LESSON 5 SPIRITUAL FRIENDSHIPS: What Do They Look Like? Communicate Christ calls us to where there is mutual encouragement in the context of a Christ-centered relationship. Jesus deep love for us allows us to love others deeply and lay down our lives for our friends. Believers commit to intentionally develop that result in mutual encouragement of one another s journey toward Christ-likeness. Background Passage: focal Passage: Memory Verse: JOHN 1 5: 1-1 7 JOHN 1 5: 9-1 7 P R OVER BS 1 7 : 1 7 Jesus calls believers to remain in His love and love others the way He has loved us (vv. 9-12). Believers show love by laying down our lives for our friends (vv. 13). Jesus calls believers His friends and chooses us to produce fruit and to love one another (vv. 14-17) A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time. 42
PREPARING TO TEACH Most of us would be shocked to discover how many people in the church, even those who seem to have it all together, are lonely. Our society faces an epidemic of isolated people with numerous acquaintances, but very few, if any, genuine friends. Based on Jesus relationship with His small band of disciples and His love for all believers, we can be assured God s plan is for us to share life with a small group of genuine friends intent on mutually encouraging one another on our Christ-centered transformational journeys. Carefully study s 49-58 of the Venture Up Travelogue, completing all activities and writing your own observations and questions in the margin. Give careful thought to how Jesus friendship with you is the foundation for all your friendships. Consider how the adults in your small group may respond to the truths presented and questions asked in the Travelogue. As you put together a teaching plan, focus on how you can give adults hope for change from a lonely to friend-full life, and encourage them to be intentional about developing. Create a questionnaire for each participant with the following: 1.Who were your best friends in elementary school/high school/college? 2. Who would you identify as close friends in your adulthood? 3. How many friends would you describe as a confidant, someone you feel safe discussing your successes and struggles with? TEACHING SUGGESTIONS WE RE NOT MEANT FOR ALONENESS Hand adults a questionnaire as they arrive and request they complete it as others arrive and get settled. After opening the session in prayer, ask adults if they found the questions simple or difficult to answer. Inquire: Do you feel like you have more or less genuine friendships as an adult than you did as a child? Why do you think that is? Relate that an increasing number of Americans are lonely. One study discovered nearly half of Americans either have nobody with 4 3
whom they can discuss important matters, or only one such trusted person in their lives. Teaching Help and Option Read about this study at http://www.cbsnews.com/news/thelonely-states-of-america/ and http://spectator.org/articles/59230/loneliness-americansociety. As an option in the group session, invite adults to reference these articles on their mobile devices and relate statistics about loneliness. Discuss: Why do you think so many people are so lonely? Why should believers not settle for loneliness? Point out as people created in the image of God, we re wired for rich connection and community (Travelogue, p. 49). State the writer s testimony (related on s 49-50 of the Travelogue) can encourage adults it s never too late to have and be the kind of friend who sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24, NIV). This study will guide the class to explore how to develop those kinds of. JESUS, THE CLOSER-THAN-A- BROTHER FRIEND Compare to what people commonly understand as friendship. Explain: Spiritual friends make the transformational journey together, coaxing and encouraging one another to move forward into becoming more like Jesus. Invite adults to respond to the Travelogue statement (p. 51): It is Jesus friendship with us that is the fountain and foundation for our with one another. State John 15:9-17 provides principles for. To gain an overview of the passage, invite a volunteer to read John 15:9-17. Discuss: What grabs your attention and heart about Jesus love for these men friends He knows will soon betray 4 4
Him and scatter into the dark (Travelogue, p. 51)? REMAINING IN JESUS LOVE Invite adults to pull out principles about from John 15:9-10. Affirm their remarks and add these principles: Spiritual friendships are based on unconditional love. Ask: Why are we freed to be vulnerable in friendships when we grasp the depth of Jesus love for us? Spiritual friendships are based on connection, with the most valuable connection being with Jesus. Ask: Why do our human relationships often suffer when we fail to nurture our relationship with Christ? Use the Travelogue comments (p. 52) to explore what it means to remain in Jesus love. Emphasize Jesus was not talking about legalistic following of rules in order to earn His love, but instead urging His followers to believe in Him and give themselves to Him wholeheartedly. Discuss: Why is believing the gospel the most important command for you to obey (Travelogue, p. 53)? Bring up another principle of spiritual friendship by reading this Travelogue statement (p. 52): The best friendships are built on love and trust, and this is what the gospel frees us to enjoy with Jesus. Analyze how the gospel frees believers to enjoy love and trust in friendships with one another as well. Teaching Option for Parents Ask: How would you describe your love for your children? (protective, giving, vulnerable to the point of heartbreak, unconditional, focused on their good) How do you feel when you recognize Jesus loves you to the same degree His Father loves Him? How can Christ s love for you influence the friendships you develop outside your family? How can it shape what you teach your children about developing positive friendships? 4 5
