BAR/BAT MITZVAH A FAMILY HANDBOOK Revised November 2012
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TABLE OF CONTENTS Letter from Our Rabbis 4 Letter from Our Synagogue Educator 5 Welcome Letter 6 General Information 7 Requirements for Bar/Bat Mitzvah Families 8 The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Service 10 Suggested Blessing for Parents 12 Honoring the Occasion 13 Kiddush Luncheon and Other Family Obligations 14 Atlanta Kashrut Commission Approved Caterers 15 Acknowledgement of Handbook & Requirements Form 16 3
Dor L Dor Yishbach Ma asecha From generation to generation we will declare Your greatness Dear Chevre, Our tradition teaches us to mark our accomplishments with a ceremony at the beginning and the completion of each phase in our lives. Becoming a Bar or a Bat Mitzvah is a very important milestone for every boy or girl becoming an adult and for his/her surrounding family. Our Congregation joins you in the immense joy of this occasion. We are delighted and honored that you are sharing this significant moment in your lives with us. As you move forward in this process, we hope you find joy and meaning in your preparation and celebration of this landmark in your lives. We hope that you will make this journey both a personal and congregational experience that will allow all of us to share and grow in our commitment to Judaism and love of Torah. We look forward to joining you in this journey. L Shalom, Rabbi Mario and Rabbi Dr. Analia 4
Shalom, Welcome to this wonderful time in your family s life. The process of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah signifies growth and maturity as well as the capability to lead our congregation in Shabbat worship. You ve spent many years in Jewish education, either in Day School or in our own Machon Hadash program. We are so excited to guide you through this experience and then witness your milestone in our congregation. As we have told you over the years, your bar or bat mitzvah is not at all the end of your Jewish learning and involvement in congregational life. Following your simcha, we will be thrilled to count you among our teenage students at Machon Hadash and in following years as the leaders and teachers of our next generation. We have so many ways for you to continue your commitment to Jewish learning and participation in the life of our community: our 8 th grade program, youth group activities, and as a madrich (guide) where you lead the younger students in Jewish learning and experience. We need your youthful enthusiasm, creativity and energy to keep our programs vibrant and exciting. Mazal Tov and thank you for being the next generation of lifelong learners at Or Hadash! Rabbi Ellen Nemhauser Synagogue Educator 5
Dear Friends, Mazal Tov! We are so happy you will be sharing your upcoming simcha with our Congregation Or Hadash (COH) community! It is a very exciting time for your family and friends. Our community looks forward to welcoming your child to Jewish adulthood. At COH, we view your child s journey to Bar or Bat Mitzvah as a process rather than a one-time event. Your child s participation in services as a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a wonderful celebration of the process, which includes study, reflection, community involvement, and growth for your child. We hope that your whole family enjoys the journey. This handbook was created to help guide you through our B nai Mitzvah requirements and traditions, which were established to enhance a sense of community within the congregation. We recognize, however, that our children are individuals who may benefit from a non-traditional Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Such ceremonies may include participation in a Havdalah service, a Friday night Oneg, or another appropriate and acceptable ceremony. Some families have chosen to have an off-site Bar or Bat Mitzvah. To allow the COH community to welcome your child into adulthood and to share in your simcha, we encourage families who hold an off-site Bar or Bat Mitzvah to arrange a time for your child to be called to the Torah during a congregational service. For more information, please contact me at 404.250.3338 or bwarschoff@or-hadash.org. We look forward to working with you during this exciting time! Please contact me if you have any questions or need more information. B shalom, Bruce Warschoff Executive Director 6
