TAMING THE TONGUE Sylvester Onyemalechi The Bible teaches that a person who does not know how to use words will be difficult to live with. In our everyday life, it is clear that wrong words cause a lot of problems in relationships and sometimes separate good friends. Countless number of marriages has been destroyed by the untamed tongue. Therefore, I believe that every single seeking a fruitful and happy marriage should make effort to tame the tongue so that happiness and unity can be achieved in the proposed marriage. Prov 21:9 9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Prov 21:19 19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. The tongue is so powerful and influential that Apostle James likens it to a fire that can set a whole forest on fire. Its effect is so strong and compelling that the reactions words spoken produce can be deadly. Words spoken to another s hearing can weaken and quench love. It can weaken and kill joy and depress a man to the point where recovery is almost impossible. Words can distance two close friends, separate a family, and produce disunity. Words produce strife and breed quarrels. Words motivate to greatness and demoralizes to the point were low selfesteem takes over. Negative words are as powerful as positive words. This is the reason why the tongue needs to be tamed by all, especially those seeking marriage. James 3:4-9 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. 7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Apostle James makes it very clear in this passage that the tongue needs to be tamed. To tame is to bring under control. It is to master. It is to manage the use of the tongue to the intent that you always speak what you need to say in wisdom after careful thought. Taming the tongue is mastering its use so you use it to achieve a conceived objective that is in line with the will of God and promote peace, love and harmony.
Prov 18:21 21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Anyone who has tamed his tongue does not speak based on the prevailing feelings or emotions. He speaks based on what is expected of him by God as revealed in the scriptures. Prov 11:9 9 With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape. Reasons Why We Need To Tame Our Tongue Before Marriage 1. The tongue is very powerful and influential and if not tamed can ruin any good relationship. Prov 12:18 18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. 2. The tongue has the power of life and death in it, so it has to be mastered so we always give life and not death to our relationship and whatever we want to live. This requires management of our thoughts and emotions and the discipline of self-control. Prov 18:21 21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. 3. It is difficult to live with a man or woman who has no control over his tongue. A talkative and quarrelsome person is very difficult to live with. Such a person is likened to rain that refuses to stop falling. Imagine how such weather affects a man s activities it restricts movement, paralyzes business, produces scarcity of food and necessities of life if it continues to fall without stopping and makes life difficult. Prov 25:24 24 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Prov 26:21 21 As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. Prov 27:15-16
15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; 16 restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand. 4. It distances two close lovers, and as it continues without abating, it widens the gap and finally separates them. I am sure that is not what you want for your dream marriage. So you need to start now to tame your tongue. Prov 26:21 21 As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. 5. Mastering of the tongue helps to calm your partner down and strengthen the love you have for each other and create conducive atmosphere for the Spirit of God to dwell among you and bless your marriage. Prov 15:1-2 15 A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. 2 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness. NKJV 6. It takes management of your thoughts and emotions and taming the tongue to speak in love when your partner s words and actions demand a harsh word and reaction. Taming of the tongue guarantees peace in the home and strengthens the bond of love and harmony. Col 4:6 6 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Prov 10:11 11 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked. 7. Taming of the tongue will deliver you from being a gossip and giving your ears to gossips. If you don t gossip you will hate gossips. What you don t like to do you will abhor. Gossiping will distance you from your spouse and kill your desired marriage. Being a gossip yourself will provoke curses on your life and your marriage. If you through gossip put obstacles in another s relationship, your relationship will reap the same, for what a man sows, that he reaps (Gal 6:7). Gossips damage lives and create deep wounds that sometimes are very difficult to heal. Prov 18:8
8 The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts. 8. We are called to walk in wisdom which the Book of Proverbs describes as the principal or supreme thing in life (Proverbs 4:7). To walk in wisdom to speak wisely after careful thought. It is to speak the truth only. It means to speak according the knowledge of the truth already gained. It means you must train yourself not to talk anyhow but to speak carefully words that will preserve life and relationships and not destroy it. Eph 4:25 25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. Eph 4:29-32 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Prov 18:6-7 6 A fool's lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating. 7 A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul. Prov 20:3 3 It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. Go To Work On Your Person And Take Charge Of Your Tongue This calls for hard work. It takes a firm decision and great determination to tame the tongue. You don t have to wait till you get married before you start. You prepare for a successful marriage today. If you fail to prepare today for tomorrow, you will have no one to blame when things start going wrong in your future marriage because of your unguarded use of the tongue. Take charge and learn discipline. Practice restraint and soon you will master it. You don t have to reply to every word spoken to you. You don t have to react to every negative action towards you and your loved one. Live daily in the consciousness that words carry power and provoke a reaction from the hearer. This will help you to be careful what you say and how you say it. Let the love of God in your spirit influence your thoughts, response and reactions to what people say or do to you.
Always speak as a wise person and not as a fool. Speak like one who will account for every word spoken. Jesus taught us that we will give account of every careless word we have spoken (Matt 12:36). Words matter. Words affect. Words provoke response and action. Words give and words take life. Words wound and words heal. Words draw people closer and words distance them also. Words motivate and words discourage. Words fire a man up and words quench the fire in a man. Words are powerful and influential. Train yourself to use words well and you would be called a mature person. Bear in mind always that the words that you speak are creations of your thoughts. Every man speaks as he thinks. The lord Jesus taught that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks (Matt 12:34 ). To control your words, you have to learn to control your thoughts first. Your thoughts will always jump out of your mouth. You cannot be thinking anger provoking thoughts and not speak angrily. Manage your thoughts and you will be able t manage your tongue. Do not postpone action to a later time. Start now for the journey to taming the tongue may be long depending on your willingness, determination and commitment. Waste no more time. Start now and never be discouraged. If you fail along the way, don t be discouraged, that is why I called it a journey. If you continue and persevere, you will successfully master your tongue. Though you may not be perfect in taming the tongue before marriage, you would have made tremendous improvement to make you to be careful what you say and how you say it. Just keep at it and pray regularly to God to help you overcome. You will overcome through faith in Jesus Christ.