OBJECTIVES OVERVIEW Difficult Decisions Bullying and Friendship October 18, 2015 Catechist Handout For our teens to be able to define what bullying is, and identify bullying behaviors when they see it For our teens to develop practical strategies for dealing with bullies and bullying behavior For our teens to develop compassion for victims of bullying, to learn about the harm bullying causes and for our teens to get support if they are being bullied. For our teens to learn about friends, the importance of friendship and the influence some friends can have on them. For our teens to be better disciples of Jesus Christ. I. 4:00-5:15pm- Teen Mass II. III. IV. 5:10-5:20pm - Hospitality in the Narthex 5:20-5:30 - Large Group/attendance in Church 5:30-7:00pm Small Group Lesson Plan The lesson s activities include the 6 components that should be in every faith lesson: Community Building Scripture Shared experiences by adults and teens Catholic Theology and learning I learned statements Putting our faith in action or lived experience. There is a lot of material in this lesson plan. You must pick and choose. Bullying is not a behavior that just impacts children or teens. Bullying is experienced daily by adults in their homes/families, work places and social circles. Please share your experiences with bullying. Encourage your peer ministers to share as well. This can be a difficult topic on which to share and hearing from you and the peer ministers can bring your group closer together, help your students share and will encourage those who have been or are being bullied to find support. Please work through the lesson, choosing the activities you feel will best connect with your group. There are discussion questions on the Teen Handout concerning bullying as well as worksheets concerning 1
Friendship and the influences of friends, the Starfish Story in the Catechist Background info to reference, and a powerful Hurting Jesus activity in the Catechist Background info. V. Stop by 645 to cover the remaining items: I Learned Allow time to share what the teens have learned. There is always a spot on the handout for the teens to write this portion of the lesson. This can be done verbally as well. It is important for you to be able to assess if the teens in your group are meeting the objectives of the lessons. Peer Ministers can be utilized here to help you make sure teens are engaged and learning. Encourage students to take packets home and share with their parents or families Social Action and Challenges for the week (Lived Experience) Discuss ways to put the ideas from tonight into action Closing Prayer & Dismissal: Ask group members to share personal intentions. End with your covenant prayer if you didn t start with it or see prayer service provided. Community Building Activity A REFLECTION ON EXPERIENCES WITH BULLYING LEVEL: Educators or Parents/Guardians LENGTH OF TIME: 10 minutes Think back to when you were in school and reflect (without sharing with others) whether you were involved in any bullying incidents, either as someone who was targeted, as someone who did some bullying, or as a bystander. (Generally, at least 90% will raise their hands.) Leave your hands up if you told an adult. (The majority of hands will go down.) Leave your hands up if adults intervened in a way that was useful. (Generally, only 1 or 2 hands will remain up.) Ask some of those people to share what adults did that was useful. If you feel comfortable, ask how many of the bullying situations had to do with someone's identity, for example their race or skin color, gender, social class, sexual orientation, or ability? Ask if anyone is comfortable sharing examples. (Only ask for these examples if you have time to engage in a conversation about the examples that might come up. This may bring up experiences that are still painful and those feelings will need to be acknowledged.) Finish up with: What does this mean that we didn't have adults that intervened? Alternately: What's the message or messages that stand out to you from doing this activity? Most of us know how harmful bullying is, but most of us have not seen good modeling for intervening so it is not surprising that this is challenging. Also, much of the unhelpful advice was based on beliefs that are not helpful, such as Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. We all want to intervene in a way that will be helpful for students. Sometimes that means practicing new strategies and unlearning old messages. This is why it is so important to have these conversations and listen to what students tell us. According to 5th graders included in a study of over 13,000 students in grades 5-12: 2
