TV Program CURRENT EPISODE Fatal Fantasies SERIES: The Clash of Cultures #5 of 5 2006-02-26 PRODUCTION #: 1005 SPEAKERS: Shawn Boonstra, Mark Finley, When CBS executives asked MTV to produce the half-time show for the 2004 Super Bowl between the New England Patriots and the Carolina Panthers, they had no idea what a firestorm their decision would create. As fans in the stands of the Houston Astrodome gyrated to the pulsating beat of the music's sexually explicit lyrics, Justin Timberlake tore off the right side of Janet Jackson's costume, exposing her to 80 million TV viewers. CBS and the National Football League were horrified. Miss Jackson later apologized saying she planned "a costume reveal" and not a "full expose". The CBS switchboards lit up like a Christmas tree. Millions of people were irate. They called the act, "disgusting, crass, out of taste and indecent." Others argued that television is full of nudity, so why should anyone be alarmed. Why all the fuss? The truth of the matter is that sex sells and it permeates the media, from raunchy ads to marital infidelity on the daytime soaps to seedy prime-time dramas. Some programs feature open pornography while others are much more suggestive. Is all of this harmless entertainment for adult audiences, or is it a fatal fantasy destroying our culture? I am convinced that the gratuitous immoral sexual overtones on television and in the media today are destroying loving marriage relationships. Further, I am convinced they are shattering our lives. In this final program on the "Clash of Cultures" series, we are going to share with you the latest research on what is really going on in our society and what can be done to build positive, loving, happy, family relationships. The Super Bowl incident is not an isolated anomaly. Millions of men and women are caught in the viselike grip of fatal fantasies. They are addicted. They spend hours on the Internet exploring X-rated sights or viewing X-rated videos. In the name of freedom of the press, pornographic literature is rolling off our presses in record numbers. Cable TV shows like "Real Sex" and "Taxi Cab Confessions" have drawn record ratings. Are these fatal fantasies? Extramarital affairs are at an all-time high. More and more teenagers are becoming sexually active, and our society is paying a huge price. Consider these facts: *Each year there are 1 million new cases of genital herpes in the United States alone. Forty-five million people are already infected with recurrent episodes of this incurable condition. *Each year, 2 million Americans are afflicted with gonorrhea and 35,000 come down with syphilis. *There are currently an estimated 65 million people living in the United States with an incurable sexually transmitted disease. Of the 15 million sexually transmitted diseases that occur each year in our country, 10 million of these are individuals between 15 and 25 years of age. *Two-thirds of all sexually transmitted diseases occur in people 25 years of age or younger. We are paying the price for our promiscuity. Immorality is taking its toll. Our so-called sexual freedom has sold us into bondage. Add to this the fact that 880,000 cases of AIDS have been discovered in the United States since 1981. The cost of AIDS in the United States alone is a whopping 15 billion dollars in annual medical costs. In the world, over 21 million people have died from AIDS, and every day, another 14,000 become infected with this deadly virus. Surely there must be a better way than sexually transmitted diseases, which ravage the body, destroy intimate relationships between husbands and wives and leave the soul barren. God does have a plan for happy, loving, secure relationships. His plan doesn't take away our freedom to really love, it ensures it.
