Our Daughters & Hijab حجاب بنا تنا وال Maryam As-Sulami Hijabi Fakhri [1]
In the name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful Why Teach Our Daughters About Hijab? Unfortunately some Muslim parents are indifferent to the way their young daughters dress. In Islam, the individual s rights are never more important than the rights of Allah; and the rights of people are only the consequence of their responsibilities towards Allah. Parents bear the responsibility to raise their children according to the Qurán and Sunnah. As the Prophet of Islam peace be upon him has said: You are all shepherds and you are all responsible for your subjects: The prince who is the shepherd of the people is responsible for his subjects: The man who is the shepherd of his family is responsible for them; And the wife who is the shepherd of the house is responsible to its members. As for the issue of hijab, the wali of a woman is certainly responsible for the way his wife or his daughter dresses. If a woman goes out of the house not wearing proper hijab, her husband or her father must [2]
admonish her. In Islam, a man bereft of jealousy is called dayyüth. The Noble Prophet said: A dayyuth will never enter Paradise. Islam tells us that the parents of a girl have to prepare her for the obligatory religious duties even before puberty; so that she will grow up with that culture and it will not be too difficult for her to adhere to these rules after puberty. That s why the Prophet said: Tell your children to pray when they are seven And punish them (if they miss prayer) if they are ten. The Noble Prophet, upon whom be peace, mentioned prayer ; because prayer is the pillar of religion; but this principle pertains to all religious practices, and as far as females are considered, observing proper hijâb. Before Marriage A Muslim must be concerned for his or her child s spiritual health not only before the child is born but also before he or she marries. This may be one reason why the Prophet upon whom be blessings and peace said: [3]
A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth, her status, her beauty and her religion. So you should choose a woman who is religious. [Bukhari] When a young Muslim man seeks after marriage, he should know that he is not only choosing a wife for himself. He is also choosing a mother and an educator for his future children. The wife he chooses will be the mother and the role-model of her future daughter; and in particular, if he wishes his future daughters to be modest and religious, he must consider marrying a modest and observant lady. Similarly, a Muslim woman must consider marrying a religious and observant man. As the Prophet upon whom be peace said: If there comes to you a man with whose religious commitment and moral character you are pleased, then marry your daughter to him. Therefore, the first and foremost criterion for choosing a marriage partner is religiosity and good manners. A Muslim woman must also consider marrying a man endowed with a reasonable amount of jealousy (ghayrah); as some of the scholars have written: In a land where the men of the community are bereft of jealousy, [4]
Women will be bereft of modesty ( iffah) And in a land where women are bereft of modesty; Men will lose their natural sense of ghayrah. Therefore cultivate in your sons the virtue of ghayrah; And sow the seed of modesty in the hearts of your daughters. [Al Mará al-muslimah, 113] Furthermore, a Muslimah must never consent to marry a gambler, a drinker or a man who has left the practice of performing the ritual prayer; for these qualities are known to destroy the sense of jealousy in men. After Marriage As the Holy Quran indicates, the foundation of marital life must be love (mawaddah) and mercy (rahmah). Furthermore, a Muslim house must be a place in which the name of Allah is often mentioned. The newly-wedded husband and wife must use every opportunity to prepare a spiritual [5]
atmosphere in the house for the child that will soon come into this world. Young husbands and wives must also pray for their future children. We have several examples from the Holy Qurán, not to mention countless examples from the Sunnah. One Qur anic example is the prayer of Zacharias peace be upon him-: My Lord, grant unto me of Thy bounty a pure offspring. Lo! Thou art the Hearer of Prayer. (3:38) There is also the prayer of Abraham, Sayyidnâ Ibrahim peace be upon him - My Lord, make me one who performs the prayer; and among my offspring. O our Lord! Accept Thou my prayer. (14:40) Similarly, one can recite the prayer mentioned in Surah Al-Furqan of the Sacred Text: O Lord! Grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes, and make us an example for the righteous. (25:74) [6]
From Pregnancy to Birth In this period, the husband and the wife (who are now the father and the mother) must pray to Allah for the physical and spiritual health of their child. According to the Qur an, the mother of Sayyidatnâ Maryam the Virgin Mary prayed for her even before she was born. In Surah Al-Imran, we read: And mention when the wife of Imran said: My Lord! I have vowed unto Thee That which is in my womb For Thy service: So accept this of me! For Thou art the Hearer, the Knower! Then, when she delivered her, she said: My Lord! I have delivered a female. And Allah knew best what she brought forth. [7]