Adult actions that make things better are: listening, giving advice and encouragement, checking in over time to see if things got better, increasing adult supervision, and disciplining the student who was mean. Adult actions that make things worse are: telling them to stop tattling, telling them to solve it themselves, telling the student that they should have acted differently, and ignoring the situation. Connection to Lesson Charisse Nixon and Stan Davis (2010) The Youth Voice Research Project Credit: Melody Brazo, Anti-bias Educator. 1. Provides the participants with a common experience in the moment Accessed on line @ www.welcomingschools.org 2. Allow students to identify helpful and unhelpful actions in regard to bullying 3. Allow participants to unlearn unhelpful strategies they have been advised to use around bullying Background for Catechists and Peers There are numerous websites on bullying. Read up on the issue. Here are two: http://www.search-institute.org/blog/national-bullying-prevention-month www.stopbullying.gov TIPS FOR DISCUSSING BULLYING WITH TEENS - CLEMSON http://www.clemson.edu/olweus/training%20materials/hs_materials/section%201/obpp%20t alking%20with%20teens%20about%20bullying.pdf BULLYING GAINING GROUND IN TEACHING - RESOURCES http://gaining.educ.msu.edu/resources/node/299 Define Bullying Bullying means any severe or pervasive (repeated over time) physical or verbal act or conduct, including communications made in writing or electronically, directed toward a student or students, that has or can be reasonably predicted to have one or more of the following effects: (1) placing the student in reasonable fear of harm to the student's person or property; (2) causing a substantially detrimental effect on the student's physical or mental health; (3) substantially interfering with the student's academic performance; or (4) substantially interfering with the student's ability to participate in or benefit from the services, activities, or privileges provided by a school. Bullying may take various forms, including without limitation, one or more of the following: harassment, threats, intimidation, stalking, physical violence, sexual harassment, sexual violence, theft, public 3
humiliation, destruction of property, or retaliation for asserting or alleging an act of bullying. This list is meant to be illustrative and non-exhaustive. Chicago Public Schools Policy Discussion Questions: 1. Is this definition comprehensive enough? Would anyone add to this definition? 2. How is bullying the same no matter what age it occurs? 3. Does bullying change as the perpetrators and victims increase with age? If yes, how? 4. Does cyber bullying add any additional issues/concerns for the victims, perpetrators or bystanders? 5. What do you think is the most harmful effects of being bullied? Of being the bully? Note: 1. Is there anything specific about bullying in your class covenants? Should there be? 2. Do your students now want to add something to the covenant about bullying? Optional Activity Show one of the following videos to your class Say My Name Anti-Bullying Song (7:35 minutes) www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndcjwu0fcta Speak Up Against Bullying (25 minutes use all or part in small group) www.youtube.com/watch?v=bokjynpesua Bullying/Hurting Jesus This is an activity I found years ago, I can t remember where, tried it on a whim with my Ignite students, and it was extremely powerful. If you choose to try this activity, and treat it with the right amount of reverence, and gusto, it has the potential to be very powerful and impactful. 1. Before class, find a photo of Jesus s face. Ones like these are great examples: http://1800sunstar.com/zzc1luv/zholydays/christmas/jesus-christ-pictures/images-of-jesuschrist-193.jpg http://www.all-about-the-virgin-mary.com/images/jesus-christ-head.jpg Whatever image you think will move your students. I feel a picture of just his face is best, as it takes up the most room on the page. 2. Print this photo on a full 8.5 x 11 computer paper. Make sure it fills the entire page. 3. Cover the photo with a piece of darker construction paper so the photo is facing the darker paper, and is no longer seen. On the back side of the photo, put a few more pieces of white paper to insure that the photo of Jesus is absolutely not visible anymore. Tape the edges shut so it all stays together (don t go crazy here, just enough to hold it together, since you will be removing the tape later during the activity) 4
4. Introduce the activity by discussing that some people are different and get picked on a lot. What are some traits that people usually make fun of? Who are some people that really annoy us or bug us? Have a peer (or you) if there isn t a peer, write down the traits and names of people scattered around on the white side of your paper packet as they say them. It will be in your nature (I hope!) to want to stop them from naming people or saying hurtful things. Let them get it out (for privacy, if they name names, ask them to keep it to first names only or vague titles i.e. sister, parent, math teacher etc), as it will only add to the impact at the end of the activity. 5. Hold up your list, ask if they are satisfied. Then, with a sharp pencil, have each teen, in turn, pick one to stab. It s kind of crude, but stay with me. Explain that we cut people down, we bully them, we hate them, our siblings who annoy us, our teachers who are mean/give us too much homework, our parents who give us chores etc. Let them take out their stress and use the pencil to put a hole in the paper, where each name or trait is listed. Make sure everyone gets a turn, resulting in a very holey piece of paper. 