Come Be My Light: Mother Teresa's Dark Night of the Soul

New Zealand Catholic Education Convention Come Be My Light: Mother Teresa's Dark Night of the Soul Daniel J. Stollenwerk 09/08/2012 13:55 Venue: Amora 4 Seminar Code:T29

Mother Teresa (1910-1997)

Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu (Gonxha = rosebud / little flower) August 26, 1910

Üsküb, in the Ottoman Empire now Skopje, capital of Macedonia, (former Yugoslavia)

1919: father involved in Albanian politics dies when she is eight years old. By the age of twelve felt a strong calling to the missions

At eighteen joined the Sisters of Loreto, an Irish community of nuns with missions in India. (Never sees her mother or sister again.) Dublin: less than a year: training and learning English Sent to India

From 1931 to 1948 Mother Teresa taught (History and Geography)at St. Mary's High School in Calcutta

May 24, 1931: initial vows Takes name of Mother Teresa (after Thérèse of Lisieux, the Little Flower, patroness of missionaries). 14 May, 1937: Final Vows

Increasingly disturbed by the poverty surrounding her in Calcutta. The Bengal famine of 1943 brought misery and death to the city; and the outbreak of Hindu/Muslim violence in August 1946 plunged the city into despair and horror. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/mother_teresa)

The call within the call 10 September 1946 by train from Calcutta to a retreat house in Darjeeling "I want Indian Nuns, Missionaries of Charity, who would be my fire of love amongst the poor, the sick, the dying and the little children Carry me into the holes of the poor. Come be my light.

The Work 7 October 1950: Vatican permission to start the diocesan congregation that would become the Missionaries of Charity. Its mission to care for "the hungry, the naked, the homeless, the crippled, the blind, the lepers, all those people who feel unwanted, unloved, uncared for throughout society, people that have become a burden to the society and are shunned by everyone. 13 Members mostly former Loreto nuns

Temptation to Return Today I learned a good lesson. The poverty of the poor must be so hard for them. While looking for a home I walked and walked till my arms and legs ached. I thought how much they must ache in body and soul, looking for a home, food and health. Then the comfort of Loreto came to tempt me.

Recognition Starts to gain fame in the 1970s for work with poor Malcolm Muggeridge especially influential in bringing her to public eye

1979: Nobel Peace Prize

Criticism Not giving pain relief when necessary Homes for sick and dying not always sanitary Accepted donations from Duvalier (dictator of Haiti) and other questionable sources Of the formation of the Sisters

Other MC Branches Jacqueline de Decker, Belgian, began Co-Worker movement from the beginning of Mother Teresa s work 1963: MC Brothers 1976: Contemplative Sisters 1979: Contemplative Brothers 1984: Missionary of Charity Priests

The Bronx, New York Queen of Peace Men s Shelter

The Bronx, New York Missionaries of Charity Convent

Upon her death: 5 September 1997 4,000 Missionaries of Charity 610 missions in 123 countries including hospices and homes for HIV/AIDS, leprosy and tuberculosis, soup kitchens, children s and family counselling programs, orphanages, and schools Refugee centers Victims of floods, epidemics, famine

19 October 2003: Beatification

Dark Night

Structure of the Book / Selections Part One: Fr. Brian Kolodiejchuk, M. C., postulator for the cause of Mother Teresa s sainthood, is as much coauthor as editor

Structure of the Book / Selections Part Two: Mother Teresa s litany of lament Selection: How painful the unknown pain, (pp. 192-194)

Structure of the Book / Selections Part Three: The impenetrable darkness does not cease, but Mother Teresa s torment gives way to inner peace, even joy. Selection: I have come to love the darkness (pp. 209-212)

I have come to love the darkness 1-12 In Loreto, Father I was very happy. I think the happiest nun. Then the call came. Our Lord asked directly the voice was clear & full of conviction. Again & again He asked in 1946. I knew it was He. Fear & terrible feelings fear lest I was deceived. but as I have always lived in obedience I put the whole thing before my spiritual father hoping the whole time that he will say it was all devil s deception but no like the voice he said It was Jesus who is asking you. & then you know how it all worked out. My Superiors sent me to Asansol [in] 1947 and there as if Our Lord just gave Himself to me to the full. The sweetness & consolation & union of those 6 months passed but too soon. And then the work started in Dec. 1948. By 1950 as the number of the Sisters grew the work grew.

