are many members, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, I have not need of you, nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you (I Corinthians 12:20-21).
Creating Times for Reflection Building A Journal (See Handout)