Ministering Spiritually to Families

Ministering Spiritually to Families

William Jeynes Enedina Martinez Editors Ministering Spiritually to Families 1 3

Editors William Jeynes California State University Long Beach California USA Enedina Martinez Department of Education Point Loma Nazarene University San Diego California USA ISBN 978-3-319-13301-0 DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-13302-7 ISBN 978-3-319-13302-7 (ebook) Library of Congress Control Number: 2014960145 Springer Cham Heidelberg New York Dordrecht London Springer International Publishing Switzerland 2015 This work is subject to copyright. All rights are reserved by the Publisher, whether the whole or part of the material is concerned, specifically the rights of translation, reprinting, reuse of illustrations, recitation, broadcasting, reproduction on microfilms or in any other physical way, and transmission or information storage and retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafter developed. The use of general descriptive names, registered names, trademarks, service marks, etc. in this publication does not imply, even in the absence of a specific statement, that such names are exempt from the relevant protective laws and regulations and therefore free for general use. The publisher, the authors and the editors are safe to assume that the advice and information in this book are believed to be true and accurate at the date of publication. Neither the publisher nor the authors or the editors give a warranty, express or implied, with respect to the material contained herein or for any errors or omissions that may have been made. Printed on acid-free paper Springer is part of Springer Science+Business Media (www.springer.com)

Preface Ministering Spiritually to Families is designed to serve as an academic textbook and counseling resource book that draws together writers that have served as specialists, usually both as academics and practitioners, in helping families thrive. The role of spirituality in strengthening families is one of the most understudied aspects of counseling. As a result, many psychologists and family counselors have little understanding of the place of faith in strengthening families. Moreover, they often possess stereotypes about religious people. This is especially true of counselors who are not people of faith themselves. Some family therapists view people of faith as too idealist, overly focused on right and wrong, and even as prudes. For counselors that are Christian or of another faith, Ministering Spiritually to Families will help them substantially enhance his or her effectiveness in helping families across a number of different age groups and situations. For those others who are not faith-oriented, it will help them to understand, respect, and guide those who are believers. Recent Gallup polls indicate that the vast majority of Americans identify themselves as Christian and most of them view their faith as quite important in their lives. With these statistics in mind, it is of utmost importance for counselors to be able to relate with these individuals. There are certain books that deal with the issue of ministering spiritually to families. Nearly all of them, however, suffer from one of three weaknesses. First, often they are dated. Second, they do not look at the issue of ministering spiritually to families in a way that combines the academic and the practical, that is so important to maximize the efficacy of a book. Third, they examine families at a very narrow and specific level. Regarding the final shortcoming, most books examine families with a focus either at the pre-marital timeframe, or address marital quality, or raising children. Almost none of them address all three spheres. Ministering Spiritually to Families is designed to help families at all stages of the life-course. In addition, few books offer the perspective of how children influence parents and that what constitutes an effective parent changes over the life course. Not only do the writers and editors who put together this book intend to use it in their university classrooms, but they also expect that academics, those in ministry, and families will desire to draw from the knowledge and wisdom contained in its pages. v

vi Preface All in all, the book, Ministering Spiritually to Families, is a source that can aid in the development of family ties over a large span of the life-course. It will be a tremendous resource for academics and practitioners desiring to help people believe for the right future spouse, during the process of marriage, and during the rather long span of time that they are raising children. It is a book that covers a wide range of topics, many of which are scarcely ever addressed in one volume with any real depth. In this way, this book functions to help families everywhere apply the deep but simple truths of the Bible that will make families healthier and happier.

Acknowledgments We are very thankful to many individuals who played a large role in making this work possible. We want to thank numerous people in the academic world at Harvard University and the University of Chicago for helping Bill give birth to this project and in guiding Bill through the early stages of writing many of these chapters. We also want to thank several dear friends whose encouragement with respect to this project touched Bill deeply. Among these dear friends are Wayne Ruhland, Jean Donohue, Charles & Marion Patterson, Dan Johnston, Larry & Vada DeWerd, Sung Wu, Tim & Sarah Kim, Jessica Choi, Sylva & Peter Lee, and Randi Johnson. We want to thank Pablo Martinez, Enedina s father, for his endless encouragement and prayer support. We want to thank Enedina s nieces Sherry and Sheila and her sister Becky Salimi for their patience and love. We want to give special thanks to Azucena Solis, Enedina s prayer partner and teacher friend for over 25 years, and her loving church family from Shadow Mountain Community Church. We also want to thank the presidential administrations of George W. Bush and Barack Obama for allowing Bill to share these principles in speeches in Washington D.C. at various government departments and the White House. Bill is incredibly blessed to have been married 29 years to his wife Hyelee, whose support has been exemplary. Without her prayers and support, this work never could have been completed. Bill is blessed and honored to have three wonderful boys, whom we thank for their love and inspiration. We also what to thank God for giving us the strength and providence to complete this project. We are very grateful for His encouragement and strength. To God be all the glory, for we are merely His servants William Jeynes and Enedina Martinez, Editors vii