I have invited Shawn to join me today, and discuss heaven's plan for loving, lasting relationships. MARK: Shawn, as I was just going over those figures with our audience, they are staggering! SHAWN: It is unbelievable! I am glad we are speaking about this subject today, because I think of all the subjects we could have chosen to speak about, this one really is going to address a lot of heartache in this world, a lot of pain that people are going through. MARK: It was God who invented marriage and sexual relationships back in the Garden of Eden. Some people are surprised to hear that statement. But it is really true. God introduced Adam to Eve and initiated the loving relationship between the two of them. Take us back to that Eden marriage, Shawn. SHAWN: Let's go straight to the Bible. It is in Genesis, chapter two. We see God's original plan and I would like to start reading, in the 23rd verse of Genesis, chapter two. Here is what the Bible says. Adam has been introduced to his new wife and it says here in Genesis two, verse 23: (Genesis 2:23-24 KJV) "And Adam said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh."' Now, here is God's original plan and there are a few things I would like to point out about this. First of all, God arranged for a mutually exclusive relationship. He took one man and one woman, two beings that complement each other, and make up for each other's shortcomings, weaknesses, (not that they had weaknesses in the Garden of Eden.) They each bring strength to this relationship, they complement each other and it makes them strong, one person. And anybody who has been married for a length of time realizes that it is a mutually beneficial relationship if it is a healthy marriage. So, first of all, it was two people in a mutually exclusive relationship. Second, you will notice that there was complete intimacy. There was no shame. It goes on to say they were both naked, the man and his wife in verse 25, and they were not ashamed. Now that is something that is missing from a lot of homes today. There are regrets, there is embarrassment, there is shame in the relationship. But it was not God's original plan of original perfect intimacy without shame. Third, you will notice that, in this plan, there is no such thing as a sexually transmitted disease or a broken heart or an unwanted person or an unwanted pregnancy or any of the heartaches that come with the distortion of this original plan. MARK: In that passage, one of the aspects that really impresses me is where the Bible says: "Therefore man," verse 24, "shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh." The one flesh is this joining, and it is a joining, not only of bodies, because when you actually think of it, squirrels and dogs and all the animal kingdom united bodies. But God's plan for sexual relationships is a lot different. There is this joining, of the mind, the heart, the soul, the joining of the inner spiritual life, as well as the joining of the body. So in God's plan, when a man and a woman in the mutually exclusive privacy of marriage enter into a sexual relationship, they are entering into an intimate God-like relationship in which two beings in the totality of their being are being united. So, to do it outside of marriage, outside of that context where two bodies are being united, but not necessarily the uniting of the mind, the heart, the soul and the inner spiritual life, it really is demeaning to everything that God created in a sexual relationship. And then when those people possibly separate, there is that tearing, wrenching, emotional agony, that feeling of emptiness. Now Shawn, when you look at it, there is a lot that passes for love in pop culture, in our movies and entertainment. It is really kind of demeaning for love. What is the biblical concept of love? How do you broaden that base and so forth? SHAWN: Mark, in just the last few weeks, I have been thinking about pop culture, pop songs, movies and that kind of thing. I started thinking about the lyrics to popular songs. For example, over the last 30 or 40 years, take a look at the top 10 songs for each year over the last 30 years and you will notice something, 90-95 percent of them are about relationships. And when we listen to the radio, 95 percent of those songs are about falling in love, falling out of love or being in love. It is a predominant theme. And the question I have is, "Why? Why are we so obsessed with relationships?"
