PROPER ATTITUDES AND ACTIONS WHEN DEALING WITH SINS AND FAULTS IN OTHERS Part One Clay Sterrett Oct 4, 2015 Over the past couple years, the elders have been very encouraged about how God is working in the lives of his followers in this church both older and younger members. We have seen believers growing in their faith, Honoring God in their marriages, and serving the Lord in various capacities. We have much to be thankful about how God is working in our church family. At the same time, it seems we have seen an increase of serious personal problems coming to light. We are not talking about minor issues; we are talking about adultery, stealing, fornication, divorce and failing marriages, excessive alcohol consumption, addiction to prescription meds, pornography, and we could add more to the list. While these are thankfully not widespread among us, there nevertheless seems to be an increase in the serious issues coming to the surface. Why might this be? We as elders believe it is the mercy of God. We are living in a time where God is getting his people ready for a great shaking that is coming upon our larger culture, and he is first purifying his own church through exposing things that have been hidden and need to be resolved for the good of each one. For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? (1 Pet. 4:17) At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens. The words once more indicate the removing of what can be shaken that is, created things so that what cannot be shaken may remain. (Heb. 12:26-27) A couple years ago I knew pastor, then in his 80 s, who had been an outstanding leader in his community for almost a half a century. It came to light that this man had been emotionally involved with his secretary in an inappropriate manner and as you can imagine it was quite an embarrassment to him and his family. When I heard of it, I thought, That is the mercy of God. Brethren, it is much better to experience the discipline and judgment of God and to repent on this side of eternity. After death, there will be no further opportunity to repent and do things God s way. The Lord is... patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (2 Pet. 3:9) Sometimes our Christianity is only surface religion and God, in his mercy, will bring his shaking to our lives to expose this inadequate foundation. Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. (Heb. 12:28-29) \ We can speak of God shaking us or, in another way of saying it, we can say He is sending his refining fire that will burn up our shallowness our wood, hay and stubble. The LORD has... kindled a fire in Zion that consumed her foundations. (Lam. 4:11) 1
Not only does God deal with sins in his people in a direct manner, but as the body of Christ, God often uses us as His instruments in speaking into the lives of those who may be wayward or fallen into sin. Today and next week, Lord willing, we want to look at PROPER ATTITUDES AND ACTIONS WHEN DEALING WITH SINS AND FAULTS IN OTHERS. How do we individually deal with professing believers who are wayward or sinning and when does the church corporately need to take a stand, even in confronting and, when necessary, excommunicating a member from its midst? Churches over the past two thousand years have often erred in two basic EXTREMES WHEN DEALING WITH SINS. HARSHNESS PROPER ATTITUDES NEGLIGENCE AND ACTIONS There have been many horror stories of a church being too harsh or heavy-handed when a member sins... But today, I think the church is erring too much on the other extreme... e.g., in the name of love and grace, confronting sin is sometimes neglected; it is ignored and never dealt with. Some believers talk of unconditional love and are quick to quote Jesus words about judge not, lest you be judged. This is the negligent attitude that Paul faced in the church of Corinth (READ I Cor. 5:1-5). The Corinth church was being negligent a man was living in an immoral relationship with his own stepmother...and apparently no one in the church was doing anything! So, Paul, as an apostle, judges correctly and exhorts the church to take appropriate action. What does it mean to hand someone over to Satan...? Satan is the god of this world. When a church withdraws fellowship from a man, in a sense, it is like taking a spiritual umbrella away; he no longer has the protection of angels, and in a sense is like a sitting duck. That man is now under the domain of Satan. Of course, the purpose of all this is to hopefully bring the man to his senses and like the prodigal son, he would come running back to his Father. This is something to think about for any of you who don t want the lordship of Christ right now. If you are not in the domain of light under Christ, you are in the domain of darkness under Satan. There is no such thing as neutrality. Which domain do you want to be in? In a fellowship of believers which relates personally with each other as a New Testament church should, we will enjoy a common life together and in the process also tend to see the faults of others. We are bound together in our love and loyalty to one another and, as part of our commitment before Christ, we are to speak truth and deal honestly with each other, without becoming self-righteous or too nit-picky in a judgmental manner. As we talk about sin, WE MUST DIFFERENTIATE between a sinful action, a slip up, something we all can fall into because of our imperfections, as opposed to deliberate, willful, ongoing sin. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense--jesus Christ, the Righteous One. (1 John 1:9-2:1) 2
