Date: 23 & 24 January 2016 Character Focus: Self-Control Small Group Leader s Guide Theme: Self-Control Lesson 3 of 4 I will see anger as a sign that something is wrong. Series Overview We are starting on our new series on the character value of Self-Control. Self- Control is rejecting wrong desires and doing what is right. This happens when we know what is right, but our minds think otherwise and our emotions want something else. The character quality of self-control asserts that the Will must have authority over the Mind and the Emotions. The true test of self-control is not external, but internal. When under pressure, selfcontrol rejects frustration. When one s reputation is questioned, self-control rejects bitterness and anger. When offended, self-control quickly defuses the situation and rejects retaliation. In each instance, self-control recognizes that there is a better way to handle situations than to rely solely on the mind or the emotions. Self-control allows a person to reject ineffective ways of dealing with circumstances and to choose a more positive course of action. The children will learn to demonstrate self-control through the 5 I will s namely:- 1. I will not act impulsively 2. I will not equate desires with rights 3. I will set limits for myself (note: #2 and #3 will be combined into one week s lesson) 4. I will see anger as a sign that something is wrong 5. I will walk away from things that are not right Memory Verse: A person without self-control is like a city whose walls are broken through. Proverbs 25:28 (NIRV) Bible Passage: Genesis 4:2-8 Introduction We are going to teach the children on the performance values on the character Self-Control. There will be 4 lessons on Self-Control. Copyright 2016 by GKidz, FCBC Page 1
Lesson Character Action Point Bible Passage 1 I will not act impulsively Objective: To define self-control and the lack of it. To identify tools that the students can use to build self-control. Bible Passage/s: Matt 14:28-32; 26:31-35,73-74 (Peter s Impulsiveness) 2 I will not equate desires with rights I will set my own limits Objective: Children will learn to have self-control over their desires and not demand for desires as their rights, and instead choose to do the right thing. Bible Passage/s: Daniel 1 (Daniels Fast) 3 I will see anger as a sign that something is wrong Objective: Children will learn the behaviors that show anger is out of control and will learn positive ways to deal with the anger. Bible Passage/s: Genesis 4:2-8 (Cain s Anger) 4 I will walk away from things that are not right. Objective: Children will identify the things that are not right and learn ways to walk away from it. Bible Passage/s: 2 Chronicles 14-16; 1 Kings 15:9-24 (Asa Seeks God) CONNECT / Object Lesson (15 mins) Recap: Quiz the children on the 5 I will s by writing them on the white board with missing words. (You can choose to do this on the platform or in your small group) Copyright 2016 by GKidz, FCBC Page 2
1. Write the 5 I will s with missing words for two teams in your group. 2. Divide the children into 2 teams and have them stand in two lines. 3. When you say Go the first child will come to the white board and fill up one blank. Then he/she will run back and the next child will go to the white board and fill up another blank. 4. This is done till all the blanks are filled up. The team that gets the most answers wins. Object Lesson: Don t Explode with Anger Materials Needed: A can of soda Object Lesson Platform Leader: The Bible tells us in Ephesians 4:26 (NIRV) - When you are angry, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. When we get angry we need to be very careful not to sin. Sinning is when we do something that goes against God s rules for our life, eg. pushing, fighting, and saying unkind things. Have you ever been really mad at someone? (Platform leader take out the can of soda.) When we get angry it is like shaking this can of soda. (Shake the can hard then act like you are going to open it.) What would happen if I open this can? It would explode everywhere! (Set the can down and make sure you give it at least a minute or two before picking it up again. It would be best if you test this before presenting it.) So if you were are all angry like this can and you sin by getting in a fight or calling someone bad names it would be like opening this can and it spraying everywhere! Sometimes what we need to do is to walk away, pray and ask God to help us to calm down and not respond in sin. (Take the can and open it. It should open normally now. Make this dramatic so the children think it will spray everywhere.) See all this can needed was a few moments of quiet to calm down and it could be opened without exploding. When we are angry we need a few moment so that we can react without sinning and doing the wrong thing. When we get angry, we must know that something is wrong and quickly put in place ways to defuse it before it explodes. Copyright 2016 by GKidz, FCBC Page 3