I think it is because we were designed for them. We were designed for relationships. There is an irresistible yearning in the human heart to be in a meaningful, intimate relationship. And my belief is that, that yearning, that desire comes from something God has planted in our hearts. He wants us to want a relationship. You know, Paul says something interesting about marriage in the book of Ephesians, chapter five. In that chapter, he is talking about marriage, and a healthy marriage, and how in a healthy marriage the husband and wife submit to each other's wants and wishes and desires, and they are there to serve and uplift each other. And as you get to the end of this description of the marriage relationship, in Ephesians, chapter five and verse 32, Paul says this. He has been talking about marriage and he says: (Ephesians 5:32 KJV) "This is a great mystery. But I speak concerning Christ and the church." Here is what Paul is saying. A healthy marriage is a symbol, it points to something else. It is meant to point us to the relationship we were supposed to have with our Creator, with Christ. And so a healthy, strong marriage is a reflection of our relationship to God. Why does pop culture grab on that? I think we all know we want that relationship with God. But we are offered a million and one counterfeits. People are looking for something, but they are looking in the wrong place. MARK: Would you say that much of pop culture does not actually offer genuine love at all, it offers lust? SHAWN: Absolutely. You know, there is a huge distinction between lust and love. MARK: What is the difference between them, how do you define the two? SHAWN: I think the Bible offers us the greatest definition. John, chapter 15 defines great love. Jesus' own words. Let's let Him define it. John 15 and verse 13, the Bible says: (John 15:13 KJV) "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Here is love. Love is selfless. Love is serving others. Love is self-emptying. But lust is self-gratification. It says, "Boy, I would really like to be with that young lady, or something like that." It is serving the self rather than serving others. So there is the key difference between lust and love. MARK: So lust, we could say, wants what it wants now. Lust says, "Give me, satisfy me." Love is a giving of oneself in selfless service. And would we say that love always wants the best for another? SHAWN: Yes, here is one of the key differences again. Lust is basically about feeling. It is about emotion. And lust says I need to gratify what I want. I need to make myself satisfied, happy right now. It is based on emotion. The world has taken love and tried to make it the same. But the Bible's definition of love is not about how I feel. It is more about principle. Sometimes you can do the right thing for somebody else and not feel that great about it. And sometimes it may be difficult to do. You know, years ago, people used formal vows. I think we have kind of wandered away from formal vows in weddings today, but look at the understanding our forefathers had in those old vows. Like the one found in the Anglican Common Book of Prayer, you live together after God's ordinance, love your wife, honor her, keep her in sickness and health, for better or for worse. It had the concept of love. That is not lust. Love does what is right for someone else, no matter what it costs. MARK: Isn't that kind of old-fashioned? SHAWN: Yeah, I suppose somebody might call it that, old fashioned. You know and I suppose the question is, Mark, what do you do? A teenager might come to you and say, "That is so out of date." What would you say to them? MARK: I have counseled a lot of teens about this. They have come up to me as I have been holding public meetings. And they have said, "Pastor, that is kind of out of date."
What I feel in dealing with teens or even people in their early 20s is, if you try to argue with them for abstinence without showing them the larger picture of love in the context of marriage, it appears as if you are taking something away from them. But if you show them the genuine picture of love and show them that abstinence of sexual relations before marriage and outside of the context of marriage, is harmful to them. God's plan is the very best for a young person. So, what I would normally do is say something like this. Let's suppose that you had a teenage son or daughter. You are not quite that age yet. But, let's suppose you had a teenage son or daughter and they came to you and said, "Isn't this rather old-fashioned?" My approach to them would be this: that God has created sexual relationships in the context of marriage to preserve the intimacy of loving relationships. God does not want you to have mental and emotional scars that are damaging later on in your marriage. So that, when you are with your husband, your mind flashes back to a physical experience you had five years, 10 years, 15 years before. In addition to that, God wants to protect you from the multiplied millions of sexually transmitted diseases in our world today. Third, God wants you in a relationship with your wife, to have a sense of the one-ness that you have with Him. And so to take sexual relationships outside of the context of marriage is demeaning to you. It shows a lack of respect for yourself. It shows a lack of respect for the other person, and it destroys the essence of marriage. When you can bring to marriage the purity of heart, soul and life; when you can bring to marriage an abstinent relationship; and when you enter into marriage with the exciting ecstasy of experiencing that physical relationship with the person you are going to marry, it enhances the quality of marriage. Because that is something that you share with that husband, that wife, that you have not shared with anybody