Love is Not a Feeling but a Choice Summary and Goal Both marriage and singleness have their own unique challenges, many of which stem from the lack of commitment to love others. Ultimately, love is more than a feeling. It s a choice. Main Passages 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 Session Outline 1. Love Validates Our Service (1 Corinthians 13:1-3) 2. Love s Nature (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a) 3. Love s Supremacy (1 Corinthians 13:8b-13) Theological Theme Love is choosing to act like Christ, even when it is not the natural response. Christ Connection Jesus demonstrated His great love by laying down His life for us. Christ was faithful, even though excruciating circumstances. Similarly, Christ followers are called to faithful love in the midst of difficulty. Missional Application Demonstrating love toward the world around us will undoubtedly mean that we endure betrayal, hardship, and pain. We should expect no less than our Savior endured. Demonstrating the love of Christ toward those who do not yet know Him is an opportunity for evangelism. 1 Leader Guide
Historical Context of 1 Corinthians Purpose Paul s purpose in writing 1 Corinthians was to motivate the Corinthian church to acknowledge the Lord s ownership of them and the implications this had in their lives. Key topics Paul addressed in this overarching theme of the ownership and authority of the Lord include: Christian unity, morality, the role of women, spiritual gifts, and the resurrection. Author First Corinthians ascribes Paul as its author (1 Cor 1:1; 16:21). Biblical scholars are almost unanimous that Paul wrote the letter. Date Written Paul wrote 1 Corinthians during the last year of his three-year ministry at Ephesus, probably a few weeks before Pentecost in the spring of a.d. 56 (1 Cor 15:32; 16:8; Ac 20:31). Setting During Paul s second missionary journey, he had a vision at Troas; he heard a man call to him, Cross over to Macedonia and help us! (Ac 16:9). That change in plans led Paul to Philippi, Thessalonica, Athens, and ultimately to Corinth (Ac 18:5). Paul ministered in Corinth for at least 18 months (Ac 18:1-18). He left Corinth accompanied by Aquila and Priscilla (Ac 18:18), leaving them at Ephesus where they met and instructed an eloquent man named Apollos (Ac 18:24-26). Key Verses 1 Corinthians 13; 1 Corinthians 15:3 Special Features First Corinthians contributes greatly to our understanding of the Christian life, ministry, and relationships by showing us how the members of the church Christ s body are to function together. Problems can arise in any church because the church is comprised of sinful people (redeemed certainly, but still prone to follow the tug of sin). Paul gave specific solutions to specific problems, but the underlying answer to all these problems is for the church and its members to live Christ-centered lives. It all comes down to living under the lordship and authority of Christ, the head of His body (the church). Excerpted and paraphrased from the Holman Christian Standard Study Bible. Holman Bible Publishers, 2010. Date of My Bible Study: 2
6 Session Plan Love is Not a Feeling but a Choice Introduction When have you seen someone decide to show love when it was difficult? What outward traits would you expect to see in a loving person? Give a practical example from your own life. In this week s session, Paul s teaching to the believers in Corinth depicted the biblical view of what love is. This teaching stems from Paul s discussion of spiritual gifts in chapter 12, which the Corinthians were using for their own glory and self-aggrandizement. The overwhelming truth Paul presented, through repeatedly clarifying the picture of love, was that love in the biblical sense is selfless and sacrificial. Because love is not always easy and emotive, it requires an intentional decision to act loving toward others. 1. Love Validates Our Service (1 Corinthians 13:1-3) Paul s exhortation that love be the motivation for expressing gifts was in stark contrast to the motivation of the Corinthians in exercising their gifts. The Corinthians expressions of giftedness were a series of abuses of their gifts designed to bring glory to themselves. Their use of gifts, then, was a self-absorbed disruption of corporate worship. Applying Paul s description of biblical love to the use of gifts would have completely reoriented life within the Christian fellowship at Corinth. This was a right and necessary reorientation. What impact have you noticed selfishness having on the organizations that you re a part of? What about the church? How does that differ from love s impact? What about the gifts Paul mentioned made them particularly important examples for the centrality of love? 3 Leader Guide
2. Love s Nature (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a) Paul s depiction of love would clash mightily with the manner in which the Corinthians were practicing (or the lack thereof) their Christian faith. The first two descriptors are complementary in force of action. Love being patient meant forbearance, which is passive in nature. The offset, to show kindness, was much more active in nature. Because these two words inherently involved other people, Paul s clear indication was that these were to be lived out in community with the fellowship of Christ. For Further Discussion Paul s description of love is tied to service. How does this challenge the view of love held by many today? The Corinthians were confronted with the characteristics of their regular behavior that were the opposite of loving others. How would you feel if someone presented such a list to you? Do you think you would be moved to repentance, or would you respond with indignation? Which of the specific characteristics of love that Paul described resonate with you most deeply? Why do you think that is so, given your life experiences? 