GENERAL INFORMATION Congregation Or Hadash is located at 6751 Roswell Road, Atlanta, Georgia, 30328. COH has created a wonderful space within The Weber School, which includes our beautiful sanctuary, offices, and designated rooms for Machon Hadash, our religious education program for students in Pre-K through 8 th Grade. Shabbat services are held on Friday evenings (6:30-7:45pm) and Saturday mornings (9:15am 12:00pm). Services take place in the COH sanctuary and Kiddush in the school cafeteria. Please help us respect the terms of our lease by reminding your family and guests to stay within the designated COH space at all times. Our sanctuary holds up to 350 people. If you expect more than 200 guests, please let Bruce Warschoff, know at least two weeks in advance of your Bar or Bat Mitzvah date and we will do what we can to accommodate you. Please remind your guests about COH s rules: All men entering the sanctuary are expected to cover their heads as a sign of respect. Men and women being honored with an aliyah on Shabbat morning are expected to cover their heads and wear a tallit. Eating and drinking are not allowed in the sanctuary. Photography, videography, or audio recording are not allowed on Shabbat. Cell phones and pagers must be turned off during services. Your child is participating in a religious service. Our services allow us to worship and study as a multi-generational community. Please remember that children (and adults) sometimes need a break during services. Our ushers or greeters will be glad to show you the space we have created outside the sanctuary for soothing crying children, playing quietly, enjoying snacks, and sharing quiet conversation. If you know that a number of your guests will be bringing young children, babysitting can be arranged at your request at least three weeks before your simcha. Contact Bruce Warschoff to discuss the financial arrangements for babysitting. Our ushers and greeters are here to help us maintain a respectful worship environment. Congregants and guests may be asked not to enter the sanctuary during certain times (i.e. when the Ark is open and during Torah and/or Haftarah readings, among others). We are guests in this building and as such need to be courteous to Weber. Please remind your guests to stay on the first floor near the Sanctuary and Cafeteria. 7
REQUIREMENTS FOR BAR AND BAT MITZVAH FAMILIES The following requirements allow our Bar and Bat Mitzvah families to become a familiar part of the congregational community. We appreciate you honoring your commitments and obligations as your child prepares to become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. MEMBERSHIP Bar or Bat Mitzvah dates at COH are reserved for families who are full members of the congregation in good standing, for a minimum of one year before the Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Families meeting the membership requirements may request a date up to three years in advance. Please note that while we will try to honor your date request, there will be times throughout our yearly calendar that may not be available or appropriate for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah celebration. To request a date for your simcha, please contact our Executive Director, Bruce Warschoff at 404.250.3338 or bwarschoff@or-hadash.org. PARTICIPATION REQUIREMENTS Attending Synagogue: Every Bar or Bat Mitzvah candidate is required to attend at least five Friday night and five Saturday morning Shabbat services at COH during the 12 months before their simcha. We ask that candidates attend services with a parent so that the family is familiar with the COH community, service, and traditions. We will be following up with each candidate and family at quarterly intervals to be sure you are meeting this requirement. Enrolling in Machon Hadash: Unless the Bat or Bat Mitzvah candidate is enrolled in a Jewish Day School, every candidate is required to attend COH s Machon Hadash classes. Participating in Family Study Series: Every Bar or Bat Mitzvah candidate, and their parents, are required to participate in the COH family B nai Mitzvah program. Rabbi Mario has developed a series of Sunday morning classes to provide you with an opportunity to meet and learn with the other families in your B nai Mitzvah class. The class dates are available in our yearly calendar of events booklet and will be emailed to you prior to the first session with a request to RSVP. Greeters on Shabbat: Parents of Bar and Bat Mitzvah candidates are asked to serve as greeters for Shabbat services a minimum of three times on Friday night or Shabbat morning during the 12 months before your simcha. Please call Bruce Warschoff to schedule your greeter dates. PREPARING Customarily a Bar or Bat Mitzvah at COH includes participating in our Friday night Servicio de Shabbat, leading prayers, reading Torah and Haftarah, and presenting a D var Torah on Shabbat morning. Bar and Bat Mitzvah preparation at COH is multi-faceted, and includes the following: 8
Individual Preparation with a Rabbi: Approximately nine (9) months before your simcha, your child will work in groups with fellow students to learn Torah and Haftarah Trope as well as common brachot. Approximately six (6) months before your simcha, you will be assigned to meet with one of the Rabbis on a regular, individual basis to prepare for the Bar or Bat Mitzvah service. Preparation will include study of the Shabbat prayers, your Torah and Haftarah portions, composition of a D var Torah, and any other preparation deemed necessary. Rehearsing: Your child s rehearsal will be held within the two week period before the simcha, and will be coordinated by the Rabbis. The rehearsal gives your child an opportunity to practice reading Torah and speaking slowly and loudly to the congregation. If you are planning to have photographs taken in the sanctuary, you may want to make arrangements to have the photographs taken at