Marriage Like Christ and the Church Lesson 10 review In the last lesson, in Ephesians chapter 4, we talked about how Paul gives the believers of Ephesus some action steps to follow. He wants to impress on his readers what it looks like to be imitators of God. Paul contrasts what it looks like to walk in love and imitation of Christ versus walking as a loveless, lifeless unbeliever. He then tells them to watch out! The days are evil, and they need to walk with their spiritual eyes wide open. Finally, Paul tells his readers how to live a wise life with and towards others. Lesson 11 Overview In this lesson, we will explore how Paul models marriage after the relationship of Christ and the church. Learning about the marital roles of man and women, Paul exhorts the Ephesians to own their role and see to it that they are resembling Christ and the church. Using the creation of man and woman as an example, Paul expounds on the truth that man and woman coming together is more than just physical, it is emulating Christ and the redemption we have with Him. Ephesians 5:22-33 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
31 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:22-24 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Submit to your husbands- wives are called to submit to their husbands, just as they are to the Lord. Notice, Paul doesn t exhort the women of Ephesus to submit to every man that comes into their lives, rather to just their husband, the leader of their family. Paul brings to light what this type of submission looks like to their husbands in the four words that follow as to the Lord. Just as the wives aim to bring honor, please, enjoy, and love God, they are express these same qualities to their husbands. This model of submission in marriage is directly related to the trinity. Just as Christ submitted to the Fathers will to die on the cross, giving up his desires, wants, and needs. The wife is to follow that example to follow their husbands in faith and trust them. Notice that submission does not mean less valued or beneath. Christ submitted to the fathers will, but was glorified, praised, and rewarded. He was just as valued as God and seen in the same light. Wives are not devaluing themselves when they submit to their husbands, rather exercising their divine role in God s redemptive plan. The wives are participating in God s divine order of leader that is constructed to bring Him the most praise and glory. Husband is head of the wife- Following Paul s exhortation to the wives to submit to their husbands, Paul gives the reason why they ought to. The husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. Now, different cultures assign masculine and feminine roles differently from each other, so Paul is not outlining what it means to be a man, or be a woman. What is important is how their pair ought to act now that they are both submitted under Christ. Christ, in His relationship with the church cared for it, loved it, and ultimately died for it which drastically changes the way the husband treats their wives in their 2
marriages. And is himself its Savior- Many commentators interpret this to either mean the husband is the protector, the husband as the savior, or it referring to Christ alone in some sense. Peter O Brian s commentary on Ephesians says. Instead, the clause is specifically focused on Christ, not the husband: the personal pronoun he himself is emphatic by its presence and position, and clearly refers to Christ. Nowhere in the context is the wife regarded as the husband s body as the church is Christ s body. Further, the term savior, which turns up twenty-four times in the New Testament, always refers to Jesus or God, but never to human beings. 1 The meaning then beside adding a reference to Christ as their savior is to remind and exhort them on the reasons why they are to submit to their husbands. With Christ as the head of the church, the savior of humanity, wives are to know the reason why they follow Christ and how they can serve Him through their marriages. In Everything- Wives are called to model the church s role in their relationship with their husbands. The same word submit is used to describe how the wives act towards Christ and the husbands, but there is a difference between the wife s relationship with Christ opposed to their relationship with their husband. In verse 24, Christ is described as the woman s savior with the husband still as the direct object of the sentence. Not one time has a mortal being been describe as a savior to human beings, so we know that the submission that wives practice is different because Christ is the one who redeems them, not their husbands. O Brian s commentary on Ephesians says it like this. By using the same verb submit the apostle stresses the willing character of the church s submission to Christ, and thus underscores what has already been asserted in v. 22 about the free and voluntary nature of the wife s subordination to her husband 2 The only reason the wife is able to submit to the husband is because of what Christ did on the cross. The wife is willing and able to now joyfully follow their husbands because of the hope of redemption they have in Him. Paul stresses this truth, that wives are not mindless followers of the spouses, rather participating in their redemptive roles that Christ made possible. Accordingly, the church s submission to Christ means looking to its head for his beneficial rule, living by his norms, experiencing his presence and love, receiving from him gifts that will enable growth to maturity, and responding to him in gratitude and awe. It is these attitudes that the wife is urged to develop as she submits to her husband 3 1 O Brien, P. T. (1999). The letter to the Ephesians (pp. 414 415). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co. 2 Ibid. 416 3 Ibid. 416-417 3
Reflection Questions How does society differ from what Paul outlines as biblical relationship? How are wives called to help their husbands? How doe a 5 talent wife submit to a 2 talent husband? What does that look like in a marriage? Obstacles? How can non-married women practice these truths in their lives? Ephesians 25-27 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Husbands- The Ephesian men are exhorted to adopt Christ-like attributes in their interactions with their wives. Love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself up for her, is a call for more than laying one s life down for them. Christ sacrificed time, His energy, taught His people, cared for the sick, encouraged, exhorted, and ultimately laid His life down for the church. For husbands to love their wives the same way Christ loved the church, they are commanded to sacrifice their own interest and welfare by pouring into their wives on a daily basis the same way Christ did for the church. Husbands called to love- The husband is called the head of the household, but not one time does Paul address them to exercise their headship over their wives. Husbands are exhorted to love their wives by doing everything in their power to push them to become more like Christ. Earlier is Ephesians, we read how all believers are called to love each other because of the common grace we are under from God, but now Paul is narrowing in on how husbands relate this truth to their marriages. Three ways the husband equips his wife- Paul starts verse 26 with three ways the husband is called to love his wife and equip her for God s service. The first of the three is to sanctify her by the washing of the word. To sanctify or make holy is an on going process for the believer. Just as the church is describe as sanctified through Christ, the wife is as well. The husband does not do the sanctifying, rather exhorts her towards Christ for every good service that she is called to do. With sanctifying, there is a cleansing that takes place as well. The difference between the are 4
