Just once more and then I ll quit... Looking Deeper
Looking Deeper Just once more and then I ll quit... Is there any way out of addiction? Addiction isn t just limited to illegal drugs or binge drinking. Mary can t stop eating. Bill can t stop looking at pornography. Carla can t stop playing online bingo. The list of possible addictions is endless. Who s to blame for addictions? Are they just bad habits, or are they more serious? What s needed for change? Is it medical treatment or therapy? Will we ever fully recover, and how long will it take? In this booklet we will think about what addictions are, how they affect our whole lives and why there is hope for all of us.
Addiction To be addicted to something means you re dependent on it to the point that it has significant control over your life. Maybe surprisingly, many people are addicted to pretty everyday things like food, work, exercise, shopping, money, etc. There can be medical reasons for addictions. However, most addictions are caused by the choices we make. For example, a person s addiction to gambling most probably starts simply because they are trying to fill an emptiness in their life with something exciting. Many of us are looking to the things in our lives to give us feelings of pleasure, power and control. We want to satisfy our needs, and so we do whatever makes us feel good. And when the feeling fades, we go back to our addiction to feel good again, no matter what damage may be caused. In the moment, the financial Addiction: to be dependent on something to the point that it has significant control over your life pressure on our family is pushed aside by the buzz of placing one more bet. It is a vicious cycle. [2] JUST ONCE MORE AND THEN I LL QUIT...
Maybe you recognise some of these signs in your life: An increasing focus and need for something in particular. Denial that there is anything wrong. Distance in your relationships. Becoming agitated, depressed or fearful when you can t get your feeling of satisfaction or buzz. No matter how an addiction starts, the most important questions to ask yourself are: what am I going to do about it? And do I actually want to stop? Why Do We Get Addictions? Addictions offer relief and control in a world that can all too often be unpredictable and painful. Relief. Guilt, loneliness, regret, boredom, rejection, depression. There can be many things we want relief from. And, sometimes, we find relief when we keep on dosing up on some form of pleasure or buzz. But, in the end, addictions only increase whatever disappointment or pain we re struggling with. As they take over our lives, we end up realising we need relief not only from our problems, but also from the addictions we tried to find satisfaction in. Control. Addictions are like private magic carpets that take us into a world where we seem to be in charge. They provide a predictable way of changing the way we feel about ourselves and others. Our addictions promise comfort, pleasure, control now! What we find out too late is that our addictions ADDICTION [3]
actually control us. We tell ourselves we still call the shots, but in reality we have become a slave to our own desires. We also start feeling a new emotion: shame. We feel shame because of our addiction, and this shame stops us asking for help. Shame, in many ways, keeps us trapped in addictions more than the false promise of relief or control. Each time we revisit our Addictions offer relief and control in a world that can all too often be unpredictable and painful addiction, the pleasure lessens and the shame increases. Slowly our ability to be open with others is deadened. Yet, for many of us, using addiction to fill the ever-increasing gaps in our lives seems better than opening up and getting help. We d much rather blame everyone else for our problems. We feel totally trapped. We don t want to lose our friends and family. But we don t know how to talk openly and we simply can t imagine living without our addiction. We may try to clear the addiction out of our lives, throwing away bottles and blocking gambling sites on our phones. But then in a matter of weeks or even days, the need for relief is back. Very quickly we give in and feel even more of a failure than before. [4] JUST ONCE MORE AND THEN I LL QUIT...
What does it take to break free? Something needs to make us want to break the grip of addiction. For each of us, that something could be anything from being found out to just waking up one day and realising we need to change. One thing is certain. We will need spiritual help to break free. We ll never be satisfied with just food, alcohol, drugs, sex or work. Which means addiction is more than just a physical problem. To break free of addictions, we need to start looking for what we actually need. Making God the Centre of Our Lives. Our desires and needs are not bad. God, our maker, wants us to know pleasure, significance and freedom in our lives. But we re being killed by the way we are trying to satisfy those desires. Satisfaction and security are not found in things but in God! Someone once said of God: You have made us for Yourself, and we are restless until we find our rest in You. If we are not centred on the good God who loves us, then we will end up fixated on our own desires until they take over. But, in the end, getting kicks out of things is easy! Opening another bottle is a much quicker way of WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BREAK FREE? [5]
feeling good than the long, hard road of being honest before God and those around us Trapped in our addictions, rejection is what we fear most. That is why we don t want anyone, including God, to know. But Jesus makes us this promise: Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29 The Need for God. Over 2,000 years ago, Jesus Christ earned a reputation as a friend of sinners. This basically means He spent time with people whose lives were a mess. But Jesus didn t come to earth to judge us. He came to save us from our mistakes, failures and addictions. Jesus said, For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world We may never be fully free from the pull of addiction, but we can live focused on God instead through Him might be saved. (John 3:17). When Jesus died on the cross, He did it for us, taking on God s anger towards us for how we have lived our lives. We have all ignored God and instead lived for ourselves, just as we please, getting mixed up in addictions in the process. [6] JUST ONCE MORE AND THEN I LL QUIT...