And the male is not like the female. I have named her Mary, And I crave Thy protection for her and for her offspring From Satan, the outcast. (3:35-36) It is no wonder that Sayyidatnâ Maryam grew to become the most virtuous woman that has ever lived on earth, as the Quran attests to this reality (3:42). We also infer from this story that a pregnant mother can pray for her child and God willing insha Allah her prayer is answered. Early Childhood (2-7 years old) From the cradle, a Muslim mother must familiarise her infant daughter with the concept of hayâ bashfulness or modesty which is not only the foundation of hijâb, but also the cornerstone of Islam as a divine [8]
religion. Let us not forget that the Blessed Prophet peace be upon him used to say: Modesty does not bring forth anything but good fruit. And he peace be upon him also said: Every religion has a distinctive character trait; And the character of Islam is modesty. [Sahih Muslim] A Muslim man or woman can pray for their future children even before they are born. But how can we tell our children, and particularly our daughters, about modesty after they are born? First of all, hayâ or modesty is in the original nature (fitrah) of human beings. Humans are modest by nature. The Holy Quran tells us that in Paradise, Adam peace be upon him and his wife covered themselves with the leaves of the trees; without any external source telling them to do so. Human soul naturally inclines towards modesty; and Allah Exalted be His Name has particularly placed more hayâ in female souls. Thus, relearning modesty is not difficult; provided that the child does not learn immodesty and obscenity from the environment surrounding [9]
her. So, Muslim parents must ideally live in an Islamic environment in which modesty is the norm and immodesty is a rare scene. Most importantly, they should create an Islamic environment in the house and in the immediate surroundings. Young children, and particularly girls aged 2-6 years old, are very careful observers of their parents and siblings: For a young girl, her mother is the first role model. If a Muslim mother wants her daughter to dress modestly, she must be even more careful about her hijab; because her daughter also learns from her and emulates her behaviour. In a religious Muslim family, a young girl sees that whenever a nonmahram man comes to visit them, her mother immediately runs to her chamber and wears her hijab. She observes that whenever a stranger knocks on the door, her mother covers herself completely before opening the door. She notices that when her mother and her sisters leave the house, they always cover their bodies according to the standards of the Shariáh. She notices that her mother uses perfume only when she is in the house and among the mahrams. A young girl observes and analyses all of her mother s manners and she is very likely to try to emulate her mother. She may like to stand in front [10]
of the mirror and try wearing her mother s khimâr or her sisters jilbâb. She may try to dress her dolls in an Islamic fashion. A Muslim mother must use this opportunity to encourage her daughter and to make her love the hijab even more. She can say to her in a kind and gentle manner: My dear! How beautiful are you in this dress! How beautiful is your doll! Insha Allah, God willing when you become older, I will buy a lot of beautiful hijâbs for you. Insha Allah, we will go to Paradise together. Paradise is full of beautiful things. A Muslim mother may even consider buying or sewing a hijab for her 5 year old daughter; so that her daughter can also wear the hijab occasionally; for example when they go to the mosque to pray together or when they go to Qurán classes. Insha Allah, a five year old Muslim girl can even help her mother in observing the hijab. For example, when a non-mahram man is approaching, she runs to tell her mother to observe the hijab. Children learn more easily through playing games and social interactions than through religious discourses. For example, before leaving the house, a Muslim mother can ask her daughter: Is my hijab alright? Is my hair showing? This can be an effective way of [11]
telling young children about the importance of hijab and about the parts of the body that must be covered. Once a Muslim girl reaches the age of 6, she can start memorizing some of the short and easy chapters of the Qurán such as Surah al- Ikhlas and Surah al-kawthar. Children have powerful memories: things that are memorized in childhood will be remembered throughout life. Similarly, at the age of 6, a Muslim mother can tell her daughter about some of the basic rules of modesty: One such rule is isti dhan or asking for permission before entering the parents room. They may also tell her to ask for permission before entering any place, even before entering her sisters rooms. A Muslim mother must tell her daughter to speak gently and modestly, especially when in presence of non-mahram men. When outside of the home, the Muslim mother can tell her daughter to walk gently on the side of the road. Some Muslim parents buy revealing clothes for their young daughters, and their excuse is that the hijab is not yet obligatory upon their daughters. It is true that the hijab is not obligatory for a girl who has not yet reached puberty; but it is also true that once the girl gets used to [12]
