Living Above Offense,5.24.15 Big Idea: As a follower of Jesus, you have no right to take a personal offense at anyone over anything. We can get offended when someone or group says or does something that is hurtful to us or to which we disagree, or the person or group does not say or do something that we think they should. Over the years, I have watched dozens of people fall out of church because they took offense. Sometimes it was offense at God and other times it was an offense towards a person or group. I ve witnessed entire families perpetuate this sin. Review Examples: Joseph s brothers, Korah s followers, David, Naaman, Jesus Hometown The Progression of Offense Hurt Offense Anger (Bitterness) Strangulation Death Offense begins with pain or change. We get hurt and our normal response is to recoil in pain, and then disappointment sets in, which is followed by anger and then separation with the person or group. It is absolutely understandable to be hurt and discouraged by another s action or inaction, but it is never okay to stay in that place. We are to work towards peace with each other. Offense Indicators how you know you are living in offense. 1. When offended, we can take on a me versus them mentality. We hunker down, shore up our arguments, show others our scars, fire at any perceived slight and look suspiciously at any movement coming our way. We may even hope our actions will cause the person to feel our hurt. It is a form of aggression. 2. You can t treat the offender normally. You may try, but it feels fake. 3. Withdrawal from the person or group. You may pull away in your mind eventhough you re still in the same room with the person or group. For some, you try to hurt them by withdrawal, silence or aggression. 4. Your personal relationship with the Lord becomes cold, distant and more academic rather than vibrant. You think about leaving the church for another or quitting entirely.
5. You become a victim. You believe the offending party should do something to reconcile the difference; you put the blame and responsibility on the shoulders of others and instead of trying to work towards reconciliation you wait for them. 6. Critical attitude. You look for the person or group to do wrong. You silently hope for it so you make a point. You question their motives and actions. It s almost like you re a spy you re suspicious of anything. You say, they won t change I will not go to them it won t make any difference I ll just go my own way. 7. You pass it on to others. You tell others of your offense with no intention of seeking help. You re looking for support and justification of your hurt and not reconciliation. You don t go to the person who caused the hurt, but you seek out allies to your cause. In some relationships, the offended person expects everyone else to take up the cause with them and if they don t then they are considered disloyal and not true friends. Our Call to be like God Matt.5.43-48 we choose to look and live like him. Eph.4.29-5.2 Our Call to live at peace with everyone Heb.12.14a Rom.14.19 (NIV) Rom.12.14, 17-21 We are to actively pursue peace and harmony with those who offend us. WE don t have an option. Offense Factors 1. A generational sin. Sin is passed down so, as you review your family history, is there a tendency of people to live in offense and not work through it? Some of you live in family s where there is a spiritual open door of offense and it needs to be closed with you. Offense in family structures often masquerades as honor. 2. Taking on the offense of another. Modified my position on this. a. Sometimes this might be needed in the case of grave injustice and hurt that a person or group is or has inflicted on another. The person or group is being taken advantage of by another. When we see a person being sinned against, the Bible calls us to speak out. WE are called to take up the cause of the poor and oppressed for those who have no voice those being victimized. (Prov.31.8f) b. BUT, We must be extremely careful b/c this might be the outworking of bitterness in one person s heart seeping into your own Heb.12.15. The bitterness spreads from
one person to the next ( defiles many ) as the stories are shared. Some of us have broken off relationships with people b/c we heard one side of a two sided story. i. Illustrate with two friends at odds & the principle of Pr.18.19. If your offended friend draws you into the offense, they are going to lock you down with their argument; they do not want you know the otherside or don t feel like there is another side. They are triangulating you into the problem. ii. Couple from GABC. Him talking abusive to her and then discovering she was flirting with other men. iii. Prov.18.17 The first to speak in court sounds right until the cross examination begins. c. When you take up the offense of another, you must distinguish between genuine injustice or the person s hurt and/or bitterness that is influencing you. 3. Repeat Offenders the person we have an ongoing challenge spouse, child, parent, friend, boss. The repetition of the hurt has caused you to have an open wound of offense. Even when they don t mean anything by a comment, you take it personal. 