Introduction to Ministering Spiritually to Families William Jeynes writes an important overview of the potential for ministering spiritually to families in the most general sense, in Chap. 1 entitled, The Powerful Role of Faith In Family Ministry. Dr. Jeynes asserts that marriage can be a much more joyful experience than it is for most people. The chapter lays out a narrative that explains how faith can have a vital role to play in family ministry and help the joys of marriage become restored in many relationships. Individual faith tends to spawn many of the qualities necessary to make it possible for a thriving marriage to emerge. The chapter examines how counseling that is largely devoid of religious considerations, as well as similar emphases within broader society, have stifled many expressions and advantages of faith that were once deeply rooted in marriage and society. The chapter contains many insights that will enhance one s family life. William Jeynes and Ralph Winter write Chap. 2, Why Families Do Or Don t Breakdown, that is based on biblical principles and solid research that examines what divides and unifies families. Dr. Jeynes and Dr. Winter divide the factors into four distinct categories, based on the four combinations of two sets of factors, i.e., whether the factors are internal or external to the family and whether it has a positive or negative influence on the overall spiritual and psychological health of the family. The chapter is designed to strengthen families, due to an enhanced awareness of the forces at work both inside and outside the family that can serve to influence its members. Lou Selzer writes the next chapter, Spiritual Mentoring For Healthy Family Development. This chapter presents a mentoring model that as proven effective in fostering healthy family development. It examines how dependent spirituality, one which responds to the Spirit, undergirds the effectiveness of an integrated strategy for mentoring family heads. His writing is immensely practical. Gary Rieben writes the fourth chapter, which is quite touching entitled, The Power of a Husband s Delight in his Wife. Dr. Rieben asserts that if husbands would redirect their devotion toward their wives and children, we would see a profound and positive effect that would transform the character of our nation. William Jeynes writes the fifth chapter entitled, Preparing For Your Future Spouse. The chapter provides guidance for those contemplating the very important decision of anticipating- and pursuing- the decision of preparing for one s future spouse. The ix

x Introduction to Ministering Spiritually to Families author provides principles that young adults can apply to each stage of the preparation process, including building the right personal foundation for making this event possible, how to believe for the right person, and what actions to take once one thinks he or she might have met that person. The chapter provides a great deal of wisdom that will enhance the chances of premarital and marital success. Joe Wilmoth writes a solid research based piece called, Marriage Preparation: A Ministry with Lasting Benefits. Dr. Wilmoth declares that With the vast majority of marriage preparation provided in a religious setting, churches are uniquely positioned to help couples improve marital quality and stability by providing research-based and biblically sound premarital counseling. This chapter discusses the importance of church-based premarital counseling and gives tools for developing an effective ministry. The chapter includes background information about clergy involvement in premarital counseling; best practices for marriage preparation; and the attitudes and behaviors of U.S. clergy related to this ministry that we have discovered in our research. Dick M. Carpenter writes the next chapter named, Worldview, Christian Maturity, and Young Adulthood: The What, When, Where, and How of Education after High School. Dr. Carpenter insightfully argues that the years directly following high school graduation play a significant part in the realization of Christian maturity. During this time, children begin to take ownership over most aspects of their life, including their spirituality. For many, this process unfolds simultaneously with post-secondary education in colleges or universities that can strengthen the faith system of the student s childhood or divert her/his attention to a different pursuit. Consequently, children in their late teens need the guidance of parents to help them find the environment that will best enable them to grow in their Christian maturity, develop a Christ-centered worldview, and acquire the skills necessary to succeed personally and professionally. In Scriptural Views Of Parenting William Jeynes presents biblical principles that are designed to help mothers and fathers be more effective parents. The chapter first examines a real centerpiece of faith-filled parenting, which is living by what is true and yet demonstrating loving sensitivity. Balance along a number of dimensions is a real emphasis of the chapter. Dr. Jeynes also examines the notion that one can be demonstrate better parenting skills for children of certain ages versus others and how the parent can adjust to become a more effective parent at some of the ages that are more challenging. In The Impact of Family Religiosity for Latina/o Youth: Building a Case for Personal and Academic Enhancement through Faith, René Antrop-González, Tomás Garrett, and William Vélez describe the dual role of religiosity and its impact on academic achievement according to the experiences of 10 poor Puerto Rican students. They also discuss the implications of their findings in relation to families in the hopes that people can encourage schools to seriously look to faith communities and places of worship as important partners in the educative process. In Christian Principles For Ministering To Families With Children With Disabilities, Mary Poplin convincingly notes that the principles of Judeo-Christian help people value and love those who have disabilities much more than one commonly

Introduction to Ministering Spiritually to Families xi sees in the world. It begins with a view of the human person s highest and most real identity, which goes far beyond our disabilities and the utilitarian abilities valued by our secular culture. This view from above offers us God s perspective, which is larger, greater and more creative than current law, theory and/or practice admits. It begins with a view of the disabled, first and foremost, as a beloved and essential member of God s very diverse family. Dr. Poplin s thoughtful perspective will touch, encourage, and challenge the reader. Laying a Strong Foundation in the Family: The Power of Storytelling is an intriguing chapter by Roger Friend. Dr. Friend asserts that spiritual counselors and leaders can strengthen families if they are able to convey various spiritual truths regarding the family and character via storytelling. The author states that one can reach family members of all ages, particularly children using this technique. The chapter gives a variety of examples of teaching spiritual truths via this vast, relatively underutilized, means of communicating truth. Together these chapters provide the reader a very comprehensive view of what it means to effectively minister spiritually to families.

