Envy of Eve - Ch. 8 Seasons & Circumstances I. Introduction --> What leads us to think that some women have it all in life? What is the fallacy of making such claims about someone elseʼs life? -->How can fostering relationships with women in different seasons of life be difficult? How can it be a blessing? II. Biblical Example - Israelites in the Desert " Need to tell the story of the Israelites wandering in the desert - reason for it initially, report of the spies & Joshua/Caleb, reaction to the bad report. PREP: What passages to read? How to illustrate the pattern? A. See - how hard their current situation is. Difficulty of their current situation (specifically food) and difficulty of their call (battle against powerful men). Lack belief in God to provide for and protect them. " -->Read Exodus 1:11-14, 22 and Exodus 16:3. How did the Israelitesʼ " perspective while wandering in the wilderness lead them to falsely remember " their past suffering? What are ways we romanticize past experiences (or future " ones) and fail to see the good of our current situation? " We often play down the struggles and play up the blessings. Struggles donʼt " seem so bad once theyʼre over - they seem endurable in contrast to the present " struggle. And they are endurable - you have actually endured them before and " you have not yet endured the present struggle. (This is why people sign up for " the 2nd marathon or have more kids.) In a desperate desire to escape what is " hard now, we long for a time when the burden seems easier to bear and the " blessings are more pronounced. We donʼt realize that itʼs our ability to bear up " under the struggle that is primary. But the blessings arenʼt necessarily better - " theyʼre just what youʼre lacking right now. And the struggle wasnʼt easier, itʼs just " different. Your ability to bear up under it is what makes the current struggle seem " too hard vs. the previous one. B. Covet - culpable desire - object of desire was a return to slavery rather than life in the Promised Land. How do we know this is covetous? 1. Rejection of the Lordʼs plan. 2. Foolish because it meant returning to pain and misery. 3. Quick to forget Godʼs kindness towards them and the evil of the Egyptians. 4. Lack of joy and contentment in the provision they were currently experiencing (manna and quail). " -->Tell story of the spies report of the land. Then Read Numbers 14:1-4. How " does the inner unbelief of the Israelites cause them to interpret all their " circumstances without hope? What is the difference between Caleb and Joshua " and the other ten spies? How did the Israelites attempt to hide their lack of faith? " Unbelief led them to fear the next season, despair in the current season, and " falsely remember the previous season. The options before them are to trust the
" Lord and move forward, or to go back to slavery, fear, and disobedience. The " Israelites choose slavery. C. Take - Spies attempted to take this by spreading a bad report and all of Israel tried to take by plotting to choose a new leader who would take them back to Egypt. But the Lord thwarted these plans. So instead of taking what they aimed at, they took : 1. courage from their fellow Israelites. 2. from Mosesʼ reputation and leadership. 3. The idea to choose a new leader eventually led to so much grumbling that the people talked about stoning Moses, Aaron, Joshua, and Caleb. So their taking would have led to murder if the Lord had not intervened. D. Hide PREP: where does this answer come from in the text? 1. Circumstances were very difficult - justified their sinful desires 2. Danger to family - wives and children would be taken as plunder (when defeated in Promised Land). However, one can provide no better protection for his family than a sure trust in and steadfast obedience to the Lord. (MK, 205) E. Consequences " -->Read Numbers 14:22-24. What consequences befell the Israelites? 1. God was angry 2. The Israelites who grumbled will not see the Promised Land 3. 40 more years of wandering in the wilderness III. Old Pattern PREP: How to transition? A. See - 1. Explain the two types of situations in mind here: a) Different Seasons b) Same Season/Different Circumstances " -->How do we easily see the benefits of another personʼs life stage? How do we " compare the struggles of our particular season with other women in different " seasons? How does this comparison game lead us to envy and jealousy? " what we see is how someone elseʼs life/season/circumstances would solve the " issue weʼre struggling with in ours. We donʼt see the difficulties in their life that " are absent from ours, or the blessings of our current circumstances/season that " are missing from hers. This is true of seasons as well. We can believe the next " stage of life will be better because we see the relief from current struggles, " without being aware of or paying attention to the new struggles that will come. " E.g. my life with a tiny infant seems so busy and exhausting. But then I hear " moms of school aged children describe their busy lives running children around " from school, activities, play dates, babysitting jobs, etc. and suddenly my life at " home with an infant seems really peaceful! There will be freedom from diapers, " bottles, and sleep schedules in a future stage. But that future stage will bring " new restrictions and burdens that Iʼm not fully aware of. AND - learning how to