CHARACTER REVIEW (5 mins) Leader: For these 4 weeks, we will be learning how to have Self-Control. What is Self-Control? Self-Control is Rejecting wrong desires and doing what is right. There are 5 ways to practice Self-Control:- 1. I will not act impulsively. 2. I will not equate desires with rights. 3. I will set limits for myself. (note: #2 and #3 will be combined into one week s lesson) 4. I will see anger as a sign that something is wrong. 5. I will walk away from things that are not right. Today we will learn and apply the fourth I will that is, I will see anger as a sign that something is wrong. Leader : What is anger? Anger is an emotion. It is a signal that we think we are being treated unfairly. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. It is okay to feel angry. Actions can be right or wrong. It is not okay to hurt ourselves, others, or property when we feel angry. So how do we deal with anger and not let it go out of control and act in a social emotionally healthy way? 1) Recognize anger - know when you are angry and what makes you angry. Symptoms of Anger How do you know you are angry? All of us have symptoms of anger physical and mental signs that tell us we are angry The signs are: fast heartbeat, sweating, shaking, clenched fists, clenched jaws, fast breathing, headaches, stomach aches, upset feeling in the stomach, tight chest, tense muscles, frowning, scowling, red face, yelling, swearing, withdrawing from others, throwing things, pacing etc. What are your symptoms? Give children some time to think and respond. 2) Practice positive responses - practice, practice, practice until your new positive responses become good habits. Give the children some time to think of how to respond positively before giving them the answers. Quick List of Ways to Cope with Anger Walk away, exercise, talk to someone who you are not feeling angry with, distract yourself, count 10 breaths, write about it, come back and deal with it later when you feel calm. Copyright 2016 by GKidz, FCBC Page 4
Leader: The Bible does not say, do not get angry. The Bible says, In your anger, do not sin. That verse is simply saying, don t do something that is wrong just because you are angry. Don t do something that will hurt others just because you are angry. Don t do something that will disrespect others just because you are angry. Let s be honest right now. People are going to make you angry. People will sometimes make you feel like hurting them but you can t. The Bible says, In your anger, do not sin. In your anger do not do things that are wrong or will hurt others. Prisons are filled with millions of people who got so angry that they murdered someone, or they tried to murder someone. They lost all control. Do not be like those people. The Bible says, In your anger, do not sin. Before you get to that point where you have lost all control, you need to stop, release it to God and forgive the person you are angry with. You need to control your anger or it will control you. Just like today s Bible story where there is a sad story when the person could not control his anger. Let us find out more from the Bible. BIBLE STORY (20 mins) Cain s Anger Genesis 4:2-8 Props (GKidz to provide): 2 Jewish costumes, two big baskets to offer gifts to God. Role-play characters: (Cain, Abel), Voice of God Point to note: God asked Cain Why are you so angry? That should have been Cain s cue to stop, think about his situation and get control of himself. Cain kept going. He didn t control his anger so his anger controlled him. Preparation: Have two volunteers dress in the Jewish costumes. Leader: Have you ever been really, really, really angry? At the moment you thought you would explode, someone asked you a question like this, Why are you so angry? When they asked you that question, did it make you angrier, or did it cause you to stop, think about things and control yourself? There were two brothers in the Bible, Cain and Abel. One of those brothers was asked that exact question. Leader: (Cain and Abel walk on stage ) Abel was a shepherd and Cain was a farmer. Leader: At harvest time, Cain brought God a gift from his farm produce (Cain comes out with his gift), while Abel brought several choice lambs from the best of his flock (Abel walks out with his gift). Copyright 2016 by GKidz, FCBC Page 5
Leader: The Lord accepted Abel and his offering, but he did not accept Cain and his offering. This made Cain very angry. Leader to say with an authoritative voice: Then, the question was asked: (Voice of God) Why are you so angry? You will be accepted if you respond in the right way, but if you refuse to respond correctly, watch out. Sin is waiting to attack you. You must master it. Leader: God asked Cain a very important question, Why are you so angry? This was Cain s cue to stop and think about things before he went any farther. Let s look at what Cain decided to do. Cain: (Pace back and forth, very angry. Walks over to his brother Abel) Let s go out into the fields. Leader: (Cain attacks Abel with a rock) While they were there, Cain attacked and killed his brother. Why are you so angry? (Voice of God). Cain didn t stop and think about the question. Sin is waiting to attack you, you must master it, (Voice of God). Cain kept going. He wouldn t