3. Love s Supremacy (1 Corinthians 13:8b-13) For all that will change when believers pass from the temporal to the eternal, Paul noted that love will remain. It will not pass away like so many other things because God is love. The One who would draw the Corinthians into eternity with Himself was, is, and will be love. All of the descriptors Paul used to describe the nature of love find their greatest fulfillment in God. How should Paul s contrast of the temporal and the future have changed the Corinthians view of what was important with regard to spiritual gifts? Based on what you know of 1 Corinthians, which of those two realities were the Corinthians most focused on when Paul wrote the letter? How has your understanding of who God is and how that shapes your own character changed over the years? With regard to demonstrating love to others, how would you say you are different in the last year? Conclusion Who in your life has the right to spur you on to love others? How hard is it to come up with someone who does this for you? What does that tell you your next step should be? What would our community look like if your group decided to love someone or a group of people that society has deemed unlovable? How would you get started? Session 6 4
Expanded Session Content 6 Love is Not a Feeling but a Choice Introduction Our culture attaches various definitions and levels of meaning to the word love. These variations can be recognized by listing different ways that the word love is used. People speak of loving pizza, their favorite sports team, their spouse, their children, their car, a specific time of year, or their favorite outfit. Obviously these cannot be the same types of love because the depth and permanence of love differs so widely in each case. Still, the word love is casually used for all of them. Often love takes the form of a euphoric, emotional collection of feelings that are usually evoked by a relationship. Love can be associated with thoughtful gifts, romance, hearts, Valentine s Day, wedding ceremonies, and a host of other images. That is not to say those associations are wrong or inappropriate. However, if those images are the sum total of love, that understanding is deficient. It is deficient because love does not always feel euphoric. It does not always bring effervescent joy. Sometimes love demands thankless sacrifice, requiring one s last ounce of discipline. When have you seen someone decide to show love when it was difficult? How do you think the strength of love is affected when it is used in so many different ways? What outward traits would you expect to see in a loving person? Give a practical example from your own life. Session Summary In this week s session, Paul s teaching to the believers in Corinth depicted the biblical view of what love is. This teaching stems from Paul s discussion of spiritual gifts in chapter 12, which the Corinthians were using for their own glory and self-aggrandizement. The overwhelming truth Paul presented, through repeatedly clarifying the picture of love, was that love in the biblical sense is selfless and sacrificial. Because love is not always easy and emotive, it requires an intentional decision to act loving toward others. 5 Leader Guide
1. Love Validates Our Service (1 Corinthians 13:1-3) After using chapter 12 to correctively teach about the intent and use of spiritual gifts, Paul turned his focus toward the element that gave the expression of those spiritual gifts meaning. In these opening verses, Paul fulfilled the promise that closed chapter 12 to show the Corinthians a still more excellent way of expressing the spiritual gifts that God had blessed them with. Contextually, because 1 Corinthians 12 is consumed with the topic of spiritual gifts and their practice and 1 Corinthians 14 resumes the topic of spiritual giftedness, the modern reader must be careful to read chapter 13 not as some random or arbitrary teaching on love, but related to the topic of properly expressing giftedness. The point of the digression in Paul s logic, then, was to explicitly state what the foundation for any type of service in the Christian life. That foundation was love, which was as difficult to apply as it was easy to say. Paul s exhortation that love be the motivation for expressing gifts was in stark contrast to the motivation of the Corinthians in exercising their gifts. The Corinthians expressions of giftedness were a series of abuses of their gifts designed to bring glory to themselves. Their use of gifts, then, was a self-absorbed disruption of corporate worship. Applying Paul s description of biblical love to the use of gifts would have completely reoriented life within the Christian fellowship at Corinth. This was a right and necessary reorientation. What impact have you noticed selfishness having on the organizations that you re a part of? What about the church? How does that differ from love s impact? What about the gifts Paul mentioned made them particularly important examples for the centrality of love? Paul s encouragement to use the gifts that he mentioned (tongues, prophecy, wisdom, knowledge, faith, generosity, even martyrdom) was specifically tied to the observable nature of their expressions. In other words, none of these were unseen gifts, such as service, help, or mercy. These gifts were offered visibly, typically in the context of corporate worship. They had tremendous capacity to enhance worship because they were spiritual gifts. However, they were corrupted by the intent of those manifesting the gifts. Paul taught those exercising the gifts in such a way missed their true purpose. Love as a Guard Against Hypocrisy Scholar Gordon Fee described the Corinthian context this way: They speak in tongues, to be sure, which Paul will not question as a legitimate activity of the Spirit. But at the same time they tolerate illicit sexuality, greed, and idolatry. They spout wisdom and knowledge ; but in the former they stand boldly against Paul and his gospel of a crucified Messiah, and in the latter they are willing to build up a brother by destroying him. In short, they have a spirituality that has religious trappings (asceticism, knowledge, tongues) but has abandoned rather totally genuinely Christian ethics, with its supremacy of love. 1 Session 6 6