wearing revealing clothes, it will be very difficult for her to start wearing the hijab once she reaches puberty. If a girl wears relatively modest clothes since early childhood, wearing the hijab will not be much difficult for her. Finally, Muslim parents should respect their children and particularly their daughters. They should never insult or humiliate her, particularly before the eyes of guests and visitors. Parents should try to boost their daughter s self-esteem and self-respect. Modesty is closely linked to selfrespect because it is only those who have self-respect who are also naturally modest. Girls want someone to love them, to recognize their beauty and to treat them like a princess. We should all remember how the Prophet peace be upon him treated his daughter Fatimah May Allah be pleased with her like a princess. This is something that we should learn from the Prophetic Sunnah. We should learn to respect our daughters, as the Prophet loved and respected his daughters; and to reward our daughters with positive words and actions. [13]
The Garment of Taqwa Allah, Glory be to Him, says in the Holy Quran: O Children of Adam! We have revealed unto you garments to conceal your shame, and splendid vesture: But as for the garment of Piety (Taqwa): That is the best. (7:36) So what is the garment of taqwa? Taqwa does not only mean piety or a sense of God-Consciousness and Fear of the Almighty. Above all, taqwa is the principle that helps us [14]
internalise Islamic values. A Muslim woman who has taqwa wears the hijab, not because her parents or siblings want her to do so, but precisely because the hijab is the Commandment of Allah and His Messenger. A woman who has taqwa wears the hijab because she loves the hijab and is inwardly attached to the Islamic modest dress. In brief: Taqwa is the inner hijab; whereas the Hijab is the outward manifestation of Taqwa. Why is this important? It is important because if we want our daughters to be sincere in their religion, we ourselves must be sincere in our religion. If we want to cultivate the virtue of taqwa and self-control in the hearts of our children, we ourselves must possess this virtue. If we want our daughters to love Allah and the Prophet, our hearts too must be filled with the love of Allah and His religion. If we wish our daughters to think and live islamically, we ourselves must think and live according to the guidelines of the Shariáh, the Holy Qurán, and the Prophetic Sunnah. Religion is like a living human being. We cannot separate the limbs from the main body. We must obey all of Allah s Commandments and not just the ones we like. For a girl who breathes in an Islamic environment [15]
(who prays the five daily prayers, recites the Holy Qurán, remembers Allah at all times, etc) wearing the hijab is the easiest of all things. On the contrary, if everything else in her life and thought is un-islamic, observing the Islamic modest dress will be very difficult. Guidelines (age 7-12) (*) At the age of seven, you can tell your children to pray with you. You can even wake them up for Fajr sometimes. You must also ask your daughter to wear her hijab for each prayer. You do not need to be harsh with her: simply remind her that wearing the hijab is a condition of prayer. Treat your daughter as a thinking human being. Try to answer her questions about Allah, After-Life, the Prophet, Paradise, Hellfire, etc. in a simple language. You can also encourage her to memorize, understand and discuss the Quránic verses or the ahâdith which are specifically about hijab, as well as other important verses and ahadith. [16]
Choose a good school for her that includes religious girls and teachers. Girls are easily influenced by their teachers; so it is much better if her teacher be also a God-fearing Muslimah. You should tell your daughter about the importance of education. The Prophet (pbuh) said: Seeking knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim: male or female Ideally, television programmes must have no place in a Muslim family. If you cannot throw the TV out, at least do not make it the centre or the qiblah of your house. Instead of watching TV programmes, encourage her to read books. You can also read to her: The best stories are those from the Quran and Sunnah. You can tell her stories about the great women of Islam: the story of Lady Hajar and her child Ishmael; the story of Maryam the mother of Isâ; the story of Asiya and the Pharaoh; narrations relating to the Mothers of the Believers and the Female Companions. These women must be the real role models of your daughter! In girls, puberty usually starts between ages 9 and 13. By the age of puberty, she should already be used to wearing the hijab on a regular basis; and she will start her spiritual journey as a modest young Muslim woman who strives to please her Lord. In sha Allah. [17]