the rehearsal. If you would like to speak to your child during Shabbat morning services when you present the Tallit, you may choose one of the prepared parents prayers (see page 8) or write your own blessing, which must be limited to 2 minutes. Please be prepared to present your blessing to the Rabbis for their approval at the time of the rehearsal. See preparing the family below. Participating in Tikkun Olam: An important part of Bar and Bat Mitzvah preparation is the candidate s understanding of his or her role in the community. COH participates in many projects throughout the year to work toward Tikkun Olam, Repair of the World. We ask each candidate to participate in as many Tikkun Olam projects as possible. Additionally, we encourage each Bar or Bat Mitzvah candidate to work on an individual Mitzvah project. Some examples of COH s Tikkun Olam projects that you can get involved in are helping out at Bingo Night at the Breman Jewish Home and preparing and serving Sunday lunch every other month at the Sandy Springs United Methodist Church. For more information about the COH Tikkun Olam committee and projects, please contact the office or visit the Tikkun Olam page of our website (www.or-hadash.org/#/repair-the-world/tikkun-olam). Preparing the Family: As part of a new minhag, or custom, at COH, the Rabbis suggest you write a letter to your child to mark this special lifecycle event. This letter is a very personal way to collect and articulate your thoughts to serve as a legacy for your child. Sentiment is important; you are encouraged to outline what you value most about Judaism - the traditions that guide your relationships with family and friends or the activities that distinguish your Jewish household. You could reflect on something in your Jewish background of particular interest, things that make your child special, or even the significance of your child s name. Your letter should be completed in the two weeks prior to your child s Bar or Bat Mitzvah and can be given to your child at any of the private celebrations surrounding their simcha. 9
THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH SERVICE It is an incredible feeling when the Bar or Bat Mitzvah date is finally here! There are a number of ways to participate with your child to make the day even more special. Most aspects of the service shall be performed by people who are Jewish. If you have any questions about the eligibility of any family members to participate in any aspect of the service, please contact Bruce Warschoff to discuss your concerns. Presentation of Tallit: The Rabbis will invite you to the Bimah for the Tallit presentation. Each of our Rabbis does a beautiful job briefly explaining the meaning of the Tallit. As noted before, if you would like to add a few words to your child, please keep them to two minutes or less. You will be asked to present your remarks at the time of rehearsal for the Rabbis approval. Presentation of Torah: At the beginning of the Torah service, family members and/or friends are invited to open the Ark and Jewish parents (and grandparents) are invited to symbolically pass the Torah from generation to generation, before the Bar or Bat Mitzvah child carries the Torah through the shul. Aliyot: The Bar or Bat Mitzvah candidate will recite the Torah blessings for the Maftir portion. Jewish parents are invited to recite the Torah blessings for the portion before the Maftir so that you will be on the Bimah when your child reads the blessings and Maftir portion. Two Aliyot are reserved for honorees of the Rabbis choosing; however, you may honor Jewish family and/or friends by asking them to recite the Torah blessings for the remaining Aliyot. One month before your simcha, please complete the on-line B nai Mitzvah Information Form (http://www.or-hadash.org/#/lifecycle/bar-batmitzvah) which helps our custodial staff to be properly prepared to handle guests and caterer needs. At least two weeks before your simcha, please complete the on-line B nai Mitzvah Honors Form (http://www.or-hadash.org/#/lifecycle/bar-batmitzvah). We ask for both the English and Hebrew names of your honorees so that our Torah service will run in a smooth and respectful manner. Everyone gets nervous for Aliyot! The Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a religious service and participants should treat it with respect by being prepared to do their part appropriately. Links are available on our website (see above) for honorees to practice the blessings and receive instructions on how to perform the blessings. Torah Readings: COH invites parents, siblings and/or other family members to honor your child by reading Torah. Please let the Rabbi know if you would like to read Torah. We are happy to work with you to help you prepare, and encourage you to give yourself as much time as possible to prepare. Each Torah reader must present his/her portion to the Rabbis, in person or over the phone, at least two weeks before the simcha. 10