No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.( 1 John 3:6 NIV) Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. (Gal. 6:1) PROPER ATTITUDES AND ACTIONS WHEN DEALING WITH SINS AND FAULTS IN OTHERS 1. Do I generally tend to believe the best [or the worst] of other believers? Love always trusts (I Cor. 13:7 NIV) Love is ever ready to believe the best of every person...(amplified BIBLE) Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 Pet. 4:8) This does mean we are to be naive about evil and evildoers. The Bible says some people are evil and are to be avoided. The Bible tells us to test the words of those who claim to be prophets or speak in the name of the Lord...some will be false... We are to test all things. But, we are not to become cynical. Concerning other Christians, we ought to tend to believe the best. Why? Because we know each of us is a work in process. We realize the grace of God in our lives, we know he can transform the worst of sinners. Therefore, as the Amplified Bible says, we are ever ready to believe the best of every person e.g., If you hear of a leader falling into sin, do you immediately assume the worst?...or do you give it some time and see what the full story is... e.g., when child wanders from the faith, do you assume they are headed for a life of misery and bad decisions? Or, do you believe by faith the prodigal will one day return? 2. Am I willing to be personally involved? My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins. (James 5:19-20) You may be aware of a person struggling; and you may be the only person on earth who is aware of their serious problem. Notice a few things in this passage. When an individual sins, he often says to himself, This is no big deal; it doesn t affect anyone else. Possibly not, but it can lead to a multitude of sins and even cause death. Whose responsibility is it to try to help and correct the one sinning? Who is this letter addressed to? Pastors? No -- My brothers... Each one of us needs to be open to reach out to those who are slipping in the faith... You might say, That s just not my personality... Maybe not, but we still need to be open to be God s instrument of rescue. After all, what is true love on my part for my brethren, and how is it to be expressed and acted out when I see them engaged in self-destructive behavior, or behavior that is harming others? 3
3. Am I willing to risk a friendship or reputation in trying to help someone? Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. (Eph. 4:25) Some believers are afraid to gently question another or to even bring correction because they are afraid it might ruin a friendship. However, a true friend is willing to speak the truth in love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. (Prov. 27:6 NAS) Some years ago I remember a visit from a Grace Christian School parent who confided with a group of staff members about her daughter being involved in sexual immorality. The mother wanted us to confront the daughter about the sinful behavior. Our first question was naturally, Mother, why don t you address the problem yourself? And this mother replied that she did not want to risk her friendship with her daughter. We told her that God had called her to be a parent, not merely a friend. This mother seemed to us to be more concerned with not offending her daughter because of her fear of rejection than acting in the truth that ultimately represented the best, interests of her dear child. Brethren, I don t know anyone among us who likes to confront a friend, especially when it involves sin. But we might be a God-ordained instrument in the restoration process in representing intervention that potentially would have eternally harmful ramifications. In such cases, don t worry about your own reputation or possible loss of friendship; be more concerned about obeying God and acting in the kind of love that is ultimately redemptive. 4. Do I care enough to intercede? One of the highest regarded men in the entire OT was Samuel. In his farewell speech in I Sam. 12, Samuel says that God s people had done an evil thing in desiring a king to rule over them, but he just doesn t scold them and leave... As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. (I Sam. 12:23) Sometimes instead of praying, we talk too much... -e.g., Did you hear that Joe and Sue are having trouble? -then we make our judgments: Well, I m not surprised; I never thought they would make it... She never did seem to be his type... Discernment is God s call to intercession, never to fault finding. Oswald Chambers When you are truly concerned about a person do you spend more time talking or praying? Sometimes with a wayward person, praying is all we can do, but if you pray in faith, there can be powerful effects 5. Do I want to mend them? Do I first examine my own heart? Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. (Gal. 6:1) Restore = Greek: to equip (Eph 4:12); to mend (Mt. 4:21); set a dislocated bone; refit a ship. 4