Seeking Outward Approval Compare Paul s teaching about the use of the gifts in 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 with Jesus teaching in Matthew 6 about performing acts of service to be admired by others. What similarities exist? 2. Love s Nature (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a) Having introduced the crucial nature of love in the first three verses, it was important for Paul to continue with a description of what the nature of love looked like. Paul s depiction of love, however, would clash mightily with the manner in which the Corinthians were practicing (or the lack thereof) their Christian faith. The first two descriptors are complementary in force of action. Love being patient meant forbearance, which is passive in nature. The offset, to show kindness, was much more active in nature. Because these two words inherently involved other people, Paul s clear indication was that these were to be lived out in community with the fellowship of Christ. Paul moved to a list of eight things that love was not. Not surprisingly, given the overall tone of Paul s interaction with the Corinthians, this list of not items was a mirror of how the Corinthians were abusing their spiritual giftedness in an unloving way. First, love s absence of envy had at its core the comparison of oneself with others in a covetous way. It is not difficult to imagine what those elements would do in the Christian fellowship. The next two items were closely related together. Being boastful or arrogant both involved unashamedly heaping praise on oneself. Paul had repeatedly corrected the Corinthians regarding this sinful behavior previously in the letter; now he was pointing out that such behavior was the opposite of loving others. The descriptor that would be mentioned in short order, is not self-seeking, carried very much the same idea. Such repetition in such a short space clearly demonstrated the magnitude of the problem in Corinth. The term Paul used for is not rude was an extremely rare word. The only other use of the term occurred earlier in the letter (1 Corinthians 7:36) when describing appalling sexual perversion. The strength of Paul s use of rude greatly exceeded the modern use of the word. The behavior addressed a lack of decency or the ability to be ashamed, even in the face of unspeakable, high-handed sin. The next two descriptors moved to the sphere of endurance of wrongs suffered. At this point, Paul continued to paint a picture of love that required fortitude and the willingness to endure pain. The idea of not being irritable or keeping a record of wrongs both had to do with responding to being sinned against. Not being irritable is more than just not flying off the handle; it is the resistance of anger. This inherently means that there must first have been a reason for anger to occur. The refusal to keep an account of wrongs suffered takes not being angry a step further because it communicates a note of reoccurrence of such wrongs. 7 Leader Guide
Verse 6 served as a hinge between the things that love was not and its positive aspects. Paul described love as not rejoicing in unrighteousness using the same term he used when confronting the Corinthians about taking one another to civil court. Whatever Paul had in mind specifically, it was of the category of defrauding one another with falsehood. Love, instead, found joy in the truth. The Corinthians were confronted with the characteristics of their regular behavior that were the opposite of loving others. How would you feel if someone presented such a list to you? Do you think you would be moved to repentance, or would you respond with indignation? Which of the specific characteristics of love that Paul described resonate with you most deeply? Why do you think that is so, given your life experiences? Paul returned to the positive affirmations of love with a list of the virtues of love. The list included two of the cardinal virtues of Christianity: hope and faith ( believes is the verbal form of faith). Paul sought to communicate the preferred future toward which love looked. The other two words referred to present activities of love: enduring and bearing. These two were so closely linked that they served to emphasize one another. 3. Love s Supremacy (1 Corinthians 13:8b-13) When Paul stated that love endures all things, the clear intent was that love never ends. Beginning verse 8 with those specific words once again demonstrated Paul s manner of emphasizing truth previously addressed. However, in describing love as never ending, Paul also transitioned to an eschatological view of the prized spiritual gifts the Corinthians. Paul pointed out that when Christ returned, the gifts that pointed to His returning would cease because they were no longer needed. There would be no need to prophesy once the people of God stood in His presence. This is what Paul meant when he said, when the perfect comes, the partial will come to an end. The two examples Paul gave in verses 11-12 represent the degree of understanding that would occur when believers from the current age saw the glories of heaven for themselves. The example of the mirrors would have held particular significance for the Corinthians due to the bronze mirrors that were manufactured there. The writer of Hebrews used the concept of shadows when describing the same reality in Hebrews 10. Session 6 8