" manage the difficulties of this stage, and learning contentment in it, will prepare " me for the next. " " -->How does each season of life have both blessings and hardships? Consider " the different seasons of a womanʼs life - what blessings are in each season and " what hardships accompany each season? Youth - simplicity of responsibilities, lots of social time, developing freedoms, time, joy of new experiences " " -lack of self-confidence, awkward social relationships, lack of " " " freedom, pressure of the future, hormones Single Adult - time, freedom, social relationships, lack of responsibility for others, confidence/knowledge of self and abilities, joys of building your own life " " " - little money, pressure of starting out, fear of unknown, dating, " " " loneliness Married w/o kids - love, time, starting a new life, creating memories, forming new relationships, experiencing old things new " " " -seeing your sin anew, adjusting to someone elseʼs needs, " " " " transition with single friends/balancing relationships, conflict Mother of young children - simplicity of time at home, focus on children, seeing old things new, seeing husband with kids and in kids, developing as a family, easy to get out at night/weekends " " " -exhaustion, balancing relationships, juggling schedule/work, " " " lack of competence, loneliness or guilt, stuck at home Mother of older kids - freedom to get out of the house, time during the day, sweet conversations with kids as they grow, time as a family " " " -busier than ever, affected by school schedule, hard to travel (b/c " " " of extracurriculars), expensive, discipline issues are harder Empty Nest - time for self and with spouse, rested, life is more simple again, wisdom from years of life, depth of friendships " " " - lonely, health declining, caring for aging parents " **Note - life never gets easier. Youʼre never going to arrive by getting to a " different stage of life or a different set of "circumstances. The issue truly is your " heart, not your circumstances. Donʼt wait your life away, just trying to " survive whatever is difficult. Look for the blessings, the things youʼll miss "when " the season is over, and enjoy them. Try to find a way to thrive, even if itʼs just " barely one step above surviving. B. Covet " -->How does coveting in this way lead to disunity in the body of Christ? " Strife due to a lack of love, trust, hope, and care. Instead of moving towards one " another in love, we turn our backs toward each other. " Signs that the Israelitesʼ desire had turned covetous: 1. forget that each season has its blessings and difficulties. The difficulties of life should make us long all the more for heaven. Instead, they often make us
discontent and strive harder to control our outward circumstances (to increase the blessings, which further attaches us to this life) 2. covet the thing you lack in your season/circumstance (e.g. time alone/freedom if SAHM of young children) 3. when see other women whose circumstances seem to mitigate the difficulties of their season, need to remember that we donʼt see all that is going on in their lives. When we covet in these circumstantial events, we are trusting in our own definition of goodness, rather than entrusting our lives to Him who works all things for our good (MK, pp. 208-9). 4. grumble, complain. self-absorbed,, seeking earthly comfort and relief from our difficult circumstances C. Take - We want relief from the difficulties of our season or circumstances. But most of the time this is outside of our control. But comparison is often what makes us see how others are experiencing relief from our discomforts. So we seek to take their happiness, or more often get rid of the seeing to begin with. " -->How do we also compare with others in our similar season or life stage? How " does this comparison lead us to take from others and fail to love others as Christ " loved us? 1. Friendship from those who are in different seasons 2. love/care from our neighbor. Our neighbor is simply a means of measuring ourselves and Godʼs goodness to us. This makes it hard to sympathize or support her. 3. Take contentment from others. We spread discontentment, like a germ spreads disease. " E.g. in my stage - compare quality of marriage, milestones of kids, productivity " level, behavior of children/parenting style, quality or size of house. If someone " else is able to do more/better marriage/better kids, itʼs because she has more " time/space/etc. Therefore, Iʼm justified in not doing what God has called me to, " or being content in it. D. Hide Ways we hide our sin (Nancy Guthrie, p. 105): 1. Excuses her sin - explains how her circumstances are so uniquely difficult that they justify her discontentment. I Cor 10:13 speaks against this 2. Ignore her sin - put on a facade of happiness. inwardly still complaining and grumbling, judging others, feeling disappointed with God deny excuse redefine run from ignore pretend didnʼt happen lie about cover up justify blame others for