else. So it really enhances the mystery and the excitement of it all. SHAWN: You know, Mark, I am not so far removed from being a teenager myself. It is not too many years back. And there is something I have noticed in the younger generation. They have had the privilege of observing two sets of values. They can look at their grandparents who have 50 and 60-year-long marriages and they are quite happy. They can also look at the generation that has come up through the sexual revolution and they have seen the fruits of it. These kids grew up in broken homes. I sense a backlash coming in the younger generation. I do not think it is that hard to convince them anymore. MARK: Sometimes there are double standards. Let me give you an example. I was lecturing at a Christian seminar not long ago. At the end of the seminar, a man came up to me. He was a Christian leader, and he said, "Now, Pastor Mark, I need your help." I said, "Sure, let's sit down and talk about it." He said, "But I don't want to talk here." So we went off in a private room and he said, "Look." He said, "I am addicted to X-rated videos. And even while I am at this Christian convention, I am watching them in my room. What can I do to overcome my "fatal fantasy" of sexual addiction?" What would you say to him? SHAWN: Wow. First of all, he has taken the first step, hasn't he? MARK: He really has. SHAWN: He has admitted that he needs help. And the beautiful thing is that God doesn't leave us hanging in the Bible. He recognizes that we have shortcomings and that we have sinned. And I think we could reassure this fellow. First of all, in First Corinthians, chapter 10, we can reassure him that he is not alone. Especially with this particular type of shortcoming. When it comes to sexual addiction, people often feel especially cheap, especially dirty. And I would like to reassure them that there are a lot of people struggling with this. In First Corinthians 10, verse 13, it says: (1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV) "There hath no temptation taken you, but such as common to man." You are not alone. There are others struggling. Statistics tell us, and you shared some of those today, that a lot of people are struggling.
that a lot of people are struggling. It says, here is the interesting thing: "But," you know that word, "but," changes everything, doesn't it? God turns it around. "But God is faithful." He has never slipped. "God is faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape that you may be able to bear it." God offers an escape, an escape. And that escape is the cross of Christ. MARK: Exactly! I told him, in addition to that, three things: admit, commit and submit. First, you admit the fact that this is a real problem. "I have a problem." He was admitting it to me. So I said, "Look, you have taken a step. You have admitted. Now, commit your life to God in humble confession and commit yourself to Him." Third, submit those materials to the Lord and destroy them. And submit yourself to the authority of your wife. And in this instance, I spent a lot of time with this guy and I said to him, "Look, after you have committed this to God and after you have confessed it to God, go to your wife and you say to her, "I have been addicted to sexual fantasies and I want you to be aware of that." Say to her, "I have already submitted this to God. I have recognized that I have a problem and I really would like you to help me. I want to give you permission if you have any hint of my being involved in this, that you confront me on that question and I want to be held accountable to you." Because most people that are having some kind of sexual fantasy like this are going to have a hardened heart toward their wives. Because naturally, God uses husbands and wives to meet each other's physical, mental, emotional and sexual needs. When we become so involved in "fatal fantasies," we harden our heart and do not reciprocate love to the very one nearest us. It does not enhance love, rather, it inhibits love. SHAWN: Exactly. In Psalm 51, we find many of these same steps you are talking about. Here is King David. He has committed a sexual sin and here he lays out a program for full recovery. First of all, in the third verse, he acknowledges his transgression. He admits his guilt. Second, he accepts forgiveness, in verses seven through nine. He says, "I want to be whiter than snow, Lord, you can do this. Hide your face from my iniquities. I will be clean. I accept you can forgive me." (Psalm 51:7-9 NIV) "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity." Then he asks, in verse 10, "Create in me a clean heart." (Psalm 51:10 KJV) "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." He asks God for a new heart. And then lastly, in the 13th verse, he says: (Psalm 51:13 KJV) "Then I will teach transgressors thy ways." He is going to speak to others about the goodness of God. Now, take your eyes off yourself and spend your time and energy devoting yourself to your wife, to her. Make her queen. Live that relationship. Begin to practice selfless love now and you will see a change take place in your life. MARK: Shawn, that is so practical and relevant. I am sure that there are people watching this program that feel they have fallen morally, they have fallen sexually. They are young people who, in the past, have fallen sexually. And they really are heart-burdened over it. And they say, "Will I ever have a happy relationship? Where can I begin?" And you know, it was Confucius who said, "A thousand miles begins with a journey of one step." SHAWN: That's right. MARK: And the only place to begin is really where you are. I remember once I was counseling a young man, a teenager who had fallen morally, and his life was really messed up. He said to me, "Is my life ruined?"