However, for all that will change when believers pass from the temporal to the eternal, Paul noted that love will remain. It will not pass away like so many other things because God is love. The One who would draw the Corinthians into eternity with Himself was, is, and will be love. All of the descriptors Paul used to describe the nature of love find their greatest fulfillment in God. How should Paul s contrast of the temporal and the future have changed the Corinthians view of what was important with regard to spiritual gifts? Based on what you know of 1 Corinthians, which of those two realities were the Corinthians most focused on when Paul wrote the letter? Considering Paul s example of a child growing into a man and putting away childish things, how has your understanding of who God is and how that shapes your own character changed over the years? With regard to demonstrating love to others, how would you say you are different in the last year? Conclusion Paul s teaching on love is vitally important to a robust relationship with Christ and other Christ followers. At the very least, it dispels the false ideas of a shallow, feel-good-all-the-time, spiritual-high sort of love. The New Testament church and the servants detailed in the Bible knew nothing of such sugary platitudes. Instead, love is a discipline that the believer chooses to give himself or herself to as an act of worship. Consequently, the love of Christ is, in turn, displayed to those with whom the believer interacts. In light of this, there are some critically important things to apply from this text. First, loving others is difficult and can be painful. In reading the correspondence of Paul to the various churches he visited, it is impossible not to pick up on the strained relationships, strife, and hardship in those congregations. Paul addressed various problems in each of his letters to the churches. Each letter detailed some aspect of sinfulness or lack of love within the congregation. Loving other people is a risky, messy proposition that Christ demonstrated personally and perfectly, and also called His followers to do. Being faithful to the call to love others will, without question, involve hardship and disappointment. Second, loving others means loving like Christ loves us. It does not mean loving based on feelings. There will be days, possibly a lot of them, when we do not feel like loving those around us. This includes our family, our spouse, our friends, those in our church, and so on. Here is the hard truth, though: whether we feel like it or not is irrelevant. Christ loved us when 9 Leader Guide
we were enemies of God and died for us. That means loving others, for Christ followers, is a choice to be made and a discipline to practice. Third, if we are going to love others like Christ loves us even if we don t feel like it we are going to need the benefit of biblical community to help us when we are weak. There is a reason why the writer of Hebrews wrote that believers are not to forsake meeting together, but to spur each on toward love and good deeds. The reason is because, at many points, we will need to be spurred on to love others. If you ve ever seen anyone spur a horse, you know that being spurred on to do something is not necessarily comfortable. If we are not a part of biblical community in which people have the right to lovingly correct us, we will fail. Fourth, Paul s descriptors of love are great points of evaluation for how we love others in our lives. While it is not necessarily a good idea to do this with all parts of the Bible, it is beneficial to take inventory from time to time and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to us if we are being patient and kind, not boasting or being self-serving, but bearing all things and enduring all things in our relationships. We will never be perfect on this side of eternity, but we can use this important passage as a check-up for how we are growing in Christ and where we prayerfully need to ask the Holy Spirit to empower us to grow. Who in your life has the right to spur you on to love others? How hard is it to come up with someone who does this for you? What does that tell you your next step should be? How do you overcome your feelings when your feelings fight your faithfulness to love others? What methods have you found that are most effective? Who have you encouraged to do the same, since we all struggle? What would our community look like if your group decided to love someone or a group of people that society has deemed unlovable? How would you get started? Prayer of Response Pray for the ability to love others as described in 1 Corinthians 13. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you the areas where you have failed to love in this way. Additional Resources Insights on 1 and 2 Corinthians by Charles Swindoll Showing the Spirit by D.A. Carson 1 Corinthians by Stephen Um Session 6 10
For Next Week Session Title --Love as an Imitation of Christ Main Passages --Ephesians 5:1-2 Session Outline 1. Forgive Like Christ (Ephesians 5:1a) 2. Coheirs With Christ (Ephesians 5:1b) 3. Love Sacrificially Like Christ (Ephesians 5:2) Memorize 4 Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, 5 is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. 6 Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, CSB 11 Leader Guide
