Proverbs 1:8-19 Listen to Dad: Don t Let Them Pull You Down! On a scale of 1-10 (1 being lowest, 10 being greatest), how much of an influence do you think what we call peer pressure has on your life? Think about this seriously with me. Let me help you answer this question by putting it differently. WHAT DOES THE BIBLE HAVE TO SAY ABOUT PEER PRESSURE? What is peer pressure according to the Bible? Look at Proverbs 29:25: The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. Look at Matthew 10:28: Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Peer Pressure = The fear of man. One of the biggest threats to your life is the pull to care more about what people think about you than what God thinks about you; to care more about what people want you to do, than what God commands you to do. On a scale of 1-10, the potential harm the fear of man can have on your life, is probably a 15. This is because for better or worse, your close relationships will direct the life you live. This passage is from the heart of a father, pleading with his son(s) to avoid being influenced by foolish people; to avoid peer pressure; to avoid being driven by caring about what people think and want, so that fools will not direct the life that they live. The point is in verses 10 and 15. My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. (Proverbs 1:10 ESV) My son, do not walk in the way with them; hold back your foot from their paths (1:15 ESV) This is a father who understands the Principle of Peers very well: For better or worse, your close relationships will direct the life that you live. THE POINT OF PROVERBS 1:8-19 Really, this whole passage teaches us not to allow fools to direct our lives. How you know if a friend is really a fool (and so, not really a friend, but an enemy)? 1. If they try to encourage something you don t want to do. (1:10 - My son, if sinners entice you ) Please listen to this: If you have a friend who tries to get you to do things that you know are wrong, that person is a fool and you must not give into them. If they try to get you to violate your conscience, or
influence you in any way to do something you know is wrong, then they are not friends, they are fools, and you must not follow them. Question for Discussion: What are you really saying when you let a person lead you to do something that violates your faith/conscience/convictions? You are really saying that that person is your god. When we go against what we know God wants us to do, because someone else wants us to, we are saying that we care more about what that person thinks of us and what they want us to do than what God thinks and what God commands for us to do. The person who is willing to be your god, is not your friend, they are a fool. 2. If they make sin look good. (1:10-14; Ps 73) The fools here in Proverbs 1 are people who are enticing you, trying to convince you that what they want to do is going to be really fun. Read 1:10-14. They are trying to tell you that you ll be better off if you listen to them than if you rejected them. You re gonna miss out!, they tell you, trying to make sin look good. Question for Discussion: Does the Bible ever say that sin is never fun? Does the Bible ever say that there is no pleasure of any kind in sin? Does the Bible ever say that sin never looks attractive? Not at all. The Bible admits that sometimes living in sin looks great, even compared to living a godly life (Psalm 73:4-14). It also teaches that Satan disguises himself as an angel of light (2 Cor 11:14), meaning that he does not tempt by showing you his horns and warts (as if he had them), but by making it look like what you are desiring is worth desiring. Also, James teaches that we are tempted by our own desires (Jas 1:14). Sin looks very good to us at times, because there is some kind of pleasure in it. So, its not necessarily that they are wrong, when they tell you that something they want you to do will be fun. It is that the kind of fun they are describing is a very short term fun that has no lasting benefit, and that will only be fun until it is over, which will be very soon. The kind of pleasure that they are looking for is not lasting. Plus, it is a kind of pleasure that ends up in terrible judgment. What we need to understand here is that though sin may be fun and pleasing and enjoyable for a time, the pleasure of knowing God deeply and living with Him eternally is far better. Jesus wants you to have joy, and He wants for that joy to be full (Jn 15:11). So, the problem is not that your friends want you to have fun and God wants your life to be miserable; the problem is that your friends want you to have fun, when God wants you to have joy. Fun in sin is extremely temporary. Joy in Christ is eternal. If anything, the problem with fools is that they don t want to have (or want you to have) nearly the kind of pleasure that you were created for. If a friend is trying to make you think that real pleasure is outside of obeying Jesus, then they are not a friend, they are a fool. 3. If they are willing take advantage of people or hurt people for their own benefit. (1:11-13, 16) Here is one quick way to know if a friend is a fool: If they are willing to hurt people to make themselves look good; to step on others to build themselves up; to make someone look bad in order to make themselves look good; they are a fool. And what makes you think that they will not end up treating you in the same way? Don t be fooled. If they are willing to step on someone else to make themselves look good, it s only a matter of time before they do that to you. Is this the kind of person you want to be influenced by? 4. If they call your family lame and go against your parents teaching. (1:14, 8-9) 2