Candy Distributors: It is a tradition for the congregation to toss candy at the Bar or Bat Mitzvah child when they complete the Haftarah reading. If you choose to do this, please prepare ahead of time by arranging for 2-3 children to distribute the candy during the Haftarah reading. Only kosher, individually wrapped, soft jelly candy may be used. For safety and ease of clean-up, COH limits the toss candy to Sunkist Fruit Gems (www.sunkistcandy.com). This candy maybe hard to find in stores, so please order ahead of time. Prayer for Our Country: The Prayer for Our Country is a wonderful opportunity to honor a family member or friend who is not Jewish. While your honoree will not hold the Torah during the prayer, he/she will have an opportunity to lead the congregation in this prayer. Ein Kelohenu, Adon Olam: Your child may pick 2-3 friends or family members to help lead these songs. It s a great way to include the children. Sit back, relax, and take pride in the beautiful young adult your child has become! This process is not one leading to perfection, but is a journey leading to understanding and self-confidence! 11
SUGGESTED BLESSINGS FOR PARENTS These prayers are examples of how you might bless your child at the time of the Tallit presentation. These prayers are found in Siddur Hadash. 1. Lord our G-d, author of life and source of all blessings; gratefully we thank you for the privilege of seeing our son/ daughter become a Bar/ Bat Mitzvah. On this day, cherished dreams and hopes are fulfilled. On this day, new dreams and new hopes are born. We pray that Your protecting and loving care will accompany our child wherever he/she goes and in all that, he/she does. Help him/her to become all that he/she is capable of being. Give him/her strength to do all the good things within his/her reach. Keep him/her loyal to the best that he/she has been shown, and to the noblest Jewish teachings he has learned. May his/her deeds find favor in the eyes of others and be worthy of Your blessings at all times. Amen 2. On this Shabbat when our daughter/son becomes a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, we have come with her/him and our loved ones to join in worship and to offer our prayer of thanksgiving. We are grateful, O G-d, for the privilege of passing along the gift of life, which you gave us, thus sharing with You in the miracle of Creation. We are grateful for the thirteen years of nurturing this life, for the unnumbered joys and challenges, which these years have brought us. Bless our child, O G-d; watch over her/him, protect her/him, guide her/him. Help her/him to continue to grow in body and mind, in soul and character. Keep her/him loyal to our people and to the teachings of our Torah. May her/his life be rich and rewarding. May all her/his deeds bring pride to us, honor to the House of Israel, and glory to Your name. Amen 3. With gladness and thanksgiving we offer our prayers, as our son/daughter becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. We give thanks for the wondrous privilege of seeing our son/daughter grow day by day, week by week, year by year. For the health and strength You have given him/her, for the mind and spirit with which You endowed him/her, for his ability to elicit and return lovefor all these precious gifts, we offer thanks. Watch over him/her, O G-d, on this special day and every day. Grant him/her a growing understanding of the significance of this occasion, and a deepening loyalty to all that it represents. May the teachings of our heritage guide him/her throughout life; and may he/she lead a life worthy of Your blessings. Amen 12
HONORING THE OCCASION Presentations to Your Child: Every Bar and Bat Mitzvah child is presented with special gift by the congregation and a $350 Passport to Israel, to be used toward a future trip to Israel, by Jewish Federation of Greater Atlanta. An officer of COH usually makes these presentations to your child. She/he will contact you during the month before your service to discuss the details. If you have a special relationship with another COH Board Member and would like that member to make these presentations, please tell the President so she/he can make arrangements with the Board Member. There are many ways to honor your Bar or Bat Mitzvah child and enhance our COH community. Some suggestions include: Purchasing items needed by our growing congregation, either as a group or an individual family (please get approval by Bruce Warschoff prior to purchase). Contributing to a COH Fund to honor the occasion: Building Fund Kiddush Fund Chesed Fund Tikkun Olam Fund Education and Youth Programs Fund Rabbis Discretionary Fund General Fund Making commitments to serve on committees or as a regular COH volunteer helping to keep our community strong and available to our congregants In addition to supporting COH, opportunities to honor your Bar or Bat Mitzvah include: Purchasing an Israel Bond in honor of your child. Buying Israel Bonds help strengthens Jewish Identity and builds Israel s economy for future growth. Contact the local Israel Bond office (404.817.3500) for more information. Purchasing a life membership for your child in one or more of the national Jewish organizations, such as Hadassah or Brandeis. Planting trees in Israel through the Jewish National Fund. Sending an announcement of your simcha to The Atlanta Jewish Times. As of November 1, 2012, if you subscribe to the AJT announcements are free and if you don t, there is a fee of $54 required for placement of lifecycles announcements. Please visit their website (atljewishtimes.com) for submission information. For more information about congregational needs or ways you might choose to honor your child s Bar or Bat Mitzvah, please contact Bruce Warschoff. To make a donation, you may mail in a check or donate on-line through our website: http://www.or-hadash.org/#/aboutus/donate. 13