4. You don t know how to deal with conflict in a Biblical way and it has facilitated offense in your heart. a. For some, you hold on to the offense and instead of doing Mt.18 you make up every reason in the world to keep it inside. This percolates inside of you until it comes out in distancing or aggressive behavior towards the offenders. b. For others, you explode all over the person and you have disintegrated relationships b/c of your volatility or lack of discretion. c. For some of you, you need to quit letting the person run over you and speak to them directly. If that doesn t work, then bring in a mediator 5. Timing. The two times I was the most offended it came during a very hard season in my life. I was emotionally and physically drained. I was volatile and very susceptible to discouragement. I the midst of that volatility is when the offense took place. We can t downplay the importance of our physical and emotional condition when we take on the offense. Good rest and leisure go a long way in replenishing our mind and body, so that we can How Jesus Lived an Unoffendable Life 1. His family could have offended him biologically closest His disciples could have offended him relationally closest The religious establishment could have offended him spiritual heritage His hometown could have offended him His nation could have offended him 2. How Jesus lived above offense Luke 23.32-43. a. Father, forgive them. They don t know what they are doing. i. The Romans were completely ignorant of what was going on they think they re killing a revolutionary, not the living Son of God. ii. They don t know who is really behind this mayhem - this isn t a religious dispute between rival religious factions. Satan is the one inspiring people to kill Jesus,
but the people were unaware of that. It s a cosmic conflict between good and evil and they are just pawns in the hands of satan. iii. They didn t know that the end result would be his resurrection His death was temporary. They weren t destroying his life, but they were fulfilling prophecy. They thought their actions were killing a man and his movement, but it was actually providing a way of salvation for the world. iv. In our lives when people offend us, we need to have the same response. WE think the person offending us fully understands the pain they are inflicting and the wound they are creating, but no one fully understands why they act a certain way their pain, lies, generational sin, their disappointments, their motives, their bad or incomplete views about God and the Christian life even those Nazis killing the Jews had no complete understanding of the who was behind their cause. We aren t excusing the behavior, but we are recognizing there is a lot more than meets the eye. 1. Luke 9.46-56. Three stories of offense and Jesus sums it up with: You don t realize what your hearts are like. 2. No one truly knows why the say and act in ways that are so offensive. v. We pray for two things. First, let me see them the way you see them. You see below the surface and know the why behind the actions. Second, give me the grace to forgive them the way you forgive me. b. He confronted when he needed; he didn t let things slide; Jesus wasn t offended, but he confronted offensive behavior. i. He confronted Thomas over his doubt John 20. It angered Jesus that Thomas didn t believe the resurrection stories of others and Jesus makes a point with him. I think we need to be careful about having a critical attitude towards the personal testimonies of others. ii. He confronted the disciples for not believing the reports Mark 16 (stubborn unbelief b/c they refused to believe those who had seen him after his resurrection) iii. He restored Peter over his betrayal John 21 iv. This is the Matthew 18 redemptive approach. c. He showed grace and patience when he needed Luke 23 i. The two guilty prisoners were mocking Jesus. Jesus didn t get into an argument with them. Yet, one later changed his mind and put his faith in Jesus. Jesus didn t turn him away, but showed him grace. ii. Prov.19.11 (NIV) iii. Eccl.7.20-22 (NIV) iv. Col.3.13 v. How do you respond to those who have offended you but they are unaware of the hurt they caused? Show grace and start treating them normally. d. When should you talk with the person? When the offense persists and/or when it is hindering your relationship with the person.
e. You should talk this out with mature companions who will not take offense with you. Sometimes talking it out with godly people will be enough. Other times, they will provide perspectives you can t see b/c of the pain of the offense. Questions to Ask Yourself 1. Why did I get offended? Is there something deeper that this touched that actually needs to be restored and healed in my life? My experience of people not listening to me and the anger that roused in me and then realizing it was there due to my childhood experience of my parents not listening to me due to the demands of raising a large family. My realization is that if something sets me off then there is probably a deeper issue than the one before me. 2. Instead of automatically reacting and possibly causing a greater problem, how should I handle this situation? Is this a Col.3.13 or Matt 18.15 or 2 Tim.2.25 or Acts 15.39 situation? a. Some need to set up healthy boundaries. Some of you have people who are border violaters nd you need to stand your ground. They ll test you, and it will be painful, but if you stand your ground it will be better for you. It won t be better for them, but you will eventually have the peace you ve been searching for. 3. Have I sought the unbiased, godly counsel of another? You don t need an ally but a wise counselor. 4. Have I asked God to give me his heart and revelation for the person and his/her situation? 5. If I overlook the offense, am I able to treat the person normally and truly bless them? 6. If there is ongoing offense, are we actively seeking help to restore the relationship?