I have come to love the darkness 14-26 Now Father since 49 or 50 this terrible sense of loss this untold darkness this loneliness this continual longing for God which gives me that pain deep down in my heart. Darkness is such that I really do not see neither with my mind nor with my reason. The place of God in my soul is bland. There is no God in me. When the pain of longing is so great I just long & long for God and then it is that I feel He does not want me He is not there. Heaven souls why these are just words which mean nothing to me. My very life seems so contradictory. I help souls to go where? Why all this? Where is the soul in my very being? God does not want me. Sometimes I Just hear my own heart cry out My God and nothing else comes. The torture and pain I can t explain. From my childhood I have had a most tender love for Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament but this too had gone. I feel nothing before Jesus and yet I would not miss Holy Com. [Communion] for anything.

I have come to love the darkness 28-34 You see, Father, the contradiction in my life. I long for God I want to love Him to love Him much to live only for Love of Him to love only and yet there is but pain longing and no love. Years back about 17 years now I wanted to give God something very beautiful. I bound myself under pain of Mortal Sin not to refuse Him anything. Since then I have kept this promise and when sometimes the darkness is very dark & I am on the verge of saying No to God the thought of that promise pulls me up.

I have come to love the darkness 36-41 I want only God in my life The work is really and solely His. He asked He told me what to do He guided every step directs every movement I take puts the words in my mouth makes me teach the Sisters the way. All that & everything in me is He. This is why when the world praises me it really does not touch not even the surface of my soul. About the Work I am convinced it is all He.

I have come to love the darkness 43-54 Before I could spend hours before Our Lord loving Him talking to Him and now not even meditation goes properly nothing but My God even that sometimes does not come. Yet deep down somewhere in my heart that longing for God keeps breaking through the darkness. When outside in the work or meeting people there is a presence of somebody living very close in very me. I don t know what this is but very often even every day that love in me for God grows more real. I find myself telling Jesus unconsciously most strange tokens of love. Father, I have opened my heart to you. Teach me to love God teach me to love Him much. I am not learned I don t know many things about the things of God. I want to love God as and what He is to me, My Father.

I have come to love the darkness 76-80 To be at His disposal. Let Him do with me whatever He wants as He wants for as long as He wants. If my darkness is light to some soul even if it be nothing to nobody I am perfectly happy to be God s flower of the field.

How painful the unknown pain, 1-7 Part of My Confession Today My own Jesus, From childhood you have called me and kept me for Your own and now when we both have taken the same road now Jesus I go the wrong way.

How painful the unknown pain, 9-19 They say people in hell suffer eternal pain because of the loss of God they would go through all that suffering if they had just a little hope of possessing God. In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss of God not wanting me of God not being God of God not really existing (Jesus, please forgive my blasphemies I have been told to write everything). That darkness that surrounds me on all sides I can t lift my soul to God no light or inspiration enters my soul. I speak of love for souls of tender love for God words pass through my words [sic, lips] and I long with a deep longing to believe in them. What do I labour for? If there be no God there can be no soul. If there is no soul then Jesus You also are not true.

How painful the unknown pain, 19-31 Heaven, what emptiness not a single thought of Heaven enters my mind for there is no hope. I am afraid to write all those terrible things that pass in my soul. They must hurt You. In my heart there is no faith no love no trust there is so much pain the pain of longing, the pain of not being wanted. I want God with all the powers of my soul and yet there between us there is terrible separation. I don t pray any longer I utter words of community prayers and try my utmost to get out of every word the sweetness it has to give. But my prayer of union is not there any longer. I no longer pray. My soul is not one with You and yet when alone in the streets I talk to You for hours of my longing for You. How intimate are those words and yet so empty, for they leave me far from You.

