HOW TO COPE WITH THOSE WHO DO NOT APPROVE OF YOU Sylvester Onyemalechi Many Christians struggle with injuries, rejection, wrong criticisms, false accusations and other sorts of injustices and wrongs from fellow Christians and non-christians alike. Some allow the things they hear and experience to affect them to the point that they leave their local assembly for another or backslide completely from the faith. Life is full of challenges. One will offend others, and himself be offended. Jesus Christ taught that offence will surely come, but insists that we must get along well with our neighbours through the practice of love forbearance, forgiveness, goodwill and a positive attitude. Matt 18:7 7 "Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come! Matt 18:21-22 21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. 1 Cor 10:13 13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. The scriptures teaches that we should love one another as He has loved us, and that the practice of love proves that we are born of God and are His true followers. 1 John 4:7-12 7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. John 13:35 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." 1
Love includes forbearance and forgiveness, which I call the two great pillars of love. Every believer needs them to be able to get along well with people. Col 3:12-14 12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 1. Be conscious of who you are in Christ and the life you are expected to live here on earth. You are a son of God and not just a son of man. You have the supernatural life of God and you can get along well with anybody including those who do not like or approve of you. John 1:12 12 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God- 2 Peter 1:3 3 His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2. What men think or say about you cannot nullify what God has said about you, or change the plan of God for your life. So, you should not give it too much importance. Take it with a pinch of salt. Be more concerned about what God has said or is saying concerning you. Jer 29:11 11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 3. It is God s approval each believer should be seeking, and not men. If men don t approve you in any way, don t worry about it, as long as God has approved you. When you are in the will of God for your life, don t mind if man disapproves. You were created to do God s pleasure and nothing else. Rom 12:1 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. 2
Rev 4:11 11 Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. KJV 4. Always bear in mind that not everybody will approve you. Some will, and some will not. When you meet those who reject you or always find fault with you, don t let it get into you. Let the love of God well up within you and forgive and love them. Col 3:13 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 5. Even, if you and your efforts are not appreciated despite your service of love, encourage yourself in the Lord. Remind yourself that you are working for the Lord and only He can reward you. Heb 6:10 6. Never stop doing good or rendering service because you are not appreciated or approved. In life, some will appreciate you and some will not. God has not stopped being good and loving despite man s sins and rebellion. He remains the same and refuses to change. He is constant and never changes. 2 Tim 2:13 3 if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself. Mal 3:6 6 "I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. James 1:17 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. We are His children and so we are to be like in Him refuse to stop being good and kind to people. Keep caring and serving every time there is opportunity. Be the child of God you were called and recreated to be. Remain good, kind, caring, loving, friendly, and full of faith and enthusiasm about God, life and people. 7. Bless and not curse those who despise and reject you. Pray for them for they may be influenced by the enemy. 3
Luke 6:27-28 27 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 8. Walk in the spirit and never in the flesh. Gal 5:16 16 So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. Gal 5:25 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 9. You cannot force yourself on anyone who does not want to have a close relationship with you, so when you notice someone is not willing to have a close friendship with you, do not worry, but relate at the level he or she is willing for now to relate with you. With time, things will improve. However, spend more time with those willing to relate with you. Prov 17:17 17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. 10. Do not go into sin because you want to be approved by a certain person or persons. Be the child of God you were called to be. Never deny your identity as a child of God and a witness for Jesus Christ. Always be proud of your relationship with Jesus Christ. Ex 23:2 2 "Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong. When you give testimony in a lawsuit, do not pervert justice by siding with the crowd, Prov 23:20 20 Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, Prov 24:21 21 Fear the LORD and the king, my son, and do not join with the rebellious, Ps 119:63 4
63 I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts. 11. Be joyful always even when you are rejected or not approved by man. Never lose your joy for anyone or anything. Rom 12:12 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 1 Thess 5:16 16 Be joyful always; 5