STICK WITH FORGIVENESS

SESSION 11 STICK WITH FORGIVENESS 130 Session 11

GET INTO THE STUDY The Point Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. The Bible Meets Life Even in the best of relationships, we will hurt or disappoint each other. It s often easy to forgive a misunderstanding or unintentional mistake, but it s harder when the person knows better and does it anyway, or when it s a repeated blunder done again and again. Some of us become hesitant to forgive, because by doing so, it feels like we re saying what they did was OK. But just as Jesus forgave us, we are to forgive others. The Passage Matthew 18:21-28,32-33 The Setting Jesus had begun preparing the disciples for His coming death and would soon begin His journey toward Jerusalem for that God-ordained appointment. In that process, He laid out for His followers the process for attempting reconciliation with one who sinned against them (18:15-17). Perhaps Jesus teaching sparked a question in Peter s mind, or perhaps the discussion surfaced a question he had pondered for some time. In any event, Peter asked Jesus how many times one should forgive another. 10 minutes GUIDE: Direct the group to look at the picture (see p. 130; Personal Study Guide [PSG], p. 130). DISCUSS: Question #1 (PSG, p. 130): When was the last time it cost you a lot to fix something? GUIDE: Call attention to The Bible Meets Life (PSG, p. 131). Explain that often when something costs more, it s worth more. Note the author s statement that he places forgiveness in the high-priced category because it s a great investment in any relationship. (Hold up a bottle of glue.) Stress that forgiveness is another type of glue that makes our relationships stick. GUIDE: Introduce The Point (PSG, p. 131): Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. SAY: Jesus told a story to His disciples to emphasize the importance forgiveness plays in the lives of those who seek to follow Him. SUGGESTED USE WEEK OF MAY 10 131

THE POINT Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. STUDY THE BIBLE Matthew 18:21-22 10 minutes GUIDE: Before digging into the passage for this session, remind the group of what they have studied so far in this unit about making our relationships stick: Stick with Love (The Point: Let love permeate every relationship.) Stick with Encouragement (The Point: Encouragement strengthens relationships.) (ENHANCEMENT: Direct attention to these titles on Pack Item 7: Like Glue. ) Bring the focus back to today s session by stating that Jesus story was prompted by a question Peter asked. READ: Invite a volunteer to read Matthew 18:21-22. SUMMARIZE: The rabbis of first-century Judaism challenged people to overlook an offense up to three times. Matthew 18:21-22 21 Then Peter came to Him and said, Lord, how many times could my brother sin against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times? 22 I tell you, not as many as seven, Jesus said to him, but 70 times seven. Forgive and keep forgiving. Verse 21: Peter had just heard Jesus teaching His followers to seek reconciliation when wronged by other believers. The Lord s words stirred an important follow-up question in Peter s heart. Verse 21 begins with a word that means then or at that time, showing us that Peter s question may have been prompted by what he had just heard Jesus say. Peter wanted to know how far Jesus expected him to go in forgiving, especially when the other person repeated the offense. Peter asked specifically about how to respond to a brother who sinned against him repeatedly. Though the principle Jesus taught in this passage applies to how Christians are to forgive all people, it speaks most directly to how Christians are called to forgive one another. Peter had his own idea about how far forgiveness needs to go. He may have known that some rabbis of his time taught that you should forgive someone as many as three times for the same offense, but no more. Peter, realizing that Jesus was calling believers to practice forgiveness in a greater way, asked where the new line is to be drawn. When he asked Jesus if he should forgive others as many as seven times, he was trying to find the higher standard Jesus required. Verse 22: Jesus answered Peter by telling him that believers must always practice forgiveness, no matter how many times others sin against them. The number Jesus gave in His reply to Peter can be translated seventy-seven times or seventy times seven, but the specific number 132 Session 11