St. John of the Cross (1542-1591) Dark Night of the Soul

St. John of the Cross Dark Night of the Soul The Soul Sense Spirit

St. John of the Cross Dark Night of the Soul The Soul Sense Spirit Sight Taste Touch Smell Hear

St. John of the Cross Dark Night of the Soul The Soul Sense Sight Taste Touch Smell Hear Intellect Memory Will Spirit

St. John of the Cross Dark Night of the Soul The Soul Sense Spirit Sight Taste Touch Smell Hear Intellect Memory Will G R A C E

St. John of the Cross Dark Night of the Soul The Soul Sense Spirit Sight Taste Touch Smell Hear Intellect Memory Will G R A C E Faith Hope Love

St. John of the Cross Dark Night of the Soul The Dark Night The Soul Sense Spirit Active Night (We initiate) Sight Taste Touch Smell Hear Intellect Memory Will G R A C E Faith Hope Love

St. John of the Cross Dark Night of the Soul The Dark Night The Soul Sense Spirit Active Night (We initiate) Passive Night (Only God can Initiate) Sight Taste Touch Smell Hear Intellect Memory Will G R A C E Faith Hope Love

St. John of the Cross Dark Night of the Soul The Dark Night The Soul Sense Spirit Active Night (We initiate) Sight Taste Touch Smell Hear Intellect Memory Will G R A C E Faith Hope Love

St. John of the Cross Dark Night of the Soul The Dark Night The Soul Sense Spirit Passive Night (Only God can Initiate) Sight Taste Touch Smell Hear Intellect Memory Will G R A C E Faith Hope Love

How painful the unknown pain, 24-31 I want God with all the powers of my soul and yet there between us there is terrible separation. I don t pray any longer I utter words of community prayers and try my utmost to get out of every word the sweetness it has to give. But my prayer of union is not there any longer. I no longer pray. My soul is not one with You and yet when alone in the streets I talk to You for hours of my longing for You. How intimate are those words and yet so empty, for they leave me far from You.

St. John of the Cross Dark Night of the Soul The Dark Night The Soul Sense Spirit Passive Night (Only God can Initiate) Sight Taste Touch Smell Hear Intellect Memory Will G R A C E Faith Hope Love

How painful the unknown pain, 9-12 They say people in hell suffer eternal pain because of the loss of God they would go through all that suffering if they had just a little hope of possessing God. In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss of God not wanting me of of God not really existing

How painful the unknown pain, 12-19 (Jesus, please forgive my blasphemies I have been told to write everything). That darkness that surrounds me on all sides I can t lift my soul to God no light or inspiration enters my soul. I speak of love for souls of tender love for God words pass through my words [sic, lips] and I long with a deep longing to believe in them. What do I labour for? If there be no God there can be no soul. If there is no soul then Jesus You also are not true.

How painful the unknown pain, 19-24 Heaven, what emptiness not a single thought of Heaven enters my mind for there is no hope. I am afraid to write all those terrible things that pass in my soul. They must hurt You. In my heart there is no faith no love no trust there is so much pain the pain of longing, the pain of not being wanted.

St. John of the Cross Dark Night of the Soul The Dark Night The Soul Sense Spirit Passive Night (Only God can Initiate) Sight Taste Touch Smell Hear Intellect Memory Will G R A C E Faith Hope Love

T. S. Eliot, Four Quartets I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you Which shall be the darkness of God. I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.

Did Mother Teresa know she was going through the Dark Night?

How painful the unknown pain, 54; 59-60 Satiate your thirst I beg of You only one thing please do not take the trouble to return soon. I am ready to wait for You for all eternity.

If I ever become a Saint I will surely be one of darkness. I will continually be absent from Heaven to light the light of those in darkness on earth.

Mother Teresa (1910-1997)

Dan Stollenwerk dstollenwerk@st-peters.school.nz