Contents The Powerful Role of Faith in Family Ministry... 1 William Jeynes Why Families Do or Do Not Breakdown... 21 William Jeynes and Ralph Winter Spiritual Mentoring for Healthy Family Development... 45 Lou Selzer The Power of a Husband s Delight in his Wife... 71 Gary Rieben Preparing for Your Future Spouse... 89 William Jeynes Marriage Preparation: A Ministry with Lasting Benefits... 101 Joe D. Wilmoth Worldview, Christian Maturity, and Young Adulthood: The What, When, Where, and How of Education after High School... 131 Dick M. Carpenter II Scriptural Views of Parenting... 145 William Jeynes The Impact of Family Religiosity for Latina/o Youth: Building a Case for Personal and Academic Enhancement through Faith... 165 René Antrop-González, Tomás Garrett and William Vélez xiii

xiv Contents Christian Principles for Ministering to Families with Children with Disabilities... 181 Mary Poplin Laying a Strong Foundation in the Family: The Power of Storytelling... 197 Roger Friend Index... 209

Contributors René Antrop-González School of Education, Dalton State College, Dalton, GA, USA Dick M. Carpenter II Dept of Education, University of Colorado, Colorado Springs, CO, USA Roger Friend Vista Christian Fellowship, Vista, CA, USA Tomás Garrett College of Letters and Science, University of Wisconsin- Milwaukee, Milwaukee, WI, USA William Jeynes Witherspoon Institute, Princeton, NJ, USA California State University, Long Beach, CA, USA Mary Poplin Graduate School of Education, Claremont Graduate University, Claremont, CA, USA Gary Rieben Give Me That Book, La Quinta, CA, USA Lou Selzer Christian Trinity Church, Eastpointe, MI, USA William Vélez College of Letters and Science, University of Wisconsin- Milwaukee, Milwaukee, WI, USA Joe D. Wilmoth Mississippi State University, Mississippi, MS, USA Ralph Winter U.S. Center for World Missions, Pasadena, CA, USA xv

Editors Biography Bill (William) Jeynes (Senior Editor) has served in counseling ministry for over 34 years and in academics for 23 years. He and his wife have counseled thousands of families over the years and he has three degrees in Psychology and Counseling and a fourth in a related field. He is a Professor at California State University, Long Beach and a Senior Fellow on the Family at the Witherspoon Institute in Princeton, New Jersey. He graduated first in his class at Harvard University and also graduated from the University of Chicago, where he received the Rosenberger Award for the most outstanding student in his cohort. Bill has ministered in churches in every inhabited continent and in nearly every state in the country. He has spoken a number of times at Yoido Full Gospel Church in Korea, the largest church in the world. He has spoken on family and faith issues for the White House, the U.S. Department of Justice, the U.S. Department of Education, and the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services. He has spoken for both the G. W. Bush and Obama administrations. He has spoken for foreign and UN leaders, Harvard University, Cambridge University, Oxford University, Columbia University, Duke University, Notre Dame University, and the Harvard Family Research Project. His 4-point family and economic proposal given to the Acting President of Korea was passed and became the foundation for their economic and family policy to arise from the Asian Economic Crisis of 1997 1998. He has about 140 academic publications, including 12 books on family and faith issues. Dr. Jeynes has been interviewed or quoted by the Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, The Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, the London Times, the Associated Press (AP), CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, public radio, Al Jazeera and many other news sources. His work has been cited and quoted numerous times by the U.S. Congress, the British Parliament, the EU, and many State Supreme Courts across the United States. Dr. Jeynes has been listed in Who s Who in the World for each of the last nine years and received a Distinguished Scholar Award the California State Senate, the California State Assembly, and his university. He formerly taught at USC and the University of Chicago. Bill has been married for over 28 years and has three wonderful children. xvii

xviii Editors Biography Enedina Martinez (Assistant Editor) is a former Roman Catholic nun, who taught in private and public schools for 25 years. She is an evangelical Christian, professor of education, liberal studies program coordinator in the School of Education at Point Loma Nazarene University, and a Wesleyan Center Scholar. She has been a member on the advisory board of the Wesleyan Center for Twenty-first Century Studies for the past 6 years. Dr. Martinez has taught a wide array of courses at the university level. She has three graduate school degrees including an Ed.D. from Northern Arizona State University and MA degrees from Point Loma Nazarene University and Bethel Theological Seminary.