drown become comfortable with pay for destroy their conscience other religions " -->Read I Corinthians 10:13. How does this verse expose the fallacy of the belief " that the uniqueness of our situation allow us to grumble, complain or be bitter? " Circumstances arenʼt what make things hard - ultimately itʼs the sin in our hearts. " Circumstances can be hard, but people have sinned in less and held up under " worse. So we canʼt look to our circumstances to justify our sin - but to our hearts " which are unwilling to obey. E. Consequences 1. miss out on blessings because so focused on what is lacking. My example - donʼt just survive, thrive. 2. Possible additional hardships because of our grumbling, like the Israelites were given another 40 years of wandering in the desert. IV. New Pattern A. Seek the Lord I think the idea is how people usually encourage contentment in circumstances vs. how we should really cultivate contentment in our circumstances. (This goes back to what is hard for others, the grace you need right now vs. borrowed grace/future grace.) 1. Comparing with others provides perspective, but not a source of contentment. " -->What is the difference between comparing our situation to someone who has it " more difficult than us to finding contentment and entrusting our circumstances to " the Lord to find contentment? " Comparing to others as a source of contentment is like the positive opposite of I " Cor 10:13 - itʼs like saying perhaps those circumstances could justify grumbling, " but mine donʼt. Rather than being content b/c we trust and love God who " ordained those circumstances. And if we know someone whose circumstances " are really hard, we excuse any in because of our believe that we donʼt think we " could bear up under it. Neither are the correct responses to hard trials in " someoneʼs life. 2. A few truths about our circumstances: a) they are a context for our joy. I Thess 5:16-18 - we should rejoice in all circumstances. Object of our joy is the God who is able to redeem us and our circumstances, and use them for good " " --> Read I Thessalonians 5:16-18. For what reason are we commanded " " to be joyful always? What is the difference in rejoicing in our " " circumstances versus rejoicing in the God who is in control of all our " " circumstances? " " Rejoicing in our circumstances depends upon there being good things to " enjoy. But that falls apart when the hard outweighs the good. Rejoicing in a " good and sovereign Lord depends upon His faithfulness to ordain our
" circumstances and through them to bring about His glory and our good. So our " joy is based upon His character. b) Godʼs sovereignty - He reigns over all that comes into our lives. Isa 46:3-4 Things may appear random, but they are not. Piper - In every situation, God is always doing a thousand different things that you cannot see and you do not know. c) Our finiteness - We may not understand it this side of heaven, but we trust that it is true. We choose to see with the eyes of faith and believe that God is at work in our particular season, making us and forming us in more loving ways that we would have even known to ask (MK p.214). d) the mercies of God far outweigh the affliction of our circumstances/season. Rare Jewel quote, p. 215 " " --> Why is the following statement, quoted at the beginning of this chapter, " " true? Thought I cannot know what your afflictions are, yet I know what " " your mercies are, and I know they are so great that I am sure there can be " " no afflictions in this world as great as the mercies you have. " " Itʼs based on the Lordʼs character and work, rather than based on " " circumstances. The Lord is faithful and abounding in love - no matter " " what my circumstances are, He will care for me. " " Mercy of salvation is greater than any earthly trial B. Desire Rightly - PREP: answer questions 1. Transformed by regular time with the Lord. E.g. longing for different circumstance coincides with a longing for contentment even if circumstances donʼt change. Hold up our hopes to Him and entrust them to Him and His timing. Ps 32:9 " --> Read Psalm 32:9. What does it look like to come to God by bit and bridle? " What does it look like to come to God with a trustful heart? Success in difficult circumstances is fruit, not relief asking for wisdom each day and entrusting the results to God trusting the Lord for whatever circumstances (child, job, husband, life, dreams, hopes) He has given me peace and hope 2. Desire and quest to know God more fully in the set of circumstances He has put us in " --> How are our circumstances and seasons Godʼs invitation for us to know Him " in new ways? How can you see your depth of relationship with God correspond " to the seasons and circumstances you have come through? " There are new challenges - which renew our sense of dependence and show us " our sin. There are new blessings - which show us another side of Godʼs " character and renew our affections. " My relationship with God becomes richer, as I see Him bring me through new " things over and over again. It increases my trust, strengthens my faith, and " warms my affection. 3. Two different perspectives: a) Short view - Can I bear this struggle for today?
b) Long view - In light of eternity, can I consider this trial light and momentary? " -->In what ways can we take both short view and a long view of our " circumstances to help us endure difficult seasons in our lives? C. Give Generously 1. What is it? fruit of the spirit 2. Who is it? women who have friendships across different life stages a) share their lives with someone who may not completely understand their own struggles b) reminders of blessings of current season and difficulties of another season D. Confess Freely PREP: figure out something to say here and conclusion