6. Then, remove the pieces of tape, (with the hidden picture facing you) and as you re doing so, explain that it s so easy to tear others down, to pick on them, talk about them behind their back, hurt them and feel hatred towards others. Sometimes we may even feel these people deserve it. But, when we act in these ways, think these things, do these hurtful bullying actions, this is what happens (reveal the picture of Jesus s face, now complete with holes in it, that they put there) Hold it there for a few seconds of silence, let them look at it, take it in. If done right, this is an extremely powerful visual. Discussion Questions: 1. What is the symbolism here? (get them to hit on the point that Jesus is inside everyone. When we hurt others, we hurt him as well. God made each and every one of us in His image, so when we pick on others, and bully others, for their looks or personality or whatever, we are picking on and bullying God) 2. How did it make you feel to see the holes in Jesus face, knowing that it was you that put them there? 3. Why is it so easy to tear others down? Especially when they aren t there to defend themselves. 4. Why do we do it?? 5. How can we work to remember that Jesus is in everyone? How can we work to remind others? Friendship Option 1: Do Friends Handout (pg. 45) For discussion see Leader s Guide (pg. 46) Option 2: Do Corruption Abduction (pg. 63) For discussion see Leaders s Guide (pg. 64) 5
The Starfish Story While walking along a beach, an elderly gentleman saw someone in the distance, leaning down, picking something up and throwing it into the ocean. As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, picking up starfish one by one and tossing each one gently back into the water. He came closer still and called out, "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?" The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean." The old man smiled, and said, "I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die." Upon hearing this, the elderly observer commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!" The young man listened politely. Then he bent down, picked up another starfish, threw it into the back into the ocean past the breaking waves and said, "It made a difference for that one." This story has been circulated around the web in many versions, usually with no mention of author. It is said to be paraphrased from "The Star Thrower" by Loren Eiseley, 1907-1977. There is hope. We can make a difference one person at a time. With everyone working together, think of all the starfish we can save! Optional Activity: It is sometimes useful to bring an activity you have used in various places in your lesson plans and use them in unexpected ways and places. "God sightings" are things that happen that reveal the hand of God at work in your life or the lives of those you love. those moments when you definitely know that God is reaching out to you with a message, a gesture, some instruction, or reassurance where you have seen God s love in action when we name the ways that we see God in our midst Starting with the peer ministers ask members of your group if they would like to share a Starfish moment? Would this be helpful in counteracting bullying behavior? Why or why not? How would this be like a God Sighting? 6
Scripture and Friendship The Bible says to have friends, we should show ourselves to be friendly. The proverbs contain much wisdom about both being a friend and how to find a friend. There are fewer things in life that are more valuable than a good friend and the Bible is full of stories of some of the greatest friendships in history. A Biblical Model of Friendship If you want to know what true friendship is, the greatest biblical model that I know of is that of David and Jonathan. Jonathan was the son of David s enemy, King Saul. Saul was out to kill David because he was insanely jealous of him and knew that he would replace him on the throne of Israel. Saul s son Jonathan knew this and was such a loyal friend of David that he alerted David of the danger and literally saved his life when he found out that Saul wanted to kill David. Jonathan told David that, Whatever you want me to do, I ll do for you (I Sam 20:4). We can read just how loyal of a friend Jonathan was to David in I Samuel 20: 16-42 16 So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, May the LORD call David s enemies to account. 17 And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself. 18 Then Jonathan said to David, Tomorrow is the New Moon feast. You will be missed, because your seat will be empty. 19 The day after tomorrow, toward evening, go to the place where you hid when this trouble began, and wait by the stone Ezel. 20 I will shoot three arrows to the side of it, as though I were shooting at a target. 21 Then I will send a boy and say, Go, find the arrows. If I say to him, Look, the arrows are on this side of you; bring them here, then come, because, as surely as the LORD lives, you are safe; there is no danger. 22 But if I say to the boy, Look, the arrows are beyond you, then you must go, because the LORD has sent you away. 23 And about the matter you and I discussed remember, the LORD is witness between you and me forever. 24 So David hid in the field, and when the New Moon feast came, the king sat down to eat. 25 He sat in his customary place by the wall, opposite Jonathan, [a] and Abner sat next to Saul, but David s place was empty. 26 Saul said nothing that day, for he thought, Something must have happened to David to make him ceremonially unclean surely he is unclean. 27 But the next day, the second day of the month, David s place was empty again. Then Saul said to his son Jonathan, Why hasn t the son of Jesse come to the meal, either yesterday or today? 28 Jonathan answered, David earnestly asked me for permission to go to Bethlehem. 29 He said, Let me go, because our family is observing a sacrifice in the town and my brother has ordered me to be there. If I have found favor in your eyes, let me get away to see my brothers. That is why he has not come to the king s table. 30 Saul s anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the 7