take the time to stop and control himself. In his anger, Cain sinned. He murdered his brother. He didn t control his anger so his anger controlled him. Summary: This world is filled with people just like Cain. They got angry. Instead of controlling their anger, they let it control them. People in your neighborhood are just like Cain. People in your school are just like Cain. They get angry because someone look at them the wrong way. Instead of controlling their anger, they let their anger control them. Now, let me ask you a question, Are you like Cain? If someone speaks bad about you. If someone took your favourite thing without asking for permission. Do you control your anger or do you let your anger control you? If someone spreads lies about you, do you control your anger or do you let your anger control you? The Bible is clear on this matter. A fool lets his anger out but a wise man controls himself. You need to control your anger or it will control you. MINISTRY RESPONSE (10 mins) Materials needed: Picture cards of the 4 angry birds (GKidz to provide) Leader: I know the angry birds are very famous. Let us look at who they are and what they do when they are angry and let us learn not to be like any of them. Copyright 2016 by GKidz, FCBC Page 6
Angry Bird #1 is the red bird. The eyebrows say it all this bird has the meanest glare in town! It is the perfect bird to model inappropriate facial expressions. If we do not watch it, unruly behavior can be started. And it s looks could kill, well let s just say my sweet, SWEET Boo would be a lethal weapon! Angry Bird #2 is the yellow bird. Just like this bird cuts through wood in the game, our mean words can cut through people s hearts. The old saying Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me is thrown out of the window. We should speak to others the way we would want to be spoken to tone of voice included. Yelling and screaming might not cut through my heart, but it definitely cuts through my ears. Angry Bird #3 is the white bird. Keep objects to yourself throwing toys or in the bird s case, bombs is not an appropriate way of expressing your anger! Not only can the throwing objects hurt somebody else physically, you are not showing respect to your property. Angry Bird #4 is the black bird Sometimes anger can build and build inside of us until we just EXPLODE just like the bomb bird. It is also known as the kicking, pounding on the floor, wailing, gnashing of teeth behavior that we refer to as a tantrum. We need to learn not to let our body explode when we are angry. Copyright 2016 by GKidz, FCBC Page 7
Summary: The above 4 birds teach us ways we react when we get angry. Do you see yourself in any of the angry birds? Let the children respond by choosing the angry bird picture card. These are the ways we can recognize anger and know when we are angry and what makes us angry. Ask the children, in what ways can they find positive responses to get rid of the anger inside them so that they do not do the wrong thing. For this to happen they need to practice, practice, practice until their new positive responses become good habits to cope with their anger. Closing Prayer: Dear God, help us to recognise when we get angry and help us to find ways in which we can cope with this anger and not do the wrong things to hurt others and ourselves. (Leaders to minister to some of the children whom you sense need to be set free in this area.) APPLICATION ACTIVITY (15 mins) Materials needed: Cool Down Strategies Chart (1 per group) Leader: Instead of getting angry and do the wrong things, use these different strategies. Choose one which will work best for you. We might need to use different strategies at different times or combine a few for one occasion. Let us take a look at these strategies. Copyright 2016 by GKidz, FCBC Page 8
Children can use the activity sheets in appendix A to write their answers after the leader is done with the explaining of the 5 strategies and below are more that the children can use: Walk away, Exercise, Distract yourself by doing something else, Count 10 breaths Write about it, Come back and deal with it later when you feel calm. REVIEW MEMORY VERSE (5 mins) Memory Verse: A person without self-control is like a city whose walls are broken through. Proverbs 25:28 (NIRV) Logistics: Memory verse boxes (used in Lesson 1) 1. Divide the children into groups of 2 and distribute the memory verse boxes. Copyright 2016 by GKidz, FCBC Page 9
2. Tell the children that they are to form the memory verse using the boxes given. The first team to form the verse will win. Parent s Toolkit (5 mins) Remind the children to do these at home with their parents. 1. Go through pages 13 and 14 of Booklet C Values of the Heart, Character Development Parents Toolkit. 2. Go through Week of the Star Action Chart and earn as many stars as you can. References 1. Character First Education Series 2, Booklet 5 2. Thehometeacherblogspot.com 3. Inner Health Studio 4. www.freebibleimages.org Copyright 2016 by GKidz, FCBC Page 10
APPENDIX A Copyright 2016 by GKidz, FCBC Page 11
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