GROWING IN JESUS JOY Invite someone to read John 15:11-13. Ask: What amazes you about Jesus desire for His disciples joy? Declare Jesus knows His followers won t always remain faithful to Him but He still desires we experience complete joy in Him. He knows complete joy is only possible when we love our brothers and sisters in Christ. Emphasize these principles of : Spiritual friendships are intended to bring joy. Ask: Does this mean are always easy and fun? Explain. How can journeying through struggles, heartaches, conflict, and failures with a friend actually cause us to grow in Jesus joy? Spiritual friendships are not attained or maintained cheaply, but through sacrificial love. Ask from the Travelogue (p. 54): While we can t be, nor are we called to be, each other s saviors, what does laying our lives down for each other look like? Add to the discussion with comments such as: 1. Jesus laid down His life for his friends while many 21 st century adults won t even lay down their phones! 2. Some adults may need to lay down pride. Ask: How do we rob ourselves and others of a blessing when we re too proud to ask for help? 3. Adults may need to lay aside the fear of friends getting upset with us. Spiritual friends don t always say what friends want to hear, but what they need to hear. LIVING AS JESUS FRIENDS Read John 15:14-16. Invite volunteers to share what is amazing to them in this passage. Use the Travelogue comments (pp. 54-55) to examine whether Jesus was putting a condition on believers being His friends. Determine principles of that can be gleaned from these verses, including: Spiritual friendships are developed through intentionality; they don t happen by accident but because people choose under God s direction to develop those relationships. Spiritual friends are open with one another, especially about what they re learning on their spiritual journey. Jesus told the 4 6
disciples everything He heard from God. Spiritual friends recognize one another s weaknesses but also one another s great potential. Jesus knew the disciples were going to desert Him soon, yet He still proclaimed they would produce lasting fruit. Spiritual friendships are outward-facing, rather than inward focused. Discuss from the Travelogue (p. 55): Friendship with Jesus calls us into a missional lifestyle. Why is this so? What might this look like for you? Why is it so important to remember that we are on mission with Jesus, not for Jesus? What s the difference between the two? LOVING AS JESUS LOVES Request adults read John 15:17 aloud in unison. Ask: Why is obeying this command essential for? Point out spiritual friends are spiritually vulnerable; their relationship with God is not private. Ask: How can that be frightening? How can that be joy-producing? Read and discuss the Travelogue statement (p. 56): The closer we walk together as friends with Jesus, the more we will discover our brokenness, His beauty, and the bounty of the gospel. Teaching Option If time permits, or for a deeper study in a separate small group session, read about biblical friendships in 1 Samuel 18:1-4, Romans 1:7-15, and 1 Thessalonians 2:5-12. Examine how those friendships display the spiritual friendship principles discovered in John 15:9-17. DOING LIFE WITH A GOSPEL POSSE Explain the writer listed elements involved in his that he calls his Gospel Posse. Examine those elements on s 56-58 of the Travelogue. 4 7
State other essential elements of are: Loyalty: Invite someone to read Proverbs 17:17. Point out that is this lesson s memory verse. Evaluate what that kind of loyalty looks like in a spiritual friendship between busy 21 st century believers. Patience: Read aloud Proverbs 27:17. Ask: What kind of patience is required of ourselves, our friends, and God as we seek to sharpen one another? Intentionality: Spiritual friends are intentional about what they re seeking through the friendship and how they re going to achieve that. Evaluate what pursue (spiritual transformation, missional lifestyle). Brainstorm how those pursuits are accomplished (risking, encouraging, warning, listening, challenging, praying together, memorizing Scripture together, serving together). Point out all those actions require communication. Examine the roles of technology and face-to-face interactions in developing genuine spiritual friendships. Explore how spiritual friends can intentionally pursue Christ as they do life together in non-religious activities such as fishing, camping, shopping, and traveling. CONCLUSION Declare a first step in developing is recognizing our need for them. Ask rhetorically: If Jesus needed friends during His time on earth, why do we think we can make this journey alone? Explore how adults can begin to intentionally seek these kinds of friends. (Ask God to direct them to possible friends. Make a weekly plan to invite acquaintances to coffee/lunch to explore the possibility of developing a spiritual friendship.) Adults who have chosen to pursue with one another may find it helpful to write up a contract for their relationship. Explore what that contract might include. State adults are all in different places when it comes to spiritual friendships. Remind them wherever they are is a good place to start. Encourage adults to start by recording intentional steps to pursue in response to the Travelogue question on 4 8
56: What is your current commitment to walk in this kind of spiritual friendship? Close in prayer that God will empower adults to act on their commitments this week. Teaching Option As learners write responses to the commitment question, play a recording or show a YouTube video of Friend of God by Israel Houghton (www.youtube.com/watch?v=ui0cgukmqrs). Invite learners to sing along as a closing prayer of praise. FOLLOW THROUGH Contact participants and urge them to share with another person the commitments they made to develop spiritual friendships and ask that person to pray for them as they take this valuable step on their discipleship journey. Offer to be that prayer support if they have no other trusted person in their lives. Allow a group participant to be the iron that sharpens you as a teacher by inviting suggestions on what can be done to improve the group study time. 4 9