shame of the mother who bore you? 31 As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send someone to bring him to me, for he must die! 32 Why should he be put to death? What has he done? Jonathan asked his father. 33 But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David. 34 Jonathan got up from the table in fierce anger; on that second day of the feast he did not eat, because he was grieved at his father s shameful treatment of David. 35 In the morning Jonathan went out to the field for his meeting with David. He had a small boy with him, 36 and he said to the boy, Run and find the arrows I shoot. As the boy ran, he shot an arrow beyond him. 37 When the boy came to the place where Jonathan s arrow had fallen, Jonathan called out after him, Isn t the arrow beyondyou? 38 Then he shouted, Hurry! Go quickly! Don t stop! The boy picked up the arrow and returned to his master. 39 (The boy knew nothing about all this; only Jonathan and David knew.) 40 Then Jonathan gave his weapons to the boy and said, Go, carry them back to town. 41 After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together but David wept the most. 42 Jonathan said to David, Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever. Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town. [b] Key Takeaway The fact is that friends are indispensable in this life. The older a person gets the more valued their friendship becomes. Many friends are closer than brothers or sisters are to each other. There is something special about having a friend that you can confide in, tell your troubles too, and share your life with. It has been said that a sorrow shared is halved, but a joy shared is doubled. Proverbs 27:10a says, Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family because you may need that friend in a day of trouble. The value of friends is one of the most important things in a person s life: Their worth are not diminished by time, not devalued by inflation, not worn out by use, but like a fine wine, they improve with time. So are friends to those who have them; like medicine to the soul or as Proverbs 27:9 says, Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. GROUP SHARING: TELL US ABOUT A FRIEND THAT HAS MADE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE 8
ACCESSED ON LINE FROM: HTTP://WWW.WHATCHRISTIANSWANTTOKNOW.COM/TRUE-FRIENDSHIP-A-BIBLE-STUDY- ON-FRIENDS Prayer Experience Things you ll need Place to gather your students in a circle A crucifix Source for music could be your I-pod or phone with an external speaker (many of the students might have these things you could use). Song: Mean by Taylor Swift - Pop "How Do You Like Me Now?" by Toby Keith Country rock "Bully" by Shinedown Alternative Rock "Nothing to Lose" by Billy Talent Punk Rock "Outcast" by Kerrie Roberts - "Leave" by Michael W. Smith Christian Rock Listen to these first. You may want to print lyrics for yourself first as an aid. You can also ask your peers to pick the song. Ritual I am going to pass the Crucifix around the circle. As it comes to you take it in your hands, look at it and pray for someone you know who has been bullied, is being bullied, is a bully. You can say your prayer out loud or silently to yourself. Take your time, focus your thoughts. *You could also pass around the picture of Jesus you used earlier. You could play another song or instrumental music softly at this time. Closing Prayer The text for the prayer will be on the student handout o You can say the prayer together, o have different students say different parts of the prayer or o have the peer ministers pray the prayer. Holy God, Light of the World, Lord and Giver of Life, You are True Love. We ask for your protection over those who have experienced bullying. Please rescue them from emotional and physical danger, and from the fear associated with this trauma. We cry out to you use us as your instruments of peace to nourish their souls, to bring encouragement, and to release them from anxiety and the insecurity that comes when we feel weak. Help these victims to forgive their enemies as you instructed, and may we use our words to pray for blessing upon those who do us harm. May that blessing ultimately be a transformation of heart, which we pray you will grant us all. As counter-intuitive as Your ways are, they are our pathway to freedom. 9
He reached down from on high and took hold of me, he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes who were too strong for me. They confronted me on my day of disaster, but the Lord was my support. ~ 2 Samuel 22:17 We trust in You to deliver us from trauma, fear, and abuse of every kind, for that is why you came and faced the bullies, religious and political, who crucified you that Passover day 2,000 years ago. Amen. 10