doesn t change the meaning of His answer. For the Christian, forgiveness must be unlimited. Teachers of this passage must be mindful of how some learners may misunderstand or misapply its message. Jesus was not teaching Christians to remain in abusive relationships. Christians are called to accept moments of mistreatment from the lost in the process of sharing the gospel, but not to resign themselves to being dehumanized or endangered by another person s constant abusive behavior. When a believer ends a destructive relationship, forgiveness remains a critical issue. Staying in an abusive relationship and seeking reconciliation may not be wise or safe. Forgiving the offender in the privacy of one s heart allows the injured person to make peace with the past and move forward. Matthew 18:23-27 23 For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves. 24 When he began to settle accounts, one who owed 10,000 talents was brought before him. 25 Since he had no way to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. 26 At this, the slave fell facedown before him and said, Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything! 27 Then the master of that slave had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan. KEY WORD: Talents (v. 24) A talent is a large amount of money, about 6,000 denarii, what a common laborer might work sixteen years to earn. Remember that God forgave you. Verse 23: This verse begins with Jesus saying, For this reason. This phrase Peter may have thought he was being generous by offering to forgive seven times (v. 21). Jesus answer must have shocked Peter. Seventy times seven or seventy seven times are both possible interpretations of Jesus forgiveness formula. Either way, the point is clear: the grace we offer to others should have no limits. Often we feel it is easier to forgive when the offender apologizes. But what about when no apology comes? DISCUSS: Question #2 (PSG, p. 133): How dependent is your forgiveness on someone else s apology? (Alternate: What actually happens when you forgive someone?) TRANSITION: To forgive and keep forgiving can be a tough chore. But we must remember that God forgave us. 133

THE POINT Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. STUDY THE BIBLE Matthew 18:23-27 10 minutes READ: Invite a volunteer to read verses 23-27. SUMMARIZE: Explain that Jesus parable was not the retelling of an actual event, but an illustration of the truth Jesus wanted to teach. In the ancient world a creditor had the right to sell a debtor and his family into slavery and sell all of the debtor s possessions to recover some portion of what he was owed. A talent was worth about 6,000 denarii. Since one denarius was the daily wage of common workers in Jesus time (Matt. 20:2), 10,000 talents would be the value of 60 million days of work. In an astonishing act of grace and mercy, the king relieved the man of his responsibility and pardoned the debt. means, In order to present this truth in a way you can understand, I will tell you an earthly story that illustrates the spiritual truth about forgiving you need to learn. Jesus often introduced parables by saying He was making a comparison between a familiar life experience and the lesson He wanted to teach about God s kingdom (Mark 4:30). Jesus told a story about a slave s accountability to his king. The first words of this story remind us of the authority God has over all people. They also teach us that a time is coming when each of us will give an account of our lives and face the debt we owe God. Verses 24-25: Though scholars have differing ideas about the exact value of a talent as a unit of money, they all agree that a debt of 10,000 talents represents an astronomical figure that no one could hope to repay. A quick calculation, based on our best understanding of the value of money in Jesus day, makes the enormity of this debt clear. A talent was worth about 6,000 denarii. Since one denarius was the daily wage of common workers in Jesus time (Matt. 20:2), 10,000 talents would be the value of 60 million days of work. This would be like an hourly worker in our time attempting to pay off our national debt. This incredible sum represents the debt each of us as sinners owes to God, a debt so large that we have no hope of paying it off. In the ancient world a creditor had the right to sell a debtor and his family into slavery and sell all of the debtor s possessions to recover some portion of what he was owed. In this case, selling everyone related to this debtor and everything he owned would recover only a very small portion of this slave s debt. This part of the story illustrates that while each of us stands alone in our accountability before God, the sins we commit threaten to enslave not only us, but everyone close to us and everything we value. Verse 26: Frantic to keep himself and his family out of prison, this slave made promises he had no way to keep. He had no hope of paying back so tremendous a sum. He fell facedown before his master, showing that the slave recognized his king s authority and his own helpless position. He begged his king to be patient with him. Our human 134 Session 11