ruined?" And I quoted him a passage in the book of Joel, chapter two, that God says, "I'll restore the years." (Joel 2:25, 26 NKJV) "So I will restore to you the years, and My people shall never be put to shame." SHAWN: Isn't that something!? MARK: And you know, if we have fallen, we can come to Jesus and He will forgive us and He will restore the years in our lives. SHAWN: Amazing! MARK: That is the way God is. He is the God of restoration. We can't improve on God's plan, one man deeply in love with one woman for a lifetime. Marriage is the total commitment of two people in a mutually exclusive love forever. All genuine love comes from God. For God is love. (1 John 4:8 NKJV) "He who does not love does not know God, for God is love." God's pure unselfish love revealed itself on the cross. "God so loved the world that He gave." Lust wants to get. It burns with a desire to have the object of its passion now. David burned with the desire to have Bathsheba. He cast off all restraint and gave in to his unbridled passion. As a result, he never fulfilled his destiny. His home was a continual conflict, and David failed to achieve God's ultimate plan for his life. Joseph, on the other hand, said no. He resisted the improper sexual advances of Potipher's wife. This strength of character prepared him to serve as Prime Minister of Egypt. Joseph fulfilled his destiny. Joseph changed the course of human history. Joseph fulfilled God's plan. God has a marvelous plan for your life. Don't throw it away on the altar of sexual passion. Do not sell out cheap. Do not allow unbridled passions to destroy your body and your soul. God has something better for you, much bigger. If you have failed in the past, cry out with the Psalmist like Shawn has read: "Create in me a clean heart, O God." Ask Him to forgive you. Tell Him you want a fresh new start. He is the God of new beginnings. He has a marvelous future in mind just for you. Would you like, right now, to say to the Lord, "Lord, today, I am presenting my mind, my emotions, my spirit and my body to you as a "living sacrifice". Take me, O Lord, and make me totally yours. I give all of my heart's affections to you. Take the affections of my heart and give me your pure true love now and forever." Would you like to make this commitment, a commitment that says, "Lord, I am giving my love to you. Give it back to me, purified and refined in your divine love to place on the one of your choosing that you bring into my life." Would you like to make a commitment of your love to Jesus, right now, as Shawn prays? SHAWN: Let's pray together. PRAYER: Our gracious Father in heaven, today it is with a sense of delight in our hearts that we can find real love in this universe. There are so many today, watching this program, who have experienced heartbreak and disappointment in relationships. They haven't found that pure, selfless love that you offer. And today, as we look at the cross of Christ, we can see that there is someone who will love us. Someone who will love us for who we are, accept us for who we are, and enter into an intimate relationship that is free of guilt and pain and suffering. Lord, we want to dedicate our homes to you. We want to dedicate our lives to you. Let our marriages represent the relationships you intended us to have. Teach us to cling to Jesus. We ask in Jesus' name, amen. Scriptures Used in Fatal Fantasies "And Adam said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh."' Genesis 2:23-24 KJV
"This is a great mystery. But I speak concerning Christ and the church." Ephesians 5:32 KJV "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 KJV "There hath no temptation taken you, but such as common to man: but God is faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape that you may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:7-10 KJV "Then I will teach transgressors thy ways." Psalm 51:13 KJV "So I will restore to you the years, and My people shall never be put to shame." Joel 2:25, 26 NKJV "He who does not love does not know God, for God is love." 1 John 4:8 NKJV Keywords: addiction adultery Mark Finley pornography sex Shawn Boonstra The Clash of Cultures It Is Written Box O Thousand Oaks, CA 91359 USA Tel: (805) 433-0210 Fax: (805) 433-0218 Copyright 2010, It Is Written International Television. All rights reserved. Webmaster