KIDDUSH LUNCHEON AND OTHER FAMILY OBLIGATIONS Sponsoring a Congregational Kiddush Luncheon: As members of the COH community, it is the responsibility of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah family to sponsor a Kiddush luncheon following Shabbat morning services for your guests and for the members of the congregation. Please plan for 70 adult congregants and 15 children on a typical Shabbat morning (and 85 adults and 30 children when Machon Hadash is in session) and be sure to incorporate these numbers into your Kiddush planning and guest count. You are asked to contact Bruce Warschoff to double check Shabbat attendance plans and for information concerning any additional restrictions. In addition to the luncheon, please ask the caterer to provide two challahs for Kiddush. We cannot use The Weber School kitchen, which is managed by Jodi Sturgeon (For All Occasions), an AKC approved caterer, unless the luncheon is catered by For All Occasions. If you would like to discuss using another AKC approved caterer, please contact Bruce Warschoff in the office BEFORE you enter into a contract. Deliveries: All vendors must schedule deliveries in advance to arrive before 2:00pm on the Friday before the event. Please contact the office for more information and to arrange the details of your deliveries and Kiddush. Additional options for the Shabbat morning celebration include: Personalized Kippot/lace head coverings Bimah decorations, such as Renterpieces baskets* or flowers. Please keep all arrangements low. Tall vases and/or pillars make it difficult to see. Candy for tossing during services. (see page 11) Flowers and/or other decorations for Kiddush. *Renterpieces can be ordered from Jewish Family and Career Services. Funds generated help support the JF&CS Kosher Food Pantry, Meals on Wheels, emergency rent or utility payments, emergency medications, indigent burials and many other services. View basket selections at www.jfcs-atlanta.org; or contact Betsy Brody (770.677.9337) to place an order. Gratuities: By now, you have probably met our excellent custodial staff, under the direction of Chris Carr. Chris and his crew do all of the behind the scenes work for our congregation, and will help make sure we are physically ready for your simcha. In addition to setting up the chairs for services, they prepare the Siddurim and Chumashim, the tables and chairs for Kiddush, and many other things that help our services run smoothly. Please be sure to thank Chris and his crew, and if you would like to give them gratuities, please do so before Friday night services begin. For information about your Kiddush, address special needs, or to make special arrangements regarding your room set up, contact Bruce Warschoff. 14
KOSHER CATERERS AVAILABLE IN ATLANTA Avenue K Catering For All Occasions Catering Chai Peking 770.578.1110 770.565.8710 404.327.7810 Pita Palace A Kosher Touch Bijan Catering 404.781.7482 678.447.2085 770.457.4578 Broadway Café Goodfriend Catering Company The Kosher Gourmet 404.329.0888 678.222.3719 404.636.1114 Goodfriend s Grill Signature Kosher Catering 678.812.3994 678.361.6761 KOSHER RESTAURANTS Broadway Café Goodfriend s Grill Fuego Mundo 404.329.0888 678.812.3994 404.256.4330 Chai Peking Pita Palace 404.327.7810 404.781.7482 HOTELS AND HALLS OFFERING KOSHER FACILITIES Atlanta Marriott Perimeter Center Heritage Hall 246 Perimeter Center Pkwy, NE 1855 Lavista Rd, NE Atlanta, GA 30346 Atlanta, GA 30329 770.394.6500 678.244.6656 Crowne Plaza Ravinia Intercontinental Buckhead Hotel 4355 Ashford Dunwoody Rd, NE 3315 Peachtree Rd, NE Atlanta, GA 30346 Atlanta, GA 30326 770-395-7700 404.946.9000 The Georgia Aquarium Westin Atlanta North at Perimeter 225 Baker St, NE 7 Concourse Pkwy, NE Atlanta, GA 30313 Atlanta, GA 30328 404.581.4125 770.395.3937 Grand Hyatt Atlanta 3300 Peachtree Rd, NE Atlanta, GA 30305 404.364.3889 15
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF HANDBOOK AND REQUIREMENTS RECEIPT OF MATERIALS I/We acknowledge having received a current copy of Bar/Bat Mitzvah: A Family Handbook from Congregation Or Hadash. I/We agree to review and abide by all of the requirements in preparation for and as part of my/our child s Bar or Bat Mitzvah at Congregation Or Hadash. FEES I/We understand that the fee for Bar or Bat Mitzvah is $1,900 and that 50% of the fee must be paid upfront in order to secure the date. I/We understand that the remaining balance must be paid in full at least three months prior to the actual Bar/Bat Mitzvah date. Parent #1: Signature: Parent #2: Signature: Date: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Child s Name: Simcha Date: 16