3 One of the ways you can know beyond the shadow of a doubt if you are dealing with fools, is that they will try to get you to join their club, whatever that is. Throw in your lot among us; we will all have one purse they say (i.e. Who cares about your parents, hang out with us on Saturday! or Man your parents really don t get you; you ought to you just forget them. We re your real friends. Or, Wow, your parents are really lame. I don t know why you listen to them. Or, Why do you need to ask your parents about that? Are you a baby??? ) The point here is that fools will try to get you to replace your family with them. They want you to treat them like family, and to treat your family like garbage. They want your loyalty, and they will promise a place to belong. Question for Discussion: What are some ways people try to get you to treat them like family? (Relationships, gangs, niches, sports, extra-curricular activities, youth groups, etc.) Those who make it seem like you should care more about them than you do your own family (specifically your parents), and those who make fun of you for spending time with your parents, and those who put doubt in your minds about whether your parents actually know what they are talking about, are fools, not friends. 5. They don t consider the long term consequences of their actions. (1:18-19) If a friend gives no thought to his standing before God, or of eternity, or about whether or not his actions will have long term (and eternal) consequences, he is not a friend, he is a fool. Solomon describes these kinds of people as setting a trap for themselves. They don t see it coming. They are so deceived that they don t see how what they are doing today is going to affect them down the road. They don t see how their sinfulness is going to hurt them later on. They are like a person who sets a trap for an animal, and then steps in that trap themselves. The literally take away their own lives, because of their foolishness. These people are blind to their blindness. Have you ever asked a blind person, Did you know that you are blind? Obviously not. Why? Because blind people know that they are blind. Spiritual blindness is much more serious though. A person who is spiritually blind, really doesn t even know it. They are blind to their blindness. This is what a fool is like. He/she has no idea how his/her actions are going to affect him/her in the future, and really doesn t care. You can be sure, that you follow a person who does not consider the consequences of his/her actions, you are going to end up hurt with them. Those who don t consider the long term consequences of their actions, are not friends, they are fools. And God s instruction to you today is: Don t let them drag you down! Do not consent with them. Do not walk in the way with them. In other words, do not even think about going their way. Do not let them influence you in any way. This is not just to say, Hang out with them, be friends with them, go to parties with them, watch them live it up, but just don t do it with them. That is not the point of these commands. Question for Discussion: What do you think it means to walk on the way with someone, or to put your foot to a person s path? The point of these commands is simple, but I would guess very hard to swallow for some of you. Listen to verse 15: My son, do not walk in the way with them; hold back your foot from their paths He is saying: Be a friend to them, but do not be friends with them! Question for Discussion: How can you be a friend to a person like this, without being friends with them? Do good to them. (Proverbs 16:7; Galatians 6:10) Share the Gospel with them in gentleness. (Proverbs 11:23, 30; 1 Peter 3:15)
4 Speak truthfully to them. (Proverbs 12:17; 17:10; Ephesians 4:15) Live a godly life in front of them. (Proverbs 16:7; 1 Peter 2:12) Be there to support them when they are in need. (Proverbs 21:13; 13:25; James 1:27) Don t influence them to do evil. (Proverbs 1:10-19; Proverbs 10:17; Romans 1:32) Pray for them. (Matthew 5:44). Notice, Solomon is not advising his sons not to have contact with foolish people, but simply not to follow their lead. He is telling them not to follow fools into sin, not to go hide in a corner and refuse to associate with them in any way. He is simply saying, Do not let them be your god! When you are with them and around them, interact with them in a way that would please God, not in a way that would please them! Be a friend to them, but do not be friends with them, because they will drag you down. Care more about what God commands you to do than what these people want you to do. Fear the Lord, not people that He has created, and do what God wants you to do, whether people approve or not. A FEW THINGS TO MEDITATE ON: 1. God is more precious than people, because God is more precious than anything. This whole warning against letting fools influence you is not about loosing friends, but about gaining intimacy with God. God is not telling you to have a boring life with no friends; He is warning you about the things that can ruin your relationship with God (and in some cases your earthly life) like nothing else, and those things are foolish friends. He is not trying to ruin your life, but to increase your joy in Christ. (Read Philippians 3:7-11.) 2. Real and lasting joy is in obedience, not in people pleasing. Joy is in sacrificing to obey God; not in rejecting God to please people. Read Proverbs 29:25, Psalm 34:8-9; John 6:35. 3. The issue of choosing your friends is not a non-spiritual issue; it is a Lordship issue. If you want to obey Christ, you need to take His advice here. You need to find a way to be friends to these people, but not with them. The reason is that fools are not in agreement with Christ. Christ will teach you to go one way and fools will encourage you to go another way. So, at the end of the day, whether or not you are willing to be friends to these people but not with them has to do with whether or not Christ is the Lord of your life. You are going to obey someone. Is it going to be Jesus, or the fools you want to accept you? 4. Jesus died for the things that fools want you to do. Read 1 Peter 1:17-23. Jesus Christ was crucified for the things that fools want you to do. He died for fools! Going along with them merely encourages them to continue rebelling against Him though. Is that what you want for them? Do you want to encourage them to continue rebelling against God, just so that you can be in with them? 5. Partnerships with fools are good for nobody; not you and not them. They are damning for both of you. Read 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be there God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst,
5 and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty. Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God. (2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 ESV) Be a friend to them, but do not be friends with them. Do not let them drag you down!