Extended Commentary 1 Corinthians 13 13:1-3. In this section, Paul focused on some of the spiritual gifts the Corinthians especially valued. In each case he demonstrated that without love these spiritual gifts were meaningless. His first example was human or angelic languages. Paul certainly intended this phrase to include the kinds of other languages he addressed in chapters 12 and 14. However, the phrase also included any eloquent human speech. However, Paul pointed out that excellent speech without love was nothing more than empty noise. Four other spiritual gifts come under scrutiny in this verse. We know from 14:1-5 that Paul highly valued the gift of prophecy and urged the Corinthian Christians to desire this gift above all others. This gift consisted of the clear proclamation of the gospel and may also have included at times the element of foretelling God s ways. Extravagant sacrificial acts are Paul s next two examples. Jesus command to the rich young ruler (see Luke 18:22) was at the heart of Paul s reference to donate all goods to feed the poor. To give one s body to be burned may point to a believer s being martyred for the faith. However, there also were stories circulated in the first century about people who immolated themselves to call attention to particular grievances or causes. In any case, Paul was emphasizing out that even extreme acts of self-sacrifice gain nothing if those doing the acts are not driven by agape-love. Paul listed 15 qualities of Christian love in verses 4-7, the majority of which are stated positively. As we seek to demonstrate agape-love in all we do in our churches, these characteristics can shine through in our actions. 13:4-7. The Greek word for patient literally means to be long (that is, slow) to anger. Generally speaking, the term refers to the patience we need to have with people as opposed to endurance in difficult circumstances. The word for kind refers to an active quality in which we look for opportunities to act with helpful intentions toward others. This is the quality of love in which we seek to do good to others. We derive the English word zealous from the Greek term for envy. This word is sometimes used in a positive sense, for we can be appropriately passionate about many good causes. In this case, however, the term refers to a negative desire for gain or jealousy that another person received gain. To be boastful refers to a tendency to call attention to one s accomplishments or abilities for selfish reasons. Paul saw this tendency as a particular problem among the Corinthian church members. He included Session 6 12
the synonymous conceited. This word literally means, to be puffed up and serves as an apt illustration of the inflated egos of some of the Corinthians. The phrase not act improperly can be literally translated as not behave against the scheme. The phrase refers to God s giving His people a certain pattern of behavior to follow. The phrase is not selfish literally means does not seek its own. Again, Paul s emphasis was on avoiding any behavior that constantly puts one s own desires and preferences above the needs of others. The Greek word behind the phrase is not provoked came over into English as the basis of the word paroxysm [PAR uhk siz uhm], a violent explosion of anger. The phrase does not keep a record of wrongs includes a concept from the world of accounting. Some people take a perverted delight in the miseries or failures of others, or they find joy in unrighteousness. Most of us can relate too easily to the temptation of listening to a gossipy story about another person. Christlike love resists the temptation to delight in others wrongdoing and misfortune. The phrase rejoices in the truth expresses the positive, righteous desire of agape-love. Love means to look for the truth instead of looking for the scandal. The phrase bears all things comes from a Greek term that means either to pass over in silence or to cover. In either case, the emphasis is that love refuses to nitpick about others shortcomings. The phrase believes all things refers to a trusting attitude that expects all things to turn out for the best in light of God s sovereign purpose. The phrase hopes all things also points to confidence about the future. This characteristic of love reminds us that just as God acted faithfully in the past, He can be counted on to act faithfully in the future. At the heart of the phrase endures all things is a Greek word that literally means to persevere. The term denotes not merely passively accepting a situation but rather leaning into the wind. Endurance is the active anticipation that God will act to bring about His will and enable the believer to express love in difficult circumstances or toward difficult people. 13:8-13. Paul contrasted love s permanence and eternal impact with the temporal nature of spiritual gifts. Love will always be needed, and love will endure eternally as the bond of believers relationship with God and with one another. Paul included another gentle but firm rebuke of the Corinthians immaturity by using an illustration that showed their fascination with 13 Leader Guide
spiritual gifts was childish. Continuing to act like a child acts once a person becomes an adult is one of the saddest and most embarrassing forms of immaturity. Paul used the analogy of a mirror to explain that presently we cannot know everything there is to know about God and His purposes. We can understand many things; in Christ, we can know God in a saving relationship and can understand His expectations for us. Nevertheless, we yet see God indistinctly. One day, however, Christ will return and His saving work will be complete. Then, Paul taught, we will see the Lord face to face. Likewise at that time, we will know fully that love governs all of God s actions and must also characterize our actions. That we are fully known by God and yet fully loved by Him can drive us to our knees in gratitude. When we know fully, we will be able to express love as we always should have demonstrated it. References 1. Fee, Gordon D. The First Epistle to the Corinthians. New International Commentary on the New Testament. Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2014. Session 6 14