The Big Idea The 10 Rules of Happiness Mridula Agrawal Happiness is something that everyone aims for. Most of the time, people do everything they can in order to be happy. But true happiness comes from within, not from power, money or fame, but from the person himself. One cannot be truly happy unless he has set himself to be happy. And one can never be happy without believing he can be. Everyone wants to live happy and peaceful lives, and this book written by Mridula Argarwal, also author of the 10 Rules of Success, can help you do just that. Written with an in-depth study of the human mind, this book outlines 10 essential things that you can do and focus on to help make your everyday actions rewarding and satisfying. It gives an overall view of life and how things can make you unhappy, and shows you what you can do to counteract that feeling of discontent. More importantly, this book provides guidelines on how you can live a meaningful and tensionfree life. Rule 1: We Can All be Happy One common axiom in life is that happiness is never impossible. However, many people still struggle on their way to happiness. The problem with being unable to attain happiness is that most people equate being happy with success in societal terms, meaning power, fame and money. But the thing is, a person who is successful in these terms, will never be genuinely happy as long as he does not think that he is happy. It must be noted that happiness isn t a consequence of success but rather of realization that you are happy. An unhappy person is usually a discontent person. A person who craves even more than what he has and does not realize that while he strives for more, he has already missed out or ignored an opportunity to be truly happy. Most of the time, the unhappy person would like to look happy. Most content people will just be satisfied with a humble and quiet smile, while most unhappy people tend to be boisterous. This is because as much as we want to be happy ourselves, we still want other people to know that we are happy. Happiness is deserved and is not merely shown. Positive actions bring positive results. Remember, giving happiness brings back happiness. Do not seek happiness, instead give it away and you will find that it comes back to you. True happiness can only be achieved when it coincides with what we think is right. Our conscience is our moral compass, and without a clear conscience, one can never be happy. Hence happiness is an internal need, something that a person can only satisfy if he believes he can satisfy it. A truly happy person knows that he is happy, and that person is satisfied with that knowledge. He doesn t have to show it to anyone because he knows it for himself.
Rule 2: Spread Happiness It is man s instinct to work for his survival and his family s. And sometimes too much focus on your own world is the thing that makes you unhappy. As the cliché goes, man is not an island; he needs other individuals in order to survive. But if a person is not in tune with those around him how can he be truly happy? To be able to spread happiness, you must be happy. You cannot give away something that you do not have. When you are happy, there is not much that can upset you. On the contrary, when you are unhappy, you have the tendency to spread this. Being totally apathetic can only make you unhappy. It makes you self-seeking and demanding of others. A person who only thinks of his own happiness tend to get frustrated and tend to resent others for not making him happy. And unless you are unable to overcome selfishness, you can never overcome the frustration and hence can never be truly happy. Spreading happiness is different from wanting recognition. Most people try to be kin din order to get recognized for it. But a person cannot be truly happy if he is spreading happiness for personal gain. Take note that trying to spread happiness may also cause you to be unhappy. Let us admit that not all people appreciate what you are doing and some might even take advantage of you. In this case, instead of being good you are encouraged to be compassionate. Being compassionate is not simply giving but also being willing to understand a person without being judgmental. If you focus on the things that matter and ignore the unimportant details, the happiness you spread will surely rebound on you. Rule 3: Count your Blessings Most people tend to be unhappy because they focus on their misfortunes. As said in rule one, people tend to crave for more than what they have, and in this sense they focus on the negative. Count your blessings and you ll realize that despite all your shortcomings, you are actually all set for being happy. When you analyze your life, try to look at your strengths and assets. Let them be the things that inspire you. And when you do look at your weaknesses, be optimistic, and do not focus on the negativities of these aspects of your life, but rather be aware of them so that you can keep improving for the future. Being optimistic does not only include you but the people around you. The grass may be greener on the other side but try to look at your side first; you ll be surprised that though it may not be as green, it is green enough. Most people see themselves as happy someday but do not recognize that they can be happy today. Look at your current life and focus on your family and friends. Celebrate with them. Know that right now you have enough to be happy. Rule 4: Change What You Can and Accept What You Cannot Change Essentially, crying over spilt milk never solved anything. It is better to get over past mistakes and focus on improving them. It is okay to evaluate your mistakes but do not mull over it, mulling wastes energy, this energy you should be saving to focus on the things that actually went right. But take note trying to improve something doesn t mean you have to focus on improving alone. There should be a balance between the things you should try to correct and things that you should accept and ignore. A problem without a solution should be left as it is and ignored, there is nothing more you can do about it.