tendency is to believe that we can somehow make our relationship with God right if only offered enough time. God, knowing we can never reach that goal, amazed us with a gift beyond anything we could imagine. The master in the story did the same for his hopeless slave. Verse 27: Jesus described two important aspects of the master s response to his slave s desperate pleas for patience. First, He described the master s attitude toward the slave kneeling before him. The master had compassion on his hopelessly indebted slave. Compassion translates a very rich Greek word that means literally, to be moved in the bowels. In Jesus day many people considered the digestive system to be the place where we experience our deepest human emotions, positive and negative. That description of a profound feeling may seem strange to us, but many of us have felt sensations in our stomach or intestines in an emotionally intense moment. Having compassion means that the master was moved deeply by the pitiful state of his slave. He allowed his slave s hopelessness to stir his heart in an understanding and merciful way. This same word, compassion, is often used to describe Jesus and His attitude toward the needs of people. But for Jesus, compassion was always more than an inward feeling. Every time Jesus is described as feeling compassion, He acts on that feeling by ministering to the person in need (Matt. 20:34; Mark 1:41; 6:34; Luke 7:13-15). This leads us to the second truth Jesus teaches in describing the master s response to his slave. In this parable, the master s compassionate attitude motivates him to act in mercy. The master released his servant from the sentence of imprisonment his indebtedness had rightly earned him. The master also forgave the unpayable loan. Another form of this same word is often used in the New Testament to describe God s forgiveness of our sins. Paul used the same word when he wrote of God canceling our infinite debt to Him through our trust in Jesus (Rom. 4:7; Eph. 1:7; Col. 1:14). God has looked upon our hopeless condition, has felt great compassion, and has acted in mercy. Through Jesus, God has released us from the consequences of our sins and forgiven our unpayable debt. DISCUSS: Question #3 (PSG, p. 135): How do the king s actions in this parable mirror God s actions toward us? (Alternate: How are grace and mercy connected to forgiveness?) SUMMARIZE: Emphasize that, like the debt owed in Jesus parable, our debt of rebellion and offense against God is so huge we can never pay it. Jesus paid the debt in full for us, and God has forgiven the debt. We do not deserve forgiveness, but in His grace and mercy, God has extended forgiveness to us through Jesus. When we repent of our sin and receive His forgiveness, we are free! DISCUSS: Question #4 (PSG, p. 135): Since Jesus has forgiven us, what hinders us from forgiving others? TRANSITION: Forgiveness is costly and can sometimes be difficult, but we must forgive because God forgave us. 135

THE POINT Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. STUDY THE BIBLE Matthew 18:28,32-33 GUIDE Comment that it would be nice if Jesus story ended after verse 27. But Jesus doesn t let us off the hook. His story challenges us to apply forgiveness to others just as God has applied it to us. READ: Invite a volunteer to read verses 28,32-33. GUIDE: Compare the debts of the two slaves. 10 minutes The first slave had been forgiven a debt 600,000 times larger than the debt his fellow slave owed him. This second slave owed about three months wages, not a trivial amount, but a debt that could be paid back over time, practically nothing compared to what the first slave had just been forgiven. Matthew 18:28,32-33 28 But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him 100 denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, Pay what you owe!... 32 Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn t you also have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you? KEY WORD: Denarii (v. 28) A denarius was a Roman coin, the daily wage a Roman soldier or a day laborer earned at the time Jesus told this story. Forgive because God forgave you. Verse 28: Had Jesus concluded this parable at verse 27, we could celebrate a happy ending and learn a great truth about God s mercy toward sinners. But the story is not over. Verse 28 begins with the word but, signaling a sudden detour and an unexpected destination. Jesus used this next scene of the story to teach us that God s compassion toward us is not complete until it transforms our relationships to others. The slave who had just been forgiven a debt he could never hope to repay encountered one of his fellow slaves who owed him 100 denarii. The denarius was the daily pay for Roman soldiers and the wage of a day laborer in Palestine (Matt. 20:2). This second slave owed about three months wages, not a trivial amount, but a debt that could be paid back over time. Now we wait to see how this recently forgiven slave will treat his debtor. Before you can experience the impact of this story, you have to see how small this debt is compared to the debt the first slave 136 Session 11