Jesus didn t die just for His friends or good people. He died for people like us. He died for people trapped by their own self-destructive desire for sex, alcohol and anything else. That is why Paul could say: Do not be deceived. Neither [those who indulge in sexual sin], nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 If these are the kinds of people God cleanses and allows into the kingdom of God when they trust Jesus, then there is hope for all of us. God doesn t clean and rescue good people. Jesus Himself said: Those who are well have no need of a [doctor], but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance. Mark. 2:17 We are scared of being rejected. By paying for our mistakes, Jesus has made sure that God will never reject us. But we need to say sorry to Him and give our lives into His hands. This is what it means to be a Christian. Living before God. Do Christians suffer from addictions? Yes. People can struggle with addictions before and after giving their lives to Christ and receiving God s forgiveness. This weakness may well remain as long as we live. WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BREAK FREE? [7]
It was to Christians that Paul wrote: Do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:18-20 Paul warns that Christians are not above the danger of things like alcohol abuse. But He also explains that Christians can live their lives relying on God rather than themselves. That is something of what it means to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Christians know that God, by His Spirit, lives within them. They are 100% joined to Him every day. They no longer have to face their addictions alone. Instead they can rely on God and live thankful lives because Christ has done everything necessary to save them. We may never be fully free from the pull of addiction, but we can live focused on God instead, thanking Him for securing us a place in heaven. At The Crossroad No matter what addiction we might be struggling with, God presents the same choice to all of us. In the Bible, Jesus pictures Himself standing at a door knocking, and saying: Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me. Revelation 3:20 [8] JUST ONCE MORE AND THEN I LL QUIT...
Jesus offers us His forgiveness and friendship. He knocks at the door of our lives but we must let Him in. He will not force His way in. We have to actively make the choice to trust Him. Maybe the thought of God knocking on your door makes you panic. You know there are very messy parts of your life that you don t want Him to see. We need to remember that God is God He already sees each one of us clearly, as if there were no door. He sees every mistake, every failure and every addiction. Yet He wants us to let Him into our lives. It is because He already knows our failings and weaknesses that He died for us on the cross. When we open the door to Jesus, we are letting in Someone who brings forgiveness, rest and healing. Jesus doesn t come into our lives to judge us. He comes in to give us a new life with God, the promise of heaven and the perseverance to keep trusting Him and living in His strength. Jesus offers us the opportunity for a change of direction in our lives to no longer be focused on ourselves and our addictions, but to be focused on God instead. It starts with an honest conversation with Jesus where we openly admit our addictions and pain, accept the damage we have done and surrender our lives to His care. WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BREAK FREE? [9]
Signs of change Recognising only God can heal our pain. Our addictions are all about avoiding pain. But in the end they just cause more pain. God is the only One who gives true peace and lasting life. Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:25-26 Admitting we need help. Our addictions, generally, are a result of our choices. They hurt us and those around us. We need to say sorry to God and to the people we have hurt. Admitting that we are out of control is hard. Yet by telling others about our struggle, we expose the truth of our addictions and stop having to live double lives. Being honest to God isn t supposed to make us feel guilty. It allows us to come close to Him, receive forgiveness and depend on Him. Being thankful. Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Psalm 32:1 Those who trust Jesus have much to be thankful for! Their lives are no longer defined by their addictions, but by the promise of God to be with them, lead them, forgive them and welcome them [10] JUST ONCE MORE AND THEN I LL QUIT...
into heaven. Christians have been adopted as God s own children (Eph. 1:5)! We deserve God s anger, yet Christ gave up His life to save us from judgement. How can we not thank Him and accept Him as our Lord and Saviour? Relying on God. Surrender is the way a Christian lives. Not surrender to an enemy or addiction, but surrender to God and His ways. Surrender to God isn t just a one-off decision when we need help with addiction. It is the way we are meant to live every day. Our satisfaction and peace will only last when it is based on the unchanging God who loves us. We can give all our struggles to Him, knowing He is more than able to provide for us. His Holy Spirit lives in us to strengthen and guide us each day. Looking out for others. When we stop focusing just on ourselves, we become free to serve God and the people He has made. If we have confessed our failures to God, we no longer have to hide anything, meaning we have no reason to distance ourselves from others. Christians can humbly look out for others, care for them and share their story with them. They don t need to feel guilty or ashamed when they do so, because Jesus has paid for all their sin. [God] comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:4 NIV SIGNS OF CHANGE [11]
Getting Help Unfortunately, no matter how far we recover from addiction, we will always have selfish desires. Churches are full of people who struggle with different things, but who also know that Jesus is their Saviour and daily strength. Church is also a place where you can be open about your life and look out for others without any fear of rejection! The church isn t always able to deal with all the medical or physical implications of some addictions. It may be wise to also seek medical advice, support groups or counselling. But Our satisfaction and peace will only last when it is based on the unchanging God who loves us the church teaches what Jesus has done for us, so that we can live confident, thankful lives before God. If you are not part of a church, talk to a Christian you know about joining one and meeting with other Christians who may be struggling with similar addictions to you. You might be surprised how much help is available to you. It s important that we don t face our struggles alone, but have fellow Christians to pray with us, encourage us and keep us looking forward to meeting Jesus face to face. [12] JUST ONCE MORE AND THEN I LL QUIT...
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