Giving up on a problem does not make you any less of a person, especially if that problem is indeed unsolvable. It actually gives you more strength to plow forward because the energy that you used to waste on unsolvable problems will now be put into better use, into carving out a new and better future. Spend a bit of time finding an alternative or a solution, if there is none or if it is impossible, move on and spend your time doing better things. Rule 5: Never Worry, Be Concerned A worried person can never be happy. Imagine a time when you were so worried, you probably weren t able to sleep, eat or relax. Worrying can cause ulcers, heart attacks, headaches, backaches and many more. Worrying is basically anticipating a bad result in a future occurrence. It comes from nowhere and is most of the time, unreasonable. A person may worry about something as trivial as stepping on a puddle of mud while wearing his new white shoes or something as overboard as what will happen to his children in case he dies in an accident. It is a product of an uncontrolled negative imagination and it should be controlled. Often you find yourself fatigued even if you ve had enough sleep that night. Psychiatrists say that fatigue is rarely purely due to the physical stresses of a person but rather often comes from being unable to relax. A person may be able to rest but never relax. Relaxing is a state of mind, a state of no worries. Let go of your worries once in a while and don t let them control your life. Relax and be happy. The good thing is a person can control being worried. When you find yourself being pulled into the worrisome thoughts, focus on positive thoughts. Sometimes it helps to talk to a friend about your worries and eventually find out that they can sometimes be really absurd. Just like ignoring problems without solutions, you must also ignore worries that cannot be helped. Be concerned but never worry. Do not make something that is unpredictable be predicted negatively in your head. Rule 6: Never Let Small Things Bother You The rule says it all. Often we get upset if a person steps on our foot accidentally, or if a person cuts in line. Remember that these things should not affect you so much, it is not worth it. Try to understand people and know that they are not conspiring against you. Reason with yourself and prevent a stressful day just because of one little thing. Know that the world is not fair and it stays that way. The only thing fair is that, the world is unfair for everyone. Everything cannot go the way you want it to be and the world has its way of playing with you. Try to be flexible and if something bad happens go forward to plan B and don t mull over it. Men are social beings and we cannot live without interacting with other people. But oftentimes, it is other people that can cause us unhappiness. A person can become unhappy when people disapprove of him or when he is overlooked. In these situations it is better to let go of your pride and shrink your egos a little bit. Accept the current situation, move on and try to do better next time. Remember to let go of resentment. If things do not go the way you want it to be, accept it and try to be flexible. Know that problems are part of everyday life and accept that fact. It is a good thing to depend on the Almighty and know that He will not give you a challenge that you cannot get over with. Know that small things only bother you if you let it. Rule 7: Do not Let Criticism Upset You Since you were young you have been taught values and the norms of what is right and wrong in our world. You were taught that stealing and cheating is wrong.
