HOW I LIVE 6. THE NEW WAY OF LIVING: Truly Kind Ephesians 4:30-32 Ephesians 4:30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. There s so much here in such a small space. FIRST We need to note that personality is ascribed to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is a person and not an impersonal force. An impersonal force cannot be grieved. Gravity can t be grieved. When we think of the Holy Spirit, or speak of the Holy Spirit we want to bear in mind that the Holy Spirit is a who not an it; a person not a thing. The Holy Spirit is not an impersonal essence or commodity that we can tap into or access at our convenience. The Holy Spirit is ABSOLUTELY and UTTERLY WONDERFUL and INCOMPRHENSIBLE! He invades our lives! He works to awaken us to the sinfulness of sin. It is only as HE does that work that we are undone by the reality that we have all been organizing our lives without Jesus and against Jesus! BUT THEN He throws us the life preserver! He illuminates to us the truth of the Gospel. He illuminates to us the beauty of Jesus. He shines into our hearts the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus. We re undone by who Jesus is and how Jesus loved us while we were yet sinners. When we see Jesus for who He is, we can finally see our idols for what they are! The Holy Spirit invades our lives and so illuminates and exalts Jesus that we step down from the throne of our little Kingdoms of One and bow to Jesus as Savior and the true King; the one of infinite worth worthy to receive from us all that we are, all that we do, all that we could ever hope to become! It is then that the Holy Spirit comes to live in us causing us to be born again. Here at the Close of Ephesians 4 Paul reminds us of what he s already told us about the Holy Spirit: the Holy Spirit not only comes to live within us He seals us. The Holy Spirit Himself becomes the personal guarantee of our salvation. 2 Corinthians 5:5-6 He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. 6 So we are always of good courage. The Holy Spirit living in us authenticates our faith as real and genuine; proves 1
that we are authentic Christians the real thing! Romans 8:9 Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. From the moment of our conversion the Holy Spirit is constantly at work to show us more and more of Jesus and conform us more and more to Jesus. The Holy Spirit living in us is constantly working in us giving us the desire and the power to do what pleases him (Philippians 2:13). THAT is what the Holy Spirit does! If you are a Christian your New Identity in Jesus is owing to the Holy Spirit. If you are a Christian your New Way of Living is owing to the Holy Spirit. For that we love Him and cherish Him! The Message His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, That s why Paul says Don t break his heart. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God Don t think that Holy Spirit gets grieved because He s petty or oversensitive. QUOTE: Spurgeon He is grieved with us mainly for our own sakes, for he knows what misery sin will cost us; he reads our sorrows in our sins... He grieves over us because he sees how much chastisement we incur, and how much communion we lose. What is it that grieves the Holy Spirit How do I grieve the Holy Spirit? NLT And do not bring sorrow to God s Holy Spirit by the way you live. For sure this statement looks back to the preceding verses. Verse 25 lying grieves the Holy Spirit because He is the Spirit of truth Verse 25 anger harbored and expressed grieves the Holy Spirit because it divides and destroys. Verse 29 corrupting talk grieves the Holy Spirit. Corrupt means that which is worthless, bad, or rotten. It s the work of the Holy Spirit to bring life from 2
death make whole things that are wrecked or rotten. It is the work of the Holy Spirit to build others up For sure this statement is connected with what follows Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Bitterness refers to a settled hostility that poisons the whole inner man. Somebody does something or says something we don t like something that offends us or hurts us and we harbor ill will against him. Bitterness never lives alone. Hebrews 12:15 NLT Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Personal bitterness overflows and defiles others. Bitterness works against reconciliation. A.T. Robertson defined bitterness as the resentful spirit that refuses reconciliation. Reconciliation demands grace! How are we reconciled with God? Grace! Bitterness is a resentment that withholds grace. When you feel offended by someone s words or actions or attitude pray for grace and address it with grace. Bitterness leads to wrath and anger. Wrath is the boiling over on the outside of the bitterness stored up on the inside rage. Anger is a settled state of mind. It doesn t boil over but you know it s there! It is seen in the icey cold way people interact the silent treatment deliberate indifference. Bitterness leads to clamor literally, shouting verbal brawls! Bitterness leads to slander or blasphemy (evil speaking). No shouting necessary here usually done in whispers whispers that wound and ruin ALL of that grieves the Holy Spirit because none of that looks like Jesus! Bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander are the exact of the opposite of the FRUIT that the Holy Spirit wants to produce in our lives the FRUIT that is the trade mark of life IN Jesus. 3