had owed the king. The first slave had been forgiven a debt 600,000 times larger than the debt his fellow slave owed him. His fellow slave owed him practically nothing compared to what he had just been forgiven. This stark contrast teaches us that the sins others commit toward us are always small compared to the sins we have committed against God. When the forgiven servant realized he was in the presence of someone indebted to him, he reacted in anger and arrogance. He grabbed him, and he began choking him, acting as though repayment of this small debt was more important to him than his fellow servant s life. Though his debtor offered the same plea for patience, in almost the same words the first slave had spoken to the king, the slave did not consider his request. The forgiven servant insisted that his relationship to his debtor be run strictly by the rules. His debtor must pay all that he owes immediately. He would not give his fellow slave the patience he had begged the king to offer, much less the mercy the king had shown. He stood on his rights, followed the letter of the law, and had his fellow slave thrown in prison. Amazingly, this slave had not been changed at all by the mercy his king had shown him. His response to his fellow slave showed that he insisted on living in a world in which every debtor is required to pay all that is owed. In taking that attitude, he rejected the king s gift of mercy and insulted the king who gave it. We, like this slave, show that we have truly received the gift of God s forgiveness when we give that same gift to others. Verse 32: The king heard from some of his other slaves that the slave he had forgiven imprisoned a fellow slave for a small debt. He summoned the slave he had forgiven to appear before him to give account of his behavior. We too will stand before God and give account of our lives, including the way we, as people forgiven by God, have treated those who have wronged us. The king declared this slave was wicked. In what way had this slave been proven wicked? He failed to make the connection between receiving mercy from his master and giving mercy to his fellow slave. Verse 33: Verse 33 summarizes the central truth about forgiveness Jesus was teaching through this parable. The master told his wicked slave that the gift of forgiveness he had received should have changed his life. He should have Note this stark contrast teaches us that the sins others commit toward us are always small compared to the sins we have committed against God. SAY: When we refuse to forgive as we have been forgiven, we reject God s mercy and insult Him. GUIDE: Direct attention to verse 32. Ask what the king called the man who refused to forgive his fellow slave. ( wicked ) SAY: When we fail to make the connection between receiving mercy and giving mercy, we act in a wicked way. SUMMARIZE: Help the group understand that as children of a compassionate Father, believers must find it in their hearts to forgive. We need to be forgiven, and we need to become forgivers. This is more than a one-time transaction. We must strive to continually forgive, clearing the hurts that hold us back. 137

THE POINT Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. GUIDE: Bring the group back to the importance of forgiveness in relationships. Call attention to the image on PSG page 138 of the huge trees and Ben Mandrell s statement that accompanies it: The deeper those roots of forgiveness grow, the stronger our relationships will be. DISCUSS: Question #5 (PSG, p. 139): How have you seen forgiveness deepen a relationship? (Alternate: Why is forgiving others an act of worship?) DO: Direct attention to the activity, Let Forgiveness Run Deep (PSG, p. 139). Invite volunteers to share their responses. remembered the king s great act of mercy and allowed that life-changing moment to guide him in every relationship. The slave could have honored his master s gift of mercy by following the master s example in dealing with every debtor in his life. In accepting his master s forgiveness, this slave was called to practice forgiveness with everyone. When the king said Shouldn t you also have had mercy he was calling the slave to make the connection between receiving mercy and offering it to others. Jesus, when asked to name the greatest commandment, brought together two Old Testament Scriptures, one calling us to love God with all that we are (Deut. 6:5), and the second calling us to love others as we love ourselves (Lev. 19:18), to form what we commonly call the Great Commandment (see Matt. 22:34-40). In so doing, Jesus created a connection that cannot be separated between our relationship with God and our relationships with others. We cannot claim to belong to God on the basis of His grace while relating to each other in terms of keeping a record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5). When you and I recognize the debt we owe to God and the hopelessness of trying to pay it off; when we hear the incredible news that God, through Christ, will forgive our debt through our faith in Jesus, then the power of God s grace will shatter all of the sinful selfish rules that shackle our relationships to one another. We will share the gift of grace we have received. We will weigh the small debts others owe us against our huge sin debt God has forgiven. If forgiveness is the basis of our hope, it will become the guiding principle of our lives. Truly forgiven people will become forgiving people. This unforgiving slave ended up in prison after all. The place where he was imprisoned was a place of torture (v. 34). He was to remain there until he did what he demanded that his fellow slave do, pay what was owed. Since he couldn t live long enough to pay his debt, his sentence was unending. We must heed the warning of this parable: those who refuse to forgive end up in prison. Those who do not truly experience Christ s forgiveness will spend eternity in the 138 Session 11