In essence, being taught the lesson of right and wrong inculcates in your conscience something that gives you guilt even if others do not know of the sin that you commit. Therefore, a guilty person can never be happy; regardless if others are aware of his sin or not. Just as we want to be innocent to ourselves, we also want to be innocent in the eyes of everyone else. That is why it is very hard for people to accept criticism. It is very natural not to like being looked down upon, but it is also natural to look and see the flaws in another person. In order to let go of the negative effects of criticism, first you must look into yourself. The best way to turn criticism into a positive thing is to avoid criticizing yourself. Find inner peace and know that nobody is perfect. Do not allow criticisms to dominate your life. Jut because somebody thinks this aspect of you is a flaw does not mean you should focus on it too much. Remember that you cannot project an image that is likable to everyone. Everyone, every great man or woman has been criticized but it didn t stop them from being the phenomenal people they are. However, it is worthless to ignore public opinion. Not mulling over criticism is very different from ignoring it altogether. Do not take a criticism and make a statement out of it just because you want to. Analyze it, make it positive and try to improve upon yourself, but not to the point of being obsessed. Rule 8: The Magic of Forgiving As has been said before, nobody, not even the world is perfect and one should accept that. A person may make several mistakes in his lifetime and may upset or harm other people in doing so, but that doesn t make anything he does unforgivable. Know that a wrongdoer is human just like you. Know that forgiving does not condone the wrong but simply gives a chance to the wrongdoer to do what is right in the future. Know that you forgive for you and not for the wrongdoer. Not forgiving means not forgetting and remembering a wrong done may give you more damage than the actual wrongdoing. Negative emotions are never good; it gives you resentment and makes you bitter. It makes you unable to relax and makes you doubtful about trusting and giving away happiness again. Remember a time when you were angry, some people cry, some people want to shout, punch and are generally very upset. This does not undo the wrongdoing but instead can harm you emotionally. Bitterness can affect your health, you ll be miserable, and if you are then you are probably right into the hands of the person who wants you to be miserable. Apologies for wrong done isn t a prerequisite of forgiveness or for moving on. In fact you do not really have to forgive, you only need to forget. If not, then find it in yourself to forgive someone and it ll make you feel even better. Get over your memories of hatred and know that you did good inside by forgiving that person. Forgive him and get peace of mind. Rule 9: The Magic of Gainful Occupation You mind is not designed to do two things at the same time. Often you might find yourself essentially worry free when you are focused. The fact is, even when you appear to be doing two things at the same time, you really aren t. Your mind switches between two thoughts so fast that you feel like you are thinking about them at the same time.
This same thing applies to every aspect of your life. Know that the brain is the central control system of your body and your emotions; being that, know that you cannot focus on negative emotions when you focus on something else. The inverse is also the same. Positive emotions like hope, love, and satisfaction can never be present with sadness, hatred and depression. When a person gets preoccupied with the negative, the positive has to wait in line. And as long as you focus on the negative, the positive can never have its turn. Psychiatrists have often treated depression with work. Work, even if it is boring or uninteresting, is better than mulling over the negative. But the more effective form of work would be meaningful work. Doing a paper for a class or finishing a deadline, even doing charity, gives meaning to your life and make you content other than distracting you from all the negatives in your life. A little competition with work can also help. Competition makes a person more engrossed in what he is doing and pushes out the negative thoughts even further. In short find something you are really interested in, a hobby, a sport a job, and work on it. It ll leave you lighter, more fulfilled and most of all, it ll drive all the negative thoughts away. Rule 10: Discover the Beauty of Life Think happy thoughts. It is as simple as that. A person s thought can drastically influence his state of mind. A person who focuses on the negative tend to have a negative disposition in life, and that person can never be truly happy. A person s peace of mind largely depends on what he thinks and what he perceives of the world. A happy thought occupies the mind and prevents negative thoughts from coming in. Negative thoughts, unreasonable outcomes, worrying, anger, resentment and bitterness can crowd the brain and leaves no room for all the positive things in life. Ignore the bitterness, throw out the anger, forgive, forget and love. Throw away the negative thoughts and you ll find yourself more content. Positive conditioning of your mind also helps. It is better to accept our imperfect world rather than try in vain to make it the way we want it. By trying to correct the world and everyone in it, you become engrossed in discontentment, this leads to stress and mental anguish. Focus more on the things you already have than on those things that you have yet to accomplish. Desires and wants are the opposites of contentment and shouldn t be the main focus of your life. Although desiring and wanting for something makes you improve yourself, it is also unjust to put every ounce of energy you have into one thing and end up being miserable if you cannot have it. Aim for something better but if you do not get it, count your blessings and be content with what you have right now. Also make sure that you aim for the right thing, strike a balance between getting what you want and being content with what you have and you will achieve peace of mind. Try to have calm mind when dealing with the world. Relax, meditate and exercise; these things rest the mind and make it ready for all the flaws of the world. Meditation gives the mind a relaxed state and drains all the toxic thoughts from it. It gives the brain time to relax. Exercise pumps blood into the brain, giving it nutrients and rejuvenating it after a stressful day. Be patient with others, but more so be patient with you. Getting instantly angry or upset does not help anyone. Be flexible and understanding. As much as possible spread you happiness to those around you. It does not hurt to be a bit compassionate or to smile to someone you do not know. Give out happiness and it comes back to you.
Remember that you have only one life to live, enjoy it. Everything is how you perceive it. There is no such thing as reality, only perception. What you think of what you do is what it is to you.