John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. Galatians 5:22-24 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. That s why Paul says here in Ephesians 4 in the context of our relationship with the Holy Spirit Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. I want us to start with what kindness is NOT then we ll look at what Kindness IS 1. What kindness is not Kindness is grouped in with tenderhearted, compassion and forgiveness. When we look at this list I think all of us would agree that forgiveness is pretty hard. Most of us would admit that we find it hard to forgive. Forgiveness is hard because it lives outside of emotion. Forgiveness is very much a volitional thing. It s something we choose to do when we re wronged. Sometimes the choice to forgive is easier than other times. But when someone has really hurt you or someone you care about, lied to you or lied about you, taken something valuable from you it s hard to make the choice to forgive. But most people don t think of kindness or tenderhearted as hard they think of those things more in terms of personality. Oh, that person is has such a tender heart; or, That person is so kind. And when asked it s highly unlikely that you ll find someone who says, I am Mr. Unkind! Plenty of people will say, I have trouble with forgiveness, But most everyone will say, I think I m kind or, I m kinder than most or, I m not unkind. If kindness is easy comes naturally why would Paul have to tell us to BE KIND? Why is it on the list of things that belong to the New Way of Living? It s there because the kindness that is essential to this New Way of Living is not very common at all. Here s something I ve noticed more and more. When the world looks at a genuinely kind person they immediately think that person is a fake. Whenever I hear well known sports commentators and radio personalities talk about Russell Wilson (quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks) they almost to the 4
man say he s a fake everything he says is a script it s all about building his brand. It s the athletes who are brash and arrogant and often times in trouble that are believable. They re the ones that are keeping it real. And the radio host or TV analysts have no trouble saying about that athlete Oh, he s a good guy a nice guy. The nice guy is boring and unbelievable. Kindness is seen as artificial, false, forced, and unreal. The bad guy the brash, arrogant, troubled guy is more human. Athletes and celebrities like Russell Wilson are thought of as less human. That attitude is not just in the locker room it s in the classroom, the workplace and the marketplace. Why is that? Because there is a kindness that is merely a matter of self-serving behavior than the outcome a NEW LIFE and a CHANGED HEART. Follow me here There s a kindness which is really all about you. For example some people are very unsettled, miserable, unless everyone around them is happy. They feel like they ve failed if people around them are at all unhappy. Some parents are like that. They can t bear to see their kids unhappy. They will go out of their way to avoid saying things or taking any kind of action that will leave their kids unhappy for a moment even when the best thing for their child actually involves temporary discomfort a moment of confrontation a time when that child might actually be UNhappy and as a result leave everyone around them unhappy for a while. The parent who avoids that scenario at all costs just for their kid to be happy might appear to be kind but they are actually acting in their own self-interest. There is a type of kindness that can be found in fallen man is actually selfish. Selfishness that is masked in external actions that appear to be kind and generous but are in realty a way of getting power over people and esteem for yourself. There is not a person on this side of Genesis 3 who is naturally kind. Ever since the Fall men and women can be kind to certain people they can have a kindness that s conditional I ll be kind to you if you ll be kind to me I ll be kind because if you re happy I feel better I ll be kind because it will make me look good. Real kindness is SO UNCOMMON in fallen culture that when someone really is it s hard to believe it s real. The kindness Paul is talking about here, and in Galatians 5 and in 1 Corinthians 13 is something that is not natural. It really is the inside out product of a changed heart. 5
2. What kindness is Real Kindness is meeting needs. Real Kindness uses words to meet needs. Back in verse 29 we re told that we meet needs in the things we say and the way we say them. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. I don t say things to meet my needs but to meet the needs of the other person. Real Kindness asks the question: What do they need to hear? Kindness expressed through your words. Real Kindness is the conductor in a conversation. Real Kindness is not going to let us say things that will please the other person it moves us to say what benefits them. Artificial kindness never criticizes, never says hard things because artificial kindness is all about self. Artificial kindness can come across as being so warm, so supportive. Oh that person is so kind they never criticize, never correct. That s because they re not actually concerned with what will benefit that other person. DIAGNOSTIC QUESTION Do you enter into conversations asking, What do these people really need to hear from me? Where do they need the conversation to go? Real Kindness is noticing needs and meeting the needs of other people instead of your own. And when something needs to be said you will give them what they need, whatever it is. You will speak the truth in love even if it means they re going to be mad at you. That is when you know you re kind. Real Kindness is giving yourself. Real Kindness is not just giving things, giving advice, giving money, or time. It s giving yourself. THAT is where discover that real kindness is not natural to the heart of fallen man. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, We can and should be Really Kind with everyone including people we ve never met before. (Being really kind in the things I say in a counselling appt with someone I ve never met). But I believe Paul is talking about kindness in the context of existing relationships. He is telling us to be really kind in the context of our relationships. 6
I say that because of the flow of this letter. Paul has been building this letter to this moment. BE KIND is built upon on our identity as building blocks that our picked and placed next to others in the church. Its built upon this New Way of Living in which we are equipped to build each other up. REAL KINDNESS is to be seen in the context of personal relationship. QUOTE: Keller Real friendship involves vulnerable transparency and unconditional constancy. A friend always lets you in and never lets you down. Some people are good at being there for you but they don t let you in. They don t let you see. They won t let you down, but they won t let you in. There are others who will let you in all the time. Their life is an open book. But they re not there for you. That means that Real Kindness involves humility because it requires humility to be transparent. It requires humility to not spin your story to maintain people s perception of you. It requires humility to not control what people see of you to not always present an edited and airbrushed version of you. It requires humility to simply be really honest about yourself. Real Kindness creates security because Real Kindness is never trying to get something from the other person. Because of that you re not going to bail on the other person the moment it looks like they can t help you. Real Kindness means that you will be there for the other person when their life is a train wreck. Real Kindness isn t going to be offended or embarrassed by the mess the other person s life has come to be. That person whose life is a train wreck knows that real kindness is not going anywhere. Real Kindness is humble allowing transparency and openness. It s safe to be honest. Have you experienced that real kindness? Do you give it to people? Do you give it to everybody you meet? Do they sense that from you? Real Kindness has a vision. Verse 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up building up = oikodome. It s a word used for building a house. You never build a house without a blueprint. 7
QUESTION: What s your vision for that first time and maybe last time encounter with a person? What s your vision for your relationships? If you don t have vision it s hard to be really kind. This idea of being Really Kind is in the context of what Paul has said about the work of the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 4:30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Unkindness grieves the Holy Spirit because unkindness means you re out of step with the Holy Spirit. The work of the Holy Spirit is looking forward to the day of redemption the day in which utter redemption happens, redemption of your souls, redemption of your bodies, redemption of the universe, redemption of everything spiritually and socially and culturally and physically. The work of the Holy Spirit is looking to that day. Do you? If the person you re encountering for the first time or the hundredth time doesn t know Jesus real kindness is looking towards and working towards seeing that person meet Jesus. If the person you are encountering (first time encounter / long time friend and everything in between) does know Jesus that person is headed for forever in the presence of the Lord in a New Heaven and a New earth. Real Kindness moves us to conduct all of our dealings with people with that end in view! To not be in step with Him grieves Him. God has a vision for their life between the already and the not yet. Real Kindness moves us to conduct all of our dealings with them His revealed will for their life. To not be in step with Him grieves Him. The story of every man and woman ends in glory or terror. With every person we encounter we are actually stepping into their story. Are we going to step into their story looking to gratify and meet our own needs or we you going step into their story with REAL KINDNESS? Real Kindness has vision. It sees the infinite value of a person. Real Kindness asks, How can I meet their needs? How can I give myself to them so they meet Jesus and experience for themselves the New Identity and the New Destiny I have in Jesus? 8
QUOTE: C.S. Lewis It is a serious thing to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. 9