cleansing points to the removal of sin, while sanctification focusses on being set apart to God 4 To understand how the wife relates to the church in her cleansing of the word, O Brian s commentary on Ephesians describes it like this. This cleansing was effected by the washing of water through the word (cf. Tit. 3:5). Many commentators assume that the washing refers to baptism. But references to washing or water do not necessarily point to baptism, and the only specific mention of this motif in the entire letter is at 4:5, where it is listed in a sevenfold confession but is not specially emphasized. Instead, when Paul speaks of washing, his focus, as in 1 Corinthians 6:11, is on the spiritual cleansing accomplished by Christ rather than on baptism. Nowhere else in the New Testament is the church baptized! 5 Christ gave himself to the church to make her holy by cleansing her. This cleansing was effected by a spiritual washing brought about through Christ s gracious word in the gospel. His love for the church is the model for husbands in its purpose and goal, as well as in its selfsacrifice (v. 25). In the light of Christ s complete giving of himself to make the church holy and cleanse her, husbands should be utterly committed to the total well-being, especially the spiritual welfare, of their wives 6 Present to Himself- The next way the husband exhorts their wives is to present them to Christ without wrinkle, spot, or blemish. Paul speaks in a future tense sort of way to help the husbands and wives now what they are living for and what the end goal is. The husband is called to see the wife for all that Christ has called her to be. He is to not present the wife to himself as a form of earthly glory, rather to Christ for all the He has endowed upon her. In all Christ s glory and praise is the wife to be presented to Him from the husband as a sacrificial gift. The husband s role is crucial because he will give an account to God for how he presents her and will be judged on how he prepared for on earth. Reflection Questions: What are some practical ways Christian husbands can lead their wives the same way Christ leads the church? How can husbands sanctify their wives in the church? Have Christian husbands lost some of these principles that Paul laid out over the years? Ephesians 5:28-30 4 O Brien, P. T. (1999). The letter to the Ephesians (p. 422). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co. 5 Ibid. 422 6 Ibid. 423-424 5
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. Love their wives as their own bodies- The way husbands are seen to love their own body is by nourishing and cherishing it. How does one nourish and cherish their wife then? The husband is called to maintain his wife, provide for her, protect her, enjoy her, love her, and take care of her. These are the ways the husband loves his own flesh and should response towards his wife daily. Just as Christ- Paul goes beyond how the husband loves his own flesh, but how Christ loved His body. The men of Ephesus, and husbands today, are to model how Christ loved His body because we are all members of it. How did Christ maintain his body on earth? How does he maintain us now? Husbands are to be in the word, praying, serving, and loving sacrificially just as Christ is with the Church. To love their wives as themselves is to treat their wives walk with the Lord like their own. Which is ultimately resembling Christ. Reflection Questions: What does it look like for a Christian husband to cherish their wives? How does it look like for a Christian husband to nourish their wives? Ephesians 5:31-33 31 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. For this reason- Paul concludes this thought with Genesis 2:24 to bring to light the original meaning of marriage and how it applies to Christ and the church today. 24 For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. This quotation of the union between Adam and Eve is referring to the verse 29. We are all members of His Body is taking the scene of Eve being made from Adams side, and now 6
applying it to how we are now a part of Christ body. This Mystery is great- Is about the union of Adam and Eve. Paul is speaking of a committed relationship between Christ and His church. Regarding two becoming one flesh, the mystery is, Christ becoming one with us through redemption. If the Ephesians understand correctly, Christ is model that Adam and Eve were based off of. His relationship with the church is modeled through the first human beings to represent the intimate relationship that Christ offers to His people. like Adam and Eve's relationship, there connotes a level of grace through this relationship because it shows two persons coming together in an act of choosing to love each other. By grace is the only way the Ephesians can become one flesh with Christ. Though Paul is speaking of marital roles and the union between man and woman, he breaks his train of thought by adding "but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless- Paul concludes his thought with instructions to how the husband and wife should act towards each other. For the husbands, they are commanded to love their own wife even as themselves. The Ephesian men are to care for their wives as a precious possession. Treating them the way Christ treats the church and in the same way that they take care of their own bodies. For the wives, Paul exhorts them to respect their husbands. In words see to it, calls for an act of urgency. To be completely counter-cultural to the way women were treating their husbands in Ephesus, Paul is exhorting them to use this for ministry purposes. Being respectful does not mean agreeing on everything, or adopting the husband's view on all matters. Rather following him, listening to him, and serving him. Subjecting themselves to their husbands the same way they do to Christ. Reflection Questions Based off the verses above, what does the model look like for a man and woman to leave their parents and cling to each other? How can you build a relationship founded on grace in your marriage as Christ has a relationship founded on grace with us? (stand ready to forgive, no record of wrongs, patience i.e. 1 Cor 13.) How can this apply to friendships as well? Believers, what are some ways you can grow in loving your wife/husband/friend as you love yourself? Or better yet, more than yourself? Wives, what are some examples of how you can grow in showing your husband respect? What are some ways your spouse loves/respects you well? not in a relationship, how can you encourage your friendships? How do you encourage them weekly and show respect? 7
Single s how can you start preparing and growing in these areas now, whether it is in God s plan for you to be married or be single? o i.e. love others more than yourself o learn to respect and submit to all authorities 8