This verse is so important. Jim Garrett pointed out that when a brother has a moral failure, excommunication or shunning is not the automatic response. Any action ought to have restoration as its goal. Those who bring correction do so in a spirit of gentleness and concern. Instead of saying, You wicked sinner; you need to repent, we say, brother, we are concerned for you. How can we help you get right with the Lord and overcome this sin? Also, do we watch ourselves? John Newton, a former slave trader, once wrote, Whoever is truly humbled will not be easily angry, will not be rash, but will be compassionate and tender to the infirmities of his fellow-sinners, knowing, that if there be a difference, it is grace that has made it, and that he has the seeds of every evil in his own heart... and that he suffers much less than his iniquities have deserved. (John Newton) [Letters, p.134] Humility and gentleness are essential attitudes for anyone whom God effectually uses to bring correction and restoration. 6. Do I need to forbear my brother? (Phil 4:5) Let your gentleness be evident to all...(niv) Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men...(nas) Greek = considerate, conciliatory, willing to yield, mild.. -Our best example of this spirit is Christ Himself. Forbearance does not mean you avoid dealing with sin; but that you have the Spirit of Christ when doing it. Notice Paul s words: By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you... (2 Cor. 10:1) Next week, Lord willing, we will look at specific sins and actions that require more direct church discipline. But there are common faults and shortcomings in one another that we may simply need to forbear. This is perhaps best illustrated in a marriage. I am glad my wife has chosen to forbear some quirks in my life! And, I have learned as I deal with many other people s problems that I don t have to be the sheriff in God s kingdom, straightening everyone else out. Charles Spurgeon offered this word of wisdom, Blessed is he who expects nothing of poor flesh and blood, for he shall never be disappointed. The best of men are men at best, and the best wax will melt...the straightest timber has knots in it, and the cleanest field of wheat has its share of weeds...since we all live in glass houses, then none of us should throw stones. (Charles Spurgeon) [John Ploughman s Talks pp. 69-71] Oswald Chambers said, I am so amazed that God has altered me that I can never despair of anybody. (Oswald Chambers) When we pray the Lord s prayer, it is a good reminder: Forgive us OUR trespasses, as we forgive the trespasses of others... 7. Do I need to rebuke/reprove my brother? So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, I repent, forgive him. The apostles said to the Lord, Increase our faith! (Luke 17:3-5) 5
Notice our first step is not to forgive...it is to rebuke... Sometimes because we are soft-hearted, we can actually mess up God s process in dealing with someone... and don t wait for the proper heart change and turn around in behavior... But, after a man repents, then we forgive him...and abundantly forgive! [Maybe this is why the disciples said, Increase our faith! ]. Here is another Scripture: And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. (Matt. 18:15 NAS) Next week, we will look in more detail at this Matthew 18 process in which a church deals corporately with a sinning member who does not repent. Our elders have spent considerable time studying and preparing a process that we try to be responsible to walk through if and when it is necessary. But coming back to us as individuals. Sometimes we overlook or forbear a fault or sin. But if it is an ongoing sin that is negatively affecting that person or other people, then it likely needs attention. As we said earlier, it may go against your personality to lovingly rebuke someone, but with God s help you can do it. And, if you do it with true love and concern in your heart, it can be quite effective and spare a multitude of sins and suffering. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. (Prov. 9:8) Better is open rebuke than hidden love. (Prov. 27:5) But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called today, that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. (Heb. 3:13 ESV) I want to close with a very basic question: when you become aware of sin or some serious flaw in the life of a brother, are you willing to be part of the process of helping that person? Or, are you going to take the easy way, ignore the problem, and allow that person to continue to spiral downward? I remind you once again of the apostle James final words, this time from The Message: My dear friends, if you know people who have wandered off from God s truth, don t write them off. Go after them. Get them back and you will have rescued precious lives from destruction and prevented an epidemic of wandering away from God. (James 5:19-20 The Message) Lord, we thank you for your grace in our own lives and grace we can extend to others. Help us to have the courage to speak the truth and bring correction to people we know are slipping. Lord, purify our own hearts and purify your people. We want to be a pure and prepared bride when Jesus returns. Lord, many of us have already walked through many dangers, toils, and snares. Help us all be humble, to take heed to ourselves, and to walk uprightly to the end. 6