prison of hell, a place of unending torture and regret. This story s conclusion is a clear call to trust Jesus. But this story pleads with us to stay out of another prison too, the prison of an unforgiving spirit. Those who do not follow God s example of forgiving impossible debts, those who do not share the grace they have received, will never be free. We do not forgive others only to set them free. We forgive to set ourselves free to live in the joy of God s grace and the fellowship of His family. SHARING THE GOOD NEWS Jesus death on the cross paid for all our sins not just the ones we have already committed, but all we ever will commit. He is the ultimate example of forgiveness that keeps on forgiving. Each week, make yourself ILLUSTRATOR PHOTO/BOB SCHATZ Athena stoa at Delphi. Manumission texts (the freeing of slaves) carved in stones in foreground. Jose ben Judah cited Amos 2:6 as a basis for limiting God s forgiveness: Thus says the Lord: For three transgressions of Israel, and for four, I will not revoke the punishment. Rabbi Jose ben Judah taught, If a man commits a transgression, the first, second and third time he is forgiven, the fourth time he is not forgiven. Peter, aware of this tradition that even divine forgiveness has its limits, asked Jesus about the limits of human forgiveness. available either before or after the session to speak privately with anyone in your group who wants to know more about becoming a Christian. See the article, Leading Someone to the Greatest Decision of All, on page 2 for guidance in leading a person to Christ. Remind group members that page 2 in the PSG offers guidance in how to become a Christian. Encourage believers This excerpt is from Forgiveness and the Jewish Tradition (Fall 2007), which can be purchased at www.lifeway.com/biblicalillustrator. In the Talmud, Rabbi Jose ben Hanina taught that people should not seek forgiveness but three times: One who asks pardon of his neighbor need do so no more than three times. Rabbi Previous articles, A Slave s Status in the First Century (Fall 2008), and Debtor s Slavery (Win. 1998-99), relate to this session and can be purchased at www.lifeway.com/biblicalillustrator. Look for Bundles: Bible Studies for Life. Subscribe to Biblical Illustrator at www.lifeway.com/biblicalillustrator, or call 1-800-458-2772. to consider using this article as they have opportunities to lead others to Christ. 139

THE POINT Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. LIVE IT OUT 5 minutes DO: Emphasize The Point: Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. Remind the group that in session 9, we emphasized the importance of not letting our relationships grow stale. Forgiveness is one of the primary ways we promote freshness with others. GUIDE: Review Live It Out (PSG, p. 140; see text to the right). Encourage each group member to choose one of the applications to complete this week as God leads. Wrap It Up LIVE IT OUT Imagine three bills in your hand. Each bill represents a person who has hurt you and owes you. Which situation below relates to your situation? How can you apply grace, mercy, and forgiveness this week? > > The small bill. Think of someone who recently hurt you in a minor way. The person is not aware of this minor offense, but the moment still stings a little. Write the offense on a piece of paper. Then tear it up, and let the person off the hook. > > The medium bill. Think of someone who has been an ongoing struggle to deal with a frequent thorn in your side, so to speak. This person has caused you no small amount of trouble. Ask God to help you see this person as He does and to remove the resentment and unforgiveness you feel. > > The huge bill. Think of the person who has caused you enormous pain and heartache. This could be an unfaithful spouse, a disloyal friend, a sharp-tongued critic. Forgive and apply grace, even as you have experienced God s grace and forgiveness. Your sin is a 10,000 talent debt forgiven by God. Someone s comparatively small debt to you just doesn t compare. God forgives. You can too. GUIDE: Call attention to the final paragraph in Live It Out. Emphasize that truly forgiven people will become forgiving people. PRAY: Thank God for His abundant grace and mercy. Pray that each group member will recognize the immense debt Christ has paid for them and that His forgiveness will flow from them to others. 140 Session 11

My Thoughts My Group's Prayer Requests Additional suggestions for specific groups (women, men, boomers, and singles) are available at BibleStudiesForLife.com/blog. And for free online training on how to lead a group visit MinistryGrid.com/web/BibleStudiesForLife. Be Undaunted Logan told McDowell that despite all that had been done to him, he was going to have to forgive if he ever wanted to be free of the past. He had to forgive his father for his drunkenness, abusiveness, and lack of love. He had to forgive his mother, now deceased, for not believing and protecting him. But, hardest of all, he had to forgive Wayne. To continue reading Be Undaunted from Mature Living magazine, visit BibleStudiesforLife.com/articles, and enter the article title in the search bar. Or use your smartphone to access the article directly by scanning the QR code. 141